Two sausages were in a pan. One says to the other "Geez it's getting hot in here!" The other says "AAAAAAH! A talking sausage!"
Two parrots were on a perch. One says to the other "Do you smell fish?"
What's green and has wheels.
Grass. (I lied about the wheels)
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you want, it still won't come.
Where do find a turtle with no legs?
Same place you left it.
What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs!
What's green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
A polar bear walks into a bar, sits down. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The polar bear says, "I'll have a gin........................and tonic."
"OK, but why the big pause?"
The polar bear looks down, "I dunno I've always had em."
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this some kind of joke?"
A pirate walks into a bar. He's got an eye-patch, a hook, a peg leg and a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender says, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?"
The pirate replies, "Arrrrr it's driving me nuts."
Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrrrrr.
Shall I go on?
Someone tell me something funny!
