I saw a much missed number on the scale this morning. A nice sparkly 127.2 shining up at me. After my terrible month of binges, I went from 125-127 up to 129-131. Not a huge gain, or anything, but it was just a daily reminder on the scale that I had screwed up for a few weeks. And those pounds lingered and would not go away. For about a month I've been hovering between 129 to 130 and it's been frustrating. Well I finally had my whoosh down and saw 127.2. I might bounce back up a bit, I expect fluctuation. But just the fact that the scale is headed back to my comfort zone made me happy this morning.
Well, I get off the scale, completely pleased with myself. What's my first thought? Nothing else but "Golly gee, I deserve a treat day for this!" And of course, "treat day" or "cheat" is my brain's sugar-coated euphemism for a full on binge. I know exactly what I mean when I tell myself I'm going to have a treat day, but it's so much more pleasant to think about than "well, I think I'm going to binge today." The whole day I was thinking about what would be worth it for a treat. And if I reeeaaally deserved a treat or not.
But point being, how absolutely ridiculous. Why would I celebrate the undoing of damage from binges WITH a binge? It would be like changing a flat tire, and instead of patting yourself on the back for a job well done, you slash the tire all over again to "celebrate." Doesn't make sense, does it?
No, I did not binge or have a "treat" or a "cheat," but good lord, sometimes I just want to take my brain out of my head, b*tch slap it, and put it back in for all the crazy nonsense it puts me through, lol.
ETA: Have you read "The End of Overeating" by David Kessler? I'm in the middle of it right now and finding what it says about brain chemistry and food very interesting. Occasionally disheartening, but interesting!
I'm so glad i found this site!!!!! i go to ww at my local rec center n its been 8 weeks and iv only lost 17lbs i mean i know that's still good but my hopes were much higher but im so trying to stay on track, i never relized how much food i was eating til i started to weigh and measure my food!!! i have a big goal ahead of me and sometimes it seems it is so far away!!! i need to change my way of thinking i swear im as bad as a addict!!! well everyone on here seems to be doing good and it is great encouragement!!!
Oh man I can definitely relate. It's silly how much like children we are. The reason it took me so long to lose weight was because every Friday morning I would weigh in, see a slight net loss, and go "Party time! Weekend! EAT EVERYTHING!" and promptly undo it, and then spend the next week undoing the weekend damage.
I'm currently dropping water weight quickly after a few days of binging, and it's going to be hard to break the thought pattern of "I haven't had junk in a day, I can have junk in moderation today."
Glad to hear you saw 127.2 though! It's very encouraging to read about people reversing binge damage.
Oh man I can definitely relate. It's silly how much like children we are. The reason it took me so long to lose weight was because every Friday morning I would weigh in, see a slight net loss, and go "Party time! Weekend! EAT EVERYTHING!" and promptly undo it, and then spend the next week undoing the weekend damage.
This sounds like what I have done before! I'll see a loss and think that the best way to celebrate was to go out to eat with friends and booze it up for the weekend. Yeah, not so much.
Megan ~ good for you for avoiding and saying no to a binge ~ I like the brain/b*tch slapping visual!
Wow, how weird that I needed to see this post today! From the last time I weighed to this morning I went from 155 to 153. My mini-goal was 154. I was so giddy after seeing that number but for the past 4 hours I have been deciding how to reward myself. My mind has always wandered back to food.
It is SO odd how dichotomous our brains can be. At any given moment of the day, I absolutely wholeheartedly want to binge on fast food, candy, cake, or whatever is in reach at the time. BUT at the exact same time, I'm completely aware that I want to stay on plan, feel physically better when I'm on plan, and binges result in nothing but guilt. I'm a pretty smart kid, I'd say my brain works fairly well...I just don't get how even one neuron in my meat computer can even desire to binge when I know full well what the consequences are. Just don't get it!
I think it's a comfort thing. I am in the exact same boat as you...slipping up here and there and having to go back and undo what damage I did. I've been stuck in a 5lb range for weeks because of this behavior.
Well, so much for wanting to reward myself....got on the scale to see 129.4! Just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I moved the scale a few inches, got back on, and it was 129.6. And stayed there after trying a few more times.
I'm okay with bouncing around a bit on a daily basis, but this is just getting frustrating. I'm so sick of seeing 129, lol. It's just a daily smack in the face, like the scale is saying "neiner neiner neiner, remember when you screwed up all month? Well take this! <SMACK!>" I'm guessing at least part of that is just a random fluctuation, but I don't know what could have caused it. I ate a Subway turkey breast sandwich yesterday...sodium maybe? I'm on the skinny week of my cycle.
Now I don't want to stuff my face to reward myself, I want to stuff my face because I'm just annoyed with the whole thing. Psh....piss on it anyways, lol.
This is the first time I've been on the site for ages and ages and the first thread I read is this one! I can't tell you the struggle I've been having. Normally I live where there are no temptations but right now I'm on vacation and the temptations are everywhere. My dumb a** brain is always plotting to see where I can find a treat (that of course no one will know about......my brain is also a sneak!)
Yesterday after walking for over an hour I stopped & picked up a treat but before I got to the till I checked the calories/carbs and it was enough to make me realize I was erasing the entire hour of walking with just this one small treat.......I actually put it back and walked back the hour with only a bottle of water as a treat.........it was cold and lovely!
I've been struggling to lose 5 lbs for 3 months. I know my age plays into it but honestly I have to be eating more than I need or that 5 would be gone.
Reading this thread has me settled for the rest of today at least. I will not eat again until morning.........I swear!!!!!
I see how well some of you have done and it's a good thing. It's also good to know my brain is not the only manipulator that tries to stop success.
I want to stuff my face because I'm just annoyed with the whole thing.
So, Megan -- how'd you do with the binge eating thoughts today? :-) I was rooting for you (and ME) all day! I resisted the temptation of a food reward and replaced it with a new haircut, eyebrow wax and 2 new shirts.
I will admit that my car almost veered off the road when it saw the McDonald's on the corner. Bad car. Bad bad bad car!
The scariest thing is that when you go into shopping for binge/reward/comfort food, your brain just goes on autopilot. The smart and rational person is temporarily replaced by an eating machine. There is so much shame associated with it too. I have handled life threatening emergencies completely calmly while everyone else was panicking, so why can't I control what I eat?
Well, I'm deciding that I can control it. We all can.
To quote our president and the only English phrase my students can seem to really remember, yes we can!
I do admit that I snacked and had way too many bites of random stuff, and that's a habit I've been trying to kick. I get it in my head that ONE bite of whatever-I-see-first-in-the-fridge is so inconsequential that I don't even need to bother counting it in my calorie counter. But ONE bite every fifteen minutes all freaking day adds up. Today it was diced ham chunks that I occasionally put on salads. Basically a baggy of bite-sized ham that's just calling my name. I'll get up, grab three bites, go sit down. Fifteen minutes later, grab another few bites. Pssshhh, lame!
BUT, there have been days in the all too recent past where I would have let relatively minor slip ups like my ham-sneaking snowball into a full out binge. So yes, I'm mildly annoyed with myself that I probably ate a few hundred calories of ham bites (of ALL things, puh-lease). But I never threw my hands in the air and said "all is lost for the day, might as well live it up and binge."
Food/"cheats" are NOT rewards!
Give me a break!
