I feel so awful... I just ate a pint of Moose Tracks ice cream, a Little Debbie brownie, and almost a whole bag of gummi bears. Why?? Because I allowed hurtful words my mother said to me, get to me. I lost all self control. All I could think of was finding a way to stop the hurting. To find some comfort. And for a few minutes I found it in the food. Now that the food is gone, there is no comfort, there is only the empty containers, a sick stomach, a hurting heart, and so much guilt. I have been trying so hard to stop this cycle. I was doing better... not great, but better... and suddenly I feel like I will never be able to stop this. I feel so out of control. I feel like I will never be strong enough to not turn to food for comfort, I feel like I will never be able to live normally. I feel disgusted with myself. I knew... KNEW... that I would feel this way afterwards. KNEW that doing this would ruin the good day I was having. And most of all I KNEW that the food wouldn't bring me real comfort... But still I did it...
How do I stop this? What will it take to forgive myself, to learn to find a new way to handle my emotions? Can it even be done?? I don't know...