[Everlasting]

185.6.... ugh... what a gross number. I had finally reached that number back in May and was so proud of myself for getting there. Rising up past 185.5... 185.5 is a BMI of 29.9, but 185.6 puts be back up with a BMI of 30, which is where I never wanted to be again. It's depressing. Yes, I know, I've only gained back 15lbs from my low weight, but re-losing that 15lbs is a good 2 months worth of work for me! If I would have stayed on plan I would have been to my goal right now, or at least not fringing on the "obesity" category again! Okay... well, the numbers don't mean too much to me I guess, but there are other things that do...

-I hate feeling bloated and gross and knowing that I overate or binged. I ate WAAAY too much yesterday, and the day before... and albeit it was leftovers from a casserole I had made for people and I wouldn't have wasted it, I shouldn't have had for 3 meals, and I had too much sugar. I literally ate until I was painfully stuffed for all three meals, and I really don't know why.

-I completely stopped exercising, with the exception of choreographing some dances for my bellydance final. I had been running, zumba all the time, biking, swimming, walking, dancing, etc... I was always on the move but school has been too time consuming.

-My "new size 12s" that I got on earlier in the semester are getting snug again and I have been avoiding wearing them.

-My skin has been horrible. Blotchy, and greasy, and acne has been popping up. Ugh. I know it's because of how I have been eating.

-I looked at the calendar today and noticed that four weeks down from today... January 8th... I am getting married! My mom and I were planning on going shopping for a pattern and fabric for a dress right after Christmas, which means I'm going to have to be measured in a couple weeks! Good motivation to stay on plan.


OKAY, get on plan. A couple times during the semester I tried to get myself there, by doing little things... changing little parts... but that leads me to failure. I have to be all in. Today I am completely reverting back to calorie counting, and I am going to exercise for at least 60 minutes. I don't work... I have a whole list of things to get done, but working is not one of them, so I do have time.

OKAY GO.

[katy trail]

it sounds like there's some trigger situations you need to work on. tweaks to make in your plan. make some back up plans for your on plan food and exercise. your exercise doesn't have to be a class or going to the gym. i constantly have to remind myself too. just think, if you jumped rope. that is really hard too. no equipment needed and it's super fast. make it intervals. jumping, squats, jumping, push ups, jumping, side lunges, more jumping. or running in place or jacks. plan your day. plan ahead. YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

[katy trail]

also, to put things in perspective. i'm almost the same weight as you, but on the way DOWN. it's not actually a really bad number. and 1 10th of lb is a glass of water for goodness sake. there's no sense in getting all worked up that your bmi is barely at 30 anyway. the bmi is a crock of bs anyway. what about all that muscle you have? it's not taken into consideration at all. remember, you are still less than 200. still less than 190. the buck stops here. you won't gain all your weight back. you are on plan today!

[luckymommy]

I really know how you feel....I"ve lost and gained back....actually I had gained back about 50 lbs. before I came back here with my tail between my legs and my head down. I felt beaten and out of control. Like you, I made a decision that I HAD to make a change. I got back to calorie counting and working out and that combo worked. It felt slow but I kept telling myself that this is my body. For the rest of my life. I must take good care of it. I know the pressure of wanting lose weight for a wedding and if that motivates you to kick into gear, then great....but don't let it get you down or to pressure you to lose faster than humanly possible (in a healthy way).

It sounds like you've got a great plan and the time to implement. I'm sure you'll do great! Wooohooo!!!!