[happytobeamomof2]

So I just posted on the weekly thread but realised that I still didn't really make myself accountable.

Here is what I ate yesterday:
healthy breakfast (approx 450 cal)
latte (100)
healthy lunch (approx 370 cal)
huge cinnamon bun with nuts, chocolate and caramel
7 very expensive, large, chocolates
2 oversized peanut butter cups
healthy dinner post workout (approx 450cal)
1/2 bag popcorn with 4 or 5 tbls melted margarine and added salt
2 chocolate hearts, big ones (70cal each)
4 pieces of toast with 4-5 tbls sugar/cinnamon margarine
1/2 bag of chocolate chips (finished off the bag that i had started the night before!)

my calorie budget is normally 1800cal/day...

this morning i reached the highest weight i am "willing" to see on the scale - 185.8lbs...

i am sad, tired, scared, upset, and more... rattled, nervous, lonely, and more...

this was my third day in a row of all-out binging ...

i am STOPPING NOW!!!!!

no more negative self talk. no more listening to my 'chatterbox" in my head...

thank you for letting me put it out there to be accountable and to stop 'hiding' ....

[tamara72]

you have done this before and you are strong enough to do it again. Just start with day 1 and the rest of the days will follow. I know how you feel I have been there many times but the difference now is that you have support from this site and know that other people struggle with this too.
Good luck with day 1, then 2,3 etc

[beerab]

Mind posting what those healthy meals are? You might not be eating enough protein or veggies or something to help keep you going longer.

Also you might want to cut out the latte- I find if I eat one sugary thing the rest of the day I'm off plan.

[happytobeamomof2]

tamarra - thank you ... i "hate" starting over but you know what... i am starting over after 3 days and not 3 weeks or 3 months... so that is a positive thing too right?

beerab - i have actually had my menu checked by a dietician and she was 'surprised' by how balanced it was... i do have a ton of protein and no refined carbs ... but... i just gave in... i was scared and just didnt want to try ... didnt want to fight that chatterbox in my head...

breakfast was
1 cup fibreone
1/2 cup almond milk
2 tbls flax seed
1 hard boiled egg
small bowl berries, like 1/2 cup i guess

lunch
tuna
2 tbls hummus
flat bun (ww)
1/2 cucumber

dinner
quinoa/lentil/redpepper with curry/chickenbroth
chicken breast
asparagus


urg... i am recommitted now... and yet still drooling at the thought of what else i could have eaten yesterday...

day 1 ... day one... day uno... day un... i can do this!!!!

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[beerab]

Oh yeah your meals look awesome- so maybe your over-eating is more habit than anything?

I have to tell myself NO and shut up a million times a day- some days are easier than others

[Violin Jenn]

First off...

I've been there. I actually re-committed this past Monday on being binge free. Being single, I can control what goes into my kitchen without fuss. So nothing enters that I can't have just one of (for me that is COOKIES! LOL..I feel like cookie monster!)

One day at a time. You can do this! We can all beat this and live healthy happy lives.

Today, I am home sick from work, but it is Day 4 binge free!!!!

Having this forum and the wonderfull ladies here has been a great help.

Oh...I found a really cute skirt at the DressBarn yesterday on my lunch break. Right now I'd need a 14, BUT I am going to buy it in a 12(if it becomes loose, I can always have it taken in, but I don't want to get it too small..ya know). Having that, and other things now too small hanging on my bedroom door helps me stay focused as well.

Stay strong, eat healthy and exercise! We are worth it.

[tamara72]

You are so right that is such a good and positive way to look at it. The number of times that I have done well for weeks and then after 1 binge given up for months because I have felt useless and that I have blown it. The most important thing I have got from this site is that I am not the only one who struggles with binging and that there are lots of people out there who know exactly what I have been through for all of those years. You should be so proud of yourself for posting what you ate during a binge because it makes people like me realise that I am not as odd as I thought I was. Binging for me is such a secretive thing that even my own husband has no idea what I do so it is so nice to be able to communicate with other people who struggle with this issue and we can encourage and support each other through the difficult times. It has just been a slight hitch and now you can continue to do as well as you have been doing and I wish you lots of luck

[happytobeamomof2]

oh ladies, thank you sooooo much!!!!

i have a therapist and she gave me some great advice yesterday, besides the usual "don't be mad at yourself". She said "find some junk food for your mind" ...read a trashy novel, watch a stupid tv program, get a massage, take a hot bath, just find something that will calm your mind because that is what i am using the food to try to do. i have a ton of stress in my life right now and that is why i am running to food.

i completed yesterday and have a plan for today and i am going to take some time for myself this weekend to come up with a coping plan, find that 'junk food for my brain' NOW before i need it.

i am going to talk to my bf as well and let him know what is going on and what my "junk food" will be when he is not around (as he is wonderfully calming for me when he is around)

i am so glad that my fall can help others too...and that you can share with me... this really is a wonderful place to be safe, cozy and understood!!!

THANK YOU!

[ravensglen3]

First of all, it takes a lot of bravery to post what you ate during a binge. I have binged many, many times before... For days in a row... And it's really, really hard to come off a binge and start to eat normally again.

I understand how sick and regretful you feel, but don't focus on that. It's a good idea what your therapist says--find some "junk for your mind"--Do anything to distract yourself to get over the strong urge to binge.

You have resisted many times in the past. I have been on this website for about a year, and I remember you had over a 100-day streak binge-free. I can only DREAM of a streak that long, sometimes. But you did it once, you can do it again.

keep your chin up, and never give up!!!