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Old 02-06-2009, 11:13 AM   #1  
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This is not a vanity post. Something is happening this week and I wanted to share it.

As much as I love the 3FC and our dieting tips and lifestyles we all share here, I rarely discuss these topics in real life aside from my hubby. That being said, I am having people (three to be exact) this week tell me out of the blue, "don't drop anymore weight, you've lost enough."

I don't know how they can be saying that at my 146.5 pound self first off. I had lowered my goal several weeks ago to 140 and was thinking 130-135 would be realistic for me to set as a goal and to maintain. I still so many problems (MY THIGHS) and all the articles I read say that spot reduction isn't possible and you must continue to lose fat in order to lose the most troubled areas. My stomach is also troublesome. I just feel like I have come this far and why should I stop now? The comments almost make me want to go off plan because I can afford to or whatever but I know that's a recipe for disaster!

I could completely understand this is I was down @ 115 or 120 or something but not at MY weight. The three people that said these things were somewhat close friends of mine and again people that I don't share dieting tips with. What do ya'll think?
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Old 02-06-2009, 11:24 AM   #2  
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I'll be interested to see the responses to this one, because I have this problem, too.

In my case, though, there's also a history: Some of these people have been my friends for so many years that they remember when I had an eating disorder & really did get down to an unhealthy & unsustainable weight. When they say these things to me, what they're really saying is: "We remember when you weren't well. Are you getting ill again? We're determined to say something this time. Should we be concerned?"

So my response is usually something like this. (I have a series of talking points.) "According to the weight and height charts, I am still in the marginally overweight zone. So I'm trying to lose the last few pounds in a healthy way. My doctor has been weighing me & doing blood tests every few months, and he's satisfied with my progress. I'll be seeing him [in April, this time.] He thinks I'm doing very well."

I'm trying to tell them that what I'm doing is rational, that there's even science involved, and that someone professional is monitoring what's going on with me this time.

This may be unique to my situation, but maybe not. I think if you explain that it has to do with your health, & you are going about it in as healthy a way as possible, people are more likely to back off. That's if their objections are actually motivated by a rational fear for your well-being. It won't work if what's motivating them is actually fear of your changing & not liking them anymore, or a competitive feeling with you, or an inability to imagine you in a new way that yet might be beneficial to you. Speaking to those fears is harder.
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Old 02-06-2009, 11:28 AM   #3  
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In 2007 when I lost over 100 lbs. I went to the Dr. for a cold I think..
Anyway I know this Dr. and his family personally... We discussed my weight loss and at that time I was about 180 ish.. Anyway I told him I wanted to take off 30 more lbs.. He said he thought that my be to much for my frame.
I am only 5'4 but I carry my weight well. Well things happen and I did not take the weight off I gained most of it back and now I am at it again.
So I guess what I am saying is listen to your body.. You dont always have to go by the # on the scale.. I am not sure where I will stop this time.. When I hit 200 I am going to take it 10 lbs at a time..
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Old 02-06-2009, 11:37 AM   #4  
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I have yet to hear this - and I'm constantly seeking opinions from my people. BUT - I wasn't always heavy, they knew me at a lighter weight. To them, I'm back to my old self.

The people I get huge reactions from are the ones who met me when I was obese.
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Old 02-06-2009, 11:39 AM   #5  
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Perhaps a photograph might help. I can't really comment unless I see you.
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Old 02-06-2009, 11:45 AM   #6  
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TBG - At your height, that weight should be right where you are supposed to be (assuming you have a medium frame). I understand that you have "problem" spots, but you should try resolving them by building muscle in those areas instead of trying to lose more weight. Continue eating right & exercising, but don't make it a goal to just remove lbs.

I am so proud of you for your weight loss! I can't wait to get where I need to be. My ultimate goal is 150. I am 5'9" and I have a "large frame".
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Old 02-06-2009, 12:15 PM   #7  
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I think there are a lot of reasons people do this, but you've got to remember that if your doctor is ok with your weight and you're not in the underweight categories on height/weight charts, it's more about them than you.

I think sometimes people think they have to say this as soon as a friend looks "good" or even "average," but with almost 2/3 of Americans being overweight, not just Beauty, but "average" is also in the eye of the beholder. And a lot of people say it, I think because they think they're supposed to, it's just "what you say" when a person losing weight has lost what appears to be most of their weight, or when they're looking good.

No matter how much weight you should or want to lose (and most other things in your life also), there will always be people telling you that you're doing it wrong or that there's a better way. Most of it is well-meant advice, but you've got to treat weight loss like any other thing in your life that the "peanut gallery" might have an opinion on. The other day, my husband told me I was cutting onions "wrong." He was a chef, and quite frankly even though he may have been "right" from a cooking school standpoint, it was the way I was taught to cut onions when my mother first trusted me with a sharp knife, at 8 or 9. Since I've been doing it for 35 years without cutting any of my fingers off, I'm pretty ok with my choice of onion cutting methods.
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Old 02-06-2009, 12:19 PM   #8  
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I'm not quite getting those comments. What I mean by not quite is, people will say I must be done now, but when I say I'm still losing slowly, or might lose 5-10 pounds, or some such, no one *insists* I must be done. They just say, oh OK, or something like that.

I think there's a fairly wide range of healthy weight for a given person, and our loved ones naturally are happy with us at the higher end. So that's part of it. And then sometimes people feel like insisting you should stop is a way of paying a compliment or being supportive. And some might feel threatened.

I think you have to give serious consideration to making sure you aren't heading into anything unhealthy. And if you aren't, you have to do your best not to engage with people like this. I mean, if it's a loved one, try to reassure them. But trying to reason with most people won't work. You just have to come up with some ways to change the subject and make it not up for discussion.

I know some people have said they just don't talk about their continued efforts in terms of weight anymore. You just say that you plan to eat this way the rest of your life for health reasons, and wherever your weight settles, that's where it settles. It might be a wee fib that you're not trying to lose anymore, but the healthy eating part is all true. And your weight goal is none of anyone's business anyway. Your healthy eating isn't either, but it's a less emotional subject and makes a nice way to change the subject.

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Old 02-06-2009, 12:25 PM   #9  
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First, as long as you're being healthy about it (in which case I can see why people would want you to stop, if you start looking really unhealthy) you're fine.

Second, don't bother explaining yourself. If it's someone you're close to and they nag you about it, go ahead. But if it's just someone at work or something just say something like, "Ok, thanks for your opinion, I'll consider it" then move on, change the subject or walk away. It's NONE of their business how much weight you lose. Just remember that. Weight loss is a *very* personal thing, and I think that because of all the media attention to weight loss recently people tend to completely forget that.
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Old 02-06-2009, 12:28 PM   #10  
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I have to agree with the others that you're in the normal range now for your height. Losing more weight might or might not reduce those "problem areas"--weight loss doesn't make your body perfect in terms of shape. You could lose another 15 pounds and still have larger thighs and more of a belly than would be your ideal.

That said, your weight is nobody else's business--so you can deflect them by saying, "Oh, I'm not," when they say you shouldn't lose more.

I have a friend who is thin--almost "too" thin, meaning unhealthy looking--and one day she said to me, "You don't want to lose too much weight." Hello? I'm still overweight! Anyway, I told her that. She doesn't comment any more.

Jay

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Old 02-06-2009, 12:58 PM   #11  
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I'm in the same boat as you, but with me it's people I KNOW, but am not close to. Everyone in town can see I've lost weight, and people I'm acquainted with have literally come up to me and GRABBED me and said "Stop losing weight! You look sick!" Some were people whose opinions I'd never trust...but others I sort of do. I tell them the truth...I stopped losing weight months ago. Few of them believe it.
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Old 02-06-2009, 01:09 PM   #12  
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Mindi - at 5'8.5" weighing 150 is normal. I think you look great (not sick at all) and I'm very proud of you for reaching your goal!
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Old 02-06-2009, 01:19 PM   #13  
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So this happens to me too, and actually I was maintaining 132-133 for six weeks and people still kept thinking I was losing or saying I was "getting" too thin. I then developed a couple of ulcers in my esophagus...really fun let me tell you...and I dropped a few more pounds...down to 129 -- which put me out of me "red zone" on the bottom end, and now I actually tend to agree that I do look a bit too thin...and I actually DO look a little sick because, well, I am. The thing is, I am really irritated with the commentary because, now that medication has improved my appetite and decreased my pain, I am actively trying to put back on 3-5 pounds...but all I'm hearing is "You are too thin. You don't look well. You over did it"...from EVERYBODY...and frankly, I don't need everybody in the world to know I have a health problem that I am treating and that is why I lost a little more weight than I intended. I kind of lost my temper with an acquaintance who was telling me I didn't look well this week...I said. "I'm NOT well." She looked horrified, and thought I had cancer or something, and I had to go into detail about silent acid reflux desease and chest pain and loss of appetite and esophogeal ulcers, etc. etc. etc. It was irritating...

Anyway, I have found that 132-136 is just about "perfect" for me at my height and with my build -- it is really odd that a drop of three more pounds made such a HUGE difference in my appearance...of course the circles under my eyes and white lips thing from being in pain didn't help...but just that little drop does make me look pretty gaunt...but I'm working on fixing it as best I can. GAINING weight safely is just like losing it -- I am aiming for about a pound a week -- and I have to do low fat, lean meats, small meals and no food after dinner, etc. because of the healing ulcers which makes it DOUBLY hard to put on weight.

Who knew this would ever come up in my previously pudgy life?

Last edited by Schumeany; 02-06-2009 at 01:21 PM.
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Old 02-06-2009, 01:20 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dominodreams View Post
Second, don't bother explaining yourself. If it's someone you're close to and they nag you about it, go ahead. But if it's just someone at work or something just say something like, "Ok, thanks for your opinion, I'll consider it" then move on, change the subject or walk away. It's NONE of their business how much weight you lose.
Yes! I agree. Cause you know what? I've recently discovered that people don't know what they're talking about most of the time.

Right now I'm 35 lb overweight. NOBODY think I'm "overweight". Everyone thinks I'm "fine". And I know they're not just saying that to be nice, they honestly think I look fine. When I tell them I'm 170 lb they blink in surprise and say "you don't LOOK 170 lb!!!".

Exactly.

What if you told them back, "ok...don't get any fatter then!!".

Like, who are you to say anything like that to them? Comment about their weight. See? So why should anybody have the right to say anything about YOUR weight? They don't.

It's like childbirth and child rearing. Everyone has their opinion about it. Just ignore, and do what's right for you.

~CGH~
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Old 02-06-2009, 01:33 PM   #15  
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When I lost 85 pounds in '03 I had people say it was too much too. Being a people pleaser it stopped my weight loss in its tracks and I regained 30 back the next year. In '08 decided to get to my healthy weight on my own terms and I am there.

In the end only you know what is best for you. Judgments are common about weight so do what you think is best for you.
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