I don't know where else to turn to. I should be happy but I'm not. I've lost the weight I wanted....so now what? I count calories everyday. I know my BMR is around 1880 so I try to eat around 1600-1700 plus I do a light to moderate workout 5 days a week to "maintain" my current weight. But lately (as in the last month or two) I'm finding it extremely hard to stay on track with my healthy eating. I've been eating well over my calorie limit several days a week, and usually on junk food like ice cream and chocolate. I "trick" myself into eating it by saying things like "you only live once" or "I'll just eat less tomorrow to balance it out". I've eaten 1000's of calories over my limit, at times, and struggled everyday to fight the urge to eat junk food. Today for example I ate 1000 calories over with chocolate chips and peanut butter and the only thing I know to do to "fix" it is to work out a tonne and eat way less tomorrow. I've thankfully, not regained any weight probably because the days following a "binge" I lower my calories way down to balance it all out (but that can't be good for my body). I don't keep that stuff in my house to limit the temptation, however there are several grocery and convenience stores around me that carry all the bad stuff. I find myself wasting my money on sweets and pizza and not being able to control this anymore. I thought once I was at my ideal weight I could eat the sweets in moderation, but for me, it's just not possible it seems. Does that mean I'll never be able to just enjoy one chocolate bar, or only a couple slices of pizza? Am I better off cutting out the sugar for good? Am I going to regain back all my weight? I feel as if I'm going to be stuck counting every single calorie, measuring everything I eat, and fearing that I gain back even a little weight, for the rest of my life. Is this how it'll always be? How do I "maintain" without feeling like I'm still on some sort of a diet?
In a nutshell...yes....and no. From asking a lot of ?'s on the Maintenance sub forum, it's pretty clear that maintaining weight loss takes a very similar amount of effort as losing. Unfortunately, for most people who lose weight, it's a struggle that continues. I know that I reached goal around the beginning of August and it's still a huge struggle for me to stay there. I have a problem with binge eating. Maybe one day, I"ll figure it out and be able to have a normal relationship with food, but as for now, this is my life. The fact is though that it's still worth it. I wouldn't go back to eating with reckless abandon. How I look and feel make this a worthwhile (major) effort. I know it's maybe not what you wanted to hear, but that's just what I feel is the reality of the situation. Congrats on reaching your goals and for also not letting some slips derail you. That's actually very impressive.
I don't think anyone (or at least not many folks) can maintain without feeling they're still on some sort of diet, because going off the diet will result in regaining.
We can't trust our "autopilot" because if our autopilot wasn't off-kilter, we would have never gained weight in the first place.
However, I do think you're making maintenance (and the weight loss phase as well) more difficult and more stressful than it has to be.
You're worrying about things you don't have to worry about unless you drastically change your plan (and if you have a good plan, you don't have to worry about that).
You can't wake up 90 lbs heavier than you went to bed, so the only way to regain is to give up and stop implementing your weight maintenance plan. If you need to lose (even one pound), you implement weight loss plan. If you need to maintain, you implement your weight maintenance plan. If you lose too much, you implement your weight gain plan.
That's maintenance, not maintaining a magic number forever - it's about dealing with your weight on the pound or two level, not waiting until you have 10 or 20 lbs to lose.
I've tried (and mostly failed) at weight loss for 40 years, mostly because I got sick of dieting (thinking I was entitled to break, thinking I shouldn't HAVE to diet) all because I made dieting too miserable to bear. This is the first time I've experiences anything at all like the success and confidence (and peace of mind, and even fun) with my eating plan. I have no fear or qualm about eating this way forever. I like the way I eat now, and I'm glad I'm going to eat this way forever (and I'll tell you more about that in a minute), and I don't fear regaining, because I have an plan in place to prevent it (and it's not a horrible, punishing, uncomfortable plan).
I'm not afraid of regaining, because I know the only way that can happen is my deciding that I'm not willing to do what it takes to maintain the weight. Only by giving up can I regain. Of course, by regain I mean a lot of weight - because I will always gain, lose, and regain again - but I'll be dealing with a few pounds, not a few dress sizes.
I think we think of maintenance as never seeing anything on the scale except our goal weight. And we also see it as the same behavior every day, forever (and I don't think that's accurate either).
The biggest difference this time has been being committed to and focused on maintenance from the start. I decided that my main goal was going to be "not gaining" and my secondary goal was to lose weight (telling myself that "maybe I can lose just one more pound.")
When I do get to goal weight, the only thing that will change is that I'll no longer have the secondary goal. Everything else is going to be exactly the same.
I intend to weigh daily for the rest of my life, so that I can't regain a bunch of weight without noticing.
I don't panic when I have eat off plan, or overeat one day.
I don't decide that eating off plan means I'm doomed to regain or that I'm doomed to be fat forever, so I might as well give up.
I don't decide that I have to "fix" a mistake by drastic measures
I don't count every single calorie (I estimate with an exchange plan).
I don't decide that I can never eat something (not just during maintenance, but forever - but I"m eating like I plan on eating forever from the start).
And some days I don't count at all (but I weigh myself daily, and I don't let one day off plan erase my goal to not gain weight and to lose more weight).
I do measure most of what I eat, and probably will.
There are tons of strategies I can employ in weight loss and in maintenance.
I can lose a battle, but I can't lose the war unless I give up.
Eating off plan doesn't derail me, nearly as much as believing that "I'll never be able to ....."
This time is also different in that I'm experimenting a LOT. I evaluate every experiment and see what works best for me.
If I eat a lot of carbs, I end up eating out of control and gaining, so I find ways to incorporate fewer carbs.
I focus on making delicious food that doesn't trigger the hunger that carbs do.
I've found ways to incorporate trigger-foods like chocolate and pizza into my diet (and if it fits in weight loss, it's surely going to fit in maintenance).
But mostly I've found ways to make non-trigger foods so delicious that I don't miss the trigger foods.
There are thousands of ways to make dieting and maintenance less stressful, but I think the most important one is to give yourself a break.
Don't expect to never be tempted.
Don't expect to never gain an ounce (just give yourself a leeway range - for your sanity's sake the range should be at least two or three pounds above and below your goal weight). When your weight falls out of leeway (or is getting close) do what you need to (lose or gain) to get it back into leeway.
Yes, you'll be losing and regaining the same 2-4 lbs for the rest of your life, but it's better than losing and regaining the same 100 lbs, right?
If you have a leeway range you also don't have to do any sort of penance for eating off plan. You let the scale tell you whether you have to work any harder to stay in leeway. If you're in leeway, fantastic. Just go back to your maintenance plan. If you've fallen under, you can eat a bit more to get back to leeway. If you've fallen above leeway, just go back to weight loss plan. And it doesn't have to be starvation and insane gym workouts. If you're a pound or two above goal weight, you don't have to lose it in 24 hours - you can give yourself a week or even two. You just can't decide to "do nothing" and let 2 lbs above leeway, become 4 lbs, then 8....
You can eliminate the stress without fearing weight gain.
Refusing to make yourself miserable is an amazing way to lose and maintain weight loss. It doesn't take the work out of it, but it takes most of the drudgery and misery out of it. I don't have that fear of regaining constantly over my head, like I've had most of my life. I've also made the weight loss phase as fun as it can be, and I expect maintenance only to be just as fun and stress-free, because I'm commited to making it fun and stress free.
Very well said, Kaplods! I wish I had your mindset, I'm working on it though! I just started but I'm already scared myself of never having a normal food relationship. But anything has to be better than the way I thought about food up until recently. I'm sorry you feel so frustrated tigergal24 and I hope it gets easier for you!
Tiger, you might find some insight in the chick in control forum for the "can't eat just one" issue. The only thing I can think of that could help you is to plan your splurges beforehand and limiting them to only having "x" amount of whatever that splurge is on hand. Certainly at your daily calorie content you could plan a day wherein you eat lighter less dense calorie foods for say breakfast and lunch, and have a "smart" dinner, then have your splurge that you've preplanned. I don't know if this makes sense, but its like wanting icecream and if you have a gallon in the freezer, portion control can fly out the window, but if you plan to have say a sundae, go get that one sundae and its over. If you've fit it in, no guilt afterwards. Just my 2 cents.
And congrats on the weight loss and maintenance. I think you can figure it out; you know how to do this.
Thank you everyone for the kind replies. Kaplods, you're post is very inspiring and has given me a new insight to everything. Dieting and maintaining shouldn't be as complicated or stressful as I've been making it out to be. I'm so thankful that my frequent bad eating hasn't caused any major weight gain and that I've caught this problem before it turned into something worse. I woke up this morning feeling much better and I now have a new view on things. I used to feel jealous for those people who ate "normal" and didn't think twice about what they were consuming. Now however I realized I should be feeling privileged and happy that I'm not one of those people, that I have the tools and support to maintain a good weight, and I will be healthier for it in the end. Thank you all again!
Ahhhh is this how it'll always be now?
