*Great big, heaving sigh* Okay... so this is about a boy. Usually, I am pretty confident around them but this boy has me a bit stymied. We'll call him David. Because that's his name.
I met Dave about a month ago and he's wicked nice and really smart and also, not that it matters... crazy hot, lol. He's my type: Tall, thin and dorky. We seem to hit it off right away, we hung out a few times and did little stuff like go to the mall or walk around a store and that was cool. Conversation is easy and fun and we have a lot in common.
Sounds great right? Here's the thing... It's always (and I mean ALWAYS) me that that initiates the hang-outs. I'm always the one to say "So what are you doing Friday?" or "You busy after work?" Even if I try and wait it out, we talk at work and then he never plans anything. Am I being a crazy stalker and should realize he's not into me? Or is this a cue that he's WAY too passive for me and expects me to plan everything? Should I just stop planning things and see if he steps up? Maybe he's on the friend track and I'm too dense? No idea, ladies (and gents,) so any help you have would be great!
Last edited by Thousandsunny; 03-06-2010 at 10:24 AM.
There's obviously some interest on his part. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't be hanging out with you. Maybe ease up on the planning a bit and see what happens. But I can say that after 3.5 years I do 75% of the contacting and planning in my relationship. It gets a little frustrating, but that's just the way it is. It just doesn't occur to my bf to see what's happening or to give me a call and see how my day was. He's a little socially inept on that part. But when we do get together we have fun. So your boy might kinda be like my guy in that regards.
I would wait it out and see what happens. If he initiates, then you know he's into you. If not, he may just see you as friends. Though he may be shy. This is tricky. I'd ask a mutual friend their opinion because this can really vary on a case by case basis, given certain boys' personalities.
Well, you could do something really wild and ask him. Say, "I like you and I like spending time with you, but I'm starting to feel like a crazy stalker."
It's hard to say, but isn't it better to know for sure?
Thanks for the advice! Actually, I have said "Haha, I feel like I crazy stalker asking you so much" etc, and he just laughs. I think I'll just wait it out and see if he takes up the torch. If not, he may be too passive for someone like me, lol. Thanks guys!
It could be either reason. I agree that you should stop contacting him for a little while and see what he does. If he doesn't try to contact you, then maybe he's not a guy you want for your bf!
Maybe try saying you want to hand out but dont know what to do, ask if there is anything he wants to do? Then the ball is in his court. He could just be someone who is too shy at first to try and suggest things when he is just getting to know you, so i say give him some time and a few opportunities and see what happens
When you try to make plans, does he usually say yes? If so, he's probably interested. If he claims he has other things to do, then he may not be. Guys are just as weird as us girls. There are a lot of passive guys out there. I think they are a good catch
The other unfortunate possibility is that he says yes to all of the plans you try to make because he likes you platonically.
I had this situation with a close guy friend for aaages. I would ask him to hang out lots, he would ask me to hang out... and anytime I backed off to gauge his level of interest... he thought I was mad at him.
As much as I was crushing on that guy, we would never be anything more than friends... he just wasn't interested in me in that way. And now that I've moved on and have dated other people, we truly are nothing more than friends, and my crush is all gone.
I hope that's not the case for you, but many women subscribe to the "He's just not that into you" mentality that if he's interested in dating you... he's gonna make it happen some way or the other.
The only way there would be NO question as to whether his intentions are for a relationship maybe or a platonic friendship is to ask, plain and simple. You can wait for him to make a call...but would him initiating a hang-out session at the mall let you KNOW he's into you? No...you still might just be friends.
No way to know other than asking. If he's into you in THAT way, great! If not, it'll stink to hear, but at least you won't be questioning it anymore.
I agree with everyone else. Wait a little while and don't plan anything. Hopefully he will notice the loss and contact you for a date. He sounds cute, my BF is tall, thin, handsome, smart and dorky as well!
Thanks guys. I'll probably mix all your advice together and wait a bit to see what happens and then, if all else fails, ask point blank. My only fear with that is if he's spooked out of friendship by the force. Ah well, I'll and see!
OY- Boy question!
