Thoughtful discussion about the negative issues after weight loss.
I wanted to post here because I find you all to be *serious* about discussing weight loss. What I mean by that is not necessarily that others are silly but discussions are looked at with scientific analysis.
I have just lost 46 lbs. I am doing good and have no doubt that I will continue. But things aren't as good now as I thought they were going to be. Now I post on another board and I love them dearly but I don't want to say it there because I know they would not need to hear that on their journey. So I feel like I just have to get it out.
My legs still rub together when I wear a dress. I looked forward to my clothing fitting but it doesn't! It is either too big or turns out sometimes you are just the type of person that can't buy well off the rack. I am single and I haven't seen a blip in interest of guys despite the fact that everyone runs up to me daily saying how great I look. Is it really not about looks? Did I just lose 50 lbs only to find out I need to change me? What I have noticed is an up tick in is crazy psycho guys wanting to talk more. I think as I lose weight I look younger and more vulnerable.
Some people are taking the *you look great* too far. It is making me uncomfortable and it just doesn't seem to stop. It seems to be those who would have normal tendency's to be inappropriate -- who now have something to harp on it seems forever. And they seem to genuinely think they are doing me a favor even when I give them the glare of doom. It isn't about me -- it is about them. As if they have some way to get out what they want. They want to gush over me or talk to me and never had a seemingly *appropriate* reason before- but now they do and I don't know how to tell them to stop because they can't seem to get the message. It really does make you wonder if they only way to shut them up is to gain it all back (Not that I am going to).
And I still have about 25 lbs to lose and I have hit this wall of not being able to do much else. I can't eat any less and I can't do anymore exercise (by schedule just won't allow for it) what do I do now? I am losing about 1 lb per 17 days.
My cholesterol went UP and my sugar went up slightly also and the funniest part - my doctor seems to think that I am healthier now and seems to not want to test those things as often as before. As if she thinks that now since I am only a little overweight those things can't be anything to worry about even if there was a increase -- because that must be wrong.
Oh sure there are and were great things. I love to see photos now. I can shop in any store and find something to fit. People I do like --and aren't insane-- stop me to tell me how great I look. Often when I put these feelings on *support* boards I get a lot of *oh you look great* -- *feel better. * That is great but at this particular moment I don't know that I need support -- I need to know that others have felt this way and come out the other side.
When I started dieting I never thought that it wouldn't be all greatness and light and now I am here and seem to have no support for it? All the diet books are about losing weight and seem to presume the rest. But how do you deal with the middle part and the things that aren't totally expected.
I can address the cholesterol and sugar thing, and I hope others can tackle the emotional side of weight loss.
When I had my cholesterol tested after losing weight, mine went up, too. I'd been trying for years to lower it, and actually got it down from 316 to 246. Getting below that was impossible for me. So I went on medication, something I didn't want to do. It appears that there's a genetic component to high cholesterol--some people just produce to much of it no matter what. So losing 100 lbs. did not help me reduce my high cholesterol numbers, unfortunately. And it didn't help with my acid reflux either, which bummed me out.
My blood sugar also went up, but I had it re-tested, and it was fine. From what I understand, what you've eaten prior to the fast can affect the test. My sister also had the same issue, and hers turned out fine on the second test.
You can ask for additional testing because you're concerned, even though your doctor isn't. It's what YOU think that matters.
Oh, and maybe I can help with the 25 lbs. If you can't do any more exercise, increase the intensity of the exercise. So if you're doing the elliptical for 30 minutes at a resistance of 5, change it up to 8, and then do high-intensity intervals. What that looks like is, for example, every three minutes, "run" as hard as you can for 30 seconds. Also, if you aren't already lifting weights, replace some of your other exercise with weight lifting. Or, better yet, get some weights so that if you're sitting at the computer reading posts, you can get some bicep work in. You may already be doing both those things so you just may need to increase the weight and up the intensity even more.
Additionally, look at the quality of your calories, and when you're eating. If you can eat a protein, good carb and good fat every three hours, you'll boost your metabolism (and stabilize your blood sugar, too) so maybe you'll burn off more calories. From what I've been reading, yes, it's calories in vs. calories out, but research is trending toward noting that people who eat "quality" calories lose better than people who eat the same number of calories of junk food.
I think we have the idea in our culture that if we just can lose the weight, then all our problems will go away. Our health will be good, people will love us, we'll have better jobs and promotions, we'll look great in swimming suits, and so on. And the truth really is that while losing weight can help in all these departments, it generally doesn't solve everything. Having a healthy body composition is only one component of overall health. Losing weight generally helps, but there are obese people with good lipid and sugar numbers and thin people with terrible ones. Not all thin people have great relationships, great jobs, great bodies. That is reality.
So how to handle the disappointment? Suggestions: Concentrate on the things that are better. Probably more importantly, your journey gave you some good information about yourself and what you are capable of. You did something really hard, that few people can manage! You are probably capable of other hard things too. Making an effort to meet the kinds of people you want to meet, even if it means making a plan to do things or go places that are strange to you and initially uncomfortable. Being assertive when people say or do things to make you uncomfortable and walking away if they don't stop.
You said "Did I just lose 50 lbs only to find out I need to change me?" That is a very insightful question that only you can answer. Maybe you just need to give it time. Maybe you do need to make some other changes, since weight loss isn't the magic bullet for all problems. Have you already made changes that you just haven't fully explored?
Ann-
A lot of what you are looking for in this whole journey is confidence. Now that you have shed all that padding that has protected you from life for so long, you feel vulnerable and afraid that any minute that weight is all going to come rushing back. Solution? Well, I know you've probably heard it somewhere in your life. After all, us fat chicks didn't get fat overnight. Something in our lives, something in our experiences, has made us want to sabotage our health by adding on "padding," whether to help us cope, or because we just have too much on our plates.
Look at my ticker. Do you see 247 anywhere? No. I was where you are right now. But there was one thing I didn't have to succeed beyond that little plateau, and that was the self-esteem to take full care of myself. I gained the wiehgt back, and a few more pounds, almost as a way to "punish" myself. Horrible thoughts, but, though reflexion, reading, or even counselling, the reasons "why" you had gained the weight become further tools in your journey towards health.
You write about not being attractive to others, even despite your weight loss. Come on, now. It's not about what people look at. Did you see that program on television last night, the one showing the billboard model who was anorexic? Did she ever get thin enough? Is there even an "enough" to get to?
I have seen people who have gone through life with horrible disfigurements, and they have still got a significant other in their lives. I also have a friend who is falling in love, and she is short and rounder than I am, and a year younger. She is not the healthiest person on the planet, but she has something we could all use: CONFIDENCE. She is confident in herself, in her abilities and gifts, in everything about her life. Sure, she had fallen off the WW bandwagon more times than she has climbed back on, but she is fun and artistic, and a delight to be with.
Sure, life hands you badness from time to time, but confidence can be learned. Strength can be attained. Now that you are thinner, feel the strength in your body. Tuck that shirttail in, walk proud. The one who cares the most about your weight is you. There is someone out there for you. Know it. If they truly care about you, they are not going to ask what you weigh, but will applaud your great accomplishment.
I will give you another two cents of advice, since you asked to bump up your workouts. Take up a martial art. Tae Kwon Do, karate, pick one. A woman I know at work took up boxing. She's a children's librarian, and she has come to work with a black eye on more than one occasion! And, yes, she, too, went through a weight-loss journey, and ended up competing in a brutal sport. But, she has confidence, and she learned how!
There is stuff you can do. Right no, hold on. Check out a couple books, get on the internet and find a counselor, take a class. It's out there, and it will also give you a dose of confidence as you work towards self-reliance and strength.
Susan you said some really great things in your post, but there are a couple of assumptions that I really feel I need to challenge because they are sore spots for me.
This in particular got me:
Quote:
Originally Posted by miradoblackwarrior
Something in our lives, something in our experiences, has made us want to sabotage our health by adding on "padding," whether to help us cope, or because we just have too much on our plates.
A lot of people do gain weight because of emotional eating issues, and it seems to be an issue with almost all of us, thin and fat, at one time or another in our lives, and I think what you say in your post has a lot of value for addressing that issue. But I wasn't an emotional cripple when I was heavy, didn't run for the ice cream every time something didn't go my way, and I still don't have the sense, 5 years later and still maintaining that 100+ pound loss that I was using food or body fat to cover up issues. So why was I 100 lbs up when the woman around the corner who ate like I did was maybe just a little chunky?
Here is where the math of obesity is sneaky: an extra hundred calories a day buys you 10 pounds a year. Do that for 5 years and you are 50 pounds up and a decade and you're at plus 100 lbs. 100 calories a day is a large apple or handful of chocolate kisses from a co-workers desk--which to me does not spell out a big emotional eating problem. Brian Wansink in his wonderful book Mindless Eating makes the point that we probably have more than a couple hundred calories a day of these decision points, not because we are eating emotionally, but simply because it is there.
Again, I'm not trying to be disrespectful to the helpful things in Susan's post, but it makes an assumption that doesn't apply to a lot of people, and that chafes me.
I also like the things Susan had to say about self confidence which is very important, but again that will only take you so far. It won't make blood sugar or cholesterol numbers better.
I do think positive thinking and self confidence is vital, but it is important to keep in mind that there are very real issues to deal with after weight loss that require some other techniques.
Susan you said some really great things in your post, but there are a couple of assumptions that I really feel I need to challenge because they are sore spots for me.
Anne:
Thanks I also had some issues with Susan's post but didn't want to be viewed as a troll making trouble. I don't lack confidence. My weight gain was not related to emotional issues. And don't think that I am unattractive to others. Who knows maybe I am too awesome now. Whatever the reason I am not getting the response I thought I would upon losing the weight. I can't take up a new sport or something as my day is committed down to every last second.
But thanks for the ideas given. I can take up a higher intensity -- joggging - etc. And I do like the idea that maybe I just need to be patient to see the fruits of my labor.
I so agree with you that many people make assumptions about how people get to be obese in the first place. I have no issues with binging, I'm not an emotional eater and heck I don't particularly like junk food. Prior to losing weight I'd say I ate healthy stuff 90% of the time. It was the couple of extra treats or chocolate bars that put on the additional pounds and I'd eat these not because I was hiding behind my padding but simply because I enjoy the taste. I do recognise that many overweight people do have such issues and I will be supportive of anyone trying to lose weight and dealing with these.
When I went to see my doctor about my weight back in July I knew she thought I was lying when, after giving me dietry advice to avoid high fat foods like "sausages, pies and processed foods" I told her I never eat that stuff. She then tried the 'include more fruit and vegetables in your diet' I told here that I easily eat my 5 portions a day. All this was based on her assumptions about how one becomes 120lbs overweight. The only advice given that possibly did ring true was about 'portion control'. Yes, I probably ate larger portions than MY body needed but not way out of whack.
The other reason I am overweight, which my doctor never mentioned, is insufficient exercise. Other than always being on the go working and looking after my family I did none.
Hi Ann, you and I are very similar in start weight and losses, I started at 215 and as of this morning the scale read 164.4.
We are light years apart in how we feel about things though, for instance my thighs also still rub together when I walk and when I notice I think to myself 'it's still soooo much better than it was a month ago and 3 months ago and a year ago, I'm getting there'
When I try something on that STILL doesn't fit me, I think 'I'm getting closer to that fitting me, just keep going, I'm going to get there'
I'm not a patient person. I want everything yesterday. It has been a real challenge for me to realize that this won't happen over night and I have to take my success at a slow pace, but it's coming and every little positive change feels like a miracle to me and I don't take them for granted, I notice and appreciate every little thing, moving down a size, not feeling winded when I climb the stairs, being able to walk for hours, looking smoother and trimmer in my clothes.
I have hardly received ANY compliments or remarks on my weight loss although it's almost 55lbs now. In fact I only received my first compliment 2 days ago (The UPS man said I looked fabulous!) his one comment had me smiling for the whole day. Sometimes I wonder if the people I work with are blind, I hadn't seen my family since Christmas and I saw them on Labor day (36 pound weight loss) and no one mentioned or noticed, not even my Mom
I ran into my neighbour one day who said she heard that I was dieting, I said yes - I've lost17lbs and she replied. 'Really? it doesn't show'
So I think I'd trade places with you on having people tell me I look great, because I wonder if I do? I read how you are feeling about the harping you feel others are doing on your looks, I think I might just say 'look, you've mentioned this so many times, lets not talk about it anymore' If their compliments were sincere then they will understand that they are making you uncomfortable and comply, if their compliments were less than sincere then who cares how they feel, they are jerks and you did the right thing telling them to stop.
I have diabetes and Myasthenia Gravis, my weightloss is not making either of these diseases better, my blood sugar is still high, the Gravis still causes me great difficulty at times. So I think to myself, I'd rather be fit and slim with Diabetes and MG then overweight with them, I've come along way and I am still better off today than I was when I started.
Last edited by ThinGirl in FatBody; 09-28-2007 at 08:25 AM.
Well, thin girl in a fat body, I've never seen you but I congratulate you. I bet you look great and people are just adjusting to your struggle and forgetting to remark on it. Outstanding! I'm starting the voyage you are already travelling and I commend you even if no one else does. Oh, and my voyage to Egypt is in two weeks. Keep going, you're doing splendidly...from another thin girl in a fat body!
So I think I'd trade places with you on having people tell me I look great, because I wonder if I do?
I want to clarify that it is that I have several people that I know and I work with who I would describe as quirky. Lets say I got a new dress. They would get all insane and inappropriate. They are nuts. But with the dress I could just not wear it the next day. But with the weight loss it is something they can have daily to be inappropriate about. Honestly I didn't see that coming. Right now I am letting them go and go and go. They only look the fool. I generally give a look to others like I am making fun of them -- still it is a negative. Still it is an uncomfortable part of my day.
Thin girl- have you tried wearing new clothing? People notice most when I wear something new as if they can't see it in the old clothing. As if an outfit that they know -- makes them see the old me. I am greatful for those who do notice and are sane. I remember every compliment.
And irony of irony I got flirted with insanely on the day after I posted my first post. By a babe who I happen to adore. So I think the universe wanted to send me a message.
It isn't all negative. If I were to give it a percentage I would have to say it has been 99% positive. My list of positives is very long and I am NOT going back. But I find talking about negatives is either not welcome on many boards or I wouldn't want to do it because I wouldn't want to discourage anyone who is struggling.
Thoughtful discussion about the negative issues after weight loss.
Well, thin girl in a fat body, I've never seen you but I congratulate you. I bet you look great and people are just adjusting to your struggle and forgetting to remark on it. Outstanding! I'm starting the voyage you are already travelling and I commend you even if no one else does. Oh, and my voyage to Egypt is in two weeks. Keep going, you're doing splendidly...from another thin girl in a fat body!
