so I'll give you a (kinda) short version of what's been going on.
My whole family has been overweight for generations. My mom is overweight and has been all of my life and now she has been diagnosed with diabetes and still continues to eat entire bowls full of sugar free pudding and all other kinds of 'sugar free' crap.
anyway, 7 months ago when I started Atkins she was SO SUPPORTIVE of me, she constantly told me I looked great and called all the time asking if she could watch my 3 year old so I could walk. But slowly she started acting really weird toward me, she doesn't want to go shopping together, she not only refuses to watch my 3 year old when I need to exercise but she purposely makes plans to go places on the days that I've had to work so I've had to call in a LOT.
She's become more than obsessive about every little thing that I'm doing, if I call and tell her I'm doing something she always INSISTS it's the wrong way.
Example: my 12 year old dd has to get braces and has to have 2 teeth extracted. I tell her that I'm taking her to the dentist and she INSISTS that it is not the right thing to do and CALLS AND MAKES AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY DAUGHTERS ORTHODONTIST!!! This has set our braces appointment back by at least 4 months.
NOTHING that I do is right anymore and everytime she talks to me it's in a pissy, rude way.
I'm just completely baffled by what to do. I wonder if my weight loss has anything to do with it, but maybe I'm just being vain? I HAVE started to do what I want and live for myself and our family has been doing so much more together because I am active now.
She has basically turned herself into a hermit, she never goes out, refuses to go to public events like Christmas parties or 4th of July at the park, and she thinks that we should just all stay at our homes and never travel or explore the world around us.
It has gotten to the point that we have been looking for houses further away from her because her attitude is so rotten and mean. I am just not sure what to do, we used to be good friends and now she just snarls everytime I am around and is all happy and jolly to everyone else around her.
any advice? Thanks for reading, this is all so weird.
Lacey: What a HORRIBLE situation! Sorry to hear you're having to go through all that. Have you straight out talked to her and asked her why she's behaving the way she is? Let her know you love her, but that you can't tolerate being treated like that by anyone because you deserve better. Hard situation and I wish the best for you!
Forgot to mention.....we had an orthodontist that wanted to pull my oldest DD's teeth....and I refused to go to him until a last resort. I DID find an orthodontist that worked with us and instead of pulling teeth used an appliance that "stretched" the mouth to accommodate the teeth. Doesn't work for everyone but it did for her. And you need to let your mom know that the decision is ultimately yours and your DD's. Advice is welcome but interferance (sp?)is another thing! Good luck!
Last edited by lady_adnerb; 01-26-2006 at 12:24 PM.
I dont have any advice Lacey....when my mom gets like this, its usually because I have done something to tick her off. I never what it is....and I just ride it out. cuz its mom.....never talk back, never get pissy back, never ever call her on it thats just the way we were raised, ya know?
I dont know what its like with your mom, but if its the same way, just ride it out, back off in dealing with her, make yourself a bit more scarce. She will come around.......if that isnt what she is like, go Brenda's route, talking works too. If she is the type that can be talked to.
See....I told ya I didnt have alot of advice, but I know where you are coming from. Good Luck with her
The Bible has some good advice for you. Matthew 5:23 and 24 and Matthew 18:15-17. They are both the words of Jesus, and essentially say that if you have a problem with someone or they with you, you need to take the time to talk to them and explain how you are feeling and ask them why they are acting a certain way or get their thoughts and feelings on it. With the goal of making peace.
It sounds to me like she is feeling threatened. She sees you doing what she should be doing and it upsets her equilibrium. She is losing "control" over you, you are branching out on your own and are not her little baby anymore, and are rejecting her ways. This is sort of creepy for some moms. Maybe by example you are showing her how she should be living (dieting) and she doesn't want to go there so it bothers her. Makes her feel inadequate or something.
Regarding the orthodontist, I too am taking my daughter to an orthodontist, and he said that his first move would not be to pull any teeth. He has a new method of braces that he says works faster, manages to expand the jaw because children still have spaces between their jaw bones that fill in with bone as they age. He said that they start by seeing what can be done and then may pull the teeth later, but not necessarily right off the bat. I don't think she is going to need any teeth pulled. It amazes me how fast her teeth are straightening up. She's only had them on for a little over 10 weeks, and one side of her mouth is already looking perfect and the other side is coming in line really quickly.
I shopped around before finding him, liked his explanations better, and liked that he wasn't going to immediately pull teeth. But still in your situation your mother should keep her hands off. You could talk to the orthodontist and tell them that you mom has nothing to do with it and that you don't want the process delayed, just because she is being a butt-in-sky.
How are you moms sugars? When my sugars get high then I am SUCH a miss crabby pants. I'm suprised my hubby is still with me from the way I was before I was diagnosed. That may be part of it? I dont' want to make excuses for her but just a thought. I would jump down his throat for the littlest thing all the time. He couldnt' say boo without it being wrong! Also, I had to have FOUR teeth pulled for my braces, wasn't any fun but I'm glad I did it. My mouth just wasn't big enough. It's really not your mom's decision on what to do with your daughter. My mom felt bad for me too but hey, what's the big deal? I didn't NEED those teeth, I can chew fine with the ones I have left! *hehe*
Anyway, just a thought. Maybe she is a bit jealous but I'd make sure your diabetes is under control too. Sometimes if you gain or lose or eat a lot of crap your sugars can go haywire. My mom is also in menopause and has a bit of an attitude right now too but nothing like what you're experiencing.
How old is your mother? I would tend to lean toward there being some type of medical issue causing the sudden change in personality. I would strongly recommend a visit to her doctor. Could be the diabetes, but it could be something else too.
the sudden change is directed towards her not any one else if I read that correctly, and yes she could be angry that you are taking control over yor life. I wish I had advice, but ask some of the other family and see if they see it too, and if they are getting the same treatment, if so then maybe a good anti depressant is in order, diabeties and her weight is a great depressant given her self destructive attitude. I would bet that would be it. Do a little phone call to her md. tell him about what is happening.she is not going to tell, it may be the best thing you can do for your mom.
Thank you all for your wonderful advice She is not a 'going to the doctor' person, as I mentioned, she's a homebody and only goes to the doctor if she thinks it's a life and death thing...there's not a chance that she'd ever consider anti-depressants. She is 53, I am 30 I know that her sugar is whacked sometimes but I cannot control how she eats, and she did go to two doctors who each put her on meds that she discontinued herself.
Her being diagnosed with diabetes was one of the reasons I chose to change my way of eating and living.
As far as the braces, this is the fourth orthodontist we've been to trying to find one that I trusted. My daughter inhereted her dads AWFUL teeth and I honestly feel like the plan that this ortho has is the right one for her. She has teeth that are twice the size of normal peoples teeth and other teeth that aren't even there!!
Thanks again everyone, I totally appreciate the comments
This mom thing. What would you do?
What a HORRIBLE situation! Sorry to hear you're having to go through all that. Have you straight out talked to her and asked her why she's behaving the way she is? Let her know you love her, but that you can't tolerate being treated like that by anyone because you deserve better. Hard situation and I wish the best for you! 
thats just the way we were raised, ya know? 
She is not a 'going to the doctor' person, as I mentioned, she's a homebody and only goes to the doctor if she thinks it's a life and death thing...there's not a chance that she'd ever consider anti-depressants. She is 53, I am 30 