Let me start by saying its not the "diet" itself and I'm doing quite well. Its my mother. Every time I try a new recipe or something creative like incorporating more vegetables into my food or buying healthier food choices she calls it "experimenting." She thinks it absurd and mocks me in front of other relatives, which in turn they find it humorous and silly as well. Then they ALL question me about my motives for trying to better myself.
Background: I'm not overweight( never have been) I just would to live a far more healthier lifestyle. As a permanent new years resolution.
I don't say anything when they buy fattening foods or question their lifestyle. As much as I hate to sound pompous some of them NEED to follow my examples, instead of buying every weight loss machine they see or hear about. Which usually just sits collecting dust. Needless to say I don't appreciate this at all, but I fear my mother and do not dare tell her how I feel. However I can't help but get annoyed when she comments about me buying stuff.
I do my best and try to cook when she is at work but sometimes I have left overs that I leave in the fridge however its not much, like a bag or two. Even so I always keep it out of the way of her foods. Yet she still makes snide remarks.
Sorry for the rant my mother and I aren't close and she mocks me on a lot of petty like my dog, but when she makes ignorant comments on me doing something positive for myself I can't but get flustered. I can't wait to move out.
I'm sorry about your mother- some people when they are unhappy with their own lives make a point of trying to make others miserable.
When my mother was married to my father she did this to me. I'd go out with friends (the RARE times she let me out). Then ask me what happened, I'd tell her then she'd nit pick it apart until at the end she was screaming and yelling at me and I was in tears. Even when I started saying "oh nothing much we just hung out" she'd accuse me of all sorts of terrible stuff and run to my dad saying I was doing all these bad things- it was very frustrating. I moved out as soon as I went to college (I purposely picked one where I couldn't live at home).
My parents eventually divorced and my mom mellowed out- she's not like that anymore- but there was a time where I hated her.
I'll probably get flamed for this but I'd probably have responded to her with "Well I have to make healthier stuff since you all are so fat..." lol. I know I know it's mean!
Thank you beerab for the kind words Her temperment in general is really strong and domineering for my personality type. I'm just a laid back, let people walk all over me type of gal so I really don't understand why she would do this. I don't know what it is with her. The only thing I want to do get out of this house ASAP, and take my dog with me.
I'm really sorry to hear that the one person you should be able to trust is ridiculing you infront of others. I know it's hard but if you don't stand up for yourself then nobody will. Sometimes the only way to make a relationship stronger is to make yourself stronger first.
First you must realize that by eating healthy for yourself you appear strong to others. And by being headstrong it makes others feel weak and threatended and that is why people are cutting you down. As long as you know this you can quietly lead your life as you are, and ignore those who are bashing you.
Howevery, a mother is something different. A mother has the responsibility of making you feel good about yourself. In my opinion she's not doing that and deserves a word or two back. Find the strength to tell her "Mom, I'm not asking you to agree with my choices, or to follow my decisions, or to adapt my lifestyle. But if you don't respect me then there is little chance that we can remain close once I move from here because I simply cannot allow someone (anyone!) to continuously put me down. So you can continue to ridicule me infront of others all you want, but I will continue to make healthy choices and eventually all those people may start to ridicule you for treating your daughter so poorly that she never even comes around anymore. Do unto others Mom."
LOL--I am kinda feelin' like Beerab. When she says you are "experimenting" you could reply, "I don't want to eat like everyone else because I don't want to LOOK like everyone else.." LOL!
It is sad, my sister is toxic to my health...some of it my fault, alot of it hers. I started my diet in october and lost weight and she noticed. for whatever reason, she keeps a certain amount of discord around her. I could go on, but why. as for my family, most of them are thin, petite, and dumb. my mother has a larger stature, muscular for a woman, but was put down by everyone in her family (extended family included); her nickname was fatty. she had to fight and it was many years (50, she's 55) before they left her alone.
I moved out 2 weeks ago, and let me tell you i have peace of mind like i haven't had in years. it was the best thing i could do. even living with complete strangers was nowhere near as stressful as living with my sister...i know, twice i found random strangers to room with.
I answer to myself and don't have to explain myself to anyone about anything i do...im 31, leave me be!
The best advice i can give is to start looking for a place to live...craigslist works great to give you an idea of what apts are renting for. get a job if you don't have one and save up.
Thanks gals I am relieved to read that I am not alone in this, I keep to myself so I don't really have anyone to talk about it with. Dad keeps telling me to tell her how I feel about it but I know better. She gets defensive and starts arguing very loudly, not about this but over any disagreement. He knows this as well I as I do as there have been many times in which he just abruptly ends the conversation because of the way she acts.
It's bad enough she doesn't want me in the kitchen, but to mock my foods is adding insult injury. I will just keep making packed meals and putting what I can in my deep freezer until I have to thaw it. As for other parishables I might just invest in a mini fridge, a stove, and pots pans.
I'm so sorry, RedRock. Of all people, your mother should be supportive of you, and it makes me sad that she isn't.
My own mom isn't a domineering or controlling person, but when I told her I had lost a couple pounds and was planning on losing more, she screwed up her face and said, "Oh... I dunno, honey, losing weight is really hard." (The subtext I heard was: "I don't know if you can do it.")
And yes, sometimes it IS really hard, but I am determined to show her that I can and will do whatever I put my mind to, no matter what she thinks! I feel like if I DON'T follow through and do what I said I would, then her pessimistic attitude "wins", and I don't like that. Maybe you can use your mother's comments as a motivator for yourself?
At any rate, I do agree with others here that you should talk to her, including mentioning that her comments are driving you away emotionally. My dad fought with my brother for months because my dad didn't approve of the woman he was marrying... at least, until my brother said, "you know, dad, I'm going to marry her, whether you like it or not, and if you keep doing this, i'm not going to want to visit home anymore." after that, my dad still disapproved of the marriage, but he kept his comments to himself, which was a big relief to the rest of us.
Family issues with new lifestyle
Her temperment in general is really strong and domineering for my personality type. I'm just a laid back, let people walk all over me type of gal so I really don't understand why she would do this. I don't know what it is with her. The only thing I want to do get out of this house ASAP, and take my dog with me.
