[Casandra]

I think I just binged for the very first time. I have been really good about my weight and eating habits for awhile now. And lately, I've been under so much pressure from my fiance. I've been looking for work for the past year, and I've finally gotten a job but the start date is August 28th. My fiance doesnt realize it but he kicks me when I'm already down. I cant do anything about not being hired earlier on in the year or even moving up my start date. I didnt know which forum to post this in, but it seemed to fit here most.

I have been so poor and so bored. I cannot afford simple hobbies such as books to read or things to do. I cant even afford bus fare to get to the library.

My fiance gets upset at me because I cant drive here and do my own thing yet. I am so stressed out and he just kicks me when I'm down and its straw after straw piling up on the camels back.

I dont know what to do anymore. Today, I ate 5 lunches. I had 3 bowls of soup and a sandwich and cheese on toast all in the span of about 3 hours. I feel like crying and I have nobody to go to because I have no friends out here.

I dont want to make this a habit..I need help.

[CousinRockingChair]

No, you really don't want to make it a habit...not for any reasons to do with your weight, bingeing just ruins your self esteem.

How did you afford the surplus lunches? If moneys a problem, think of the fact that the more you eat, the more you spend. Can you just literally buy enough food to live on so you CAN'T binge?

Lonely/bored...ugh, bad bad triggers. I've been battling ED type symptoms a lot lately because of those two ugly words! Google Something Fishy as an extra tip.

emily
xxx

[Casandra]

Actually, I went back to the Tesco receipt and calculated that what I ate cost half as much as a Large McDonalds meal. Even had less calories too.

I was so ashamed of myself about my behavior yesterday. I just get so depressed when I'm bored. I dont have the attention span for boredom. Everything starts to move in on me, its almost like claustrophobia. I have only been in the UK now for a year and a month, and I'm still friendless, despite my outgoing personality (usually, that is) The two girl's I've met here and made friends with have gotten pregnant and lost touch with me. And I'm starting to notice just how alone I really am. Every time I go out, I see a 15 year old girl with a baby bump or a 17 year old with a toddler.

Thanks for the something fishy tip Its helping me a lot to try and curb this before it starts. My mom was a binge eater and a binge dieter too while I was growing up. I think that's where most of my issues with food come from.

[CousinRockingChair]

Ah...then, when its possible, therapy can really help sort out your issues from your mother's, although I appreciate this costs money, but it seems to partially work at least.

Yeah...loneliness, what can I say, I hear you, it sucks,

emily
xxx

[iriswhispers]

cassandra, good luck to you. you definitely DON'T want to make binging a habit. it is one for me, and it's an incredible struggle and absolutely devestating for my self esteem.

emily, i also googled something fishy - thanks for that, it's a great site. =)

[2Fat4myJeans]

Hi Casandra I second Something Fishy. It's a great site that really helped me get over my ED, in conjunction with therapy. The great thing is, you recognized a destructive (and potentially addicting) behavior the minute you did it - way to go! It takes many people a lot of years to recognize something like that. You should be proud of yourself that you saw this as a problem now and are trying to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control!

I really hope you don't let your fiance get to you. It is tough when your self esteem is already in the toilet to have someone kick you when you're down. Why don't you plan something positive for yourself once you get your job going and get some money? Reward yourself for your hard work in the job hunt. You deserve it.