I'm currently closing in on being 220 pounds, which is apparently a rather magical number for me. I've only reached it twice in the past (the last time being 12 years ago), and as I find myself approaching it again I'm sort of in awe over remembering what it was like before. This is about where I start to feel "normal" rather than "fat."
Now granted, I'm still at the very top of the obese BMI scale, but I'm down from being super-morbidly obese. I'm out of my old usual 24 jeans (I have no clue what size I was up to at my highest since I relied on stretch pants at the time) and have currently graduated into 16's. It's weird to hold up a pair of size 8 panties and know that they'll actually fit, they look so teeny to me! I'm also having an easier time finding tops that not only fit, but are actually flattering. I'm feeling pretty good about myself these days. I've been regularly wearing makeup and jewelry again, which felt pretty pointless when I was anywhere above 250. I recently bought an awesome new purse and a kick-@$$ pair of boots, neither of which is something I'd typically splurge on. It's been fun! Right . . . so what's the problem?
I'm used to being invisible, or worse, being looked upon as if I was contagious. For most of my life, store clerks have often looked completely past me when I've stood at their counters. Bars were places my friends dragged me to and I'd only get approached as a stepping stone. Whenever I'd go to parties I was treated as one of the guys. And I can feel all of that changing like it did 12 years ago.
Back then, it completely freaked me out. I was in my early/mid-20's, had very few friends, and had not yet been in any relationships. It was about much more than just my weight, I was molested throughout my childhood and had a very difficult time socially in my later school years. To suddenly have guys hitting on someone so socially awkward and unprepared was a complete shock to my system and was a major contributing factor to turning back to food for comfort.
Life is completely different now though. I've faced a lot of my demons, did a little dating and even got married. I don't carry the same fear now as I did back then when it comes to interactions and getting hit on. Maybe it's weird to think of it this way, but knowing I'm with my husband has been sort of a cushion so I wouldn't ever have to worry about getting hit on again. But of course, that's not exactly the way it works! About a week or so ago I was taking a walk, and a car driving past me gave me a wolf whistle. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was flattered; for once I knew it wasn't a joke (which has definitely happened to me in the past), but at the same time it really caught me off-guard. Earlier today I was browsing a store and a guy asked me for the time; I honestly can't remember the last time I was asked anything like that, lol. But that caught me off-guard as well because I think the guy was also trying to flirt with me? I'm not even sure since I've been so out of the loop. And a little later today I had to stop at a bar (our landlords are the owners) to drop off our rent check. I felt a patron looking me up and down while I was waiting for the receipt, and when I glanced in his direction he told me I was really hot. I thanked him rather awkwardly and turned my attention to my phone, afraid to make eye contact, and hoping that my wedding ring was visible. I'm not saying he was a creeper or anything, but yikes . . . I don't even know how to react. Those are just a few examples; I've been sensing this kind of thing a lot ever since 16's started fitting me and it makes me want to hide out in my house.
I know the asking for the time thing is insignificant and debatable, but I just know I'm losing that sense of invisibility I've lived with for most of my life. And I'm not quite sure how to react or even handle any of this. I think I'm much better prepared this time around and carry a lot more confidence, but I'm a little afraid of becoming overwhelmed and having a complete meltdown like I did years ago. I mentioned recently in another thread that I don't know how to not be the fat girl, if that makes sense. I'm just used to being seen and even treated a certain way based on assumptions and stereotypes over my appearance, and now that my outside is changing, so is the way I'm being seen by strangers. While I'm still the same person inside as I was last month and last year and beyond, I feel lost, and I suspect it will only get more intense as I approach a more normal weight.
Does any of this make sense? I'm sure I'll adapt over time but I want to make sure I don't let any of this derail me like it has in the past. Can anyone relate? How do you deal? While I wasn't happy with my old body it's now becoming completely foreign to me.
Last edited by Elladorine; 12-04-2012 at 08:28 PM.
This makes total sense... sounds like you have been through some difficult times in the past. But you are right - you can't let this new-found "visibility" derail you.
I don't really have any advice to offer. Maybe just treat all these men coming out of nowhere like you would a brother. Meaning, if a guy asks you for the time, answer him like you would your brother -- answer, smile, then back to what you were doing. You're married. Answering like that will give off the "I'm married" vibe; the receiver doesn't need to know that actually you are uncomfortable. And, with time you will become more comfortable.
Best of luck to you. Have have made incredible progress. Enter this new foreign land (as you put it) with your head high, and observe and learn the customs. Why? Because you're here to stay!!
I've been the fat girl and the invisible girl. But I love attention, so for me I welcome the changes in my body that others notice.
I'm sorry I can't relate more to your fears and offer better advice.
As you lose weight, you have to learn to accept the new you. People will react in any number of ways, but you can't let them influence your mental state. Stay strong, embrace the new you, and keep on "keepin on".
I agree with treating all the men either professionally or like family, to the point of indicating verbally if they continue making you uncomfortable. It's very effective to give off the "Married!" vibe and works like a charm. It also helps separate the creepers from the normal guys - one will respond in a socially acceptable way to those cues, the other ignores them. Then you can proceed with the blowoff/pepper spray/whatever
I know it can feel a little awkward, but you deserve to be admired! I hope you get some enjoyment out of it! :-) There's an old quote from Katharine Hepburn, "Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do!" It's funny flying under the radar--and then not--right?!
Last edited by HungryHungryHippo; 12-05-2012 at 03:01 AM.
Sounds like you've definitely gone through some hard stuff in the past but I have to applaud you for all the weight loss success. In some ways I feel like shedding pounds sometimes feels like we're shedding armor. Less to protect us and keep others away.
Take it a day at a time and even think about taking an exercise class like Zumba or even a meditation class. Doing those things made me feel more comfortable in my body and confident and feel that even though I lost the extra armor to keep others away, I was stronger and able to handle anything that came my way.
I can really relate to this, Elladorine. I'm not comfortable with attention from men. I don't find it flattering; I find it annoying. I'm also starting to get more looks from men and to be honest, it's messing with me more than a good bit. I think that's one of the reasons my weight loss has become such a challenge to me of late. I travel a good bit for business and airports are chock full of men in my age range who apparently now think I'm a good target to hit on and I'm still obese! I'm also 49 years old, for gawd sake. I thought that my age would offer me protection from unwanted attention but apparently not.
This makes total sense... sounds like you have been through some difficult times in the past. But you are right - you can't let this new-found "visibility" derail you.
I don't really have any advice to offer. Maybe just treat all these men coming out of nowhere like you would a brother. Meaning, if a guy asks you for the time, answer him like you would your brother -- answer, smile, then back to what you were doing. You're married. Answering like that will give off the "I'm married" vibe; the receiver doesn't need to know that actually you are uncomfortable. And, with time you will become more comfortable.
Best of luck to you. Have have made incredible progress. Enter this new foreign land (as you put it) with your head high, and observe and learn the customs. Why? Because you're here to stay!!
That's a really good way to look at it! And thank you. I think it's something that's really important for me to work on now, while I'm still in a transition phase. I was seeing a therapist several years ago, and some of my struggles at the time involved dealing with my coworkers. Since I didn't have the "normal" high school experience due to my issues and anxieties, I basically went through a lot of social issues a typical high-schooler would at one of my first jobs. So I'm thinking this must be a similar circumstance now. Mistakes will be made. Lessons will be learned. And I'll get more comfortable over time. I'm just so not used to being seen in such a light.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mozzy
Hugs!!!
I've been the fat girl and the invisible girl. But I love attention, so for me I welcome the changes in my body that others notice.
I'm sorry I can't relate more to your fears and offer better advice.
As you lose weight, you have to learn to accept the new you. People will react in any number of ways, but you can't let them influence your mental state. Stay strong, embrace the new you, and keep on "keepin on".
Thanks! I do think a part of me loves the attention, my issue is just being overwhelmed and not knowing how to handle it! And I don't know, maybe deep down I don't think I deserve it? I'm totally working on that though. So much going through my head right now! I'm going to stay focused on getting healthier regardless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arctic Mama
I agree with treating all the men either professionally or like family, to the point of indicating verbally if they continue making you uncomfortable. It's very effective to give off the "Married!" vibe and works like a charm. It also helps separate the creepers from the normal guys - one will respond in a socially acceptable way to those cues, the other ignores them. Then you can proceed with the blowoff/pepper spray/whatever
LOL! But yeah, can't believe that this didn't naturally occur to me, as it makes perfect sense. I do have a knack for treating people "professionally," it's almost like a switch in my head that I've set off for work. I think I just got in the habit of being overly-friendly on a more personal level in my daily life out of fear of rejection due to my weight. I'm going to have to change my whole mindset if I want to stay sane throughout my progress!
Quote:
Originally Posted by HungryHungryHippo
I know it can feel a little awkward, but you deserve to be admired! I hope you get some enjoyment out of it! :-) There's an old quote from Katharine Hepburn, "Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do!" It's funny flying under the radar--and then not--right?!
Thanks! Oh I'm definitely enjoying it, it's just that certain aspects are weirding me out! I do like the quote, it makes perfect sense! Perhaps it's interesting that my husband and I fell in love with each other before meeting in person?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaityCait88
Sounds like you've definitely gone through some hard stuff in the past but I have to applaud you for all the weight loss success. In some ways I feel like shedding pounds sometimes feels like we're shedding armor. Less to protect us and keep others away.
Take it a day at a time and even think about taking an exercise class like Zumba or even a meditation class. Doing those things made me feel more comfortable in my body and confident and feel that even though I lost the extra armor to keep others away, I was stronger and able to handle anything that came my way.
You're doing amazing! Keep on going!
Thanks! The excess weight has definitely been armor all my life, even during the times I was in denial about it. I know I've even used it in the past as an excuse for people to not like the real me, and not having it to fall back on gives me a new kind of vulnerability I've never really experienced before. I've recently stated that I don't even know who I am without all the fat, so this has really ended up being a journey more about self-discovery than actual weight loss. I hope I do get stronger, and I hope I become more comfortable with doing things physically as well as simply finding myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garnet2727
I can really relate to this, Elladorine. I'm not comfortable with attention from men. I don't find it flattering; I find it annoying. I'm also starting to get more looks from men and to be honest, it's messing with me more than a good bit. I think that's one of the reasons my weight loss has become such a challenge to me of late. I travel a good bit for business and airports are chock full of men in my age range who apparently now think I'm a good target to hit on and I'm still obese! I'm also 49 years old, for gawd sake. I thought that my age would offer me protection from unwanted attention but apparently not.
Blech.
I just want to go back to being invisible.
Something I've struggled with for years is my anxieties, but it wasn't something I fully recognized and attempted to properly deal with until this past year. Being approached with compliments, no matter how sincere, is one of the things completely out of my comfort zone, so I think it's going to take some time for me to adapt to feeling like a "normal" part of society, whatever that is. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through something similar.
It makes perfect sense, if you ever feel like it's too much take a break and relax. If you can't adapt maybe see a doctor? But I think it's a good thing, you should be proud!
No Longer Invisible?
And thank you. 
I think it's something that's really important for me to work on now, while I'm still in a transition phase. I was seeing a therapist several years ago, and some of my struggles at the time involved dealing with my coworkers. Since I didn't have the "normal" high school experience due to my issues and anxieties, I basically went through a lot of social issues a typical high-schooler would at one of my first jobs. So I'm thinking this must be a similar circumstance now. Mistakes will be made. Lessons will be learned. And I'll get more comfortable over time. I'm just so not used to being seen in such a light.
And I don't know, maybe deep down I don't think I deserve it? I'm totally working on that though. So much going through my head right now! I'm going to stay focused on getting healthier regardless. 
Perhaps it's interesting that my husband and I fell in love with each other before meeting in person? 
