Why are you "over it"?



I think not having to get up so early in the morning would make life a lot less stressful. But I do feel more productive when I get up early and get moving. I would get lazy if I didn't have anything to force me to get up.



It's all about strength as opposed to cardio, right? Good luck with the floor class. I can't believe there are so many prerequisites!



Dogpaddling--I like that word! It definitely describes what I'm doing right now, too. I couldn't sleep for anything last night (which just goes to show that I can have insomnia even without caffeine!), which meant I was too exhausted today to do anything beyond working on the report that I absolutely couldn't put off any longer. I'm stuck in that stage of not being able to decide what to do, a very uncomfortable place to be. And, like I've told you before, I've often stayed stuck in that endless cycle of indecision for months or even years in the past. I'm desperate to do something about my weight, and I find myself not wanting to be around people because I feel so "fat", but I can't decide what that "something" should be. I can't decide whether to stick with the commitment not to drink diet soda. I can't decide what diet to do. I can't even decide if it's all worth it anymore (I can't believe I'm even questioning that).

Tomorrow I also have to go back for my six month check-in with the surgeon who did my breast lumpectomies to see if I should have another round of screening. That terrifies me and is not helping my mood. And I admit that part of the reason i am dreading it is that I know I have gained weight since the last time he weighed me.

My weight was down 1.2 this morning but will surely be up again tomorrow, since I stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home from choir practice and had a Blizzard. Other than that, I ate OP. Didn't make any progress on Beck.

I know that part of my low mood is just my regular end-of-the-school-year crash, but instead of riding it out, I want to be proactive in dealing with it head-on.

Have I told you that I am going to be out of town next week? I can't remember. I'm going to a conference in the Niagara Falls area and will be gone Monday through Thursday.



I'll be interested to hear your impressions of Pilates!

Short attention span. I tend to be someone who sets things up and then looks around for someone else to maintain what I've built.





I think it's all strength, but I really don't know anything about it. I didn't get there today unfortunately but I did get on the treadmill for an hour!

Why do you think it's not worth it? What's not worth it -- remaining thin? Not becoming diabetic again?

You haven't gained more than a couple pounds, though, have you?

Why the DQ run? What was going on?

What do you have in mind for dealing with it?

Maybe getting away will be good for your mood?


Report: didn't weigh, but did exercise. Didn't do any Beck. Can't believe it's Thursday already and the FM is in less than 2 days again. Gah.

I get that. I really love to decorate. One of the reasons I rented so many apartments rather than buying a place (I've lived in 18 or 19 places since college) is that as soon as I would get a place decorated just to my liking, I would get bored and want to start over again. As smart as you are, it doesn't surprise me that you'd get bored once you've got something figured out and set up.





And I bet an hour on the treadmill burns more calories!

I was thinking that the effort isn't worth it. But of course staying thin and not diabetic ARE definitely worth whatever it takes. Thanks for reminding me!

When I got weighed today at the surgeon's, I was 8 pounds heavier than last time I was there (in October, which was the absolute low point for my weight). I was fully dressed and had just eaten, but still an undeniable change and a definite wake-up call. (The surgeon didn't feel anything amiss and so didn't order a mammogram immediately, but I have an appointment for another one in August. He strongly encouraged me to continue taking the Evista even though the hot flashes make me so miserable, estimating my breast cancer risk at about 1/3.)

That rebellious, screw-it feeling of not caring, along with feeling that I deserved a treat for getting through the semester.

I got back into Beck today, and that helped. I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow, and I'm going to bring up the eating issues (which we haven't said a word about so far, as she is assuming that I've got that under control and don't need her support).

As long as I don't gain any more weight there! The friend I am rooming with has also lost weight, and she loves to take long walks, so we will walk to see the falls every evening, which is quite a hike.


You've missed quite a few weigh-ins lately. I wouldn't be doing my duty as your diet buddy if I didn't ask whether you are afraid to see what the scale will say.

My weight was up 1.2 this morning (as I expected). I had a personal training session. I also finished up the last prep task in the second book (the initial response cards). I created five cards. Then I went on to the first Stage One task (creating an Advantages Deck). First I reviewed my previous advantages, which I still think are very appropriate and meaningful to me, so I will retain them:

1. Lightness of body translates into lightness of spirit.
2. There will be no barrier of fat walling me off from other people.
3. I can truly live in the present moment--I can show up for life!
4. I'll have conquered my last demon, and I'll know that I can then accomplish anything.
5. I won't feel weighed down by my own fat or by my constant struggles with food.
6. I can keep my diabetes in remission.
7. I'll be more confident in class and a better role model to my students.
8. I can enjoy shopping for and wearing stylish clothing in small sizes--with no elastic waists!
9. I'll feel much less inhibited in social situations.

Then I added two new ones to address my relationship issues:
10. I will learn to accept myself, both outside and inside, and thereby learn that others might accept me, too.
11. I'll learn to love myself and therefore how to give and receive love.

Then I added the advantages of restricting diet soda (used red ink for these to distinguish them from the other cards):
1. I'll be so proud that I am no longer dependent on a substance to make it through the day.
2. I'll feel calmer and more in control.
3. I can sleep much better.
4. I'll be much less bloated and constipated.

With regard to the soda, my hope is that I will eventually be able to return to consuming small amounts of it (I want no food or drink to be completely off limits) but am going to continue to go completely without it for now, until I feel more confident.

I have to go to school for a short time tomorrow in between four other appointments, and I will use the copier there to make copies of the Stage One skill sheets and will fill them out each day (never did that the first time around). I will also set my alarm to wake me up early enough to read my cards before breakfast (and before my 8AM appointment to get my car serviced--UGH). So I made some progress today, at least. I hope you did or soon will, too!

That's what gets me...reminding myself why I wanted it badly enough to do all that work in the first place. It's such a hassle to keep going. But MAN it was a hassle being heavy. I hated it. HATED it. Hated so many things about it. Hated feeling my clothing bind, hated walking, hated climbing stairs, hated wearing anything fitted, hated how I looked in the mirror, hated the thought that other people were judging me for my weight, hated that I couldn't run even a few steps, hated trying on clothes. Those were so much worse than just hassling with eating the right things, not eating too much, and getting myself to class.


Great news that the surgeon doesn't think there's anything amiss. Sorry about the Evista, though! :(



I actually think the whole idea of an OCCASIONAL treat is fine, myself. That's what keeps us sane, the idea that occasionally we can have SOME treat. It's having them too often that's a problem, and maybe also that it wasn't planned, I assume? Maybe realize that you're going to want an occasional treat and tell yourself, "At the end of each semester, when I finish my grading, I can have a blizzard." That's two blizzards a year. That's okay, and even something to look forward to. It's not using food for comfort or even reward. It's saying its okay to incorporate food when celebrating a rare occasion. Maybe not THE best way to celebrate, but when you're maintaining it's not a big deal as long as it really is only occasional.



Good for you for getting back into Beck. Me, not so much. :( I've been procrastinating some. But I did go to class this morning.



Great that she's also lost weight -- you can support each other around food as well as exercise. :)




Yes. And I know how counterproductive that is. :(

Oops, gotta go! I'm going to save this and hope to get back to finish responding later, but I've got a crazy 36 hours coming up...have two meetings this evening, then need to take an ambien and get into bed by 8 because I have to do the 3am-6am shift at Relay for Life chaperoning, then the fm at 8am - 1pm, and I may just want to go back to bed after that.

When you lay out all those things you hated, it's almost impossible to understand why you would ever do anything to jeopardize all that hard work, isn't it? We'd have to be insane to want to go back, and I know neither of us is insane! But the problem is that we forget. The more distant we are from the bad old days, the harder it is to remember how miserable we were. We start to take our new bodies for granted, like we're entitled to them simply because we worked so hard for them. But the truth is that we have to KEEP earning them. I think both of us are at the point of having to really work to accept that hard truth.




I think so, too, absolutely. But in this case it wasn't planned, and I was just having a pity party and whining that I was entitled to a treat, which is of course exactly the kind of thinking that got me in so much trouble in the first place.



Today I read the next two sections (the one about daily weighing and the one about eating slowly, sitting down, and enjoying every bite). I copied the daily skills sheets at school and will fill one out before I go to bed. I made a card about weight just being a number that gives me feedback about my behavior, not a measure of my worth, and put it on my bathroom door with my weight graph. I also made a reminder card about sitting down and eating slowly and put it on the refrigerator. I'm going to take Beck's suggestion to change my eating environment as a reminder to eat slowly; I can easily do that by sitting at the counter in my kitchen rather than at my dining table (which also has the advantage that I can not see my TV set from the counter). I did get up 15 minutes early this morning so I could read my cards. I read my Advantages Deck very slowly and took the time to bring to mind an image or memory for each of the advantages. For instance, for the one about lightness of body translating into lightness of spirit, I closed my eyes and remembered the feeling of running with my trainer and how happy it makes me.

My weight was unchanged this morning. I didn't go to the gym.



She's lost about 60 pounds--and she did it partly because of my example!




Yes, you DO know. And it's probably even MORE important to do the daily weighing when you are afraid of the result, because every time you don't do it, you reinforce the habit of not weighing unless you think you are going to be rewarded by a lower number. That gives the scale too much power. Believe me, I totally understand where you are coming from, so I am kicking my own butt here as much as I am kicking yours. Lately, I've had to argue with myself every morning to get myself on the scale. It's one of those things that has to go in the NO CHOICE category.

YIKES. I need a nap just reading that, especially the part about the 3-6AM shift. That's cruel and unusual punishment!! I hope you have a good day tomorrow despite all of those commitments. :(

Oh, my counselor had to cancel my appointment for today, and we rescheduled for next Friday. And the other thing of note that happened today is that I spoke on the phone to Mr. Hot and Cold, and I handled it calmly. Best of all, I did NOT eat anything afterward. YAY ME!

SATURDAY: You must be sleeping!! I will be shortly, too, since I am on my way to bed before it's even dark out! I'm totally beat. Made some progress today, though. I got up early and read my cards, continuing to associate images and memories with each of the advantages. Today at breakfast I did the task in which Beck says to divide a food in half, then eat half quickly while distracted and the other half slowly and mindfully, to discover the difference in enjoyment. This proved very interesting indeed. I discovered that I actually had trouble eating quickly, and even though I was reading the newspaper while eating, I automatically kept directing my attention back and forth between the newspaper and my food. That was a revelation. I guess I have learned more about mindful eating than I realized! (I know that I eat totally mindlessly during my meltdowns, though.) I spent the day at a Longaberger event where I had a $20 voucher for lunch in their restaurant, so I had lunch out. I decided to try your strategy for eating out. I ordered what I really wanted from the menu (a modified Reuben sandwich [no dressing--GAG--and wheat bread instead of rye] and strawberry shortcake) but ate small portions. I had less than half of the sandwich (which had only ONE slice of corned beef on it anyway--skimpiest one I was ever served, but it was still delicious), four french fries, and half of the shortcake. I ate everything very slowly and mindfully (ate the sandwich with a knife and fork to further slow myself down), not reading the book I had brought along, truly enjoying every mouthful and walking away feeling satisfied and guilt-free. I did have a moment of indecision when the waitress first asked me what I wanted to drink (this was the first time I had to place an order since going soda-free). But I got water. YAY ME! I will fill out my skills sheet before bed. I weighed once this morning (down 1.2) and recorded it on my graph. I contacted my diet buddy.

I hope you had a good, or at least productive, day and are catching up on your rest!

SUNDAY: I weighed once this morning, down .2. I read my cards before breakfast. This time, while I read my Advantages Deck, I associated each one with some event that was on my schedule for today, imagining each event being thin vs. being fat. All these little tricks I have tried seem to be helping me to process my cards more deeply and really think about what I am reading. I continued working on slow and mindful eating. Yesterday when I went to the event at the Homestead, I was given a flower crafted from basket weavers. I put it in a bud vase. In addition to eating at my kitchen counter (a new place to eat) today, I also used a new placemat AND put the "flower" on the counter in front of me, partly to set a festive mood but mostly to remind me to eat slowly and mindfully. I also was careful to leave a bite of most foods (something I hadn't done in a long time). I ate about 1280 calories today. I filled out my skills sheet last night and will do one tonight before bed. I contacted my diet buddy. I didn't get any planned exercise today, though. I am planning to get up early enough in the morning to go to the gym before leaving for Niagara Falls. I will not be taking my scale with me. I won't have my computer, either, so I will not check in again until Thursday night.

I hope you are OK and that you will have posted by the time I get back. My pastor gave a really good sermon today. The message had a religious context, of course, but the upshot of it was that "true friends hold each other accountable." Of course this made me think of you and the awesome journey we have taken together. I absolutely consider you a wonderful friend, and I hope you think of me as your friend, too. You've always kicked my butt when I deserved it or needed it, so I want to do the same for you (assuming you need it). This is a journey we need to take together, OK?

Sorry, slept most of Saturday and was sick yesterday. Still sick today, bleah. :( [QUOTE=4EverLearning;4330416]

Oh, my counselor had to cancel my appointment for today, and we rescheduled for next Friday. And the other thing of note that happened today is that I spoke on the phone to Mr. Hot and Cold, and I handled it calmly. Best of all, I did NOT eat anything afterward. YAY ME![quote] Yay, you indeed!

That is interesting! I don't think I ever did that experiment...or at least I don't remember it. Yay, you! Why wheat instead of rye -- is wheat better than rye? And yay for being down 1.2! :)

What a great idea! I need to remember that one. I've been bad about that, too. Oh, and here I am back and now you're back out again -- I'm sorry! It was such a messed-up weekend.

Yes, we both need it, and yes, you're my friend. :) I will absolutely do my best to make time for Beck in the next week. This past month and the month ahead are just crazed at our house. I'm not sure I've ever had a more crazy schedule than mid-April through mid-June 2012. And August is going to be nuts too. I've been trying to offload less-important things but it's hard to give up things that seem important even when they aren't really. I just purchased three flats of flowers, for instance. Why? Like I can't go one year without planting annuals when life is too crazy? :D

OTOH I am trying to find time to just relax. I purposely scheduled two meetings not =quite= back-to-back at the same restaurant on Friday so that I'd have a half hour to read in the sun on the patio and have a glass of wine between the two of them. :)

Sorry to hear you were sick.:( Hope you are feeling better now!

I don't think I had ever done that one, either. I think at that point we were still using the first book, and that experiment is only in the second book.

I thought so, too, if I do say so myself!!

Yes, the world would keep turning if you didn't plant any annuals for a year. But it's always difficult to let things go when they feed into your identity and your self-esteem.

I got home this evening. I had a great time and did really well with my eating for the most part, making good choices when they were available and eating very small portions when the options were less diet-friendly. I tolerated lots of hunger and gave myself lots of credit. And I did a lot of walking. But there was one notable exception. Last evening there was a party with an open bar. My friend and I each got a glass of wine and intended to drink just one. But a server kept coming around and topping off the glasses, so casually that we hardly noticed. I have no idea how much I actually drank, but I probably ended up drinking more than I have since the wild days of my misspent youth (although nowhere near blackout stage, thankfully), and so did my friend. We ended up walking (none too steadily) to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner (good thing we weren't driving). We had planned all along to go there, and I had planned to have a "real" hamburger and eat just half of it. Well, I discovered that it's really hard to stop myself from eating delicious food with all that disinhibition going on, and I ended up eating the entire burger along with about half of the fries. On top of the calories from the wine, this was definitely a diet buster. I also drank a Diet Coke with dinner, because I ordered it mindlessly when the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink. Oh, well, move on. But big lesson learned: copious alcohol consumption does not facilitate restrained eating! And I was too out of it to really even enjoy the burger. Definitely not an experience I want to repeat.

One other thing of note: I also had a Diet Coke in the middle of one afternoon of the conference when I was so tired I was falling asleep on the table. It didn't even taste very good. And the worst part was that it induced a major hypoglycemic episode complete with confusion, the shakes, and that desperate, clawing, gnawing hunger that can't be ignored. I ended up eating half a candy bar to counteract the low blood sugar. I was astonished at the intensity of my reaction to one measly can of Diet Coke.

Between the drunken hamburger and the dreaded travel bloat, I am not expecting tomorrow's weigh-in to be pretty. I have only 8 days before I leave for the Grand Canyon, so I am going to step up the exercise this week. I will get up early tomorrow and start the day by reading my cards. I will also pay very careful attention to eating slowly and mindfully.

I think it's also my not-so-latent perfectionism which spring gardening always triggers. This year I will garden PERFECTLY! It's that two-part meme you see everywhere online: Plant ALL the annuals! Weed ALL the beds! Divide ALL the perennials! Fertilize ALL the weeks! By August when I get home from vacation and the beds are clogged with weeds and it's 95 out by 9am...I'm at the second part: Weed -all- the beds?

Yay, you!

Oh, well. Yes, I do understand about alcohol consumption and restrained eating, LOL! :) And about not even really enjoying the burger -- that's the worst part!

WOW! I had no idea a diet coke could cause that reaction when you aren't used to it! Is that because you'd been diabetic? I'm sure I've gone many days without a diet pop before drinking one, and I don't think I've ever noticed anything like that. Do you ever drink coffee?

Travel bloat, yeah, and the salt from the burger and fries, sure. But one burger and a few more fries than you'd planned is probably no big deal, especially when you'd been doing a lot of walking. I bet the effects will be gone in a couple of days. Good for you! Wow, I can't believe your GC trip is upon us! How are you feeling about that? You're at basically the same weight as the last time they saw you, is that correct? So maybe they'll get it: this "obsession" with exercising and controlling your portions, even on vacation, is simply what formerly-fat people have to do to maintain. How many people maintain their weight loss for a year? I bet it's under half. I read somewhere that of those who use only diet (rather than changing their exercise habits too), 95% will regain within 3-5 years. I think that's oversimplifying, though. I think it's that people who maintain have truly CHANGED the way they approach food and exercise. They haven't just changed their behaviors to lose weight. They've embraced these behaviors as part of their lives. They wouldn't go on vacation and not exercise or not eat mostly-healthy any more than they'd go on vacation and not brush their teeth. Oh, take a break from this obsession with brushing your teeth twice a day! You're on vacation! Live a little!

I'm up early to go exercise. Weighed, and I'm JUST within goal, where I've been for the past week-plus. I really want to get back safely under goal. Been doing a lot of gardening (yes, bought two more flats of begonias plus several more perennials and planted peas), which can't hurt. I wish I knew where my pedometer was, I'm sure I'm getting tons of steps in. That's one good thing about my perennial though short-blooming spring gardening enthusiasm.

Have a great day!

That perfectionism is definitely part of your identity and is yet another manifestation of that all-or-nothing thinking that gets us in such trouble with food. What would a good middle ground be for your gardens, and what do you need to say to yourself to help you feel comfortable with that middle ground?




You were definitely on my mind while I was eating that burger--I kept thinking, so THIS is what Val is talking about!! ;)

I'm sure that my hypoglycemic reactions are related to my diabetes in some way, although I would imagine that the cause-and-effect goes in the opposite direction. In other words, I would suspect that my tendency toward hypoglycemia predated my diabetes and contributed to the development of diabetes. I've never tried coffee, although the idea of drinking something hot is certainly appealing given that I am almost always cold.

I DID do a lot right, of which I was reminded when I reread the section on giving yourself credit earlier today. I realized that I was once again focusing on the few mistakes and not sufficiently acknowledging and celebrating all of my successes, and there were many of them.

Well, I'm feeling a little regretful that I am obviously not going to get to 127 before I go like I had originally hoped--but only a little. I think that part of my recent gain has to be due to muscle development, because I've noticed little change in the way my clothes fit, and my stomach is actually flatter than it was. And I do weigh about the same I did at this time last year (the last time I saw my friends, other than Bev; I'm about 3 or 4 pounds heavier than the last time I saw her). But I look more fit and toned than I did a year ago. Hopefully they will be smart enough to figure out that my weight would have kept dropping if I was anorexic. (I talked with my therapist about this issue today, and she told me that she has been watching me carefully for signs of anorexia and is convinced that I do not have a problem.) I like what you said about teeth-brushing and will definitely use that analogy if my friends give me a hard time. My therapist also coached me to talk about how my vacation splurges are just in a different form than food now--I hunger for new and exciting experiences that I can fondly look back on for the rest of my life, not big fattening meals!

I completely agree with what you said about those studies that identify the behaviors of successful maintainers. They are too superficial. What really makes the difference is the permanent change in mindset that enables those behavioral changes.

So you're weighing daily again? YAY YOU! Once you start working on the other skills again, your weight will take care of itself. You went to exercise class? YAY YOU!! How is your pain level these days? Still wearing your boot at all?

When is Jane's graduation? Is that part of your busyness and stress?

report: I weighed once (was up just .2, so I really must have done a lot of things right while I was away). I got up early to read my cards. This time, for my Advantages Deck, I associated each advantage with the way I imagine I will feel on my vacation, as opposed to how I would feel if I was facing the same trip at 220 pounds. I had a personal training session, at which my trainer tried really hard to teach me to refine my running technique so that I will be lighter on my feet and not be pounding my knees with every step. Once again I totally cracked up when he demonstrated for me how I look when I run! I ate everything sitting down at my kitchen counter, with my special placemat and basket flower. I also tried describing to myself the mouth sensations I experienced with each mouthful (like the crunchiness, crispness, and tartness of the apple I ate) to help slow me down and get more enjoyment from each bite. I will fill out my skills sheet before I go to bed. Tomorrow I will work on giving myself credit.

Hope you had a great day!

Well, for me the problem is that at this time of year I LOVE to use the garden to procrastinate nearly everything else. I love gardening on cool May and June mornings. So part of it is just lack of discipline. Then too I feel I need to keep the front of my house looking okay for the neighbors, but my real interest in gardening is vegetable gardening and perennial beds to make the deck and back yard pretty for me. I was actually thinking of maybe hiring a service and just telling them to make the front yard look like everyone else's, which would leave me to play in the back where no one can see my messy gardens. If it were up to me I'd plant veggies in the front yard because that's where I have the most sun and put the shady areas of the front yard in some low-maintenance groundcover. But that's not the kind of neighborhood I live in, unfortunately.


LOL! Yes, you've now experienced a wine-induced snackfest! :)



Whoa, you've never tried coffee? Man, I lived on it in grad school. I love me my coffee in the morning -- I can easily drink a pot by myself, which is why I started lowering the caffeine content. I've now got us at 1/4 caff, 3/4 decaff, and John hasn't said anything so I don't think he's noticed. I haven't really noticed any difference in how I feel either, though I think I'm averaging more cups than usual so maybe my body is trying to get more caffeine.

Good for you for realizing and acknowledging the fact most of what you did was good.



Good to hear, especially just as you go once more unto the breach with your dear friends. :) I wouldn't be at all surprised if your slight gain is indeed muscle if your stomach is flatter and your clothes don't feel any tighter. Yeah, a fattening meal at Applebee's is unlikely to be a memory you want to fondly look back on! :)

And good for us for getting back into Beck to help reset/strengthen our thinking! I've been listening to the CD again since I haven't been able to work the book consistently yet -- I'm going to do that until my time frees up, so I can at least be LISTENING to the info if not actually doing the exercises.

Yes, and I'm glad I am. I'm holding steady. And I'm exercising, and since the weather's nice for gardening and walking I'll be getting more exercise than I have for the past six months or so. Not wearing the boot, not having any pain really. I'm still being careful about impact, though, probably will for a couple more weeks.

Graduation is the 31st, her party (not here at our house, thank goodness -- she and two friends are having it at one of the other girls' houses because they have a pool) is the 27th, her last day of school is tomorrow! They let the seniors leave about two weeks before the end of the year as long as they don't need to take any finals to get a passing grade in a class they need to graduate.

Yay!

A very good day!

I weighed, still holding steady even though last night was Dinner Club (two friends and I take turns choosing a restaurant we've either never been to or that is offering some special meal event) so that's good. Off to the farmers' market to help set up, then back here to plant begonias in the front yard and tomatoes in the side yard, back to the fm with Michael who is volunteering this summer at the market manager's booth, back home, back to the fm for teardown, the probably out with John for a cold drink after teardown, back home to shower and dress and head down to Kentucky for a heavily food-oriented charity event this evening. Not really looking forward to the drive, especially the drive home.

Hope you had a great day!

AH on the using gardening as a way to procrastinate. That's the way I use housecleaning. Whenever there's something I really don't want to do, I start cleaning. That way I can convince myself that I'm doing something productive and necessary! I live in a rather fancy-schmancy neighborhood, too, so I understand why you'd feel a need to keep up with the Joneses, so to speak. I think the idea of hiring a service to do the front yard for you makes perfect sense. Then you can focus your energy on what really matters to you--your vegetable gardens.


And I absolutely do not want to make a habit of them!!



If I had been drinking coffee on top of all that Diet Coke, I hate to think how wired I'd be. I'd be swinging from the chandeliers!! Interesting that you have reduced the caffeine so substantially and haven't noticed a significant difference. The fact that you are so sensitive to caffeine late in the day, to the point that it feeds your insomnia, says that you should feel a definite difference. Maybe, like you said, you are drinking so many extra cups that you end up consuming almost as much as you always did.

I created a new card today to address the credit issue. I would like to follow Beck's suggestion to get a clicker/counter to keep track of how many times I give myself credit in a day, but I don't know where I can buy one.



Yes, going into the breach just about sums it up!!

A big part of the reason my stomach is flatter is that I'm not consuming gallons of diet soda anymore. But I've also been working hard on abs exercises. I'm definitely noticeably more muscular.

The memory might stick with me, but it would be to haunt me!

YAY YOU for listening to the book. Although I've never tried it, I would bet that listening to the book without doing the exercises would be more beneficial than reading the book without doing the exercises, and I bet your mindset and behavior will begin to change even if you aren't explicitly practicing the skills.

That all sounds terrific. As gorgeous as the weather has been lately, it's almost hard NOT to want to get out and move around.

I'm glad to hear you are not trying to plan a huge party on top of everything else that you have on your agenda. How is Jane feeling about this big transition in her life? And how are you feeling about your last chick leaving the nest? Remember when women's magazines used to go on and on about "empty nest syndrome"?



Wow, that sounds like a long and exhausting day, with a number of food challenges, too. Is this the first time that Michael will be volunteering at the farmer's market? Is he home from school already?

my report: Weighed once (down .6). Stayed OP all day. Made an effort to give myself credit for every good choice, every helpful thought, and every desirable behavior. I read the next section of the book, about exercise. Although I obviously exercise much more than I ever did before, I think I still tend to be all-or-nothing about it, so I am going to work on making exercise a daily habit. Today I put on my gym clothes in the morning and told myself that I couldn't get dressed for the day or eat lunch until I hit the gym. I went for just 30 minutes, putting in 15 minutes on the rowing machine and 15 minutes on the elliptical, both at a moderate pace. But I still burned 150 calories! That could really make a difference over a long period of time. I read my cards before breakfast. Filled out my skills sheet. Contacted my diet buddy. Feeling much more in control again!

Hope your day was a happy and productive one despite the busyness!

Yeah, I wonder how you even find a service? Angie's list, maybe? I'll have to look into it.

It's possible...I guess I'll find out when I cut it again. Ideally I'd like to get both of us to the point we aren't drinking more than a cup's worth of caffeine a day. Right now I'm drinking probably a pot of weak (I use 7 scoops instead of the 10 that the coffeemaker specifies) 3/4 decaff. So 10 cups x .7 x .25, right? So that's 1.75 cups worth of caffeinated full-strength coffee. Not too bad.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_st?ke...rank_authority

So cool! I wonder what your friends will think about that?

That's what I'm hoping. Though I am not very good at listening. In college I used to have to take copious notes, nearly word for word, in lectures because when I stopped writing, my mind tended to wander.

Jane's been saying for weeks, maybe months, that she wishes she could just go to college now instead of having to finish up high school. At this point I think she's just plain anticipating it with excitement, though I'm sure she'll start feeling some anxiety as it gets closer. I'm mostly dreading the empty nest! I say mostly because I can see all the upsides to it -- I'll be free to travel with John whenever I want, for instance -- but I know it's going to feel very strange not to have any kids at home. When Michael left, I still had Jane. And Michael's quiet and undemanding and easy to get along with and stoic. Living without him is much like living with him. :) Jane's going to leave a giant gaping hole in our lives. OTOH, Jane at least will text me and return my texts. Michael forgets his phone, turns it off, doesn't think to check for texts and voice messages. I suspect I'll know a lot more about Jane's day-to-day life at school than I do for Michael.

Long day, but it was fun! And I didn't gain weight, even though there were numerous unique items that I've never eaten before, so it's all good. Michael worked at the fm last year for the coffee lady, but this year her son is working the booth. I wish the kid would get a job! He's applied for ONE job. Gah. I've told him he needs to find ten online applications he can fill out. He's been home since the 3rd. Muskingum gets out early and offers a May term.

Yay, you for getting to the gym! I'm gardening again today so I'm not going to worry about formal exercise. It's not a lot of calories burned, but it's -activity- so I count it as a day I've exercised.

So you leave Friday? How many of your friends are going to be on the trip? Are you going to the South Rim or the North? Staying inside the park or outside? And are you going to ride a mule? :)

Hope you had a great day!

Or just look up "landscaping" in the Yellow Pages! (My father was a landscaper.)

Nope, 1.75 cups of full-strength doesn't sound too bad. But ten cups of coffee made me go WHOA. That sounds like my Diet Coke habit!!

LOL! I should have known you would find one right away! Thanks!!

I have no idea what they will think, but I'm curious to find out. Realistically, though, they probably won't even notice. Or, if they do, they'll see it as evidence that I am obsessed with going to the gym. I really can't win.

I was exactly the same way as a student. I took copious notes as a way of forcing myself to maintain my attention. Taking notes while reading serves the same function for me.

Yep. Remember that avoidance motivation grows at a faster rate than approach motivation, so, as the date of starting college looms, Jane will most likely become more anxious than excited.

(I've been meaning to ask you--what does OTOH stand for? [I'm showing my ignorance of texting language, I realize.])

So you will feel Jane's leaving more than you did Michael's not only because your nest will now be empty, but also because their personalities are so different. But don't worry, in today's world, the nest generally has a revolving door. Late adolescents/young adults typically leave home and return many times before they finally fly away for good! Jane will be back!

YAY YOU for not gaining weight! Your strategy of sticking only to unusual items, and eating small portions, obviously works for you. Muskingum's semester ended the same day Kent's did. Has Michael ever had a paid job? I know you probably told me long ago what he is majoring in, but I can't remember. What are his long-term plans?

I remember well just how much work gardening is. I used to think it was a major workout (but of course that was when I weighed 220 pounds and was totally out of shape, so I was probably right!).

I leave early Saturday morning and will be traveling with three friends. I think it's the North Rim we're going to, and our hotel is inside the park. You are the third person today to ask me about the mule!!! I won't rule it out; remember, I'm supposed to be hungering for thrilling, memorable experiences, not fattening meals, and riding a mule definitely sounds memorable!!:D

I suddenly remembered today that you had asked me in a previous post if I substituted the bread in my Reuben sandwich because wheat bread is healthier than rye bread, and I never answered. The answer is that I ate the wheat bread because of my picky eating; rye bread is ICKY!! And it has SEEDS in it!! Blech!

report: Weighed once (up .6). Ate everything sitting at my kitchen counter. Read my cards before breakfast. Got on my treadmill for 15 minutes before breakfast. Made a new response card about the need to make exercise a daily habit. Recorded my food intake all day, something I hadn't done in quite some time. Contacted my diet buddy. Filled out my skills sheet.

Tomorrow I will go to the gym on my own before heading up to Kent for a meeting AND for another first date with an eHarmony match. I can't remember if I told you yet about this guy; he's actually a colleague who teaches at the main campus. He has been incredibly sweet to me, and we have wonderful, natural conversations. But I think he's a bit old for me (66), and his profile makes it very obvious that he is looking for a WIFE. That tends to scare me off. So I will see how it goes.

Hope you had a good day today!

[QUOTE=4EverLearning;4340781]Or just look up "landscaping" in the Yellow Pages! (My father was a landscaper.) It just seems like most landscaping companies want to come out and do a major project, then go away. Or they'll come out once a week to cut your lawn, but they don't want to come out and maintain beds. What I want is someone to come out once to get the beds in shape, then come out once a week for an hour or so and maintain them. I did find someone on Angie's List who seems to be willing to offer that, so I'm going to call them today and find out how much it would cost.

Very much so! It was what made me go half-decaff in the first place.

Wrong! :) Whether or not they agree, you've won! :)

I've always assumed it means I'm not an auditory learner.

I'm expecting that, although at this point she's so very excited about going to college that it'll be interesting to see.



On The Other Hand.



The coffee booth was sort of paid employment -- she can't legally sell the coffee, so she gives it away for tips. At the end of the day she'd take out her expenses and give Michael the rest, and he often made $10/hr. He's been counting it as paid employment on his job applications, as she'll be happy to give him a reference as if it were some formal paid job.


Oh, the North Rim is great! The lodge is very nice, and the crowds are MUCH smaller than on the South Rim. From the North Rim you can also take a 3-hour drive to Colorado City AZ/Hilldale UT, a Fundamentalist LDS town that straddles the border, and drive around goggling at the ginormous polygamist homes. If you're flying into Las Vegas you have to drive right past the exit. If you go, visit the Merry Wives Cafe which is run by polygamists and has good food.


Great day!

No, I don't think you've mentioned him -- so he's someone you've known before eHarmony?

Weighed (same), went to class this morning. Off I go to get some work done before it gets too hot! Hope you had a great day!

It just seems like most landscaping companies want to come out and do a major project, then go away. Or they'll come out once a week to cut your lawn, but they don't want to come out and maintain beds. What I want is someone to come out once to get the beds in shape, then come out once a week for an hour or so and maintain them. I did find someone on Angie's List who seems to be willing to offer that, so I'm going to call them today and find out how much it would cost.

Very much so! It was what made me go half-decaff in the first place.

Wrong! :) Whether or not they agree, you've won! :)

I've always assumed it means I'm not an auditory learner.

I'm expecting that, although at this point she's so very excited about going to college that it'll be interesting to see.



On The Other Hand.



The coffee booth was sort of paid employment -- she can't legally sell the coffee, so she gives it away for tips. At the end of the day she'd take out her expenses and give Michael the rest, and he often made $10/hr. He's been counting it as paid employment on his job applications, as she'll be happy to give him a reference as if it were some formal paid job.


Oh, the North Rim is great! The lodge is very nice, and the crowds are MUCH smaller than on the South Rim. From the North Rim you can also take a 3-hour drive to Colorado City AZ/Hilldale UT, a Fundamentalist LDS town that straddles the border, and drive around goggling at the ginormous polygamist homes. If you're flying into Las Vegas you have to drive right past the exit. If you go, visit the Merry Wives Cafe which is run by polygamists and has good food.


Great day!

No, I don't think you've mentioned him -- so he's someone you've known before eHarmony?

Weighed (same), went to class this morning. Off I go to get some work done before it gets too hot! Hope you had a great day!

Hmmm. My father's company used to do that kind of regular maintenance. But maybe that was a function of being in the hoity-toity Hamptons where no one wants to get their hands dirty!

I would think that the acid in that much coffee would be really hard on your stomach. But of course the same could be said of all diet soda I used to guzzle!

LOL!! I guess that's the way to look at it--I win either way. I can't control their reactions. And the truth is that I really don't care, or at least not nearly as much as I once did.

No, not necessarily; it just means that two sensory modalities (auditory AND kinesthetic) are better than one alone!

The more excited she is, the closer she will have to get to the actual event before the dread will overtake the excitement. And if she's excited enough, maybe the dread will never overtake it!



Of course! DUH.



I'd definitely count $10 an hour as paid employment. There are weeks that I doubt I make $10 an hour!!


Thanks for the tip!! It cracks me up that there is a restaurant that capitalizes on tourists' voyeuristic desires to see get up close and personal with polygamists--kinda like what the Amish do here!




Nope, I had never heard of him until we got matched on eHarmony. We had a great time today and are going to get together for dinner on Thursday.

I'm glad your weight is staying the same and that you went to class. YAY!

report: Weighed once (down .6). Read my cards before breakfast. Had planned to go to the gym but didn't make it there. Ate OP breakfast and dinner. Ate half of what was undoubtedly a fattening sandwich for lunch, and gave myself credit for pushing the other half aside. Contacted my diet buddy.

Until tomorrow!

I hadn't thought about the issue of acid...does decaff have the same amount of acid as regular coffee?



And this trip may represent the fitting-in-of-the-new-Robin. On the last trip, everyone was surprised, and the surprises represent changes that affected the group. This trip, maybe it'll feel more like no major changes need to be dealt with.

Let's hope it works out that way! :)

Exactly. And among the polygamists there's no particular religious aversion to doing so.

Nice!

Yay, you!

Weighed (down .8 to 117, so yay, at least I'm moving in the right direction, even if extremely slowly.) Gardened all morning.

Glad you had a nice time with your new match! Sorry this one's so far away again!

I would think they would be comparable, but I don't really know.



I can't tell you how much I hope you are right. I love my friends and miss the easy companionship I used to enjoy with them. But I am no longer willing to let what someone else thinks of me dictate my life.



And I bet they allow their pictures to be taken, too!

YAY for moving in the right direction!! Who cares how long it takes?

65 easy miles on the interstate doesn't feel far away to me, and Kent is like home to me, considering how much time I have spent there over the years. We're going to meet for dinner on Thursday.

report: weighed once (no change). Read my cards. Ate everything sitting down and slowly and mindfully. Filled out my skills sheet. Had an extra-intense training session. Contacted my diet buddy. Had a low calorie day (about 1180) and thankfully am not extremely hungry as a result.

Have a great day tomorrow!

WEDNESDAY: weighed once (no change). Read my cards. Stayed OP. Did not exercise. Ate everything sitting down and slowly and mindfully. Very busy day getting ready for my trip! Will check in tomorrow night before I leave. Hope you are just busy!

THURSDAY: weighed once (down .4). Had to get up super early because a plumber was coming and did not get up in time to read my cards (only got 3 hours of sleep last night and am exhausted). Had a very intense personal training session that was all cardio. Went on my second date with my latest match and had a nice time (had a half portion of fettucine alfredo with chicken and spinach, with the sauce on the side, so I barely tasted it). I had only eaten 680 calories before dinner, so I should be OK. Hope you are OK!

Fingers crossed, then!








Exactly. I figure any month I weigh less than I did the month before is a winner.



How did your dinner go?

Another great day for you! Yay, you!

Have a great day tomorrow!

Whoops, I swear I posted! Hm. I did have a crazy day, maybe I didn't!

Just getting in here late today! So glad you had a nice time with your latest match. Yum on the fettucine alfredo! That's a meal I have never successfully made. I either get the veggies overcooked or the sauce too thick.

Weighed (no change, yay), did an hour-long walk with a friend. Must dig compost into a bed tomorrow. Not sure I'll make it to my class, but I'm going to set my alarm. Sorry to go missing!

FRIDAY: Weighed, up .8, probably because I ate too much at dinner -- got way too hungry because the senior recognition program ran THREE HOURS. Seriously, Senor Spanish teacher, you need to summarize the plot of Don Quixote in order to hand out the award for the top Spanish student? I'm all for recognizing kids for academic achievement, but honestly THREE HOURS? Jane got Summa Cum Laude, which at Sycamore means she never had a quarter where she earned under a 3.6. Only about 5% of students got that, and with her struggles this year I'm very proud. :) She also was first in the state for some journalism thing; even she's not sure what it means exactly. :) Walked to class this morning, am going out now to dig that compost bed before it gets hot! Hope you had a great day! You leave tomorrow, right? Wow!

Me, too. We're easy to please, aren't we?



I had fun, and I like him, although I'm not sure I'm ever going to feel any chemistry. He seems to be feeling it, though. His facial expression when he gazes at me reminds me of the look on my cat's face when she was watching my pet rats!




I'm just glad you're OK! Yep, I hate Alfredo sauce that's too thick.

YAY!

WOO HOO, congratulations to Jane and to you, too! That is very exciting and a real accomplishment considering the rough year she has had. And that's great about the journalism "thing" too!! :D I completely agree about a three-your recognition program. I'd have been squirming and sighing and generally acting like a kid with ADD. YIKES!

Yep, I leave tomorrow. WOO HOO!! I'll be lucky to get three hours of sleep tonight, since I'm still packing, and I have to get up around 3AM. Not my favorite hour. I read my cards this morning. Weighed once (no change). Did not get any planned exercise but was in perpetual motion all day. Ate everything sitting down but not as slowly and mindfully as I should have. Ate about 1300 calories today. Hopefully I will come back from my trip no more than two pounds heavier; that's my plan, anyway! I will not have my scale or my computer with me, so this will be my last report until next Saturday night. I hope you have a great week!

LOL! Well, it's nice to find someone who appreciates you! Chemistry schmemistry. Chemistry fades. I believe in choosing someone you can be happy with, and that's more about the things you have in common and the way he interacts with you than whether he stirs your loins. :) It's nice to find both, of course.

When the kids first walked in, I was surprised to see nearly every one had a high honors cord. Then I realized, duh! Of course it's only the kids who are actually getting some sort of recognition who show up, and most of those are the same ones who pulled a 3.6 cumulative or better. There were a few students being recognized by the armed services for joining or going ROTC, but even the high-achieving artists and musicians tended to be wearing an honors cord of some sort.

Yow on getting up at 3am! Hope it went smoothly.

Report: weighed (updating for the week) and I'm down three pounds to 115.8, so once again safely under goal. Went to class Friday after having missed Wednesday because of a bad night's sleep and Monday because it was Memorial Day. (I actually got up and dressed and went to class Monday and only remembered it was Memorial Day when I found the studio closed!) Missed last Friday too -- I'd gotten up, dressed, went to class, then couldn't go in because I was upset over something that had happened to Jane and I knew I was going to be distracted by thinking about it. It's nothing, really -- her counselor had told her the afternoon before that an error had been made in the graduation program. They list all the scholarships the kids get, and the only two scholarships that anyone here would recognize (Kenyon and Emory) were left off Jane's listing. The reason I was so upset by this was that I really feel it's important to encourage kids to consider NOT choosing a school for its relative prestige but instead of consider fit more strongly. So many kids at Jane's school go to either Ohio State or the "best" (as in most highly ranked) school they get into. Jane's gotten a lot of incredulous questions from her friends about her choice of Colorado College over Emory. And I felt like here was a chance to show other kids that, look, it is actually possible to turn down Emory for Colorado College. And Kenyon same thing to a certain extent -- everyone here knows it as a really good school, where NO ONE has even HEARD of Colorado College. People keep asking Jane, "Isn't that a big party school?" No, that would be UC-Boulder you're thinking of. People PORE over those programs because there's nothing else to do while you sit there watching, and I know this unusual choice by a really bright kid would have sparked some family discussions. Oh, well. As John says, it's all rear-view-window stuff now. But it just left a bad taste in my mouth at the very end of our long relationship with Sycamore.

Hope your trip back was good and I hear from you tomorrow that you had a fantastic time!

SUNDAY: Hope the fact you didn't post last night when you got home means you were just exhausted from having too much fun rather than that you had a travel glitch and are sleeping in an airport somewhere! :)

I'd like a little loins-stirring, too, but I do agree that common ground and healthy interactions are much more important; those are the things that last.

I'm glad to hear that a high honors card actually means something at Jane's school!! I was on a committee recently that worked to change the standards for graduating with honors (cum laude, etc.) at KSU, since over 40% of graduates were getting at least a cum laude distinction, which is ridiculous!

I only got two hours of sleep, but it was fine!

YAY for getting back under goal! And for exercising, too! The fact that you went on Memorial Day says that you're establishing a good habit and that you responded mindlessly--in a good way!

I can certainly understand why you'd be upset about the omission, and you are probably right that it prompted some talk behind Jane's back. How did Jane react to it?

A little of each--I ended up spending most of the night in the airport (but got not even a wink of sleep), so when I did finally get home, I collapsed into bed and slept for 13 hours straight. I just had no energy to post.

I did have a wonderful time, better than I expected, in fact. I was in Las Vegas for 4 days and the Grand Canyon for 3. In Vegas we were walking (albeit at a leisurely pace) for many hours each day, wandering from hotel to hotel. There are many streets that have pedestrian bridges above street-level, with a choice of either escalators or stairs at either end. My friends always chose the escalators, and I chose the stairs every time, running up and down them. I made very good food choices overall. I ate one indulgent meal in a French restaurant (glass of wine, coq au vin, and a Napoleon for dessert), but it was planned. I also got plenty of walking in at the Grand Canyon. Also, our room was on the second floor of a hotel that has no elevators, and I ended up carrying everyone's luggage up and down the stairs. Everyone was huffing and puffing and struggling to breathe in the high elevation, but I was able to do everything with minimal effect. That told me just how much better shape I am in. Bev in particular was in rough shape. She has been struggling with a bad case of bronchitis, and an x-ray of her lungs showed a shadow that has to be investigated further. Her doctor advised her not to make the trip, but she refused to miss it. Her breathing was actually very labored and scary to listen to. And the best news is that my friends are finally convinced that I am not anorexic. The fact that I ate at least one large dinner, a big Napoleon, plus an ice cream cone almost every day, helped. So did the fact that I did not report to you every night, that I did not weigh myself, and that my hair now looks much healthier than it did a year ago. They didn't compliment me about my looks or my efforts at all (except that I overheard one of them comment to the others about how skinny I am when they thought I was out of earshot), but at least they didn't give me a hard time, and they did tell me that they are no longer worried about me (when I asked them directly).

My weight was only up .6 this morning, for which I gave myself lots of credit, considering that I was away for 8 days. YAY ME! Had a completely NS day today but did not exercise. I plan to get back to the gym tomorrow and will also start reading my cards again daily, focus on the Beck tasks I had already repeated, and prepare to move ahead to the next tasks. See you tomorrow night!

Yeah, I don't know how grade inflation has affected the number of kids getting honors cords. Sycamore stopped reporting class rank about ten years ago, but there were only about 40 kids (about 8%) who graduated summa cum laude. But I know that there were numerous kids who had GPAs the same and maybe even higher than Jane's who didn't get summa because they'd had at least one quarter below a 3.6. I guess it's one of the ways they motivate kids the third quarter of Senior year.

That's what I'm figuring, too. And between the market and gardening and walking much more, I always get a ton of exercise over the summer, so that helps.



She was pretty upset at first. All of her other scholarships are from colleges no one here has ever heard of -- Allegheny, Centre, Dickinson (Hamilton doesn't give merit scholarships and Carleton only gives a NMS if you go there) and she wanted the recognition of her hard work. And of course I wanted that for her, too. It sometimes feels a little petty to want that, but I used to work in the motivation field and our research showed that recognition was a CLEAR winner over merchandise and cash for actually producing results. Ask people what they want as a reward for hard work and they'll tell you cash every time. And they aren't lying -- they THINK that's what motivates them. But cash motivation -- commission, in effect -- is fungible and builds cumulatively. Even the most cash-motvated salesperson might decide to leave off the cold calling at 4 and go to happy hour. But recognition is on a toggle switch. You either get it or you don't, and everyone knows you got it or didn't. No one sees your paycheck. A salesperson going for that plaque or trip to Hawaii or ugly gold jacket or pink Cadillac will keep making calls. If you want to motivate your high performers to push a little harder, offer recognition. At any rate, it doesn't seem to be bothering her any more, at least not enough to mention it. I'm sure it still smarts a little. But in a week she leaves for camp, and in 2 months she'll be packing for college.

Is that the hotel that's right on the rim of the canyon? We stayed there -- or at least, we actually stayed in the little cabins surrounding it. Wonder if that was an eye-opener for anyone? My mom ended up on oxygen when we visited the GC, and afterwards she never got completely off it. Yay! I was hoping you'd reach the new normal on this trip! Did you all plan your next trip while you were together?

Did it seem like a complimentary kind of comment? Well, hallelujah! So no one mentioned the fact you were using the stairs instead of the elevators?

Bet Callie was happy to see you!

I worked for 45 minutes on a long reply and then somehow lost the whole thing right before submitting it. I'm too tired to try to reconstruct it now. Will be back tomorrow night.

I'm glad that graduating with distinction actually means something at Jane's school! Interesting approach to require consistently high performance as opposed to simply an overall high GPA, but I like it!

Yeah, it's much easier to move in the summer. You really have to make an effort not to--which I was once very happy to do!!



I don't think it's petty to want the recognition that she worked so hard for and totally deserves. And you are absolutely right that recognition is probably the most powerful reinforcer there is. Intrinsic motivation trumps extrinsic every time! What kind of camp is Jane going to?

I was mistaken earlier; we actually stayed on the south rim of the Canyon. None of the hotels had elevators. And my friends would have to have been blind in order not to notice how much easier of a time I was having dealing with the physical challenges.

Oh, wow, something else we have in common. My mom developed congestive heart failure in the Canyon and had to be flown out in a military helicopter from Canada to a hospital in Utah, where she spent a month in a coma before taking an air ambulance home. She lived several more years afterward, but she was never the same again. That trip was definitely the beginning of the end. My brother also developed altitude sickness when he recently visited the Canyon and ended up in the hospital. Considering my family history, I was a little concerned about how I would fare, but I am thrilled to say that I had no problem whatsoever!
We didn't make any definite plans, but tentatively talked about going to New Orleans for a few days and then leaving for a short cruise from there.

I didn't think so when I first heard it (which was before we talked about the anorexia issue, plus I figured that, if it was meant as a compliment, they'd say it to my face rather than talking behind my back). But after we talked, I think they have come to at least some level of equanimity about it. I just wish they could be genuinely happy for me and let me know that they are happy for me, but that would apparently be too much to ask for (although one of my friends did whisper to me that I look "totally hot" when she hugged me good-bye).

No, other than to gently tease me occasionally because when I was on the stairs and they were on the escalator alongside me, I always ended up getting ahead of them and then having to wait for them to get off the escalator. :D

Yes, she has been one happy kitty since she came home!

report: My weight was down .2 yesterday. Didn't weigh today. I was so tired last night but couldn't sleep for anything and didn't fall asleep until 8AM (ACK), so I barely woke up in time to race to my 1PM training session and didn't remember to weigh. Wasn't my best training session, between barely being awake and not having had one for 10 days or so. Read my cards today. Plan to go to bed very early and hopefully catch up on my sleep and get back to some semblance of normality.

How are YOU doing? I noticed that you didn't report in your last post. What's going on?

I was actually feeling a little bad for kids who have the same GPA as Jane but don't get the Summa Cum Laude, but they do get the gold cord. And the dreaded Dipali was one of those kids, so that didn't break my heart. :D

She's going to be a counselor at the camp we've attended for family camp since she was 2 (and I attended, and my mom before me) and she's been attending as a regular camper since she was 7. The last two years she worked dish crew there, but this year she's 18 and can be a counselor. She's got mixed feelings about it since it's her last summer to spend with her friends here, but she's only committed for two weeks at the beginning of summer and two at the end, so she'll still be home a good portion of the summer.

Oh, you were on the south rim -- did you walk out onto the glass floor thing?

Yay for you! Good grief on your brother's altitude sickness! I wonder how common that is?


Nice! I've been wanting to go to New Orleans! I was there for a very short visit (like several hours) in my early twenties when I'd driven down to Texas to bring my sister home from a jobhunting trip and we swung through New Orleans just to say we'd seen it.



One thought -- maybe after last year when the comments became overwhelming to you, maybe they're reluctant to say anything, even if to them it feels like a compliment?

Sorry, must have just forgotten. Still holding steady at 2.2 under goal, went to class this morning and Monday morning. Two brutal workouts! I had a nice NSV last week when I had picked up several bags of mulch and compost, some of which weigh 40 pounds. Two years ago I would have had to call John to come move them for me -- I wouldn't have even been able to get them out of the trunk for fear that I'd throw my back out, and wouldn't have been able to get them to wherever I wanted them because they were just too heavy for me to carry. But I got them out of the car and to where I wanted them nearly with ease. My back and upper body strength are that much better. Haven't been to WW for over a month, though, because Tuesdays lately have either been overbooked or it's been a good morning to work in the yard. I keep meaning to go!

????? Who/what is (a) Dipali???:?:

What a neat family tradition!! How old will Jane's campers be? Does she enjoy working with kids?

No, we didn't get there. It was like 200 miles away and ridiculously expensive by the time the entrance fees, parking fees, and shuttle fees were factored in. I wanted to do it, but no one else did.

I don't know, but the very possibility scared me, since I've always thought of my brother as being in FAR better shape than I could ever hope to achieve!


I've never seen New Orleans at all, or even been anywhere near it, and I've always wanted to visit there.



You could be right. It is a touchy subject with me, at least where they are concerned, and I'm sure they are aware of that.

All great news, especially the part about being able to carry the bags of mulch! I had a similar experience recently with a 50-pound bag of salt for my water softener. Isn't it amazing how much stronger we have become? (BTW, one of the things my friends did notice and comment on was the fact that I can now easily lift my arms over my head and can pull a t-shirt off without bending over at the waist and letting my arms hang down like I used to have to, which they were very impressed by!)

report: Bad day today, or at least a bad night, during which I had a major NS dessert-fest. It was precipitated by a combination of ambivalence about my latest eHarmony match, sadness over the changes in my relationship with my friends (even though things were definitely better than last year, I still feel that I am outgrowing them in many ways), and a growing desire for another major shift in my eating habits (wanting to get away from processed food, which means weaning myself off NS food, scary as **** since I have such an aversion to cooking and am such a picky eater). That led to the old bugaboo of thinking that I'd better eat all of the desserts now, because I'm going to give them up. Totally stupid. But I threw the rest of them in the garbage (trash pick-up is tomorrow). This evening I read two entire books in one sitting. One is called "Fit2Fat2Fit", which has been in the news a lot lately. It was written by a personal trainer who intentionally stopped exercising and started living on processed/fast food for six months (gaining 75 pounds in the process), then went back to his old healthy habits, in an effort to understand what his overweight clients go through. It was fascinating. The other was written by Bob Harper (from Biggest Loser) and laid out 20 rules for skinny eating. I don't think I can necessarily follow his menus (too many ingredients I don't like), but I think I can still follow the rules by adapting the menus to my own tastes. I still have a lot of NS food on hand but am going to start gradually reducing my reliance on it, and I am going to call tomorrow and cancel my auto-delivery (which I am still on after 3.5 years!!). And of course I will continue with the Beck tasks. Maybe I am making too much of this, but weaning myself from NS, particularly the cooking component, feels to me like as big of a lifestyle change as going on NS was originally. Giving up the diet soda was a big step in that direction, and I'm ready to take the next big step now. Now it will be about health rather than losing weight. That alone is a big shift in thinking.

Hope you had a great day!

Dipali is Jane's former friend who started dating Jane's ex after having called Jane a jealous crazy ***** because Jane couldn't understand why Dipali and Ritvik (the ex) would hang out together alone so much. :) We don't exactly hope for Dipali to be miserable, but when the -best- things don't happen for her, we also don't cry.

She really loves kids. She babysits for my friend Sue's grandkids for free when Sue needs to run errands without the kids -- or tries to, though often Sue insists on paying her. She won't know what age group she'll have until she gets the next week's assignment each week, but she's hoping for 10-11 year olds. They're the most fun and the easiest. The younger kids get homesick and need to be taken to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The older kids want to sneak out of the cabent at night and go meet boys. :)



I've heard it's a very strange feeling to be out on the glass floor.

Wow, that difference in mobility/strength must be making a big difference in your life.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear it!

Both are probably going to be ongoing issues for you to deal with, it seems.

On the positive side: because you have an extremely high tolerance for food routine, learning to cook for yourself is going to be a snap. You probably don't need to learn to make more than a couple of breakfasts, maybe five lunches, maybe ten dinners. And I definitely applaud you for wanting to get away from the processed food! Let me know how I can help. If you want to start making one new recipe a week and just put it into weekly rotation and build each week, by two months from now you could be eating mostly unprocessed foods.


Been there.

Yes, it is! Yay, you, for wanting to be HEALTHY as a primary goal!

Report: weighed (.8 under goal, so that's okay -- we went out for pizza last night with the extended family to celebrate Jane's graduation and that of her cousin Caroline, so I deserve to be up. No wine-induced snackfest when I got home, so that's a plus. Got up this morning before my alarm rang for class, got dressed, and was drinking my first cup of coffee when I realized, duh, it's THURSDAY. No class.

[QUOTE=va1erie;4362627]Dipali is Jane's former friend who started dating Jane's ex after having called Jane a jealous crazy ***** because Jane couldn't understand why Dipali and Ritvik (the ex) would hang out together alone so much. :) We don't exactly hope for Dipali to be miserable, but when the -best- things don't happen for her, we also don't cry. [/QUOTE[

LOL!!! Oh, so Dipali IS a who and not a what!!! Or not.........:D

Yes, but Jane will know how to handle those kids who want to sneak out to meet boys, because she once was one one of them!! That's great that she likes kids so much. I actually think that having the capacity to enjoy children is a big component of a well-adjusted, healthy personality.



I'm sure it is! Part of the reason that my friends soured on the idea is that the tour guide on the bus tour we took told us that the glass walkway was built by Native Americans as a way to rake in big bucks from the tourists in lieu of building a casino, and that it's a total racket. He was very harsh in his judgment of it.

For sure! Sometimes I forget just how much, but I really need to keep reminding myself so that I remember exactly why I never want to go back there.



Unfortunately, I'm sure that is true. The counseling is helping me, though. Without that, I suspect I would have imploded already from the stress of dealing with the dating issues.

Yes, my tolerance--PREFERENCE, really--for limited variety and for very simple plain foods will definitely work in my favor here. In fact, I don't need anywhere near 10 or probably even 5 different options! I've been living on just two different NS lunches for all this time, and about 4 or 5 different dinners. And I would be happy to have just one or two breakfasts. Today I managed to follow Bob Harper's rules without cooking at all; I just bought a pre-cooked turkey and pre-cooked boiled shrimp at the grocery store, and was perfectly happy.


I know. I would imagine that anyone who has ever struggled with weight can say the same.

It feels like the logical and necessary next step in what has been a very long evolution in my thinking and behavior.

YAY for no wine-induced snackfest! You seem to be doing better with that issue lately. LOL that you were dressed for class on the wrong day!!

I didn't weigh this morning and won't for a couple of days, simply because I want to concentrate on my behavior rather than the feedback the scale is giving me. Once again I could not sleep last night, didn't fall asleep until after 8AM, barely woke up in time for my personal training session, and am still exhausted. I still haven't adjusted to the 3-hour time change. But I had a really intense session. Am about to go to bed now and will be going to bed rather hungry (one of Bob Harper's skinny rules and one I haven't been doing well with lately; late night is the time I struggle most with my desire to overeat).

Have a great day tomorrow!

There you go! And I gave you the instructions for both poached boneless skinless chicken breast and for fish baked in milk. So there are four proteins right there! And you've done sauteed zucchini, too, I think? Concentrate on deeply colored veggies -- sweet potatoes, carrots, dark leafy greens such as spinach and broccoli, red and green peppers -- and on whole grains. Brown rice is easy but not fast; I can give you instructions for that, too, if you like it. Quinoa is a mild-tasting, very easy to make, VERY nutritious whole grain. For salads, go for dark green lettuces instead of iceberg. Iceberg is pretty much just crunchy water.


I'll have to look for that book at the library!

Didn't weigh this morning, but I ate very reasonably yesterday even though we put the dog down. :( Running late to get to my "meeting" and tomorrow I have the market, family in from out of town and a grad party, so it's possible I won't be in here until Sunday, but I'll try to find a few minutes!

Yep, I have those recipes you gave me. I especially loved the fish one. Harper's book mentions quinoa. Can you describe the taste for me?


I think it just came out recently, so the library is probably featuring it. My trainer told me he saw Bob Harper on TV hawking that book.

Oh, I'm so very sorry to hear about the dog. Losing a beloved pet is like losing a member of the family. Hope the graduation party is a wonderful celebration!

Didn't weigh this morning. Did a lot of heavy cleaning, which I turn into a game to move as much as possible (playing music, dancing around, etc.). I had a great counseling session with my therapist. Tomorrow I plan to walk to the gym for a workout. See you Sunday if not before!

It's a very mild, very tiny grain. Looks more like a seed than a grain. Sort of the texture of plain rice, but chopped finer and a little wetter, if that makes sense, because it's so small and it's a whole grain so still has its hull, which soaks up water. A mild taste, a little nutty in the way whole wheat and brown rice tastes nutty but milder, closer to pasta or bread. Most people who like rice, pasta, bread, potatoes would like the taste and find the texture unchallenging.




I put it on hold!



Yes, it was a drag. He'd become more and more incontinent over the past year, and in the past three weeks would simply pee in his bed and then lie in it, poor guy. It was time. He would have been 16 in August, and as a lab/golden cross that meant he'd broken most records. Goldens typically live 12-13 years and labs 12-14. He was a service dog, trained by Canine Companions for Independence up in Delaware, which we got when we didn't know what Michael's capabilities would turn out to be. But he ended up simply a well-trained pet. When I called CC to let them know, they were astounded he was still alive.

Was up early this morning (forgot again to weigh!) so I managed to get in here. Busy day -- I'll be heading for the market to help set up in about 45 minutes, then home to finish getting ready for my cousin's visit and the party. My cousin, who loves me and wouldn't care if my house looked like a crime scene, is one of the most meticulous housekeepers I've ever met. So even though I know I'm her favorite relative I always feel like I've not quite managed to get the house and yard where I'd like before I have her here! :)

Bob Harper's book recommends quinoa over brown rice, or maybe that was Fit2Fat2Fit?? Anyway, I hate nuts in any shape or form, so maybe I wouldn't like quinoa. But I'd be willing to give it a try.




YAY!



Wow, he was part of your family for a very long time. It sounds like his was a life well-lived, though, and he was obviously loved. I'm so sorry for the loss.
But like you said yourself, she'll love you anyway!! She's coming to visit you all and celebrate Jane's graduation, not judge your housekeeping and gardening skills!

I still haven't weighed myself (intentionally). It was 92 degrees today, so I walked in the mall rather than walking to the gym, AND I also worked out for two hours straight at the gym. Read my cards. Followed my eating plan. Tolerated a lot of hunger (am starving right now and hope I can sleep!).

Hope you are having a wonderful, celebratory weekend!! Savor every moment!

Do you like brown rice or whole wheat bread? That's the level of "nuttiness" I'm talking about. It doesn't taste like any nut, but the flavors have something in common.






Thanks! He was a good dog.




I still haven't weighed myself (intentionally). It was 92 degrees today, so I walked in the mall rather than walking to the gym, AND I also worked out for two hours straight at the gym. Read my cards. Followed my eating plan. Tolerated a lot of hunger (am starving right now and hope I can sleep!).

Hope you are having a wonderful, celebratory weekend!! Savor every moment![/QUOTE] Had a great weekend with my cousin! Didn't overeat at the party or dinner or breakfast this morning. I'm taking Jane up to camp tomorrow morning and will stay with Gwen (my cuz) tomorrow night. Didn't weigh today, must remember to tomorrow when I get up for class before leaving for camp.

Yeah, I like brown rice and whole wheat bread just fine. I wouldn't describe those as nutty!
Glad you had such a good weekend! Have a safe trip, and check in if you can..

Had a good day today. Went to the gym for an hour and a half and am very sore! Made plans for another date with my latest eHarmony match. We're going to take a hike on Wed.

If that's not the "nutty" you dislike, you'll probably like quinoa fine!


I'm taking my laptop with me, but I'm spending the night at Gwen and Russ's so not sure what my free time will be. I know they want to go out to some place called Vintage Estates. They're party animals. :)

Hope you have nice weather!

Report: weighed (1.8 under goal, yay!), didn't get to class this morning before we left as I'd planned. Helping Jane finish her packing, and then we'll be on the road!

Have a great day!

It's worth a try!


Looks like you didn't get on here today, so you must have had lots of fun last night! I didn't make it on here last night, so I guess we're even, although I'm sure you were having more fun than I was. I have an ear infection that is driving me absolutely crazy. I went to the doctor today for some medication, and he said it's a fungus that I probably picked up in the gym. Ugh. I fell asleep on the couch last night and ended up staying there all night. I woke up this morning with the TV and lights still on, and still dressed.



Yay for being under goal!! Hope you had a good trip.

I went to my personal training session (at which I sweat more than I ever have in my life, I suspect) today even though I felt so lousy. Ate about 1350 calories. Read my cards. I'm off to bed now.

I canceled my date for tomorrow because I am definitely not feeling up to it at this point.

Can't wait to hear about your trip!

Yeah, yesterday was a long day -- spent the night at my cousin's after going out with her and her husband and other friends from camp, drove home, then drove a friend to get our monthly peel from the lady who sells us our facial care products, got home late and went straight to bed. BUT I got a good night's sleep the last two nights, so yay for that.

Bummer on the ear infection! Ugh is right! Hope you can get it under control soon. Gyms are a little scary! You just know there's all sorts of trace bodily fluids being left pretty much everywhere. :)







Because of the ear infection?

Had a very nice trip, though Jane slept the ENTIRE way up, which was a bummer. We left early and she'd come in late from a last evening out with friends. I hope she has a good two weeks.

Report: didn't weigh this morning. Grr. Oh, well. Ate reasonably the last two days, though I did drink several beers at Vintage Estate and my cousin and I had a small beer-induced snackfest after. But I feel okay about it.

Hope you're feeling better today!

Wow, that does sound like a very long day! I'm so impressed that you get a facial peel every MONTH!!! (I've never had one in my life!) YAY for two nights of good sleep--something to celebrate for sure!

Yeah, I try not to think too much about all of the microorganisms at the gym. I did make sure to carefully clean every surface after I touched it so as not to pass along the joy. I feel a little better today but still in a lot of pain.







Exacty.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to sleep the way teenagers do?

YAY for reasonable eating!

I didn't do a lot today other than make a lot of phone calls to schedule a bunch of appointments. Ate about 1450 calories, got no exercise, read my cards. I need to get going on Beck tasks again.

Hope you got another good night's sleep!

THURSDAY: Had a really intense training session. Went to see the play Mamma Mia with four colleagues at the campus PAC--awesome!! We went out to dinner first, and I had a lunch portion of fettucine with chicken and broccoli with the sauce on the side. A very busy and productive day.

I get it because I buy her products -- the company she works for uses it as a way to make sure customers see anything new and get a chance to order replacements instead of defecting to something easier to get. :)



Man, that's a bummer. I think I've had an ear infection -once- and it was not pleasant.








Whoops, sorry! I didn't even realize I hadn't gotten in here. The days all sort of run together during the summer for me. I don't know what I'm going to do to keep track of the when both kids are gone this fall, or when John retires! I'll just have one long blur of days and will never know what day it is.

Weighed -- up, to .4 below goal, so must get on that again. Haven't eaten badly but I've had three nights this week that I was out somewhere having a glass of wine, so that's likely it. Am probably not going to my class as I've been up since 1 and am hoping to get back to sleep. Gah. Oh, well. I had three good nights this week!

Hope you had a great day!