I booked a "float" for later this week -- ninety minutes in a tank of water with enough epsom salts that you can't sink, floating with no effort. The things that I used to do to pamper myself are problematic now that I'm older -- massages cause bruising and hot tubs cause hot flashes. So, I'm hoping that this will be a good way to relax and treat myself.
I'm surprised by my answer to nationalparker's question about what fills my heart. It's community. That includes this one, our Beck thread, but also in-person communities. I hardly recognize my introverted self. So, I'll add some other things that fill my heart, too -- good stories (books, films, and tv), planning with mind maps and other visual tools, and travel (or, even, travel plans).
Weigh-in: -0.05 kg, Exercise: +30, 680/1000 minutes for February
curlyjax: sending lots of warm thoughts your way at such a tough time.
Great question posed by nationalparker: What fills my heart? Puttering alone like Silverbirch did with the laundry; hiking in the Sierras, walking on the rocky coast of the northern Pacific ocean, sitting next to DH and DS in church service, chatting with a network of long time girl friends, the list goes on. Surprisingly, it is working out in the gym midway through with the weights and the stretches and my tunes playing in my ear. All those show me that I am a very private person who can only relax among a select few. With groups, I am just a performer, lost to myself. Ironic god made me so talented in front of groups.
Credit for counselor with DH. it turned into a nice date night with a little clothes shopping and dinner. Mostly Dh and I need to remind ourselves who we are without our son. He is easily all consuming.
Weight is same even with a very rare dessert treat after eating half of as very rare entree - scallops and linguine. I brought most home to DS. No walk.
Lunches are packed for most of the week. I have prepackaged smoothies for snacks and green smoothie for dinner.
BBE: Today's meditation was discussing how atrocities and injustices were once so far away - reported (if they were reported) in newspapers that took days to reach us. Since the Vietnam war, the speed to which we are are bombarded with violence and injustice has increased to the degree we can't process with any perspective. It is difficult to keep peace, justice and forgiveness in our hearts.
Every day I think the next workday can't get busier - and then it does. Credit for carving out 20 minutes for a very brisk walk in warm weather with a friend at lunch before we had to rush back. Credit, too, for prepping a few meals on the weekend that have saved me last night and tonight when I got home from work late. Planning on taking Wednesday off, but we'll see what pops in overnight. I've worked ahead as much as I can and want to tonight. Finished up a few minutes ago. Relief.
First "official" weigh in and suspect it won't be anything that'll be motivating. Accept and move on (thank you Maryann for that). I'll check in early morning. Right now all I want is a hot bubble bath and quiet.
Side note - have LOVED learning what fills your hearts. Makes me think of more that I appreciate as well. I read a very interesting post a few days ago addressing the point that just writing what we're thankful for doesn't make us appreciate it more in the moment. We need to be aware of warm dry shoes when it's raining, not just when we're trying to make our list of five things tonight I'm thankful for. It was something that resonated with me.
Went to my class tonight and then went to the gym to walk laps. Tonight's class was on cholesterol and fats--was very interesting--stuff I feel I should have already known, but didn't. I'd never even heard of avocado oil--full of Omega 3 and doesn't smoke up to about 500 degrees. Useful information for when I start cooking again!
Credits for today--weighed (down), checked sugar (down) (I forgot yesterday), walked, ate on plan.
My plan was to walk 20 minutes twice a week--I think it's more likely going to be 30 minutes 3 times a week--the walking feels good, especially since I am now more sedentary at work than I have ever been before.
nationalparker: I'm jealous of other people's wonderful days. We were fairly warm today--but it rained--hard--all day--and so there was no outside walking for anyone!
Wednesday - Michael Romanov elected czar, beginning the Romanov line (1613, Russia)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Walk, CREDIT moi, included stopping for a haircut. My barber noted, as she always does, that my hair was long and that I should come every two weeks to stay looking sharp. My criteria for going is that I happen to note that my hair is sticking sideways and won't come down. I smile graciously and tip well.
My big deal was resolving the book that I didn't want to donate. I'd found the site of the organization that published it; it was no more coherent than the book. Then I found it on Amazon selling for $85! Now I was stuck. I couldn't throw away an $85 book; I should sell it on Amazon. It took me a day to remember that a book being advertised for sale is not the same as 'selling.' I noted that the books being offered as 'Used in New Condition' were from the very institute that was producing them. Then I realized that the book was making me miserable. It was sitting on top of my monthly calendar waiting to be told where to go. I would pay $85 to get my life back. It went into the paper recycle bin; the city has picked it up; I'm a free man. Sabotaging Thoughts can come in weird packages. CREDIT moi for getting unstuck.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Can't wait to hear how your "float" goes. My concern is that I'd fall asleep, LOL.
maryann - One of the reasons that I so very much enjoy your appreciation of your DS is because I'm aware of the empty left behind when they fly off. Work their whole lives to be sure that they can fly away then feel the empty space left behind. Kudos for chatting with your DH about this in advance.
nationalparker – Yep, a Special Kudos for carving out personal time when work is unreasonably demanding.
curlyjax - Old photos certainly can bring out the memories - and the tears. Kudos for going forth with what you have to do.
Beth (bethturnaround) – The next stage is to be one of those cooks with a dozen types of oil knowing exactly when to use each one. We've never gotten there.
Readers -
Quote:
day 6Find a Diet Coach
Yes, you're going to need a diet coach. Are you having any sabotaging thought? Perhaps you prefer to keep your diet private. Or maybe you're uncomfortable with asking for help. In my experience, however, very few people who have struggled with dieting can lose weight or sustain that weight loss without help and encouragement from another person. Studies consistently show that getting someone to support you increases your chance of success.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), Pg 84.
With the excitement of trash day and freezing rain, I forgot to weigh this morning. I'll get back to that tomorrow.
We may not see sunshine until Sunday. I'm going to work on making sure that I see these days as relaxed and cozy. As it was getting dark last night, I heard and saw a pair of owls making mating calls to each other in our backyard.
Weigh-in: NA kg, Exercise: +20, 700/1000 minutes for February
curlyjax: sending lots of warm thoughts your way at such a tough time.
nationalparker: I was a little surprised by the gratitude post. When I have a habit going of listing five things at night that I'm thankful for, I start to notice during the day the little things that I'll want to put on the list tonight. I thought that was the point.
Credit for showing up for the students. Credit for telling myself I am "enough" with the students because at least I am better than a sub (takes the pressure off). Credit for starting the food day over several times trying to pretend that eating will make anxiety go away.
Credit for telling DH the truth about a difficult anxiety day and credit for doing the rosary with DS per his request. I also went over the scores with him of two of his five difficult pieces coming up for adjudication. I should have done it early. He has been fighting with his teacher and maybe a new pair of eyes will work. Anyway, I didn't blow up or reopen the kitchen.
I like the talk about gratitude. I believe in a gratitude list and I also believe in the moment to moment gratitude of the smallest of things. I introduced a short story "Bullet in the Brain" by Tobias Wolff that is about the last important small memory that made a character feel life worth living. A little risky because of some language but no parent calls yet and the story is a beautiful lesson on putting my inner critic away and letting life "be." Beside if they do fire me - that is one problem solved. All I would have to do then is decide where to travel first
weight is two pounds down from ticker despite restarts.
Check in. Did NOT eat candy at school. Have finished dinner smoothie and will close kitchen. I can eat whatever I want to tomorrow but for today I have finished my meals
We have the rain today that others have had recently - today and tomorrow - so all activity will be indoors. I took a vacation day to spend with DH, who ended up having to go into work on one of his off afternoons (only for an hour, supposedly. It's been five now.). Our movie plans are off the table but I wasn't as into "my" movie as he was into the one he'd like to see, and he can go tomorrow as well. I took advantage of the afternoon and cooked a nice homemade soup, changing one of my regular recipes with doubling the crushed tomato in it and it looks so different. I'll add parmesan before we dine.
I kept up with my work all day, and ended up putting in about six hours of work throughout the day, so I'll do a mental game of "do I ask for a full day or a half day off" ... I'm sure it all evens out over the lighter summer.
W-I was down 1.4 pounds. Seemed like a heckuva lot of work for that. But stay the course and see it through. I'll be eating and getting from one day to the next anyway, might as well try to do it on plan.
In a slight bit of a funk today, not sure why. I wrote a letter to the best friends of my parents - we keep in touch via letters every few months. I think that got me thinking and missing mine more today. Or just that these dreary, gray days affect me as always.
I agree - I think the thankful in the moment vs. in hindsight is a key to happiness and peace in our daily lives ... or however we attain it.
Bill - Kudos for the release of the book. the potential value would have stalled me. Have you ever tried Bookcrossing? It seems like it'd be right up your alley. I have friends who really enjoy passing theirs on this way.
Today was a subdued day--I didn't even leave the house at all. I did the work thing, then had an evening phone meeting. I kept wanting toast today, even early in the day when there was nothing to make me think of toast. DD made garlic bread, I think, for dinner--I could smell it upstairs. I wanted that, too. Big credit--I just waited until it was time for my evening snack and had that.
Credit for weighing (barely up), checking sugar (slightly up), drinking my water, and staying on track for yet another day.
Tomorrow is a 'train downtown' day--it's good for me to actually do some walking between the train station and my office. Music on my iPhone and my earbuds--it goes by pretty fast. If I take an early enough train home, I might go to the gym when I get back.
nationalparker: I hope your revised soup was as good as he original--report back :-)
maryann: No candy! Closed kitchen! And immediate re-starts rather than falling to the trap of "later"/"tomorrow". Some days are just harder than others, for some reason.
joy: Seeing wildlife in the wild is one of life's great joys.
BillBlueEyes: Some books don't deserve to be out in the world--credit for making that one disappear forever.
Oh--and credit for checking in early enough tonight that personals were possible :-)
Thursday - Last invasion of Britain (1797, Fishguard in Wales)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Exercise was chase the 27-month-old DGD day, CREDIT moi, included the standard resistance exercise of carrying her screaming from the playground when the time came. Temperature peaked at 75 degrees F. making a clear new high for that day in February. Kids were out in shorts and T-shirts. As I pushed her to the park in her stroller, she let out, "It's a splendid day." I nearly fell over. Where did she get such a phrase? How did she know to say it right then? When pushing her on the swing "high as the sky," I warned her to watch out for birds. "I'm watching out," she replied. I tested it with watch out for planes. "I'm watching out," again - easily converting "[you] watch out" to "I'm watching out." When we tried to corral her to leave for the kids' reading hour at the bookstore, she offered, "Not going to reading yet, just one more thing" with her pointing finger indicating one. "One" was, of course, a fraud, an intended delay, but the charm was full bore. I shudder to think of her as a fourteen-year-old out of her mother's sight.
Eating was OK, CREDIT moi. DW served white beans that she'd frozen when she made a batch earlier. She wanted to make two batches at once because she pays a bundle for the tiny clam-shell of Rosemary in the winter when we can't pick it out back.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – So jealous that you have nesting owls in your backyard.
maryann - Kudos for not reopening the kitchen.
nationalparker – Six hours is a lot of work for an attempted day off. [BookCrossing is a new notion - I'll check it out.]
Beth (bethturnaround) – The smell of garlic bread is deadly for me. Kudos for standing it down.
Readers -
Quote:
day 6Find a Diet Coach
In many ways, I'm serving as your diet coach. Through the pages of this book, I'm providing you with the same advice that I've given to dieters over the years. But you also need a real live person to talk to, someone you like and on whom you can depend.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), Pg 84.
Today is my "float." People do fall asleep, but I'd be surprised if I do, since I'm such a poor sleeper, especially in strange environments. If I do, I figure it's because I need it. My goal is to relax. I had a stressful week last week and, now, I seem to be picking up all the free-floating anxiety out there.
Weigh-in: +0.25 kg, Exercise: +40, 740/1000 minutes for February
maryann: I'm going to the Educators for Social Justice conference in St. Louis on Saturday -- hoping to connect with some teachers who, like you, are at a stage of their careers where they can take risks.
Yay! for not eating candy at school.
nationalparker: cooking soup on a rainy day off sounds nice.
bethturnaound: I enjoy the train when I'm in Chicago.
BillBlueEyes: we've been thinking about how to get more beans into our diet. Freezing some from a big batch may be a part of our solution. We have a pressure cooker which is supposed to be perfect for cooking beans, but so far we've only used it for chicken stock.
Not much to report in from my end. Credits for weighing (up, despite an on-plan day), another on-plan today. Came home and DH was gone to take his younger daughter to dinner where she lives, an hour-plus away. I've enjoyed the silent home tonight, in all honesty. A quick run to Target for a number of grocery items was profitable as I found the 99% lean ground turkey I wanted for meatballs $2 off each package bc they were near the end of their dates. I got home and made one batch and they're simmering in sauce now. The other is in the freezer. Cooked up some chicken buffalo spicy sausage to use crumbled up in a pasta au gratin this weekend. it's a higher-point meal but will make a smaller portion than the full recipe. One or two meals will be fine.
Had a dinner of my single days - English muffin split and toasted with bit of sauce and then mozz and parm and broiled to bubbly perfection - mini pizzas. Added it all up in my WW app and it was remarkably doable. Added a large side of green beans and I was set. Dinner ready in 8 minutes. I'd gone a year-plus without English muffins.
Hoping to see a scale drop here soon. The net loss as of today is one freakin' pound. Better than a gain but not by too much.
I got some walking in today--train to office, office to train, and then an unplanned for connection between two train stations a ways apart--that's what I get for daydreaming instead of getting on the right train!
There's a paperwork task I've been avoiding for a very long time--months, and then decided to wait until February, and now I've been avoiding it for 3 more weeks. It took less than half an hour. Sheesh. I've spent more time angsting about it and answering emails about it than it took me to do it!
DH has been out of town all week--he comes home tomorrow. DD let me know that one of her closest friends (who was in my Girl Scout troop for 12 years) is visiting next week, along with her mom. It'll be wonderful to see them. The friend is staying with us and her mom is staying in a hotel. If we had a guest room in our temporary quarters, I'd invite her to stay but all I'd have to offer is an air mattress on the floor of my office.
Credits for today--weighed, checked sugar, took meds, followed meal plan even though I went into the office. I'm starting to find smells and food more tempting--I'm going to do some rereading of Diet Traps--I'm not quite sure what my sabotaging thought is--I need to identify that and figure out how to respond to it.
A very scrambled day yesterday. It started well, with a plan. I went to the doctor's at 11.30 and it all went downhill from there. As I've remarked before, you have to be feeling quite strong to manage medical appointments (I mean by this to work the appointment so you get as much out of it as possible whilst protecting yourself from strange attitudes and random bits of useless information thrown out by medics). As you know, I'm not feeling that strong at present - I've had the flu! So the appointment was tiring and then I walked straight into a 'community alert' about a potential planning application in the village. People around, people concerned, information to share etc etc. Too much driving around, too much waiting around, too many people. I hope today will be better. I have a full body workout planned which I'm looking forward to and the sun is out. The sun is showing that the windows need to be cleaned but that can be for another day.
Beth, you're reporting lots of good things which is lovely. Credit!
nationalparker, credit for checking in!
gardenerjoy, enjoy as much relaxation as you can cram in!
Bill, shorts and t-shirts - what a joke! Love how the DGD's vocab is coming on in leaps and bounds. Reading and chatting is so good. Glad your DGD resistance exercise is continuing.
I must get on and plan what we're having for tea. Then do the full body workout. Have a good day, everyone.
Wednesday - Michael Romanov elected czar, beginning the Romanov line (1613, Russia)
