It's literally been years since anyone openly mocked my weight in front of me, so it really caught me off-guard today.
It's been a bad morning. Wake-up "sexy time" got interrupted by the husband's boss calling him in early. I've had a lot on my mind the past couple of days in general (been trying to find closure to the miscarriage I had earlier this year and we want to get pregnant again) and have been discussing specific upsetting events with a friend. A different friend hurt my feelings pretty badly last night/this morning, and I've already been feeling pretty emotional in general. I decided to drive to the store to get out of the house for a few minutes and pay the bills, but once I got inside the store, I realized I'd left my wallet at home. So I had to go back out to my car, drive back home, and go back to the store again.
As I was walking through the parking lot, I had the choice of taking two different directions toward the store, and being the polite person that I am, chose the direction that wouldn't be in the way of an oncoming car. But instead of going straight as I had expected, they turned (without a signal), which meant I was directly in their way after all. And as she passed me, the lady inside called out, "fat hippo!" through her open window to me.
I was stunned.
My first reaction was wanting to kick a dent in the side of her car, but besides that being a stupid idea she was already out of range by the time I'd processed what had happened. So I told myself she was probably having a bad day too and that I wouldn't let it get to me. I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately, right? I've recently lost another 15 pounds (so I'm back over 100 total lost again) and bought a new pair of smaller jeans a few weeks ago. So what do I care about what some annoyed stranger blurts out to me for getting in her way?
So I went inside and got in line for the Customer Service desk so I could pay my bills before having to go home and make lunch for me and my husband (I was already running behind since I'd had to go back home). The line didn't seem long for a change, and as I stepped into it, I heard everyone complaining about the new hours. As I looked around, I saw signs posted everywhere, stating they now don't open until noon, the time I needed to be home by to have lunch ready! Aggravated that I'd already wasted two freakin' trips to the store over nothing and would now have to make a third one after lunch, I stormed off. I tweeted about the lady in an attempt to vent, then drove back home . . . crying.
Why is this getting to me? I'm not twelve anymore. I know better now. I went through lunch without discussing it, because I figured if I brought it up I'd just start crying and didn't want to feel weaker than I already was. Now I'm sitting here at my laptop, reminding myself that I need to make that trip back to the store again. Hopefully without that bit of rudeness.
I don't know. Like I said, it's already been a bad day, and come to think of it, this past year hasn't exactly been a piece of cake. And as annoyed as I am about being called a name, it seems even worse that I indeed let it get to me, if that makes sense. It's really the least of my worries at the moment, but seems to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
I'll be fine. I'm pretty fine as it is now, come to think of it. It's not like I'm running to the nearest fast food joint in order to eat my sorrows, nor am I raiding the fridge for the candy bars that have been sitting there for weeks. I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing, and not fantasize about smacking all the people in my past that have made me feel so horrible over my weight . . . it's just not worth it. I'm not out to show them or anyone else, I just want to be a healthier, happier me.
It just sucks that people have to be such jerks in the first place.
Hey, I once got upset to the point of tears when someone on an online discussion board called me a moron and a r-e-t-a-r-d, even though I had gone out of my way to keep the discussion civilized. I'm not twelve either, I'm 55! I guess as long as we have egos and feelings we'll be vulnerable to emotionality. When we're already feeling beaten down by other life events we're much more vulnerable to these ultimately meaningless insults.
I hope you've put it behind you. You're doing great!
F.
Last edited by freelancemomma; 06-01-2012 at 05:14 PM.
Anyone normal would feel the same. You poor thing! I really don't get people. Just think of the mentality of someone who would actually yell an insulting name at someone else from a car??? I am going to think of you next time something hurtful happens to me and remember how well you handled it. You handled it with grace and dignity and should be very proud of yourself.
It just sounds like a cruddy day in general, sweetie. Don't let the insults, friend drama, or pregnancy stress get to you if you can at all help it. Sometimes we are just more sensitive (I know I have days like that, especially as my hormones surge and wane) and that is when I have to consciously tell myself it is NOT as bad as it feels like it is. Those are the times my head has to take the lead, because my heart is way too sensitive for it!
I'm so sorry that happened to you...and good on you for refraining from kicking her car - I'm not sure I would have been able to stop myself.
I truly believe that people who do things like that (bullies) are very unhappy with something in their lives, and are incredibly insecure. Saying rude things like that for no reason makes them feel better about themselves, and it's really quite pathetic. I feel sorry for people like that, who must put others down to bring themselves up.
That being said, I think it's only human nature to be hurt by it - I would have been. Just remember how far you've come, how incredibly awesome you are doing, and keep going.
And remember that karma is a b*tch!!
I'm sorry that happened. I would be upset about that too.
Reading your post really reminded me of something. I've called people things like "idiot" with my windows rolled up, for driving poorly or whatever, and that's not nice either. I have no idea what they've been through that day, or if they heard me how that could possibly hurt them. Logically, of course, I know it's not nice to call people names (even if I THINK they can't hear me), I need to practice that ALL the time.
Awwww... *hugs* I'm so sorry that happened to you. There is something particularly awful about being called fat... I don't know why, but I just know, even for people who are no more than averagely self concious about their weight, it cuts deep. Being called fat seems to hurt in ways that being called even things like ugly or stupid don't. I get called fat quite a lot- usually teenagers just shouting fatty or something. You'd think years of this would harden me to it, plus it is evidently true. But I can't help but feel upset
Just try and remember, it reflects badly only on them, not you. This is not what the rest of the world sees of you, it is just a person who is negative and full of hate and only sees such things, and don't see good in people.
I'm sorry that happened. I would be upset about that too.
Reading your post really reminded me of something. I've called people things like "idiot" with my windows rolled up, for driving poorly or whatever, and that's not nice either. I have no idea what they've been through that day, or if they heard me how that could possibly hurt them. Logically, of course, I know it's not nice to call people names (even if I THINK they can't hear me), I need to practice that ALL the time.
I need to do this too!!! I have slight 'road rage' when it comes to bad drivers but I need to reel my thinking and feelings back in and just re-effing-lax.
Well, my first response was to say "****" and that kicking the car would have been a good idea (no, not really, but I would have wanted to!!!) but I'll keep it civilized and write this instead:
You've got a lot on your mind, and bleepin' a******* don't help.
All I can say is, don't let the "fat hippo" remark reflect on your weight. People KNOW the best way to hurt a woman is to call her fat - and I've seen people wail fat insults at women in their 120s.
It's still lame, but good job not kicking in her car. Sorry it happened to you
I hate being an echo but I think any girl, no matter her size, would have felt like sh*t in that situation. I would have taken it worse than you, honestly. Reminds me how ugly society can be.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It would effect me too, even though I'd wish that I could let it just roll of my back. I'm amazed that someone (especially an adult) can be so unkind to a stranger... how sad. You are doing amazing in your journey!
I am so sorry that this happened to you! It sounds like you really had a terrible morning, and believe me, if I were you I would have either burst into tears in front of that horrible lady, or started plotting revenge in my head!
At least that you know that you will never be as rude, or hurtful as that lady was to you. I really don't understand how people can be so hurtful to someone that they don't even know.
Sticks and Stones?
So I told myself she was probably having a bad day too and that I wouldn't let it get to me. I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately, right? I've recently lost another 15 pounds (so I'm back over 100 total lost again) and bought a new pair of smaller jeans a few weeks ago. So what do I care about what some annoyed stranger blurts out to me for getting in her way?
