[Pachyderm]

Hi all,

I've been a member of 3FC before, but never made it to this section. I think that is partly because I have never wanted to admit that I have this kind of problem.

I binge eat. I've never purged (sp?) but I definately binge. I hide myself away and eat huge quantities of crisps, cakes, sweets, butter popcorn and the like. I don't stop when I stop feeling hungry, in fact, sometimes I even start when I have only just finished dinner. It is a compulsive need to eat. I don't enjoy it, I just need to do it. Part of me wants to stop, but another part of me just keeps me eating, and that is the part that is the strongest at the moment.

I lost quite a lot of weight in 2006, and I found it essentially really easy. I was just in the right frame of mind, and I just did it. I was happy and healthy. I kept it off while travelling, then returned to the UK and started struggling again. I was studying for an exam for something that I really want to do, but still found it difficult to motivate myself to study on my own (I have always had this problem). I was spending a lot of my time on my own trying to study (and failing most of the time), and had a boyfriend that resented the fact that I wasn't spending all my time with him (while he was content to spend the little time we were both free watching every single game of the Rugby world cup - argghhh!). I found that the combination of stress over: unsupportive and moody boyfriend; coming exam; finding it very difficult to study, feeling more and more behind and the implication this had for the rest of my life; and finally the opportunity to eat because I spent a lot of time on my own led to a downward spiral of eating to bursting point. Even after the undeserving boyfriend was dumped, I couldn't regain control of my eating and I am now back to being as big as I ever was and completely out of control.

Unlike my last diet, now I don't have the certainty and easy control I had then. Although I want to stop eating like this, and be thinner and fitter, I don't seem to have the self-control to stop myself this time. I think that I was helped a lot last time by starting to run, but I can't do that now because of an injury to my foot. I can't afford the gym or classes (and they are really too far away from my home), and it just isn't safe in these dark evenings to go cycling where I live.

I'm finding it really difficult at the moment and just wish that I could gain some self-control.

I just looked back at this post - I'm sorry that I have written so much!

[Kate109]

Hi!

We are quite in the same position- exept the boyfriend- thing.

I lost some weight in 2006. And everything went so well...I´ve always been a binge eater, but I managed to control it.
And then I had to learn a lot for an exam (final law exam...). I had serious problems with motivating myself to learn, bad conscience because I wasn´t learning enough....And my eating behaviour went totally out of control. And I gained weight....

At the same time I started to have a very intense facial pain so I had to take very strong pain killers and a lot of pills (unsuccessfully). But I gained weight because of the pills.

Oh, and I can´t exercise anymore.

My closet is full of clothes I can´t wear anymore and I am generally ****** with myself and my situation at the moment. And I have such a bad conscience for ruining all my hard work from 2006.

I am trying to re- do what I done two years ago. Until now I wasn´t successful.
But I hope that coming to this board more regularly and getting in contact with others will help....

kate

[Pachyderm]

Yesterday I was feeling pretty depressed about myself. I really want to lose weight, but I didn't feel like I was in the right place to start. I had no willpower.

I am still not feeling particularly confident and motivated about this, but last night when I went home I was almost good. Rather than eat several packs of crisps/chips alone in my bedroom, I made myself go for a cycle ride. Even though it was dark, I did circuits around my village on the quite roads until I had done 6 miles! Then I came back and cooked a healthy dinner. Unfortunately I was starving hungry by this time so I did have ice-cream for pudding. I also managed to avoid the late evening binging. I did eat, but I managed to control it and restricted myself to one small bag of mini rice cakes and a piece of chocolate.

So all in all, not brilliant, but a start.

Hi Kate, we do sound pretty similar in many ways. I chucked out all my "fat" clothes when I lost the weight, and then had nothing to wear when I put it all back on. I've spent a fortune on new clothes, and I can't bring myself to take my "thin" clothes out of the wardrobe, so everything is crammed in.

My conscience is also plaging me. It took me 7 months to get about half-way to my goal weight, and nothing like that long to put it all back on. It is so frustrating that it takes so long to lose the weight. Others say that each pound that I lost made me look better, but I couldn't see it at the time (although now I can of course!).

Good luck Kate!

[OnlyMeantWell]

Hi!

It's like you typed my EXACT story up there. I can really sympathize with your predicament.

A couple of things -

Whenever you feel like binging, come here and read. That is what I did today (because I just joined this forum last night), and it helped so much! I usually binge atleast 2-3 times a day and now I feel like I have an outlet. That's all binging is - it's just an outlet for you unchecked emotioins. You have to put those emotions to use somewhere else so that you won't go grabbing food.

Good luck on maintaining your self control. Just remember: if you binge one day and fall off the wagon, it doesn't mean that you have failed - just get back on and look forward, not behind you!