Walking the Dog


A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? "

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage. "

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you. "

Dad said, Bring Belle over here. He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block. "

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle? "

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home. "

:lol3:

:rofl:

:lol3:

60 things to NOT say to a naked guy
 

Oh this is so bad. But I laughed :devil:

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

Number 18: :lol3:

Terrible! :rofl:

:lol3: too funny. too many to even try and pick a favorite. :p

#23 :lol3: :rofl:

Subject: Fashion tips



Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40)are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. Inline skates and a walker

And last, but not least . . . my personal favorite:

13. Thongs and Depends

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop

:rofl: :lol3:

14. Black socks and sandles

:rofl: Good ones Illene! I keep wondering what the nursing homes are eventually going to look like. Liver spots on tatoos, and daily cleaning of belly button rings. OY!

Chris

Originally Posted by :
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

:lol3: I totally do this to my poor DH, all the time! He gets so frustrated. At least now I know that I'm not alone in doing this to my man! :s:

Babies first check up
 

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

"Breast fed," the woman replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did, and he pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Monitoring her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his grandma-----but I'm glad I came

How Was I Born...Internet Style...
 

SON SAYS: Daddy, how was I born?

DAD SAYS: Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway!

Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cybercafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from dad's memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed little virus appeared. And that's the story. ;)