[happytobeamomof2]

as if my life with binging wasn't hard enough... i just found out i have pancreatitis which means that my binging could literally kill me... if i have an attack due to high fat or alcohol content in my diet, my kidneys, liver or worse could shut down causing death, not to mention intolerable pain ... and what do i want to do? eat ice cream, donuts and chocolate... and live to see my boys grow up and have a life and enjoy my own life and so many other things... i feel like i have just been somehow condemned for this 'awful' life to watch everyone else eat whatever they want without so much as a blink and i am stuck in this "forever" being afraid to eat...

so what am i going to do about it? well for one, every time i think about binging, i can now say to myself "do i want to be alive to see my boys grow up? if i binge, that might not happen"

also, i am going find a dietician i trust to help me through this. i need someone who can give me alternatives and suggestions and not tell me that my diet is crap...

i am just so friggin frustrated...as it is, i never eat fast food, have not had french fries or fried foods in 3 years, lost over 140 pounds and eat a really healthy diet 80% of the time with the occasional binge which tends to be on in-house carbs (cereal, granola bars, popcorn) because i cannot get out of the house to binge very often... i exercise every single day, sometimes really intensely, sometimes abs/stretching and very very rarely miss even one day... i drink lots of water, almost no carbonated or caffeine drinks ... seriously... my diet must be at least 80% 'super healthy' and 20% moderately healthy???

i am just depressed, tired in my heart and sole and wishing i could figure a way to just be 'normal'...whatever that is!!!!

thank you for letting me have it out... somehow i have to learn to live with this... or literally die if i dont...

[ladycarbivore]

I can relate to your situation somewhat. I'm not on meds for my diabetes and I am well aware that everytime I binge, eat sugar, or overeat on carbs I am putting my body at risk. I also know that if I continue to binge, I will eventually die from it. Yet...that knowledge doesn't always stop me.

It's hard having this type of eating problem, I personally love carbs and food in general. There have been times where I wished that I was a drug addict or alcoholic, it would seem so much easier than being a food addict.

Hopefully this new medical revelation will force you to turn and stick to a new leaf. I have no doubt that your children would want you around for as long as possible. Keep plugging away, stay on top of your diet and exercise and aim for life as healthy as possible.

I think that's great that you've lost 140lbs! That is the equivalent of a whole person. If you can do that, you can do anything.

[EagleRiverDee]

I can relate also. I have chronic lower back pain and (due to my weight) throw my back out a few times a year. In January this year I probably herniated a disc. For lack of money I never got an MRI, but the pain was excruciating, I was unable to work for weeks and barely could walk for months. I have a section of my right leg that has nerve damage and I have no feeling in it. I also suffer from acid reflux. My blood pressure had been climbing high, and my triglycerides were way up. Due to all this, I know I have to get control of my weight.

[2Bees]

(((hugs)))
Sorry it seems so rough, one more oddball thing to throw in your life's recipe.
Follow your doctor's suggestions on foods to avoid. Moderation is key.

You have done an amazing job changing your weight. Brilliant!

I think you need a little more "me" time in your schedule. Don't schedule anything big, just get out to the library or park or just the back patio.Take a break til your mind stops spinning and spitting out to-do lists. Your ticker says "happy where I am" hold that thought.

[tyla]

Happytobe, come back to the binge-free challenge. We miss you!

Tyla

[happytobeamomof2]

you ladies are sooo amazing... (sob) i wish i could express what it means to me to be part of this community with you.... i will indeed come back tyla... thank you for finding me again .... i need to do this, no longer just for me...but for my boys... it used to be that my binging didnt hurt anyone but me, that is nto the case any longer... now i could truly end up leaving my boys alone and missing out on years of their lives... i am trying to take a deep breath and relax... it is sooo friggin hard to do that sometimes...

my last binge was tues night.... today was day 2 binge free...