Chicks in Control Overeating? Binging? Share uplifting support and gain control!

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Old 01-05-2010, 07:32 AM   #1  
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Unhappy I didn't mean it like that...

I asked my friend if she wanted to join the gym with me and be my work-out buddy (she is overweight, but I wasnt implying that to her). She took offense bigtime. I have known her for 12 years and she has always been pretty thin. She got married, had a child, and continues to complain about her 60 pound weight gain. I have not said a word about it because I know it is a sensitive subject for ME so I tend to tread lightly on that subject with anyone.

Anyway, I really just wanted someone to work out with... I thought it would help us see eachother more.

Well, she said to me,"Robin, not everyone has the time to focus on weight. I have a family to care for. It is easy for you because you dont have any responsibilities and you like dieting and exercising."



It is NOT easy for me. I have been working my butt off and I am not one of those people that gets a high from exercising. PLUS I work full time. It IS DIFFICULT for me. I have always been one of those people who would rather shoot off my left foot than exercise... I guess no one sees that. *sigh* I guess I will just continue my efforts alone. I dare not ask another friend in fear of offending them.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel alone.

Last edited by 170starting; 01-05-2010 at 07:34 AM.
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Old 01-05-2010, 08:55 AM   #2  
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I would have pointed out that losing weight is not the ONLY reason people go to the gym. She assumed that's what you meant and is apparently pretty sensitive.

I'm sorry. I hope you can find a work out buddy...I know how much that helps me!
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Old 01-05-2010, 08:58 AM   #3  
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Wow that sure wouldn't have upset me personally. I would have been thrilled.
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:00 AM   #4  
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Sorry that happened. I am sure your friend is frustrated with herself right now (i.e., she knows that she needs to do something but can't bring herself to do it) and took it out on you. You know that your intentions were pure, even if she misconstrued them.

Weight loss can be a very solitary thing; I often feel alone in my journey. The good news, though, is that at least we have 3fc, which makes it less lonely.

Keep up the good work!

Cheers,

J
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:12 AM   #5  
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some people are just really sensitive. Keep working otu and maybe she will see your progress and how good you feel and want to join you.
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:14 AM   #6  
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I agree with J, weightloss can be a very solitary thing and 3FC is an invaluable resource for me, even though I don't post a lot.

It does seem like your friend is jealous of your weightloss and perhaps even your life. Not to say she regrets having a family, but I know if I were to have a baby I'd be jealous of all my baby-less friends, their uninterrupted sleeping patterns and ability to make more selfish decisions without thinking about the kids.

Try not to take her reaction too badly, she took it in the wrong way because of her situation, her own feelings about herself and her preconceptions of your situation... not because of anything you said or did.

As for weightloss being difficult, I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to make the right food choices or how hard it is to get up and go to the gym. I used to want people to think that I'd lost weight just by wanting to, I didn't want them to know what a struggle it is and how hard I'd been working, but even if I went through my daily routine with people, they can't understand unless they've been there themselves and she probably feels the same way about her day to day life, which is why she snapped at you. It's one of those 'walk in my shoes' things... don't take it too personally
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:20 AM   #7  
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ahhh I'm sorry that it's upset you=/ If you ask me, it sounds like she's a little sensative over it maybe because you're making and effort and wanting to act whereas she just wants to talk about the idea of wanting to lose weight?

:hug try not to feel down! You said nothing wrong~
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:47 AM   #8  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 170starting View Post

Anyway, I really just wanted someone to work out with... I thought it would help us see eachother more.

Well, she said to me,"Robin, not everyone has the time to focus on weight. I have a family to care for. It is easy for you because you dont have any responsibilities and you like dieting and exercising."
It sounds like she is feeling sensitive about her weight and took offense where none was intended. I would probably just apologize and tell her what you said above--that you just wanted to see her more and wanted a workout buddy. Then give her a hug and head on out to the gym. She'll join you if/when she's ready. I know that when I was feeling really bad about myself, I was a lot more sensitive about my weight and probably took offense at totally innocent comments made by others. So maybe she's just in that sensitive place right now.

Have you thought about taking any of the classes at the gym? That might be a good way to meet some workout buddies and do some fun exercise in a group setting.
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:51 AM   #9  
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Originally Posted by Windchime View Post
It sounds like she is feeling sensitive about her weight and took offense where none was intended. I would probably just apologize and tell her what you said above--that you just wanted to see her more and wanted a workout buddy. Then give her a hug and head on out to the gym. She'll join you if/when she's ready. I know that when I was feeling really bad about myself, I was a lot more sensitive about my weight and probably took offense at totally innocent comments made by others. So maybe she's just in that sensitive place right now.

Have you thought about taking any of the classes at the gym? That might be a good way to meet some workout buddies and do some fun exercise in a group setting.
good idea.
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Old 01-05-2010, 12:07 PM   #10  
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I think all you can do is tell her you really just wanted company, and realize that she's defensive about it and drop it.
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Old 01-06-2010, 11:08 AM   #11  
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I disagree on the jeolousy thing. And being a mom of a two year old and haveing a farm full of animals and a full time job, I can attest dieting, excersizing, etc. is NOT easy to do. Going to a gym is completely out for me as well. For money and time issues. My mom cares for my daughter during the day and it's my responsbility during the nights and weekends, as well as I really need that time with her. I trust no one else with my daughter to watch her. So joining a gym would be out for me as well. Your friend is probably frustrated with her weight gain, and wishes she could do more, but I can tell you it's taking me a long long long time before I could even attempt this again due to my schedule. I'm starting slow and hoping I make it this time. But believe me I can understand where your friend is coming from. You may have caught her at a bad time when she snapped at you. I would just let her know you didn't mean it that way and you'd enjoy spending more time with her. There are super mom's out there that can do everything and can do it all, but most it's a daily struggle with a family. Friends, other family members, etc fall to the weighside. Good luck. I hope you can find a Gym partner cuz I hear it's really a great thing.

My only work out right now is every time I got potty at work I go and climb two flights of stairs. It's not much but it's a start. I'm winded and heart racing at the end. And I pee alot lol They have me drinking 130 oz of water a day lol
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Old 01-06-2010, 11:26 AM   #12  
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Well with friends like that who needs enemies? I only say that because you seem so resigned that "oh well I guess nobody understands me." It sounds to me like you turned to your friend for support and she belittled you. Not only is she not supporting you but she dares to tell you that her life is too full of meaning to think about the frivolous things that you think about. It doesn't get any unfriendlier than that. If this is someone you care about I would express to her how hurt you were by her belittling you and try to move on from there if she cares to apologize.

Nobody has been condescending to me like that, but I still have a hard time finding someone to join me on my weightloss journey. It would be easier if my husband participated in a fitness routine with me but I've accepted that I'm on my own. It's not so bad, you just have to be your own motivator!

And don't you feel guilty about exercising just because your friend wants you to!
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Old 01-06-2010, 11:58 AM   #13  
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All I can say is there are plenty of moms on this site with kids, a job, and they have to take care of everything around the house. Everyone has that little bit of extra time. It isn't your fault and I wouldn't feel bad about it. What you said isn't rude at all. I think she just is being over sensitive and wants to get into a fight with someone. You can say your sorry and didn't mean it, but if she doesn't want to see it that way than she isn't being very considerate either. She gave you quite an insult saying you have all the time in the world to worry about weight loss. Stay strong !
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Old 01-06-2010, 04:46 PM   #14  
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Wow she chose to have a family and her lifestlye and has the nerve to put you down for your lifestyle? Don't worry much about it people will always find a way to bring you down. If you have extra time to work out and do things then great and i'm sure she could find them too instead of just sitting in front of the tv for an hour on her spare time but doesn't put that much thought into that.

Don't feel bad you are doing something to improve your life to make yourself feel better. I tried to get my aunt who had the nerve to call me fat who is WAY bigger then me to join weight watcher's with me, of course she snubbed at the idea like she was too good for that and I personally thought it was a great idea so we can both help each other and loose some weight. (as a support team but it never went through)Most people take offense to things but truth is a friend like that you shouldn't keep around because once you start doing something about your weight and loose it, you'll start to feel great and a person like that will just be around to kick you down for it.
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Old 03-17-2010, 02:48 PM   #15  
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Hello I am new here but I wanted to tell you I understand where you are coming from!! I wish I had a work out buddy too!!!!
I like the idea of joining a class there- maybe a good way to meet people!!
And about what your friend said- I personally think when people make the lifestyle change of losing weight or getting fit, they ARE doing it for thier family!!!
I know I want to be around to raise my kids and not dead from a heart attack!! So eating right and exercising IS something I am doing, but not just for me- although it will be nice to not wear mommy jeans!! LOL
Jenn

Last edited by wishmethin; 03-17-2010 at 02:49 PM.
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