Thank you so much, ladies! You are all so amazing... I don't know how I could ever get through all of these changes without the support of this site!
Windchime - You're right! It really
did feel like my mind was "letting its guard down"... My image of myself as a fat girl is just sooo strong that it seems like no matter what, I just always look fat to myself. It's like, instead of thinking "If Meredith looks like ____ , she must be normal," I automatically think "If ____ looks like Meredith, she must be fat." Know what I mean? That's definitely something I need to work on, heh...
MBN - I like the idea of carrying around a "before" picture, hehe. I've tried to adjust my view of myself by cutting my head off of pictures (hehe), pulling up pictures of myself next to other people who look "normal" to me, etc, but it never seems to work... But it is kind of weird how I'll look at old pictures now and think that I don't remember feeling THAT fat--even now, I still feel like the same Meredith I've always been, so I guess the change doesn't internally
feel quite as drastic to me as it probably looks to other people. That makes it hard to adjust! Heh.
daniela - I am absolutely going to try to remind myself of that moment, like, for every day of the rest of my life!
Even if I'm not lovin' what I see in the mirror on some particular day, I think it'll be comforting just to think
Hey, but you *did* see it that one time! Even if I'm only faking confidence, that's better than nothing--and maybe, all the positive reinforcement will make it magically turn into real confidence.
aangel22 - I know exactly what you mean! It seems like for every "good" moment I have, there are at least 5 more moments of
Huh, where did all this skin come from?! Hehe. I think that's part of what makes it harder for me to see myself as thinner, because I'm not exactly this taut, hardbodied thing--all the loose skin and stretch marks just gives me the impression of a fat person, even if I might technically be the same size as someone who looks normal because they don't have those things. I want to try to tone up more over the Summer, but I think I also have to be realistic that unless I get surgery, it'll probably always be a problem.
rockinrobin - Gosh. I am? I'm normal? You swear?
Hehe. No, but seriously--it's SO hard for me to believe that. I feel like no matter how much I might hear it from people in my life, it just doesn't seem to sink in. For a while, I was really worried that I would just ALWAYS feel like a fat person, and hate my body... What a depressing thought!! But it makes me so glad to see that I've gotten closer to goal (and especially just in the past couple weeks) I've really started to feel my self-perception shifting. It's a slow process, but I think it's happening!
I'm starting to lose my grip on the "fat" Meredith and get REALLY excited about all the years I can look forward to as a normal, happy Meredith.
