[Pint Sized Terror]

My ex pushed and pushed me for 50-50 custody of our 2 kids. One, M, is 7 y/o and L is 4 y/o.

The ex's week with the kids started Friday. He had to work, so the kids went to his parent's house until Sunday afternoon. Saturday night he was on facebook bragging about going out with his "boys". Whatever. Maybe he needed to let off some steam. So Monday, the ex texts saying he's been trying ALL WEEKEND to contact me. Only he hadn't. I had a text from Saturday about soup and 2 calls from Monday that I returned to no answer back. Anyhoo... He said he was making some soup but he was going to take a quick nap instead. This was around 2:30 in the afternoon. He was supposed to drop the kids off at my house before he left for work at 8:30 that night.

Well drop them off he did! He literally pulled up to the curb, put L onto the sidewalk, went around to the other side, told M "You forgot the F***ing backpack!" put HIM on the curb, then pulled away. No goodbye, no see ya, nothing. Thankfully I was sitting on the porch with W, the boyfriend. At first I thought that was why he sped away like that. So I went up and gathered up the kids. L had no shoes and was dressed in a longish shirt with no pants, and M looked really upset. Neither kid had had their baths. L ran up to W and started her small talk and as I asked M how his weekend went, M just started BAWLING. He said his dad told him and L they weren't allowed coming back to his house because they were too messy and tore up the house too much. He said, "Mommy, what if daddy doesn't see us anymore like when he lived in (the state we moved from just after separating)" I was FUMING. I asked L what happened, and she said their dad fell asleep for a long time and they couldn't wake him up. She said he woke up and got mad that they had eaten cereal and gotten it on the floor, and had toys and papers from coloring and stuff everywhere. She said he was throwing stuff and broke a fan and was yelling, and said they couldn't come back. I was appalled. I left him because of that very thing. Yelling and screaming and throwing stuff. He just never directed it at the kids.

I told M his dad was just angry, and said things he didn't mean, and that we should always think about things before we say them, even if we are upset because it could hurt other people's feelings. He's inconsolable though. L doesn't like going to her dad's anyway, and was fine with him saying they couldn't go back, but before I put her to bed, she asked why her dad couldn't be nice like W (the boyfriend). It broke my heart.

I talked to the ex and he insisted the kids blew it out of proportion. That he was mad because he fell asleep for a few hours and the kids destroyed his house and he only told them "YOU CAN'T COME BACK IF YOU TEAR UP MY HOUSE." Like that was ok.

I don't know how to handle it. Both of the kids threw fits when he tried picking them up from the sitter, neither wanted to go with him. I don't want to excuse his behavior or play down their hurt feelings, like, "Oh he was just mad" because it's NOT ok for him to do that! Our son already has self-confidence issues, and this just made it worse.

I can't tell him he can't have the kids because it's court ordered custody. UGH!!!!!!

[ChickieChicks]

All I can offer is hugs. I came from a crazy custody situation, and eventually all contact was severed with the offending parent.

I don't know ow it all works today, but can you have the agreement revised? It sounds like he is classically neglectful. this can NOT go on. The children shouldn't have to fend for themselves and feel like such a burden.

Give them hugs for me. This breaks my heart!

[Brandis]

I would document this and make arrangements to have the custody reviewed, perhaps supervised. Why did he "fall asleep" to the point where "destructive" kids couldn't wake him up? This is the best question, especially if he was under the influence of something. Anyone who can't even put pants on their child doesn't need to be left alone with them. Period.

[LockItUp]

It may be court ordered, but if you petition the courts to revisit the matter due to new circumstances, they basically have to hear you out.

Document the crap out of everything. If you haven't written it all down, do it NOW! Every detail. Even if you don't petition the courts now, IF this type of behavior continues, you will have a lot of evidence of his neglect and verbal abuse, and that is exactly what it is.

I'm very sorry your children, and you, have to deal with this.

[ghost]

Not cool. Go back to court. Neglect and emotional abuse? Ring a bell? Take back full legal custody and let him have visitation and pay support. Maybe then he'll appreciate what time he gets to spend with his kids. I hate to say it, but my brother was the same way, didn't appreciate what he had till he lost it and now, when he gets his girls, once a year for two weeks ( their Mom moved out of state), he pays attention.

[Chubbykins]

I feel bad for the kids Perhaps the dad needs some counceling? It can't be pleasant for him to live like that either and he won't have another chance at those early formative years of his kids.

[XLMuffnTop]

Does he want joint custody just to avoid paying child support? My aunt's ex tried that stuff with her for a long time and it's just sad.

As others have said, document absolutely everything. Even ask for things in writing from others not involved in the situation like your sitter. Also, if you see anything on Facebook like "going out with his boys" when he has custody, take screenprints. Yes, you can still have fun with friends and whatnot but it may just seal the deal, so to speak, when trying to revise the arrangement in court. If he couldn't be woken up for several hours, he may have been too hung over, etc.

No matter how small, don't fail to take note of anything. Even if the courts continue to make your kids see him, it'll only be so long until the court will listen to your kids. I think I was 11 or 12 when I refused to see my father anymore. I told that to the cops that came to pick me up and take me home during my dad's weekend.

It sucks, but kids are strong and resilient especially if they have a good strong, positive force (you) in their life. No, this isn't pleasant but keep on doing the right thing and they'll understand eventually.