Is it considered a binge if I am very conscious of what and how much I am eating at the time I am eating it, even if it's way too much food? My binges always used to be (and still are sometimes) to grab the first and easiest snack I could find and eat away until it was suddenly gone.
Last night, I grabbed a bag of soy crisps, and I read the nutrition info. I noticed it had 3.5 servings in the bag. I opened the bag, sat on the couch, and proceeded to eat away at them - straight out of the bag. But, I constantly glanced into the bag to see how much I was eating. I thought to myself that I would only try to eat about 2 servings and then put them away.
And, I did it. I closed the bag up and put them away when I looked in there and saw it was getting to where I thought it should be for 2 servings. Now, am I certain it was only 2 servings that I ate? No. But I think I was close.
I am a little weirded out by this experience. It's like I allowed myself a controlled binge. And I don't know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. It's still a bad behavior - the over-eating part; but it's also mindful and somewhat controlled.
Oh, and I can also pinpoint the specific frustration in my life that led me to the binge (or whatever it was).
That's what I'm hoping. I still feel like it was a failure, just not as bad as it could have been. It was odd, because it felt soooooo good while I was doing it, even though I was conscious of the fact that I shouldn't be doing it. That's what I meant by calling it a weird experience. I don't think there's a real definition for what I did? LOL
I can kind of relate to that weird in-between space. It's something I've been doing lately. For me, if I find myself with some calories to spare for the day, I'll sometimes consciously choose to eat something when I'm not hungry, and it's almost like I'm clinging onto that feeling of a binge when, in fact, I'm not outright binging. It's sort of weird, and I ultimately would like to cut out that kind of overeating altogether (except when I accidentally wait too long to stop eating, that kind of thing). But like astrophe said, it's progress, I think.
I think the fact that you were able to control what you ate is a good thing, and makes it a not-binge situation. Saying, "I want this and I'm going to eat two servings of it," and being able to stop after the two servings is excellent.
Thanks for the replies! This whole not binging thing is so very hard. I am so used to the mindless eating and the "I'm pissed (or depressed or whatever) so I'm going to eat until I feel disgusting and my psyche will all feel better" thing. It was just so weird the other day when I did this.
It still felt so wrong - like it's an action that I should be trying to stop completely, or figure out why I *think* I'll feel better when I'm done binging, even though I *always* know that I won't - but do it anyway. The "controlled binge" was weird. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, and see if this is maybe just what I have to do, or if this is something I will have to try to learn not to ever do.
Is it considered a binge if...
