I'm feeling pretty down on myself, and was wondering if it might be healthy to talk about when I've been criticized for the way I look.
I am a compulsive eater and only other compulsive eaters can understand how difficult this is, so why does my mother feel the need to criticize me? Yesterday I got back from hiking the tallest mountain in my county, and then took my dog for a mile long walk (he's actually my mother's dog, but she never walks him) and when I settled down at the table with hummus and pita chips, my mom started talking about how much wait I've gained and my poor eating habits.
I know my eating habits suck!!! I know I've gained tons of weight!!! I'm already miserable all the time, how could her attack on my appearance help strengthen me to change??
I'm still feeling very hurt and frustrated. I'm still OP but it's hard, I mean, getting fit doesn't happen overnight...
I'm worried that I'm just oversensitive. Why should someone acknowledging my fat hurt so badly?
I totally understand, my mom is the same exact way. She just keeps on and on. It just makes me wonder, why can't she just accept me the way that I am. Does she love me any less because I am overweight? I hope not. It seems to make matters much worse when it comes from someone you love and look up to.
I read your post before reading your stats and was surprised to see that you weigh 170, the reaction of others is way out of line..I thought you must be at least 300 by the reaction of others. I have been 170 too and have heard insulting, rude remarks from others. They just don't know any better, and they have the mistaken idea that they are helping. I know it hurts when you are trying to do your best. Tune them out as much as you can and know that you can do this. You have friends here who have been where you are and understand.
wow.... i have to agree with bargoo - if i hadn't read her comment and then looked at your stats, i would have assumed they were totally different based on the content of your post... it amazes me that people can be so ridiculously insensitive.
that said..I'm fairly close to your numbers and even now, 60ish pounds gone, I can still flip myself out about my weight... I don't need someone else's "help" to do that!! I'm sure you don't either and it's especially cruel when it comes from someone we love...
if you haven't seen it yet, go over to the 20's board... there's a post about things we won't miss when the weight is gone... it might be good reading for you
You are a grown woman now, it might be time to stand up to your mom and tell her that enough is enough with the criticism. That you are working on your weight issues and you would appreciate her support instead.
I know it's sounds easier said that to do, but believe me, don't wait until you are nearly my age to stand up to your mom - it gets harder and harder to really do it. (I tried this with my mom a couple of years ago and she still is in complete la-la land about what I tried to talk to her about)
You are all so amazing! I can't express how much this has helped. I know I should say something to my mother, and I think I might the next time this happens.
You're so right... no one can understand what it's like and how it feels so out-of-control.
And, I think that the problem often stems from (or is one of a million issues) someone close to us when we were children. My grandmother always made me get on the scale when I was with her and she would send me diet ads, etc. I grew up all my life thinking I was fat and recently I was looking at photos of myself as a child and I was thin! Now I find myself at 200 lbs. and realizing how she instilled this awful self-image in me at such a young age and then criticized me constantly because of it. I have worked so hard to make sure my children don't have my issues but it is so much harder to take care of myself.
My parents were very supportive and loving throughout my life. My grandmother (dad's mother) and my aunts were not. They would constantly criticize me even as a child. Despite my parents attempts to make them stop, they never did (and they still wonder why I never visit).
I learnt to block them out and even when I lost much weight, their praises seemed hollow to me.
Still sometimes I wonder myself. Was my parents ever disappointed to have such a fat child? I mean they were always supportive but really they had to put so much with people criticizing them for my weight (I have POCs and by the time the doctors discovered the case at 18, I was 140 kg).
I taught this to my daughter, to say to my mother when she said bad things about my Dad. "When you say things like that, it makes me feel really bad about spending time with you." It works in many situations.
I had the same issues with my parents. They think they are "helping" you, that they just want you to be the best you can be and to be happy and can not see they are tearing you down and apart. What has worked for me with my dad is telling him I do not want to talk about my weight. When he starts (whether it be to comment on my health or even to compliment me on weight loss progress) I very very firmly state "I am not going to talk about my weight). I also have been working diligently on making it clear that having the food (like going out to a restaurant) be the focus of a holiday or celebration is not acceptable to me. I say "I can't eat that stuff". It is slowly working (he is 85!) Today when his wife said to me "Its working" (my weight loss plan), he actually gave her the "hush up" look! Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
Criticized for being overweight...
(I tried this with my mom a couple of years ago and she still is in complete la-la land about what I tried to talk to her about)
