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Old 06-08-2003, 02:09 PM   #1  
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Default shhhhhhh...it's a topic about sex....

So, does anyone else feel like their size, weight, feelings about both interfere with your sex life? I mean, I thought when I was getting married I'd always be able to get some whenever I wanted to...

But now it seems like I'm not in the mood when he is, and when I am he's not (mostly for retaliation - he just told me this morning when I denied him). I miss having sex, but at the same time ... I feel so gross and self conscious - even with my own husband that it's never very much fun...

Anyone else feel this way? Am I totally alone on this one?

Blah. I should go back and talk to him, he's pouting and wouldn't even talk to me, the big ol' baby.
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Old 06-08-2003, 06:06 PM   #2  
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Lizzi... how long have you been married? (not that that should matter, but it sure does sometimes!)

My weight DEFINITELY affects how I feel about sex. I should be in my prime, but instead it's always my DH tapping me on the shoulder while I'm rolling over and playing dead. I'm too tired, and I feel fat and ugly and unwieldy. When we DO have it (geez, this is so personal ), it's really good, and I always think, "Why don't I do this more often?" But then I'm tired again. And fat.

Do you ever talk about it together? If not, tell your DH how you feel, and maybe the two of you can think of ways to make it better/easier. It can take away some of the tension. Maybe you need to plan a few romantic evenings together, too.

There's got to be someone here with better ideas than me...

Hugs sweetie...
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Old 06-08-2003, 06:25 PM   #3  
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the 'mood' killer for me was when my hubby would try to...uh, well, lets just say he would get a cramp in his legs. I was basically to wide for him to...well you get the picture...
now I am all wierd and droopy, certainly not sexy. It has effected our sex life a lot.
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Old 06-08-2003, 06:49 PM   #4  
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I feel very self-conscious and that interferes a lot for me...I am constantly aware of what is drooping/dragging/jiggling and what with all this thinking and feeling self-conscious I am not exactly hot stuff or anything. And I am very tired at night too!

Lidian

Last edited by Lidian; 06-08-2003 at 07:00 PM.
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Old 06-08-2003, 08:21 PM   #5  
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I am also very self-conscious when it comes to doing anything that might even lead to sex.

I am ok with my upper half, but it took forever for me to be completely naked in front of someone. I have a bit of a belly, but it doesn't bother me too much, I like my arms. It is my butt (HUGE) and my thighs (even bigger) that I can't stand. And all of this with someone that was very supportive and caring. He always made sure that I knew he thought I was cute/hot, whatever fit with the mood. He was very patient and didn't push if I really felt uncomfortable. But he also would ease into things when I wanted to, but was hesitant.

It felt really good knowing he wanted me, and having someone that would work with me.
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Old 06-09-2003, 08:15 AM   #6  
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Well, I guess I'm lucky. I've never had a problem with this. I guess I was just too horny to realize I was overweight!

Of course, it's been so long, I may not be remembering correctly.
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Old 06-09-2003, 11:03 AM   #7  
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when i was 16 my 31-year old married scuzzy boyfriend told me that "fat girls smell different" when he was *ahem* "down there". this resulted in a nearly 8-year terror and refusal to allow that to happen AT ALL or only very rarely, straight from the shower, and i was always too self-conscious to enjoy it.

my ex-boyfriend, who i was with for about a year and a half, really really loved bigger girls and actually managed, with a lot of patience and love, to convince me that i was beautiful just the way i was, and that i looked, tasted and smelled wonderful (sorry to get so blunt ).

now i don't really care at all because, i have to agree with ruth here, i'm so horny it doesn't matter
i can't find a guy to keep up with me.

of course, when i was married (4 years), my not-soDH wanted me to go on drugs because i had no sex drive. guess it must have been him...

love your body, love your sexuality. remember that men are SO grateful that you are letting them near you that they really don't CARE if you have a few extra rolls or something jiggles or isn't perfect. and many of them genuinely LOVE something to hold on to (more cushion for the pushin'!) and don't WANT a skinny little thing that would give them bruises from their exposed pelvic bones . use candlelight, flattering lingerie if you don't feel comfortable naked, and CELEBRATE your gorgeous self and your capacity for pleasure. if logistics are a problem, get creative! there are as many ways to make love as there are good reasons to do it.

all the love,
gypsy (sex goddess extraordinaire )
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Old 06-09-2003, 12:23 PM   #8  
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Yup! I can agree with most of you...the more confident I am about my body the more sex I have

It isn't easy being physically comfortable with someone when you are not feeling comfortable yourself and you are tired and/or depressed.

DH is very supportive about me going to WW and exercising....hmmm.... think he may have some ulterior motives?
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Old 06-09-2003, 02:52 PM   #9  
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First off, we've only been married a year and a month. We have been together for almost 4 years though. When we met, it was all about the sex for both of us. He's the only guy i've had sex with that I let myself be naked in front of. All the other ones got the big T-shirt. *LOL*
(on a side note, i have some issues regarding sex because i was abused. i used to have flashbacks every time he'd touch me but i got councelling and that finally stopped)
Once we moved in together, the frequency stopped. I had a way higher sex drive then he did and I was always just begging and he was always denying me. So eventually I stopped caring, and it didn't matter to me anymore.
The thing is he makes all these excuses like - "if you'd go on the pill, we'd have more sex cause i wouldn't worry about you getting pregnant" and " I prefer it in the morning" and it gets old. I dunno....
So, I stopped asking all together, and he usually only asks in the morning when I am not even awake. and would prefer to ooh, i dunno.. brush my teeth, go pee, open my eyes first! *L* I dunno.
I was thinking about something though. The connection between how well we get along, and how much he supports me being a part of how good our sex life is... and I really think that may be where we are lacking. Relationship. He can be less then supportive, less then nice at times. (then again, so can i)
Maybe it's time for marriage councelling.
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Old 06-09-2003, 04:51 PM   #10  
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Does being fat interfere with my sex life?

Yes!
I can't have sex while standing up, or on my head. Sometimes the fat rolls can get in the way (kinda like in yoga) and the position isn't as good as it could be.

Does being fat interfere with the way I feel about having sex?

No!
I once got nervous about someone seeing me naked for the first time and confided in a girlfriend. She laughed and said, "What? Do you think he thinks that you're Fiona Apple under those clothes? What do you think you're hiding?" DUH! Exactly.

It sounds to me that it's not an issue of being fat or not, it sounds like an issue of feeling loved and cared about and feeling sexy!

I'm like you and have an extremely high sex drive. When my boyfriend's sex drive fell off the face of the planet (he got laid off), I could have died. Gradually, it came back though, because the stress became less and less. And our environment became better and better.

Conversely, my ex-boyfriend's libido went the same route and it was more because he had no interest in being in a relationship anymore (he was also bi-polar and depression was another culprit) and I ended up leaving him. (Luckily, he found a girlfriend who left her husband for not having sex with her for 4 years!).

Are you still hurt from him stopping all together? Maybe a bit resentful? Being denied sex hurts because it's such an initimate offering. And definately fix the relationship part before you try to fix the sex part! Once that's on track - go for the sex in the mornings! I'm NEVER in the mood, but once it starts, I glad I decided to do it.
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Old 06-09-2003, 07:56 PM   #11  
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Lizzi, I think that going for counselling is a GREAT idea! In fact, I think everyone should do it! We could all learn a little more about communicating.
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Old 06-09-2003, 09:04 PM   #12  
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Wink Well...

I've never really had a big problem with my body in relation to sex, although at my heaviest weight I was a little more self-concious but really not that much. I am one of those naked people who doesn't mind walking around the house totally nude. I sleep totally naked too, so I guess I don't really have a problem in front of DH. DH and I have a great sex life, although when I am depressed the frequency slows down a little and I am usually not in the mood. But we almost always have really amazing sex.

My doctor is messing with my depression meds and it really SUCKS because the new ones have pretty much killed my sex drive and I am practically unable to have an orgasm. This is ridiculous... do I really have to choose between horrible depression and a sex-deprived life? I can't believe how much I miss great sex, and its only been a couple of months. I'm trying another new med this week so hopefully things will be back to normal. I will only give it six weeks and then I don't know what I will do.
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Old 06-09-2003, 09:07 PM   #13  
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Arrow And...

Barring physical problems, I believe the quality of your sex life is directly related to the quality of the relationship (that is for long term relationships, at least).
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Old 06-09-2003, 10:08 PM   #14  
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My body image has a great deal with my sex drive. I just really don't like for anyone to see me nude or in a bathing suit because I am not comfortable with myself. DH doesn't make it better or worse, so ... it is just me.

Amy
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Old 06-09-2003, 10:41 PM   #15  
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Right now my sex life is great...except for the frequency!! (But then I am ALWAYS horny!!!) When I was younger I was VERY antsy when DH tried to touch my stomach, and I thought that he was losing interest during a "dry spell." Later I realized that HE was depressed and stressed out, and his lack of interest had nothing to do with my growing girth. Now I KNOW down to my core that he loves me regardless of my weight. I think a lot of the time women try to take on the "blame" for what is going on in a relationship, when USUALLY if a man isn't interested it is more about HIS issues than about us!!
My DH seems to be more sexually active in the morning too, and while I sometimes feel a bit annoyed with the timing, usually within a few seconds I have forgotten about that and am really into the sex!!!

I STILL don't like people seeing me nude or in a bathing suit, but hubby is a different matter entirely. I flash him, or come out of the bathroom nude, do a shimmy and then run upstairs...(SOMETIMES I can even get him to follow me!!) HE loves it and seeing the look of admiration in his eyes makes me feel GREAT!!

(ELLIS!! I DON'T do it when the kids are home!!!)
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