shhhhhhh...it's a topic about sex....
 

So, does anyone else feel like their size, weight, feelings about both interfere with your sex life? I mean, I thought when I was getting married I'd always be able to get some whenever I wanted to...

But now it seems like I'm not in the mood when he is, and when I am he's not (mostly for retaliation - he just told me this morning when I denied him). I miss having sex, but at the same time ... I feel so gross and self conscious - even with my own husband that it's never very much fun...

Anyone else feel this way? Am I totally alone on this one?

Blah. I should go back and talk to him, he's pouting and wouldn't even talk to me, the big ol' baby.

Lizzi... how long have you been married? (not that that should matter, but it sure does sometimes!)

My weight DEFINITELY affects how I feel about sex. I should be in my prime, but instead it's always my DH tapping me on the shoulder while I'm rolling over and playing dead. I'm too tired, and I feel fat and ugly and unwieldy. When we DO have it (geez, this is so personal :lol: ), it's really good, and I always think, "Why don't I do this more often?" But then I'm tired again. And fat. :mad:

Do you ever talk about it together? If not, tell your DH how you feel, and maybe the two of you can think of ways to make it better/easier. It can take away some of the tension. Maybe you need to plan a few romantic evenings together, too.

There's got to be someone here with better ideas than me... :D

Hugs sweetie...
:grouphug:

the 'mood' killer for me was when my hubby would try to...uh, well, lets just say he would get a cramp in his legs. I was basically to wide for him to...well you get the picture...
now I am all wierd and droopy, certainly not sexy. It has effected our sex life a lot.

I feel very self-conscious and that interferes a lot for me...I am constantly aware of what is drooping/dragging/jiggling and what with all this thinking and feeling self-conscious I am not exactly hot stuff or anything. And I am very tired at night too!

Lidian:)

I am also very self-conscious when it comes to doing anything that might even lead to sex.

I am ok with my upper half, but it took forever for me to be completely naked in front of someone. I have a bit of a belly, but it doesn't bother me too much, I like my arms. It is my butt (HUGE) and my thighs (even bigger) that I can't stand. And all of this with someone that was very supportive and caring. He always made sure that I knew he thought I was cute/hot, whatever fit with the mood. He was very patient and didn't push if I really felt uncomfortable. But he also would ease into things when I wanted to, but was hesitant.

It felt really good knowing he wanted me, and having someone that would work with me.

Well, I guess I'm lucky. I've never had a problem with this. I guess I was just too horny to realize I was overweight!

Of course, it's been so long, I may not be remembering correctly.

when i was 16 my 31-year old married scuzzy boyfriend told me that "fat girls smell different" when he was *ahem* "down there". this resulted in a nearly 8-year terror and refusal to allow that to happen AT ALL or only very rarely, straight from the shower, and i was always too self-conscious to enjoy it.

my ex-boyfriend, who i was with for about a year and a half, really really loved bigger girls and actually managed, with a lot of patience and love, to convince me that i was beautiful just the way i was, and that i looked, tasted and smelled wonderful (sorry to get so blunt :o ).

now i don't really care at all because, i have to agree with ruth here, i'm so horny it doesn't matter :lol:
i can't find a guy to keep up with me.

of course, when i was married (4 years), my not-soDH wanted me to go on drugs because i had no sex drive. :smug: guess it must have been him...

love your body, love your sexuality. remember that men are SO grateful that you are letting them near you that they really don't CARE if you have a few extra rolls or something jiggles or isn't perfect. and many of them genuinely LOVE something to hold on to (more cushion for the pushin'!) and don't WANT a skinny little thing that would give them bruises from their exposed pelvic bones :lol:. use candlelight, flattering lingerie if you don't feel comfortable naked, and CELEBRATE your gorgeous self and your capacity for pleasure. if logistics are a problem, get creative! there are as many ways to make love as there are good reasons to do it.

all the love,
gypsy (sex goddess extraordinaire :D )

Yup! I can agree with most of you...the more confident I am about my body the more sex I have :s:

It isn't easy being physically comfortable with someone when you are not feeling comfortable yourself and you are tired and/or depressed.

DH is very supportive about me going to WW and exercising....hmmm:chin:.... think he may have some ulterior motives? :lol:

First off, we've only been married a year and a month. We have been together for almost 4 years though. When we met, it was all about the sex for both of us. He's the only guy i've had sex with that I let myself be naked in front of. All the other ones got the big T-shirt. *LOL*
(on a side note, i have some issues regarding sex because i was abused. i used to have flashbacks every time he'd touch me but i got councelling and that finally stopped)
Once we moved in together, the frequency stopped. I had a way higher sex drive then he did and I was always just begging and he was always denying me. So eventually I stopped caring, and it didn't matter to me anymore.
The thing is he makes all these excuses like - "if you'd go on the pill, we'd have more sex cause i wouldn't worry about you getting pregnant" and " I prefer it in the morning" and it gets old. I dunno....
So, I stopped asking all together, and he usually only asks in the morning when I am not even awake. and would prefer to ooh, i dunno.. brush my teeth, go pee, open my eyes first! *L* I dunno.
I was thinking about something though. The connection between how well we get along, and how much he supports me being a part of how good our sex life is... and I really think that may be where we are lacking. Relationship. He can be less then supportive, less then nice at times. (then again, so can i)
Maybe it's time for marriage councelling. :^:

Does being fat interfere with my sex life?

Yes!
I can't have sex while standing up, or on my head. Sometimes the fat rolls can get in the way :o (kinda like in yoga) and the position isn't as good as it could be.

Does being fat interfere with the way I feel about having sex?

No!
I once got nervous about someone seeing me naked for the first time and confided in a girlfriend. She laughed and said, "What? Do you think he thinks that you're Fiona Apple under those clothes? What do you think you're hiding?" DUH! Exactly.

It sounds to me that it's not an issue of being fat or not, it sounds like an issue of feeling loved and cared about and feeling sexy!

I'm like you and have an extremely high sex drive. When my boyfriend's sex drive fell off the face of the planet (he got laid off), I could have died. Gradually, it came back though, because the stress became less and less. And our environment became better and better.

Conversely, my ex-boyfriend's libido went the same route and it was more because he had no interest in being in a relationship anymore (he was also bi-polar and depression was another culprit) and I ended up leaving him. (Luckily, he found a girlfriend who left her husband for not having sex with her for 4 years!).

Are you still hurt from him stopping all together? Maybe a bit resentful? Being denied sex hurts because it's such an initimate offering. And definately fix the relationship part before you try to fix the sex part! Once that's on track - go for the sex in the mornings! I'm NEVER in the mood, but once it starts, I glad I decided to do it. ;)

Lizzi, I think that going for counselling is a GREAT idea! In fact, I think everyone should do it! We could all learn a little more about communicating.
:grouphug:

Well...
 

I've never really had a big problem with my body in relation to sex, although at my heaviest weight I was a little more self-concious but really not that much. I am one of those naked people who doesn't mind walking around the house totally nude. I sleep totally naked too, so I guess I don't really have a problem in front of DH. DH and I have a great sex life, although when I am depressed the frequency slows down a little and I am usually not in the mood. But we almost always have really amazing sex.

My doctor is messing with my depression meds and it really SUCKS because the new ones have pretty much killed my sex drive and I am practically unable to have an orgasm. This is ridiculous... do I really have to choose between horrible depression and a sex-deprived life? I can't believe how much I miss great sex, and its only been a couple of months. I'm trying another new med this week so hopefully things will be back to normal. I will only give it six weeks and then I don't know what I will do. :cry:

And...
 

Barring physical problems, I believe the quality of your sex life is directly related to the quality of the relationship (that is for long term relationships, at least). :yes:

My body image has a great deal with my sex drive. I just really don't like for anyone to see me nude or in a bathing suit because I am not comfortable with myself. DH doesn't make it better or worse, so ... it is just me.

Amy

Right now my sex life is great...except for the frequency!! (But then I am ALWAYS horny!!!) When I was younger I was VERY antsy when DH tried to touch my stomach, and I thought that he was losing interest during a "dry spell." Later I realized that HE was depressed and stressed out, and his lack of interest had nothing to do with my growing girth. Now I KNOW down to my core that he loves me regardless of my weight. I think a lot of the time women try to take on the "blame" for what is going on in a relationship, when USUALLY if a man isn't interested it is more about HIS issues than about us!!
My DH seems to be more sexually active in the morning too, and while I sometimes feel a bit annoyed with the timing, usually within a few seconds I have forgotten about that and am really into the sex!!!

I STILL don't like people seeing me nude or in a bathing suit, but hubby is a different matter entirely. I flash him, or come out of the bathroom nude, do a shimmy and then run upstairs...(SOMETIMES I can even get him to follow me!!) HE loves it and seeing the look of admiration in his eyes makes me feel GREAT!!

(ELLIS!! I DON'T do it when the kids are home!!!) :s:

:rolleyes: Well thank goodness for THAT, Den! :lol:

Sheesh! I was wondering too, Ellis! I'm even careful when the dogs are around!

Yeah, I suppose with dogs you want to be careful not to get a nose up the butt.

Adding my 2 cents
 

Once again I am bowled over by the insight, humor, and realness of this group.

I am a bit like Sojo. I am naked girl, born with little modesty. Though I do hate the bathing suit, if I could go to the beach naked it would be better for me, because I might have an ugly belly but I got a nice rack:lol:

Depression and meds have affected my sex life. But one thing I realize about marriage is that if your commited to being together forever, you will have sex again. (Those people who go 4 years without are not commited to fixing the marriage or the problem).

The worst things about being fat is positions. Once I get below 200 lbs I can do about 1/2 my swinging from the ceiling, being on top, spinning around stuff that is fun. But we cant do standing or chairs until I am below 180. I depend on my body to be strong enough to have fun. At 265 my husband would gripe about my just laying there. I didn't like it but my fat body was in the way, including my energy level for carnal acts.

So there are my 2 cents. I know you were all dying to know;)

Miss Chris:D

Yeah, Chris, it isn't always about being comfortable about your body image-dragging around extra weight sucks up your energy, especially if you work 8 hours a day or are running around after kids and managing the home....plus there is the other lifus interferus stuff like the house work, grocery shopping, cooking, , managing the finances, family obligations, social commitments etc. etc.

I swear if men took care of 50% of that crap they would get laid more often :lol: or maybe they would be as tired as we are:chin:

Good point Mauvis! Where is the army of personal assistants to make my life a proper balanced place. I suppose they would want to get paid!

BTW How do you only have sex when the kids aren't home? My child has learned to not open the door without knocking ;-)

Miss Chris

I love the openess of this group. You girls tell it like it is. I am becoming more comfortable with my body as time goes by, but there are a lot of issues I still have to deal with in regards to that. I too have some abuse issues, so sometimes they seem to creep up and make life difficult, but as I deal with them, life becomes easier as I work through them.
I am one of those horny all the time girls too, and hubby sometimes has a hard time keeping up, but there are times too, when I am just not in the mood either, unfortunately we seldom seem to get together on it, but when we do, mmmmmm it is good.
Anyway, thanks for sharing, it is nice to know we all have the same issues to deal with.
Virginia

We lock the door, after making sure the girls are both asleep (provided that by this time of night we are not completely comatose!) - and THEN the problem is (provided I am not annoyed at DH, and not feeling bloated etc) that our 2 cats get lonely & since otherwise we don't lock the door (so they can come in & sleep with us), they start mewing pitifully outside the door, sticking their paws under the door, scratching the door etc etc.

And if we open the door to shut them up they jump on the bed and sit on us, purring loudly all the while...

Lidian

So is it like an orgy then, all those pussies in the bed? ;-)

Miss Chris

:lol: :lol: :lol:

At least you don't have a dog that jumps on the bed to defend you from being "attacked" by your partner!

HAHAHA!!!

We have "quickies" when the kids are home, but I can't run through the house nude or be as LOUD as I usually am when they are around!!! DH is home during the day sometimes since he started teaching, and THAT is wonderful...no rushing or trying to be quiet!!

I agree about the energy level and tiredness issue. I am still a fairly limber person, but having a big stomach does limit certain things.....

Our cat used to do the same thing!! She now checks us out and walks away though...we aren't paying enough attention to HER!!!

Does anyone else ever feel horny and exhausted at the same time? Sometimes I tell DH I want to make love but I want to just lay there. Unfortunately HE is usually just as exhausted so he'll laugh and fall asleep....

My dogs have finally gotten used to it. It's just a rude awakening when there is suddenly a cold nose in a warm place! HAHAHA!

We don't even have a DOOR on our bedroom!

Sometimes if we suspect that our DD might still be awake we put a movie on to mask any unexpected noises.
Nothin' like having sex to the opening scenes of "Bridge on the River Quai!"

I don't think I've walked around naked since I was about 18 months of age. I'm a bit of a prude...
It's enough of a scare just seeing myself naked in the mirror when I get out of the tub. I keep expecting to see Britany Spears emerging from the waters. Some sort of gravity thing happened when I wasn't looking...

The Rounded Female Form
 

Can you find the prude in me Ellis! I need it from time to time.

Give up on Britany she doesn't carry herself well, as a mature woman or a sex tart. I think women with curves are sexy.

And don't brains mean alot? My hubby use to give me crap about wanting to have intellectual intercourse.

I am sometimes worried that my son can hear us in the bedroom. But then I think back to my childhood and my mom stroking my father's inner thigh and giving that come hither look. My folks are still together, I can't say that for many of my friends and acquaintances in this world. So maybe its better to know that their folks still like each other?:D

Miss Chris:devil:

You're completely prudeless, Chris. And that's the way we like you. :D

Actually, I DO remember that in high school (grade 13) I used to sunbathe nude on my days off. In the middle of a field. Alone. I had a damned fine tan. Too bad I don't have any nudey shots of me back then. :)

Now I have to wonder how much sun damage you did to your skin!!!!!!!

I went to a nudist colony in Boulder, CO when I was 15. I got sunburned EVERYWHERE!!!!!! Sunburned boobies are not FUN!

Miss Chris

I actually don't like wearing clothes when I am home alone. But that is of course because I only have one full length mirror in my apt. and I just don't look at it. I do wear them sometimes, but almost never after my shower at night. Sleep nude too, except those few times I don't sleep alone.

It was only for a year, Chris. :) And it was before the first hole in the ozone appeared. I THINK I'm okay...

So Squeak... when you sleep with someone, are you fully dressed? :D

I know it is silly, but after being at least some what naked after fooling around, It is the only time I sleep in PJs (normally flannel pants and a tshirt) at my house. I know I am an odd child. :dizzy:

I like sleeping nude. NUDE I tell you!!!

yeah, but what if there's a fire in the middle of the night? That's what happened to ME!
Pre-marriage DH and I were secretly living together in my apartment. (don't tell my parents... they still don't know) Anyhow, we lived on the 10th floor or so of an apartment building, and wouldn't you know... some dweeb fell asleep while smoking and left his apartment with the door OPEN with his couch aflame. On our floor! First think I grabbed was a pair of DH's pants. And I forgot shoes, so he had to piggy back me outside (I think it was winter...)
Seem to recall seeing at least one person in the foyer butt naked with a blanket wrapped around them...

Here's a little something to spice up your sex life!
It looks rather fattening though...

http://www.care2.com/channels/solutions/self/789

Yeah Ellis, that is why I keep some easy access clothes, my glasses and my purse on my bedside table and my slippers beside the bed. Then all I have to do is grab DH and the cat and go!

HEY! I'd rather be wrapped up in a blanket than shivering in a skimpy little nightgown!!! (No shoes either way!!)

Yeah well... it's the SIZE of the blanket that counts, darling. We could wrap a BABY BLANKET around you, but some of us have more to cover. :lol: