I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand. I've had to put down many animals and watch some go as well. It's very difficult. My cat of 9 years got out 12 days ago. My heart has been broken. I assume, and have to think he's alive somewhere but it hurt A LOT. He slept with me in bed. He waited for me when I showered, he was my little shadow. When I had penumonia he just laid with me all day for 5 days in my bed.
Animals are great. They become our family, and are there for us more than many people. I completely understand. I didn't exercise for days after Moe got out. Actually, today is the first day since. I found it hard to eat as well, and have stress of finding a job and money problems. But, I just kept praying and asking for peace.
I still can't go outside without hollering his name, and I can't sleep in my bed (pathetic I know). I've taken sleep time to the couch. He was there through 6 moves, my ex husband going to prison and coming home, and then a divorce and me moving back home. It's hard but it gets easier. I just know, as cheesy as it sounds no matter where our babies are they'd want us to keep getting better and healthier, they're proud of us. No one would want us to give up completely. A break, there's nothing wrong with we all need one sometimes. I mean, taking some time off isn't the worst thing in the world.
You are grieving and that is perfectly okay. For me, Moe is the only family I have other than my mom. Since he's been gone I genuinely feel like I lost my best friend. Human or not.
It does get easier, be gently with yourself. Let yourself cry and miss Ruby. I comfort my self by constantly asking God for peace- I haven't cried at all yesterday or today. I also remind myself I will see my Momar again (I truly believe it) even if it is in heaven and years from now. We'll be together again and I'll give him a big hug.
I've also found that thinking of all he went through with me, all the goofy things he did, he has blessed my life so very much. Just like I'm sure Ruby has. And though we are sad and will cry, we can be happy we had them and were blessed with all the simple, important things animals teach us.
I miss Moe, but I wouldn't had traded the years with him for nothing. He made my life so much brighter. Like I'm sure Ruby did for you as well. And, one day once we're done grieving we'll remember them with only smiles. I plan to get another animal within 6 months- a year. Right now I can't. I feel like I'd be trying to replace Moe. I love animals and so many need a home, and when I get one it deserves my full attention- not me expecting him/her to be like my other baby.
It will be okay, don't be hard on yourself, it's okay to grieve and it gets easier. We are blessed to have someone we loved so much who loved us as well- unconditionally even.
I pray you have peace and comfort. Remember we WILL see them again one day. Whether in heaven, in our dreams, or in another life. Whatever your beliefs it isn't the end. Moe is my baby, I love him like a mother loves a child- though not many understand that. I expect that God will let me see him again