[paris81]

I guess that's kind of an oxymoron. But that's how I will describe what I did last night. I was feeling crappy (I have been for the past week, emotional, bored, depressed, yuck). And all I wanted to do was go to the store and buy Doritos and some type of pasta with cheese to make. Then I wanted to add mozzarella sticks. I wanted to go sooo badly, and I was sitting on the couch just angry at myself for this strong urge.

I wound up keeping myself from going to the store--I think if I had had the food in the house, I wouldn't have been so strong. But I did wind up having 5 servings of Twizzlers and 2 hash brown patties. I ate those Twizzlers like nothing, one after another, barely swallowing one before I'd start on the next.

So it was without a doubt a binge, but not nearly as bad as it could have been, in fact, I didn't go over my calories for the day. So that's a positive part.

I'm just so frustrated, when is this urge going to go away? I seem to have more trouble with my binging now than during previous attempts to lose weight. I think I'm going to see a therapist, but I have to wait until I get my insurance though my job that starts in Sept., and then I'm worried that it won't cover much if any. And I can't afford to pay myself. UGH! just feeling very frustrated and tired and scared.