[Happy Canuk]

Just starting a new thread. Said all I had to say on the last thread, but it is getting long

[Happy Canuk]

If you send this to just one person, it should
make it all the way around by Mother's Day.
This is for all the mothers who have sat up all
night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf
laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid
saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."
Who walk around the house all night with their
babies when they keep crying and won't stop.
This is for all the mothers who show up at work
with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their
blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and make
cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the
mothers who DON'T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies
they'll never see. And the mothers who took those
babies and gave them homes.
This is for all the mothers who froze their buns
off on metal bleachers at football or soccer games
Friday night instead of watching from cars, so
that when their kids asked, "Did you see me?" they
could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for
the world," and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their
kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair
when they stomp their feet like a tired 2-year old
who wants ice cream before dinner.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making babies.
And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.
For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon"
twice a night for a year.
And then read it again. "Just one more time."
This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to tie their shoelaces before they started
school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro
instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically
when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even
though they know their own off spring are at home.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be
just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from
the school nurse an hour later asking them to please
pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips sometimes
until they bleed - when their 14 year olds dye
their hair green.
What makes a good Mother anyway?
Is it patience?
Compassion?
Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew
a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it heart?
Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or
daughter disappear down the street, walking to school
alone for the very first time?
The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from
bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back
of a sleeping baby?
The need to flee from wherever you are and hug
your child when you hear news of a fire, a car
accident, a child dying?
For all the mothers of the victims of all these
school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the
shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers
who sat in front of their TVs in
horror, hugging their child who just came home from
school, safely.
This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy
bears on their children's graves.
This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation.
And mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all.
So hang in there.

Please pass along to all the Mom's in your life.
"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."

[Candicej]

My sympathy to meme You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Candicej]

Your advice please.............

Dh came home from work tonight and told me one of my friends had
passed away while in surgery, her heart stopped, she was only 45. (did not know she was having surgery)

She had health problems all her life from diabetes, undergoing a
kidney transplant and then lossing both her legs to circulation
problems. She never let people know if she was not feeling well,
always up and helping out when and where ever she could a wonderful
inspiration to us all!!!!!!!!!

Anyway I feel so bad because I have not seen here in about two years
but kept intouch through email, she raised Bostons and pugs and
wanted me to come see her new litters but I never made it there. DH
was afraid I would bring one home and I do not go out much with the
fibro thing. Keep pretty much to myself, just easier that way. Well
I feel terrible that I never paid her a visit and the last email I
had from her was in April and she had fallen and hurt her hand and
told everyone she could not type anymore for awhile. I knew
something must be wrong the longer it went that I did not her form
her but I didn't bother to call, cause I felt stupid asking if she
was ok on the phone, but I did send her cards and email all the time,
just did not here back from her. I'm not much of a friend I guess..I
should have done something for her. I even told her once that since
I do not go out much or hear from anyone in town much someone could
die and I would have to read about it in the paper. (we both
laughed) I just wish I had taken the time and made the effort to
visit her in person.

So my question is what do we do for the surving family, husband and 2
grown children. Is there something we can get them to remember her
by or wait to see what the paper says for donnations. (she use to be
a member of the emergeny squad in town and I'm sure they will be
mentioned). I'm not sure I can bring myself to go to the visitation,
I have not been to any in a very long time, the crowds bother me so
terribly, and I'm afraid the family will think if I do make the
effort I should have done it before she passed away. I'm really
upset over all this. When our children we small we were best friends
and saw each other often. How could I let the Fibro take away my life (just can't deal with life anymore..that is why I keep to myself and garden)
(I'm sitting here sobbing now)................... Help me please and
keep the family in your prayers they have been through so much!

[Happy Canuk]

Candice - I am sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. The past is past and there is nothing you can do about it. We will always have regrets about something we could have, should have, done. You are not a bad friend, just a friend who was ill herself.

If you can go to the funeral, that would be nice for the famil. I am sure they will not be thinking of any of this past stuff, but will be very happy to see you.

As for getting a rememberance, that would be nice, but I have no idea what that would be.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

[Serenity62]

Dear Candice

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes in life we have to put ourselves first in order to just get by.

There were days that your pictures of your garden were what gave me the encouragement to get on with life.

Sometimes - we are passing things along to another that we do not even know about.

If you keep feeling like this, talk to your doctor as you sound so down - it is not good to keep on like that.

One thing that has always helped me at those times is this little saying "pain is the stepping stone to spiritual growth". Maybe
this is your stepping stone to bigger things in life.

I hope we will be hearing from you regularly.

Serenity

[Joanne D]

Candice- I agree with Happy.Don't be so hard on yourself. I think one of the nicest things you could do for the family and yourself is go to the visitation and the funeral and pass on to them some of the things you remember about your friend. Tell them about some of the happy times you had together. You will be surprised how much they will like hearing about things that happened. That is what they will remember. It will bring a sence of closure for you and them.
Happy- You find the nicest things to pass on to us and so true.
Hello Serenity. How is it going with WW?
Hello Mima,Meme, Ally..
Bye Joanne

[Happy Canuk]

Touch Me . . .

If I am your child . . . Please touch me.
Persist; find ways to meet my needs.
Your goodnight hug helps sweeten my dreams.
Your daytime touching tells me how you really feel.

If I am your teenager . . . Please touch me.
Don't think because I'm almost grown, I don't need to know that you still care.
I need your loving arms; I need a tender voice.

If I am your friend . . . Please touch me.
Nothing lets me know you care like a warm embrace.
A healing touch when I'm depressed assures me I am loved,
And reassures me that I'm not alone.
Yours may be the only comforting touch I get.

If I am your life's partner . . . Please touch me.
You may think that your passion is enough,
But only your arms hold back my fears.
I need your tender reassuring touch, To remind me
I am loved just because I am me.

If I am your grown-up child . . . Please touch me.
Though I may have a family my own to hold,
I still need Mommy's and Daddy's arms when I hurt.
As a parent the view is different; I appreciate you more.

If I am your aging parent . . . Please touch me.
Hold my hand, sit close to me, give me strength;
And warm my tired body with your nearness.
Although my skin is worn and wrinkled, It loves to be stroked
. . . Don't be afraid.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

[MemeToo]

Candice, I just went through all that yesterday. There were people who came to the funeral home that my Mom hadn't heard from in 10-15 years...and some maybe more! My Uncle (my Dad's brother) came all the way from Concord, NC and we hadn't heard from him since my Dad died 13 years ago. People don't think about that when you visit the FH...they just think how great it is that you put forth the effort to come!!! If you feel you just CAN'T go...make something for the family...a cake or a cassarole...and have your hubby take it over. Even a plate of sandwiches would be appreciated. He can then explain that you don't feel well but that they are in your thoughts.

[Ally0306]

Hi Meme...how are you doing? Kowng you, you probably housed quite a few relatives and now are cleaning. When my parents died I was surprised that I was so lucid and strong during the funerals, calling hours etc. It used to hit me hard late at nite, or when I went to answer the phone assuming it was my Mom. I just kept pushing the tears away. Now, I find a card or something and I just sit down and ball. Probably should have let it all out back then.....

Candice......I also had so many people at the calling hours who were all trying to tell me how much my mother had meant to them ..but here was a long line and I was only half paying attention. Now I wish I had those people here to remind me of what they were saying. If I were you, I would send a nice card with your memories written down that her children and husband can read later....

Gotta run. 94 degrees out today. Can't breathe in here....

[MemeToo]

Yes...I had them all here...but a lot of people brought in food from various churches. There were about 35 people to eat. I had 18 come in from NC and VA.

I will be so glad when all this food is gone. Paula (my daughter) is moving this week so I told her and my son's family both to come over here tonight and tomorrow night and eat and get rid of this fattening stuff...fried chicken...meat and cheese trays...cakes, pies, brownies, potato salad, pasta salad...all sitting in my fridge. Since Mom had this last stroke, I've gained 7 pounds! I have lived on junk food for 2 weeks. Before she had the stroke I was cooking a lot of fattening stuff, trying to "fatten" her up so I had gained about 4 or 5 from that. She had lost so much weight. She was skin and bones before she had the first one and then lost a lot while she was in the hospital and in rehab. She had gained 7 1/2 pounds since she come home and was so proud of that. She went in the bathroom and weighed right after she ate dinner Monday night and yelled back to me that she had gained 7 1/2 pounds. An hour later, she had another stroke! I stayed at the hospital with her 12-15 hours a day up until the last day and I stayed all day...until about 10 that night. I came home, took a quick shower and layed down for about 3 1/2 hours. I woke up at 3 a.m. and just knew. I jumped up and got dressed. I called my husband on the way to the hospital and told him to come down and let me in. The automatic door on that side won't open from the outside after 11 and you have to go to the main entrance and walk all the way through the hospital. If someone from the inside moves in front of it, it will open. He said she hadn't changed and he didn't know why I was coming back so early. When I got there, he said you'd better hurry...right after you called she took a turn for the worse. She died 30 minutes after I got there. He still says he doesn't know how in the world I knew she was going!? I just woke up and "felt" it.

I'm hurting so bad. The fibro is really flared up now. I don't know when ever my neck and shoulders have hurt this bad. And Paula is trying to get packed and moved by Saturday. She took all of this week off and has to go back to work on Monday so she HAS to get it all done this week! I went over to her trailer and packed up 4 boxes of dishes, glasses and stuff and gave the baby a bath and got her ready for bed tonight (her mom started to do it but she cried...she wanted Meme to do it!) I'm going over to the new house and let in the delivery guys tomorrow so she can paint. She's getting a new fridge, washer, dryer and dinning room suit tomorrow. I'll probably unpack some dishes and wash them, too. I told her I couldn't do much...hurting too bad...but I can at least do that much for her and go get some lunch and then go pick up the kids from school, too...all that stuff takes time. She had her husband put a glider rocker and foot stool in my van for them to unload tomorrow for me to sit in! HA I've been going on Darvocet for so long now they've about quit working! The last two weeks were the longest in my whole life! Watching my mom die from starvation was the hardest thing I've ever done! I watched my brother die for 7 years and I lost my dad all of a sudden with no warning what so ever and I thought both of those were bad but this was a whole lot worse!

I know I'm rambling tonight and I apologize! My nerves are still really high...I'll come down one of these days. My muscles are so taut you could bounce a nickle off of them! And my neck and shoulders are so swollen you can't even see my collarbones.

[Candicej]

Thank you for your thoughts............DH went to the memorial and made a donaton to the emt squad, no visitation(cremation) I just was not feeling good (still lots of pelvic pain) so I will send a letter to the family with my memories and we are going in on a gift with my DH's cousin (she will do the shopping). This is a small town but they all were there DH said! She was a very well liked person and such an ispiration. I will post the poem they had for her later..it is beautiful. Still wish I had check on her when she did not respond to my email concerns. It was a gut feeling like Meme had only Meme acted on it and I didn't!

[Candicej]

Her family This was her daughters wedding back in October..she is in the red.

[Mima]

Just got back from the beach last night. We had a nice time at that busy place. Brad does not like that beach but he was up for Sun, night and Wed. night so we had a nice time listening to the music. Got up at 10 am yesterday after falling back to sleep in the early hours. Only bad thing is that we had to be out by 11. Our cookout was great-93 people. Had to throw out lots of salads because they were in the sun but still have pastry. BAD!!!I dare not get on the scale-I had a clam roll last night.

Meme-hope you are doing ok. My Mom waited til got back from Fl. to die. It was weird. And it was only 2 months after my husband died suddenly. But I got through it one day at a time.

Candice, I think that letter will be healing for you as well as the family. Guilt is part of grief. My husband died suddenly and we had lots of unresolved issues-I had been very upset with him for quite a while previously. When I married Brad-i could feel things were unresolved so I wrote a letter. This is 11 years later. Sudden death brings out unresolved feelings. That letter was good for me even though no one else saw it.

Gotta go make pancakes for my grandaughter and lunch for Brad who is working outside in the heat, Hi everyone. Mima

[Serenity62]

Hi Meme

Hope you are doing ok - just remember to take it one day at a time.

My father died in Feb. of this year, and I am just now beginning to get some kind of normalcy in my life. I did not really take care of my emotional and physical health the way I should have and I have felt the results of this.
Remember to take care of yourself first, and let others come second for a while.

Candice On one of the fibro site about Vulvodynia, they were recommending a lot oxalate diet.

I had saved it but when I went to post it on here I cannot find the diet.

If you like I can give you the fibro sites I have been looking at, let me know.

Hi to everyone - it's hot here too

Serenity