I got the impression that FPSJ sampled unopened cartons of side dishes, not half-eaten meals--though I could be wrong. That's another one of my food weirdnesses, though, along with no food/food contact; the stuff other people leave on their plates is about as appetizing as cold garbage to me.
An unopened carton of fried rice or an untouched egg roll, on the other hand, would totally be fair game.
FPSJ - that's not disordered at all, it's good as new. Think of it this way, if someone came over and left some unpeeled fruit at your house, wouldn't you see it as "fair game" or a "bonus?"
besides it's normal to think "man don't waste perfectly good food." I remember going to a wedding with my bf that had the best cake we'd ever eaten, and both of us being really angry that the (skinny, naturally) chicks at the table next to us only took a couple bites of their big slices and left the rest.
I freakin' love wedding cake. I love it so much that I would probably even overcome the "ick" factor of eating someone else's cake off her plate. I would possibly consider eating it after it had been in her mouth, for that matter.
Nola this cake was the best cake I've ever encountered in my life. The groom is Dutch and he had a local baker recreate an old family recipe of white chocolate + dark chocolate perfection.
BF and I did sit there fidgeting trying to see if it was possible to eat the leftover cake, but since we already stick out as foreigners in Japan we figured it was unwise to make total hogs of ourselves at a wedding.
I would think "no" since you planned for it..but it seems to go with the not wanting to waste food thing/clean plate that made some of us fat. It's interesting your friends could just leave it and not care if you threw it out or not.
Depending on what the food was, if it's healthy or even if it's not healthy but is something I really, genuinely like I would of probably saved it to make a left over meal for the next day...but I'm weird/frugal like that.
I would re-marry just to eat a cake like that, Krampus. Wedding cake is awesome enough, but a traditional Dutch white/dark chocolate wedding cake? OMG!
Anyone who left that cake on the plate is a philistine.
I agree. XD It's definitely good we held back though, one of the Philistine girls at the wedding has slept with several of the guys who were also there and they all somehow wound up with STIs...
So, now that I'm a few days out from the "incident," I went ahead and sat down with my journal and revisited what I was thinking and feeling before, during, and after the eating.
Jenmusic, ncuneo, ringmaster-- You asked/pointed out some really thought provoking questions and observations. I used them to direct my journaling and just let my thoughts flow.
Thinking back, the conversation I was having with the friends revolved primarily around work. This is a stressful topic, and I remember thinking "ugh I don't want to talk about this anymore." My eyes wandered around the room, and I felt a little squirmy. My next thought was, "There's food left on my plate and I want to eat it, but I don't want them to look at me like a freak."
Bingo.
I also recall feeling inadequate when discussing athletics, races/competitions, and thinking I'll never be as good as them. I then felt guilt about the food, and how I can't resist it. I was harping on how my body is not the right shape, is not as long and lean as theirs, and will never be strong, fast, or as thin as theirs.
There was a moment when we were discussing dating, and each of the friends is either in a relationship or dating several men. I have not had any sort of "dating" activity in many, many months. In fact, I often avoid eye contact and attention unless I am out drinking, and I get downright defensive with common "catcalls" and other normal male attention that all females deal with when living in a big city. I know that this likely stems from a lack of confidence in myself. Anyway, I remember feeling like I wanted to change the subject again, and that I felt uneasy.
So, to conclude, I'm pretty sure that I wanted to eat because I wanted to feel comfort. Plain and simple.
Now the question is, what can I do to replace food, that will give me the same sense of mental quiet, comfort, and satisfaction that eating does?
Thank you for your opinions and your observations. They really helped me to start uncovering what's really going on. Time for some self respect and kindness, huh?
FPSJ- Isn't that awesome when you realize things like that!?!?!? I had a breakthrough like that myself, just yesterday.....it's so empowering, and I am so glad you were able uncover what's going on.
It's so funny, because to a 'normal' person, it must seem so easy (and stupid) that we have to analyze WHY we eat. But, for us, it's HUGE!
mamato2boys, you are so right! I kinda knew this all along, but I have never actively chosen to look at it head on and deal with it. Gotta start somewhere, right?
