I've discovered that being happy may also make me binge
... Or want to binge.
I'd always thought that I binged when I was stressed out, or anxious, preoccupied with some worries. It seemed to be a way to soothe myself & calm myself, to make up for bumping & bruising myself against life's difficulties. But over the long Easter weekend, I discovered something else: I would be capable of bingeing out of elation, while feeling happy & excited.
I went away for the weekend, on a trip to Connecticut, to visit old house museums & antique shops (which I love) & buy smelly candles, see the white beluga whales at Mystic Aquarium, etc. The weather was gorgeous. We stopped at a beach & watched people out sunning themselves & flying kites. I was happy, contented -- if I could, I'd purr like a cat in that sunlight.
And I suddenly wanted to eat. I wanted all sorts of summery treats. I wanted fudge & saltwater taffy, fried fish & clams & calamari & french fries, ice cream cones. I wanted, wanted, wanted, and I also had that crazy, impervious feeling that I could eat & it wouldn't count because I was on vacation. (Yeah, I know.) Because I was celebrating!
I managed to restrain myself, but not without a lot of effort. This was a shocker. That I could binge from exulting in a good moment in life.
All of a sudden I have a new insight into bingeing. It's not just for the low & sad times or the tense times. It's also for the occasional, incredible highs. Then it must be more complex than I'd ever thought -- and it must be a way of trying to "even out" the peaks & valleys. Whenever I feel a zig-zag, I think I turn to food to make it more, well, flat-lined.
For me, this is a disturbing insight & I wonder if it's true for others. If so, this is much harder than simply stopping comfort eating.
I feel like I also am starting to see that binges are NOT just for when I'm down. They are for anytime! How not fun!
You're right in that it makes it harder to understand why you binge and how to stop. I feel like some people are just programmed to want bad food most of the time! And maybe we have to constantly fight that urge and resist. There are the people that hardly think about food and occasionally skip meals simply because they forgot or were busy and then there are those that wake up thinking about food and eat one meal while thinking about the next.
I have definitely been in situations where nothing was going wrong, but I just was overcome with the desire to eat. Occasionally I can fight it, but sometimes its too much! I am also very good about rationalizing why certain binges won't count! I don't know what the solution is, but if you find it- please let me know! Just letting you know that you are not alone though!
Good for you for holding back from that binge! I know when I don't get my binge I will become pouty- yes pouty and frustrated and sometimes even angry, gosh- so embarrassing to admit that, I sound like a food crazed maniac. I have also realised that I binge anytime, happy, sad, anxious, calm. I go for long periods of time being in control and doing great and then I will just binge and sometimes the binges go on for a couple of weeks and I to try to justify my binges telling myself "Oh it won't kill me" or "I deserve this, I've been so good for weeks and weeks" when in reality if I'm good I can and should reward myself but in moderation, not by eating thousands of calories. Keep up the good work, you are also not alone in your thinking.
I think happiness is also associated with foods- so you may go back to a place you went as a kid, and then want to eat the stuff you did cuz you remember being happy there- it's not really about the food- just the memories
I think the "celebratory feast" is a very deeply human thing and extremely cross-cultural. It's normal and natural to celebrate bringing in a big hunt or crop, or the start/end of a season, or a major achievement, or a family/tribe transition, or whatever with food. Food is a community-bonding experience and helps to mark the passage of our years on the earth.
This behavior only is problematic to us modern city-dwellers because we have so much food available, all the time, and much of what we want to eat to celebrate is processed rather than being the more basic foods of our ancestors.
Personally, I plan in "binges" (celebration food) pretty regularly. I don't include foods that will trigger me, but I do have special foods in larger quantities, and I do continue to track calories. I love food, I love bonding over food with my loved ones, and I don't see anything wrong with that for me when it's done in the right way.
For example, my oldest son was accepted this week to his competitive high school program of choice, so tomorrow after we go for a family walk/hike at a local park we are going to stop off for a good pizza to celebrate his achievement. I will have a little bit of the pizza, and everyone in the family will really enjoy doing this. Heck, I may even take a scale with me so that I can weigh out what I'm eating, IF we go for a pizza that I want and I eat that instead of my own brought-in snack; but I will join my family in the celebration one way or another.
I experience the same thing saef! When something really good happens or I'm in a happy moment, I really want to eat. But like you, I want the answers to all those questions you asked, especially the big one...why?
Why, when I learn that I got a good grade on a term paper, I want to go get ice cream? Why don't I want to dance around to some happy music instead (which is what I actually did, lol). I'm working on replacing the eating with some other, healthier behaviors. Angry? Punch a pillow (is that healthy, I don't know, haha). Sad? Maybe I'll cry or journal my feelings. Bored? Take a quick walk around the block. I'm sure you get the idea. But yeah, you're definitely not alone!
I've discovered that being happy may also make me binge
and frustrated and sometimes even angry, gosh- so embarrassing to admit that, I sound like a food crazed maniac. 
I have also realised that I binge anytime, happy, sad, anxious, calm. I go for long periods of time being in control and doing great and then I will just binge and sometimes the binges go on for a couple of weeks and I to try to justify my binges telling myself "Oh it won't kill me" or "I deserve this, I've been so good for weeks and weeks" when in reality if I'm good I can and should reward myself but in moderation, not by eating thousands of calories. Keep up the good work, you are also not alone in your thinking. 
