A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three ducks,one in each hand and one under his left arm. He placed
them one beside the other upon the bar. He had a few
drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with the
bartender.
The bartender was surprised, but experienced, and
had learned not to ask people about animals they bring
into the bar, so he didn't mention the ducks.. They
chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man
with the ducks had to go to the restroom.
He left the ducks there on the bar. The bartender was
alone with the ducks. There was an awkward silence as
they all looked at one another.
The bartender decided to break the ice and try to make a little
conversation. "Say, what's your name?" he
asked the first duck.
"Huey," replied the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of
puddles all day! What else could a duck want?", said
the duck.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. Then he said to
the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?", he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too! Been in and
out of puddles all day myself. If I had the chance
another day I'd do the same again!", said the duck in
reply.
So the bartender turned to the third duck and said,
"So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, "my name is Puddles. And don't even
ask what kind of day I've had!!"

too funny

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed. "Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims. "I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it." "What do you mean?" Jim asked. "Well, everyday for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it." Jim agrees, and the two say good bye. A few months later the two are in the same locker room, and Bob asks Jim how his situation was. Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller -- I lost two inches already!" "Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?" "Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco." "Crisco?!?" Bob exclaimed, "Darnit Jim, Crisco is shortening!"

haha. good one

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch talkin'...

1st Hillbilly: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner."

2nd Hillbilly: "Why is that stupid?"

1st Hillbilly: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

2nd Hillbilly: "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin' machines!"

1st Hillbilly: "Why is that so stupid?"

2nd Hillbilly: "cause we ain't got no plummin'!"

3rd Hillbilly: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together!... I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in there."

1st and 2nd Hillbillies: "Well, what's so dumb about that?"

3rd Hillbilly: "She ain't got no pecker!"

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.
"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."

"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"

"He named your daughter Denise."

"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"

"He named your son Denephew."

no offense anyone... I'm catholic 2, but I thought it was a funnie...

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A Roamin' Catholic.

One day God was looking down at Earth &saw all of the
>inappropriate behavior that was going on.
>
> He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
>When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95%
are
>misbehaving &5% are not."
>
> God thought for a moment & said, "Maybe I had better send
>down a 2nd angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel
&sent
>him to Earth for a time.
>
> When that angel returned he went to God & said, "Yes, it's
>true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving &5% are being
good."
>
> God was not pleased.
>
> So while He was debating what to do about the 95%, he
>decided to E-mail the 5% that were good to encourage them -- give them
a
>little something to help them keep going.
>
> Do you know what that e-mail said?
>
> No?
>
>
> I didn't get one either.

Picture on the night stand
>
> After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of
> another man on her nightstand by the bed.
>
> He begins to worry.
>
> "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
>
> "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
>
> "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
>
> "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
>
> "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be
> reassured.
>
> "No, no, no!!!" she answers.
>
> "Well, who in the **** is he, then?" he demands.
>
> "That's me before the surgery
1.

good ones donna

Dear Dad:

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on

The Reply:

Dear Son:

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad