I just found this and couldn't wait to share it with you all!!
Quote:
“The Secret to Keeping It Off” by Mary Crowley (_Fitness Magazine_ September 2003, p. 142)
You’re finally there. You’ve dropped every last pound you set out to lose (or almost). You feel healthier and more energetic, you’ve bought sexy new clothes, and every day someone tells you how great you look. Just when your life is starting to go right, you’re…not happy?
Unfortunately, life after weight loss may be less perfect than you imagined. Though many things have changed for the better, you might still be dealing with some old concerns—you thought you’d suddenly become less shy, for instance—or coping with new ones, like jealousy from friends or a partner. “Being prepared for the emotional issues that can crop up makes coping with them less stressful. It also increases your odds of keeping the weight off,” says Jeffrey Wilbert, Ph.D., coauthor of _Fattitudes_ (St. Martin’s Press, 2000).
If things aren’t quite what you expected now that you’ve slimmed down, don’t let confusion or disappointment impede your progress or send you back to your previous habits. Follow our expert advice for handling the five most common misconceptions and you’ll adjust to your new reality with ease.
Expectations:
I. Once you’re thin, you’ll be richer, more popular, smarter, braver.
Reality: Weight loss won’t solve all your problems.
Your dream of a slimmer you may be tangled up in a dream of a different you. “It’s common for overweight women to put their lives on hold.” Says Kelly Brownell, Ph.D., director of Yale Center for Eating and Weight Disorders. “They tell themselves, ‘When I lose, I’ll get a new job, find a new boyfriend, move to another town.’ But once the obstacle of weight is removed, you’re still left with other issues that may have been preventing you from reaching your goals.” When reality hits—you’ve been thin for three months but haven’t been promoted—you may become disillusioned and give up. “People whose main objective for getting in shape is to become someone new are the ones at greatest risk of regaining weight,” says Denise Bruner, M.D., chairman of the board of the American Society of Bariatric Physicians in Denver.
How to cope: Think back to what you hoped would happen in other areas of your life once you reached your weight goal—even if they sound silly when said out loud, like “I’ll become a famous singer,” suggest Daniel C., Stettner, Ph.D., a weight-control specialist and adjunct professor of psychology at Wayne State University in Detroit. Be totally honest with yourself: An unacknowledged pipe dream has the power to derail your progress.
Next, consider which goals, realistically, could have been met as a direct result of the change in your body. Chances are you’ll have to cross “get into graduate school” off the list, but you’ll probably find plenty of improvements—for example, lower blood pressure or cholesterol, fitting into new clothes, getting toned arms or abs, sleeping better or having enough energy to train for your first 5K race.
But don’t abandon those lofty goals yet. True, weight loss won’t
automatically get you discovered or into an MBA program, but it can give you courage. It takes guts, creativity and drive to change lifelong habit. “Slimming down often builds confidence, and you start to think, ‘If I could do that, maybe I could do this, too.’” Says Wilbert.
II. Expectation: Friends and family will be totally supportive.
Reality: Your mother, your best friend or your husband is trying to
sabotage your success. It may be surprising, but it’s not uncommon for
loved ones and even acquaintances to react negatively to your weight loss. “Change in another person brings up complicated emotions,” says Wilbert. “Others might feel rejected or envious because they aren’t dealing with their own weight issues.” Or your partner may become jealous because you start getting more attention from other men. This can result in a number of hurtful comments and actions, from criticism (“You’re getting too thin”) to fear-mongering (“Diets are dangerous”) to reproach (“The gym is cutting into the time you used to spend with me”) to outright sabotage. For example, Stettner recalls a patient of his whose husband tried to make her fall off the diet wagon by bringing home a 10-pack of Twinkies—her favorite. He ate one in front of her and casually left another on the table. Then he put the rest in a spot where he knew she’d find them. Your husband’s response may not be this extreme, but any negativity can be confusing and takes considerable emotional strength to handle.
How to cope: Gently point out that these comments and behaviors aren’t
helpful, suggest Wilbert. But don’t accuse—those close to you may not even realize what they’re doing. Explain why the weight loss is so important to you. Confess that it’s not easy, and flatter them by directly asking for their help. For example, if your mom is a great cook (and can’t understand why you now shun her brownies), request that she experiment with lower-calories dessert recipes.
Let them know you want to understand how the changes that you have made have affected their lives. If your husband says he misses your Friday-night pizza and movie dates, the solution may be simply to replace pizza with healthier fare. This approach may not work with everyone, but that doesn’t mean that the rest of the relationship is flawed. “You can love and appreciate people for everything else they mean to you. Just avoid food-related situations,” says Arthur Davidson Jr., M.D., a weight-loss specialist in New York City. Go shopping with your mom instead of having dinner at her house. Consider getting support from a group like Weight Watchers or Take Off Pounds Sensibly (TOPS) or on-line chat rooms at eDiets.com, dietwatch.com, and nutricise.com. (or for us, [email protected]!!!)
III. Expectation: You’ll never get tired of hearing how terrific you look.
Reality: You’re starting to wonder what people thought of you before. Part of the payoff of losing weight is reveling in the attention. It’s fun to hear “Wow, you’ve really changed” or “I hardly recognized you!”—at first. But becoming a living “after” photo can get tiresome. And when comments seem to have a double meaning, you can become suspicious or resentful. Does “I can’t believe the difference in you” mean you looked horrendous before? Compliments from people who never paid much attention to you can make you think, Wasn’t I good enough for you to notice me when I was heavy? You may begin to believe that your worth as a person really is tied up in your weight.
How to cope: “People who comment are almost always in your corner, even if their remarks aren’t exactly tactful,” says Dr. Davidson. Simply thank them. If you want to make a point, say something like “Yes, and I’m healthier now too” to subtly let them know it’s not only about fitting into a smaller size. With people you see regularly you may have to be up-front: “Thanks for encouraging me, but it’s a bit uncomfortable to feel like I’m always on display.”
Then again, there are snarky individuals out there who may envy your
success. Their comments often have a hostile tinge to them—“Oh, I see
you’ve lost weight, again.” Don’t let them discourage you. “Have a
conversation-stopping comment at the ready,” suggests Stettner. “Saying
something like I’m just trying to take care of my health’ prevents you from having to defend or explain yourself.”
IV. Expectation: It will be great to turn heads.
Reality: The increased attention is making you uncomfortable. Flirting,
wolf whistles and sexual advances are at the outer end of the compliment scale. At the extreme, they make any woman uneasy. But for the formerly overweight, even a request for a date can be surprisingly threatening. You may not be used to the attention. Or you may have subconsciously used your weight as a shield against it. This is especially true for women who have a history of sexual abuse. If you’re already in a relationship, you’ll have to develop strategies for setting boundaries with other men and perhaps for dealing with your partner’s jealousy.
How to cope: If a man is flirting with you and you’re half of a couple,
tell him directly or bring up your partner in casual conversation. He
should get the hint and back off; otherwise, you may have to be more
forceful. If someone comes on too strong, don’t hesitate to put a stop to it immediately. “Walk away or say, ‘Please don’t talk to me that way,’” says Stettner.
When you meet someone you like, it’s okay to take things slowly. “Women who were once heavy may need to play catch-up on dating until they become more comfortable,” says Stettner. There’s no reason to assume that the first man who asks you out is going to be the only one.
If you suspect that you used to rely on your weight to keep others at a
distance, consider therapy. It can help you come to terms with the underlying reasons why; for women who were abused in the past, it may be essential.
V. Losing weight was the hard part; keeping it off will be easy.
Reality: You’re terrified you’ll gain it all back. Research shows that
half of those who lose weight regain it within a year. The risks are greater for people who have resorted to extreme methods—fad diets or overdoing it on exercise, for example. A busy schedule can be another cause, but so can an unforgiving outlook. For instance, you have three cookies at a friend’s shower. But instead of vowing to start eating
healthfully again, you beat yourself up for being weak and drown your
disappointment in a pint of ice cream.
How to cope: “Use your worry to motivate you to stick with your new habits rather than lead you toward failure,” says Stettner. Concerned about those cookies? Write down a vow—“No sweets tomorrow”—on Post-it notes and put them in prominent places (the refrigerator door, your computer monitor at work). Don’t let a slip become a lapse. Instead, view it as a sign that something needs to change. Maybe you’re bored with running on the treadmill. Take a class or try moving your workout inside.
“Food and exercise logs are good to use even after you’ve reached your goal, because they help you spot patterns of relapse early on,” says Dr. Bruner. Dr. Davidson suggest this trick: Keep only one size of clothing in your closet. A tightening waistband serves s an instant weight monitor. Still, you must allow room in your life for a few special occasions. A day or two of overeating or not exercising won’t be too harmful in the long run. “Your weight will fluctuate a bit, and that’s normal,” says Dr. Davidson. Give yourself a three- or four-pound margin of error and double your diet and workout efforts if your weight creeps up beyond the maximum.”
(Comment: according to the experts, even after WLS, after you've lost the weight that you will lose, you *can* gain some of it back, especially after that window of opportunity has passed, though you'd have to really make an effort to gain it *all* back, but it can be done! It will be difficult to lose all of the excess weight, as the closer to getting to an ideal weight the harder your body will try to hold onto that extra bit of fat! And like everyone else, being healthy will require healthy food choices and exercise.)
A most EXCELLENT read!
