I've never just put it out there, but the trooth is...I have a serious problem. That problem has caused me to gain 30 pounds this year. I start a new diet about every three days, last till dinner and then binge for two days. Rinse repeat.

I just ate two bags of chocolate chip cookies, a huge steak, huge HUGE pile of fries, wings, fries again (for breakfast no less!), tons of oranges...since last night at 7pm.
I had a stint as a teenager where I spent about 11 months binging and purging and since then fight that urge a lot. Yesterday I had a 2000 calorie breakfast and actually had to keep people around me for hours because it was so tempting to purge. Even now - I'm fighting the urge.

I'm heavier than I've ever been and I'm really getting worried about my health. I went yesterday and bought and prepared a ton of fruits and veggies to start my life for REAL this time and yet I'm sabotaging myself. I go to bed and obsess about the next day and what I'll do dietwise....and then the next morning I'll wake up with "determination" until I hit the kitchen. Even if I do ok through breakfast I'll start shoving things in my mouth a bite here...bite there till I figure why not and then go on a massive binge all evening.

I just really feel like a failure of a flop. Really! it's translating over to the rest of my life - I feel like a failure as a mom, wife, etc - last night DH asked to play a game of checkers and when he beat me I cried because I chalked it up to one more thing I fail at.

Why am I 27 and still fighting this? I've obsessed over diet and my weight since I was 12. I'm so tired!

Mentality, sabotage and the fact you're looking at this like a diet and not a lifestyle change! It's like with any addiction, whether you're an alcoholic, a drug used or a food abuser we all have one thing in common an addiction. We look for food for comfort just as an alcoholic would look at the bottom of a bottle and expect them to feel better about their life situation etc...

The first step is recognizing which you have done! congrats! The second thing is looking not for some fad diet but something that's going to work for you in the long run in you're situation to lose weight.

I'm a self sabotager, I recognize that! I went back and looked over last year to figured out all my triggers. I was 10 pounds away from my goal! 10 pounds!!!!!and guess what I gained 20 back. So here I am again, not fully back to the start but close enough to it.

Start buy keeping a journal figure out what triggers you. If you're an emotional eater, or whatever it is. You have to unfortunately go back and relive all of this to figure it out but in the end I think it'll help you in the long run!

I also still eat normal food but in smaller portions. *Shocker!!!* I eat white bread, I eat carbs, I also added a lot of fruit and veggies into the mix. I sometimes enjoy a small bag of chips (of course I watch the calories in it) or a chocolate bar. Why? because it works for me. It's not the fact I eat "normal" food which got my fat again, it's because I didn't recognize my triggers, and I indulged way too much for comfort. Find something that works for you experiment with it. I eat 1500 calories a day and twice last week I went over close to 2000 but those two days still helped me drop my 5 pounds this week!

Good luck, you've come to a great site with great people who can offer you tones of support!

p.s try not to think about it soo much! I know when I over think and obsess about food or what I'm eating (though I'm counting calories) I'll over eat, become upset because I'm obsessing way too much about it.

Hi Amy! You sound just like me when I was your age, in anguish about a situation you do not understand. I did not get to purge much, but now I understand that I got close to it. Twenty years later, I am being able to control my bingeing only now, and I have been three weeks not doing it. I have discovered that a lot has to do with the type of food your eat (in my case, I avoid sugar like the devil) and with emotions you can't cope with (in my case, frustration and low self-esteem). I am trying to control what type of food I eat for my sugar levels to remain steady throughout the day, and also to work on the feelings which make me think about eating. I got to understand that spiritual health comes first, and is the kind of health that will allow us to follow any path we choose.
But all lives are different. I tell you this because I don't think the solution to bingeing is dieting, but working on the triggers and solving the cause, not the consequences. Once in control, you will work on the consequences.
Read the threads on Overeating... And start working on your spiritual and emotional well-being. You have all our support!

Hi there,

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time... I think anyone can relate to this, especially in the first few days of implementing change...

This is what I would do: I would first estimate my BMI and my necessary caloric intake.

Suppose your necessary intake is 1800 calories. Then, I would aim to eat 1500 calories a day, which is a lot if you eat the right stuff.

For example, this is how I first started:
- breakfast - one poached egg, 2 slices of whole wheat bread (you can add 1 wedge of light cream cheese, if you are still hungry), 1 coffee (no sugar or cream), and 1 piece of fruit (apple, orange, or nectarine)

- snack: an apple

- lunch - another poached egg and a huge bowl of lettuce with vinegar and slices of lemon (literally, eat lettuce as much as you can until you feel full) + another piece of fruit

- snack: an apple

- dinner - fish (boiled of baked) plus a bowl of boiled green beans with one table spoon of soy sauce + a piece of fruit.

I promise you that you will not feel hungry after eating all of this. Apart from eating this, try and drink at least 2-3 l of green tea (or water) per day.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Yeah, I totally understand what you're going through. I've only recently started to take this really seriously now. I'm in my third week and my motivation is waning. I'm on this site all the time now as a reminder that I need to stick with the plan. I'm totally obsessed with my weight loss and the scale, and I think I have to break that habit in order to keep this as a life style change instead of a temporary diet.

A couple things have helped me stick with this for more than a few days. I've gotten rid of all of my trigger food from my house. I live alone so it's really easy. So if I want to binge I actually have to leave my house and go buy it. The other day I almost got something for my sugar high but talked myself out of it by the time I got to the grocery store. But if you have other people in the house that eat your trigger food I don't know what you do. You may have to ask them to do the same diet that you're on. Work on it as a family for awhile. The other thing that I'm doing is meal planning for the week and prepping food on Sunday. That removes the thought from it as an every day task which helps especially on work days. I was really tired today so this is the first week that I'm unprepared and I want to make sure that I definitely do it tomorrow. But having everything ready to go (veggies all chopped) has been a big help. I've also tried a good portion of diet programs that are out there. A lot of the premade meals, nutrisystem, diet to go, bistro md. What I've learned for myself is that I can't eat like that. I have to have fresh food that I've made how I like it. Which is a good thing because it will contribute to me learning how to make a lifestyle change.

It's hard. I try to keep myself full with protein and veggies but I get bad urges still. I feel like an addict. :-) But I have to get healthy because I do have all of the illnesses that they warn you about. So that's my motivation. I'm sure you have your own motivation that will help carry you forward. Good for you that you stopped purging. I think that's a step in the right direction. You'll figure out the right path for you. Just keep trying. Good Luck!

This breaks my heart, because I know exactly what you're going through. I came on here this morning to literally write this same post. It is the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to try to.do. I'm here for you though. I can't offer much advice, because I'm as lost as you are right now, but I am willing to work on it together I'm 26, almost 27, and married ... No children yet, but hopefully soon! I know the feeling of feeling like you're failing in those areas of your life, but I'm sure you're not. I think we feel much more out of control than others see. Feel free to pm me if you'd like. We will get through this together somehow!