I don't really even know how to start this post. I have in my head what I want to say but writing it all out is different. I've never been great at expressing things anyway but I'll do my best.
For the last several months I've pretty much been eating what ever I want & how much I want. This is dangerous in more ways than the obvious!
Since christmas I've been thinking about what "diet" I needed to do. Something that wasn't restrictive in any particular food groups, something that would fit into our lifestyle, nothing that would cost money to join. I've tried so many diets over the years that I'm just sick of diets. I don't want to invest anymore time, energy or money into things that end up giving me negative results.
I've really been trying my best to ignore this but I'm quite sure I'm eating disordered. Not trying to diagnose myself or anything but just based on my past it really seems to be obvious.
Honestly, I know how to lose weight, heck I could probably start up my own newest fad diet trend. Nutrition isn't the hard part. The hard thing is the stuff in my head. I've never been able to truly wrap my brain around that. It's the stuff inside my head!
Problem is now I don't know where or how to begin getting better. I can not afford to go to a counselor 1-2 times a week it is just out of the question. OA is virtually nonexistent in these parts. There are programs at the hospital for free but I have been to them and the do not focus on behavior they focus on nutrition.
I hear constantly "all you have to do is eat less, exercise more" "eat healthy food & stay away from the processed junk" WTH! I know this. But it doesn't stop me from bingeing! It's as if once I start I cant stop, it's like heroin. I just want more & more until I cant stand to see it anymore.
Last week, I was rushed to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack, I'm only 32! Then to make matters worse one of the tests came back abnormal which would suggest a blood clot in my lung. $5000 later I learned that I didn't have a heart attack or a blood clot and they sent me home with a Dx of Acid Reflux and a recommendation to lose weight. I was and still am so embarrassed about this.
I have the multitude of health problems that goes with being obese. I have sleep apnea, my blood pressure just started getting higher, and when I went in for my follow up after the ER with my GP, he said he wants to do a diabetes screening.
I just don't know what to do. On Monday I started eating healthier things. I've made some bad choices this week and I binged on doritoes and potato chips. I am trying though. Today I did well. All I can do for now is to try to do well for the rest of the day & not think about tomorrow. It's so difficult, I'm just in tears right now.
$5000 later I learned that I didn't have a heart attack or a blood clot and they sent me home with a Dx of Acid Reflux and a recommendation to lose weight. I was and still am so embarrassed about this.
Last year, December 24, 2010, I rushed to the Emergency Room believing I was having a heart attack...turns out it was "gastritis". After seeing my doctor, and going through multiple tests...I also learned I had high blood pressure, extremely high cholesterol, and I was constantly out of breath. Well...I started my journey September 6, 2010...and just posted my new lab results here -----> http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/mini...ear-later.html
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I have the multitude of health problems that goes with being obese. I have sleep apnea, my blood pressure just started getting higher, and when I went in for my follow up after the ER with my GP, he said he wants to do a diabetes screening.
I have many overweight relatives and they have ALL of the above due to being overweight. Obesity is NOT incurable...
Calorie counting and running has worked for me. I make it MY BUSINESS to cook GOURMET 5-STAR DINING low fat, low sodium, healthy and most importantly DELISHOUS meals every week, portion them in little trays, and store them in the freezer for convenience. This makes the eating part pretty "painless" since I love my food. I bought some really good cookbooks for cheap off Amazon. I share my favorites on my blog below. As far as exercise...well, I'm soon to be 44 and after smoking for 30 yrs just quit 1 1/2 yrs ago....soooo needless to say, I did not start off no "Flo Jo"! I could only walk for 2 mins, run 30 secs and repeat for 20 mins. I did that...6-7 days per week. I kept at it...constantly challenging myself weekly to go a little further and do a little better.
Once the scale started moving in the right direction, that was "all she wrote" and my motivation was rejuvenated. Well...to my surprise as my own body...I was able to run my first 5K within 10 weeks! AND to my further surprise (yup...I'm still amazing myself..haha), I now run 19-20 miles/week!
I'm sharing my road with you in the hopes of giving you encouragement to KNOW that you CAN do this...all you have to do is WANT IT!
Sometimes we have to let the bad things go. I know that sounds trite but it's really the only way to escape some things that won't leave our brain alone. I realized after much trying that sometimes you just can't go back and have things work out the way you wanted them to and there's nothing to do but let it go. Acceptance can be a beautiful thing b/c it lets you put down that huge ball of bad feelings that's been carried around.
I guess everyone's brains work in slightly different ways, but I've just come out of about 6 months of eating whatever the **** I liked and got back into a more healthy lifestyle, so I can really identify with you. Weight loss has always been a mental thing for me - I know some overweight people have been that way their entire lives and consider themselves 'naturally fat', but I definitely am not. I was slim/athletic up until my late teens, when I became far less active and started binge eating. I actually find it physically very easy to lose weight; the difficulty is always in my head - denial, losing motivation, talking myself out of things, getting obsessive, etc.
One of the key things for me is tricking my mind into relaxing, so I avoid thinking that I'm 'on a diet', which seems so temporary and so restrictive. Instead I tell myself that I'm just 'eating more healthily' or 'changing my lifestyle'. What I'm actually doing is the same (eating around 1700 calories a day) but in my head there's a huge difference between the two. Right now I don't feel deprived and I don't crave anything because I know I could eat anything I wanted so long as it fit within my daily calories. Even if it didn't I could always make up for it tomorrow or just do a bit more exercise.
Exercise is the other key thing for me...not just to burn calories and get fitter, but for the buzz it gives me. I drag myself out of bed every morning before work to exercise, and after the first 5 minutes of feeling like death, I feel absolutely amazing. That feeling lasts for hours, gives me so much energy and motivates me to eat more healthily. Maybe not everyone experiences the same effect but I really love it.
Apart from that, I found writing down everything I eat (I use Calorie Count online) is really important for accountability and to avoid just forgetting and losing motivation. I also started recording my weight and body measurements and taking photos of myself in a swimsuit so that I can follow my progress. I find writing down my feelings is really useful too, especially to look back over later.
None of this is stuff I ever thought I would do, but for the moment it's working. In just a week back in my healthy frame of mind, I've already lost 5lb and 1/2 an inch from my waist, and I can feel forgotten muscles starting to strengthen again. I feel so, so much better, inside and out.
Good luck, you can do it! All you have to do is start and keep going, one step at a time
Rainbow has very good advice. I also started writing down everything I eat and counting the calories which is something that I, too, thought I would never do. But it gives me a sense of control. I made my own template on Word and I note my food and my exercise--treadmill for now, but I plan on adding other forms of activity in the future. I've made it to the ten-day point with this and feel I can continue doing this.
Take control in all the ways that you can, whatever they might be.
May i suggest a book called "the thin commandments"
i bought mine on amazon very cheap.
In it he discusses this very notion-that most overweight people know all the *nutritional* information they need to know, but the missing link is mental. He goes into food history and how to know which foods you may binge on. i think you'd find it really, really useful.
Thanks for all of your comments. It helps to see others with the same issues.
As far as why I'm binging, I don't know why. That is a million dollar question for me. I wish I could answer it.
I've been pretty sick since Tuesday so I haven't felt much like binging or eating at all. I've basically been eating soup & hot tea.
I have noticed what makes me eat a bunch are a few things: stress('cause Lord only knows the way life can stress you) and boredom, not having enough protein, having too many carbs makes me crave more, and the biggest is hormones. Not that recognizing this stops the cravings but knowing why I am craving something helps me figure out when I have true hunger vs. feeling snacky.
hpnodat, I just want to give you a virtual hug. I feel pretty hopeless as far as my thinking is concerned and I completely understand the constant urge to just eat until you feel "full" - never achieving real fullness but rather just feeling sick and disgusted and guilty for hours after the binge.
I can completely understand how you feel. I let myself eat whatever I wanted last year and it made me miserable in the process. I pinpointed why I binged: usually stress, being or bored and made a giant list of things I could do. I also wrote a ton of quotes in a little notebook that I carry in my purse that I'll read when I'm stressed. It's nothing about food, simply to calm me down. I always feel better with that. I really can empathize because I landed in a hospital after a binge. Only then did I take my actions seriously and I realized there's much more to life than bingeing.
It's as if once I start I cant stop, it's like heroin. I just want more & more until I cant stand to see it anymore.
That sounds so familiar.
I used to binge/overeat. Mostly when I was a student -- the stress was horrendous and I ate to stuff down my stress/anger. I also had the extra bit of not knowing I had PCOS/IR -- so part of it too was out of whack blood sugar adding to the stress feelings.
I'm in a better place with the emotional eating -- and I know my trigger foods. Resisting once at the store is a lot easier than resisting a hundred times at home!
This didn't come out til much later. I wish I had it in college. It was an eye opener.
And when I could stop and go "Ok, is this head hunger? Heart hunger? Or actual hunger hunger?" I was able to get a better grip on the emotional eating.
Because a person cannot avoid stress and live in a bubble. I had to learn to deal with stress in other ways.
No longer eating myself dead
I could only walk for 2 mins, run 30 secs and repeat for 20 mins. I did that...6-7 days per week. I kept at it...constantly challenging myself weekly to go a little further and do a little better. 
AND to my further surprise (yup...I'm still amazing myself..haha), I now run 19-20 miles/week!
