Since beginning my new lifestyle and joining 3FC I've been able to identify my "binge triggers."
Feeling insecure or out of place is a binge trigger. I was called "grote oma" (fat Grandma... I'm 20) by a passing bicyclist yesterday on the way to the grocery store. And this is how my thought process went:
That's Dutch for 'fat grandma.'
I'm fat AND ugly.
I can't fix ugly.
All this work for nothing.
That's okay, I have a secret. They don't know how good junk food tastes.
I can eat all that food. I'm not afraid. I'm a monster, be afraid of me. Forget you.
Crazy, but, this is the first time I've ever been able to identify my internal dialogue preceding a binge. And it helped. So this is what I did.
I got to the store and bought my normal items. I also intentionally, deliberately, bought my binge food - Sweet Chili Pepper Doritos.
The whole way home I handled my bag like it was on fire. I kept asking myself what the heck was wrong with me. The food was literally burning a hole in my mind. And it burns a hole in my cupboard, too, when I know it's in there. It's all I think about. I wanted to prove to myself I could beat that.
I put them away and went to class. When I came back, I was starving and opened up the cupboard for dinner. My heart skipped a beat and I was flooded with joy and excitement when I saw Doritos staring back at me - I forgot I had bought them. How startling that it could evoke such a response in me, knowing full well it's the devil of food as far as I'm concerned.
I tore into the bag and ate the chips, one by one, in their salty, food-additive laden glory. Suddenly, after about 20 chips, I broke the spell. I stopped, bundled up the bag, and put them in the cupboard.
This morning, I woke up and looked in the cupboard, again forgetting they were there, and again feeling the jolt when I looked at the bag. But today, the jolt was much weaker. Maybe, just for today, I'll ignore them.
I've had no problem staying on plan when I don't keep my binge foods in the house. But when I do, they're gone in a day, sometimes an afternoon.
I bought them on purpose and I won't throw them out, because I want to beat temptation. I want to finish a bag like I finish anything else I buy - in small portions, at a normal frequency, for the first time in my life. I want my binge food to be a normal food, a "sometimes" food. I want to beat this addiction!
Ruffles potato chips are my binge food. I don't keep them in the house. If I am going to have them I plan ahead for it and buy the smallest bag they sell. I am better off keeping things like pretzels around as they don't call my name in the middle of the night. I have a long way to go before I will be comfortable keeping my binge foods around.
Good luck with the Doritos. I couldn't do it, but maybe you can. I might be able to eat 20, one day and 20 the next, but eventually, I would continue past the 20 and then go straight to the store and buy more. I can't have anything like that in my house because the thought keeps popping in my head that it's there. If my husband brings snack food into the house, he has to hide it. If I accidently find it while cleaning, he has to change where he hides it. I can't remember where I put the car keys, but I can sure remember where he has the snack food hidden.
No, you are not insane. I had some cheeseburger doritos lately as well.
For me, what I did was just buy 2 individual bags rather than the family size. that way, I can write down the calories, and when I finish a bag, that's it. I am too lazy to go back outside to buy more. the only time when being lazy is good, no?
Doritos are hard for me as well so I feel you there! And as far as the bicyclist..... you're a much nicer person than me. I would have thrown something at the ahole!!
Congrats! I am definitely like that with pita chips and hummus. If it's in my fridge, it won't be for long. It's exciting to know that you CAN stop. =]
Sounds like a dangerous game! I discovered this week that I cannot have my binge foods in the home and leave them alone. I'm clearly not strong enough yet to handle it, so all chips will have to stay out of my shopping basket for now.
Sounds like a dangerous game! I discovered this week that I cannot have my binge foods in the home and leave them alone. I'm clearly not strong enough yet to handle it, so all chips will have to stay out of my shopping basket for now.
I agree. Part of our issue with food and/or food addiction is that we get to a place where we think we are super strong and can eat like "regular" people. But, certain foods affect our bodies differently, and create an urge to binge.
I try to not keep my binge foods in the house if at all possible. I have found that with my healthier eating, even foods that I could binge on like healthy tortilla chips, I may not gravitate to them like I used to and they will sit in my fridge for a while. BUT, when I am in a binge mode, then they are there. So, I think it is probably best to just keep healthier alternatives in the house, so when you do feel like bingeing, then you will have a better option.
I stopped bingeing when I listened to the internal dialogue. Many years ago, I remember driving to the store late at night ready to buy tons of my binge foods. I made myself sit in the parking lot and just think through it....without any prejudgement. Like letting my mind walk into the store and pick out each food and going home, what it would taste like, how I would feel after eating....and that was the thing that changed my mind....remembering the awful sick feeling, the feelings of disgust and the weight gains. I drove home that night without getting out of the car.
I remember on a weight loss group I was on at the time, a woman had a box of her favourite chocolate, unopened on her dresser in the bedroom. She was determined not to eat them. She wrote some really humorous and heartfelt dialogues with those chocolates, some were really eye opening. Anyways, she felt that if she could stop herself from eating them, she could give up the other foods that were not quite as intensely addicting as her personal nemesis. I remember her writing a post three years later....the box still sat on her dresser!
Am I INSANE?!
