Evening all!

Okay, so I have to admit it, I am a bit of a glamour girl
I shave everything, won't leave the house without lipstick or at least lipgloss and mascara, and have enough nailpolish that I could wear a different one everyday for 2 weeks straight I do my toes and my fingers.
The only things I don't wear are foundation (can't stand the way it feels on my skin and can never find the right shade anyway) and eyeshadow (don't know how to put it on right and end up looking like someone punched me in the eye, so there is no point).

I used to think I was fat in grade school and most of high school.
I guess if enough people tell you that you end up believing it. When I look back at those pictures I can see that I may have been a bit stocky but I was not fat. I also had a bigger body frame than most of the other girls but now that I am 5"8 it all makes sense now

I think that the worst moment for me as a kid was the time I was at a friend's house having dinner when her grandfather turned around and said to her mother in Italian that the white girl had a
fat ***, not realizing that I could understand Italian. Funny how you can't forget some things....

I know what you all mean about snacking...I can't have chips or oreos in my house or I will eat the entire bag
Right now I can honestly say that there are no temptations in my house. I have Tostitos and salsa, veggies and fruit to snack on.
I have learned over the past year to just not buy the stuff because if it is there I will eat it, if it is not I don't even think about the stuff or get cravings. Out of sight-out of mind I guess

Yay! My stairs are open again! I am trying to get back into the habit of taking them again. I am also thinking of taking an aquafit class with a friend of mine who is also trying to lose weight. I am digging my little handweights out of the back of the hall closet so I can try to tone up my arms a little.

Costco-the warehouse of impulse shopping! I swear I just go in to pick up one or two things and end up coming out with a cartload of stuff I don't even go down the aisle at the front where all the boxes of chocolate bars and candies are...way too tempting .

Okay, I am going now! You are all wearing off on me and making me ramble on now

Have a good night everyone!

Hi all!
I am procrastinating! I have a policy analysis due bright and early in the AM, and I am just starting it. I never write my papers until the last second!

Christina: I hear you on enjoying time to yourself at home. My fiance was out of town for the weekend, and although I missed him, it was a nice break. I was supposed to accomplish a lot (like that paper), but I had so much fun with friends and relaxing that I didn't get to accomplish much but peace of mind! I am jealous that you're headed to Disney over Christmas! My fiance and I have been there three times, and we love it more each time! It's one of those places you never grow out of! I hope you and your family have a blast! It's also nice to hear about all the extracurricular activities your kids are involved in. (Same for you Soozie and Ellis.) I did so much stuff as a kid that my parents were lucky that I was the only child they had to cart around. It made such a difference later on in my life that I think if kids are blessed enough to have parents so supportive and encouraging, like you all, then they should take advantage of all they can.

Den: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! Sorry I didn't get to post sooner, but I hope your day was special. I'm glad to hear you had fun on your get-a-way. Those are the best. We try to go away at least once a month, but with my area of work, I feel like I have to abandon all reality for a weekend every month so that I can maintain control the rest of the time. We're headed somewhere this weekend, but we haven't decided where yet. Where did you go in the UP? I know what you mean about the mosquitos--I was up north this time last year, and at sundown, I looked down at my feet, thought to myself, "I'm not wearing black socks," and realized I was covered with mosquitos. I'm not complaining, though. I hadn't been bit in over ten years! (I also don't get brain freezes, weird, I know!) BTW, you are not weird--you're wonderful! One more thing, thanks for mentioning that "basically hetero" comment (I think someone else did, too, so thanks to you, too). We all live on a continuum of heterosexuality, and most people think that no one is absolutely, 100% hetero. It's nice that you acknowledge that, and I appreciate your sharing it!

Mauvaisroux: Don't feel bad about having a good time! Bridal showers and fun with friends comes along with happiness and good memories. As much as I want to be thin, I wouldn't give it up if it meant I could have a blast with others. You deserve to enjoy yourself, especially after the hard work you've been up to. Take it in stride and know that you earned the right to eat something you want!

Ellis: I'm glad to hear things are good with you and your daughter. It's not easy to be a parent! (As eloquently illustrated by Den's description of her son in Costco!) You are a caring person, and your love for her shines through your postings. I'm sure that even in the toughest times, she feels what all the rest of us read. As for her psychologist, I am the first to tell everyone that mental health providers have lost their own sense of reality. It often happens that they don't stop to think what will work best for YOU, but instead they want you to bow at their latest invention. My families tell me horror stories all the time, and I don't know how people who suck so bad are actually in the field. (Not implying of course that your psychologist sucks, but rather that s/he had a crazy idea!)

Soozie: Congrats for your daughter's venture into tennis! That stuff does wonders for self-esteem and confidence, especially in girls. I know she appreciates you sweating your behind off, and it sounds like she's got a great mom! I know what you mean about clinging to that extra inch of height. I'm 5'2 and a HALF! If someone doesn't write that 1/2, I whine until it is added (and I'm someone who normally doesn't complain about anything!). I'm also ready for my body to be normal again. I just haven't felt like myself, and I hate that I feel so down on myself. I, too, was thinner in high school and considered myself horribly overweight. In retrospect, I was about 115 lbs! What was I thinking! Hindsight is 20/20, right! Since then, I have gained so much weight that I can deal with it anymore. I'm so unhappy when I look in the mirror, and it really effects my entire self-image. For someone who works so hard to be successful at everything else, it's silly to stay so hung up on my weight for so long. I could go on and on about this, but I will stop here!

Sqeak: I know what you mean about those down moods. I get into those when I feel like how I described above. My biggest problem is that I've been out of control with my weight for so long that I think that I've wasted my life. I even turn down invitations to certain things for reasons related to my weight. I hope your mood has improved, though, and just keep in mind that Lake Placid is not that far off! Hang in there!

Ruth: CONGRATS on saying NO! It's the hardest word, but with the biggest personal impact. I do an activity with my families where I make one person ask the other a million questions, and the listener can just say "NO" over and over. It's so hard because we usually put others before ourselves, and we all deserve to take it back.

That brings me to my biggest news, and hopefully you all will not think I'm cruel for doing this! I work at an after-school (AS) program and in the summer, it is a day camp. The AS program directors have really taken advantage of me in the past--in ways I won't bother to bore you with here. It's been severe, though, and I have never complained. This summer, however, I am disappointed because I am cutting back on hours at my other jobs to help with the summer program. The directors have again made it clear that I am not valued, and they have given me a limited role in the program. I know that despite the role expectations, I would have to do their jobs, just like in the AS program. Besides, I am paid less there per hour than at either of the other two places I work. So, I decided to tell them that I can't work at the summer program after all. It is much, much, much, much better for me because I will be able to work a more normal schedule at the remaining two jobs (ie-a 8-9 hour day) whereas I would have been working some 12 hour days if I tried to do the summer camp, too. I will make more money, and I will not have to deal with those stupid, ridiculous co-workers who want their pay for my labor. It is a bit of a vindictive way to get back at them for their prior wrongs, but I feel much better about my summer. In the end, it works best for all of us because those directors will actually have to work for their money instead of relying on me! WOW, that took more time to explain than I thought. I won't apologize, otherwise Den will yell at me! Thanks for reading it all, though! I do very much appreciate you all and I'm glad I joined this thread. Hope you all have a great week!

Tigger

Tigger, Good for you for standing up for yourself! I am sure that in the long run you will see how that was long over due! I know where you are coming from about your weight sucking all the life out of you! When I think about how I have let my weight make me miss some great times I want to kick myself! I was able to grow up without the influence of a Father (luckily he grew up & is now wonderful!), & my Mother was just about worthless other than providing shelter. (She on the other hand has only gotten worse, but that would take an entire thread alone to sort through that mess) Anyway with the parenting that I had I was still able to grow up a pretty decent kid, no drugs, OK in school, no real behavior problems. Lived on my own since 17 & put myslef through college, & was able to land a job that I love & pays well enough that if, not that I am planning to at all, but if I ever decide to kick hubby to the curb, my kids & I wil still be above poverty level! Yet, I can't overcome the weight! Well hopefully that is changing as we speak! I finally made to a Healty weight, granted at the tippy top of the chart, but still healthy! So hang in there, & remember even if we never make to our dream size we are all still wonderful!

I can't wait to go to Disney! I went for the first time ever 2 years ago! We weren't back a month till I started planning our next trip. This time we are not worring about the money & doing it right. Last time we scrimped over every penny we spent! This time I have been saving & plan to just enjoy it!

Well I need togo face the scale & see where I am at! Have a good day everyone!

hey Tigger... I hope to heck you got your policy analysis completed!! I was the same... last minute. I always thought that the last minute ones were better than the ones I labored over for days.

Listen, that after school program... screw it!! Don't even think about it! I know how you feel... you're abandoning the kids... but that's NOT your fault. You can't deplete your own self for the sake of those lazy workers. You'd only become resentful and unhappy, and then you'd be of no use to ANYONE! I think you've made a great decision. We're very proud of you.
And good for you for not apologizing to us. We're glad you joined this thread, too. You're very entertaining and VERY nurturing. (god knows we LOVE being nurtured!)

Speaking of nurturing, thank you so much for your kind words regarding my daughter and I. You are an absolute dear, and we all love you.

Speaking of deers, you should see the hilarious thing I bought at a garage sale on the weekend. It's this "lighted picture". Something from the 60's I think. It's a box with a picture of mountains/trees/etc as the background. There is a plastic deer (a buck) stuck in front of the picture. (poor thing's searching for a mate, no doubt) The box is covered with a piece of decorative glass in a "frame" shape, and there is a concealed light bulb in the box so that you can plug it in. And it's got a "stand" so that you can stand it on your TV. (their own words from the back of the picture) It's a friggin' hoot!!!

Okay, where is everyone?

Hello everyone!


I was off sick from work today-I think I had a stomach bug.
I spent most of the day sleeping and watching crappy daytime tv.

Tiggerdiva-don't sweat saying no the day camp, there is only so much you can do at a time. You need to look after yourself and your own interests, and I don't think you are mean saying no.

Ellis-your new art acquisition sounds divine! My tackiest find was a white plastic Jesus nightlight from the Dollar Store. The package even said "let him light your way" so of course I had to buy it!

Christina-you sound like you had a pretty tough upbringing...kudos to you for rising above it and becoming the person you are!

Soozie-hope your daughter has fun with the tennis. I think it really helps kids when they have outside interests. I used to play soccer in grade school and high school. It was great!

Squeek-hope your are in a better mood today, just keep your holiday and seeing your friend in mind as a mood booster!

Dentrassi-sounds like you had a great holiday!

Ruthxxx-how are you doing these days? Hope your garden is coming along but that you are still taking care of your arm

Fluid_Fiction-haven't seen you posting lately-hope you are okay...

I may check in later with you all!

Hi chicks!

Even though my posts have been somewhat erratic I come in here to read everyone's at least twice a day. Once before work and once after. And thank you all for the support!!!!

Things are a little nuts. Work just seems like I have been working my *** off to fall farther behind. 2 major projects, one of which I am unoffical project semi-lead. The lead has had some major problems at home so is only working a few days a week. Plus all of the BAU (business as usual) stuff (and the reason I had to drag my butt into work at 7 on Sunday morning). Though it is slightly good on the plan since I eat lunch at my desk and that means I have to eat what I brought from home. Though it is also why I ate everything that wasn't nailed down over the weekend.
But 8 more days and I am off. It seems to be perfect timing. It is bad I have already planned what I want to bring with me? and the new running joke in the office is I am eloping when I go there. We are going to skip dating, go straight to marriage. As one of the girls said "Dating is over rated" (esp. if you have already done the dating thing once) Ok so the boy doesn't know we are eloping, but that's ok.

Mauvais- Hope you are feeling better! Daytime tv is pretty crappy isn't it? Talk shows, soaps, & lawyer shows.

Ellis - And just what do you plan on doing with that silly picture? It sounds just bizarre I am staying at hostel where the boy is. He gets a room w/ a roommate, I get a bunk room. Though I am thinking of getting a hotel room for the weekend. I am normally not very much of the outdoors-type. I like hiking for a few hours, but I don't camp unless it involves a cabin with electricity & indoor plumbing. And then, not for long. I am very much a city girl.

Christina - Congrats on the healthy weight! And have a blast in Disney & all the time by yourself. The only reason I can nap is because I live alone. The only people that bother me are telemarketers, and them I hang up on.

Tigger - How did the paper go? As for the job - it sounds like too much for too little, I don't blame you for not doing it.

Den - The shiva sounds both good and draining. I think out of the different types of religious things I have gone to, temple was the most interesting.

Soozie - I am also 5' 1" and you better believe I hold on to it. My best friend is 6'2", so we look a little silly in pictures most of the time. The best are him sitting and me standing. I used to stand on my living room table to be a little taller then him. The other sad part was I out weighed him for a while. I am not sure if I still do. He won't tell me any more.

And I am with you girls on the basically hetero thing. I can definately appreciate a woman's body, but it doesn't quite "do anything" for me.

Ruthxxx - Can you still garden in all this heat?

Ok, enough for tonight.

Night all!

squeak

Hi everyone! What a crappy day! We are in the heart of 2003 Budget planning, so everyone is snippy at work! Then I come home to 2 kids that can't look at each other without the fighting starting! Tonight it actually got to the point of physical, not just nasty words! Well Mommy now has 2 game boys, & 2 collections of CDs. After turning them in & getting the speeach how we are a family & we need to be respectful & loving to each other, they leave, aren't even out of my sight & they start pinching each other! After I gave myself the same speech to prevent me from beating them both! I did something I thought I never would! They both have to write "I will be not be mean to my sister/brother" 50 times! So far Alli has about 15 & Zach about 20, I don't know what else to do besides lock them in a room & let them fight it out until someone dies! Now I know why I am an only child!

While my parents were far from the best, it could have been a lot worse! They never abused me, they just never bothered with me, which given the 2, I got the better! I just think back now & realize how much I could have gotten in to & chose the wrong paths, & no one would ever have known. It could have been much worse though! & if nothing else, it taught me what type of parent not to be!

Well I finally did something tonight that felt great! Went through all of my clothes & donated all the "fat stuff" to Good Will! Anything the least bit too big or frumpy went in the bag! I went from a stuffed closet, dresser & chest to only 1/3 of a closet & a fll underwear drawer! I filled 4 garbage bags full! At least I can't let myself creep back up, nothing to wear if I do!


Well I am ready for bed, so catch everyone later!

I just wrote one of my 30 minute short posts, and it was WIPED OUT!!! I'm too tired and cranky to try to duplicate it, so I'M GOING TO BED!!!!!

BOO!!!!

Hey Ladies. Yesterday I made it to the gym thanks to you. I almost wimped out but thought of you and turned the car around and headed for the gym instead of home!!! Thanks for the inspiration. Two more times this week and I'll meet my goal. I also passed up late night snacking which I sometimes do after work.

One of these days I'm going to go back and read your old threads so I'll get to know you alittle better. I'm curious about the issues between you and your daughter Ellis. I can't remember who right now but someone else mentioned going to a psychologist with one of their kids....
anyway...tigger, I do agree with you that most mental health providers are whacked but I have to confess I am a mental health provider.

Yes, clinical social worker, therapist.....and only mildly whacko. I really love my work. And feel very committed to my clients.

Ellis, that deer sounds scare-rey!!! You may need some more counseling and soon!!!!

Mauvais, the tennis was too cute. Even tho it was over 90 degrees and humid. We had to keep spraying the kids with water and making them drink so they wouldn't collapse. And of course all the moms looked like we were going to die of heat stroke.

Tigger, congrats on saying "no" to the summer program, you go girl! and don't spend one second feeling bad about taking care of yourself.

Squeak, know what you mean about camping. I worked at girl scout camp for six years or so...if I never see another tent it will be fine... its only a vacation if there are clean sheets, flush toilets, a shower with great water pressure...etc.

Chris, we're going to Disney this November. I'm not too excited about it yet because we have so much going on before then but you'll have to give me Disney pointers. We're going with my daughters godmother who has been there a billion times. She loves it and can't wait to take her goddaughter.
I think that it is great that you threw out your fat clothes. what a wonderful feeling that must be. Of course I'm still wearing mine but........

Ruth...thanks for starting alternachicks!!! and my garden is just flowers this year...do you do veggies??? we don't get enough sun for them...but we do annual and per. flowers.

Later girls. have a great day. Soozie

Whatsamatta? Nobody likes my deer! It's a conversation piece! Hey, I just thought of something. It cost a buck. Get it... a buck for a buck? CORNY!

Huh! That ol' Ruth didn't start Alternachicks! Mauvais did! Huh!

Mauvais, are you feeling better sweetie? Stomach thing, huh? The hot weather or something you ate? Or did you just need a little mental health day? We promise not to tell.

Sorry... misconception, Tigger. I actually LIKE the pie graph idea. I was being sort of sarcastic and it didn't come out right. Although I do agree with you about SOME mental health workers. Like the first psychiatrist we saw. All he did was recommend a book for us to read! My daughter voluntarily said that she thought he was a complete dud.
I think the pie graph will be good. Apparently what I'm doing right now is giving a complete pie to EVERYONE. So I have to work with one pie and split it up. I'm terrible at saying "no" to people, so now I have a good excuse. "I'm sorry, but according to my psychologist's instructions, you're not on my pie for this week."

Squeaker, you are working like a horse!! Take it easy girl, you're going to burn out. Unless you're burning calories, in which case, GO GIRL!! I like your description... "the boy". heh heh. He sounds like a toy. I don't blame you for wanting to stay somewhere comfortable.

Christina, darling... could you email us your fat clothes? Us fatties are a little short of stuff to wear. 4 garbage bags!! Good for you!

Lil' Den, would you please start "selecting all" and "copy"ing!?!? I want to read your funny posts!! Are you still tired and cranky? Bet you're still in bed, aren't you?

Soozie, I'm so glad that we're motivating you!! ('cause we sure as **** aren't motivating OURSELVES!!) Good working out and eating!!!!
You asked about my daughter and I. In a nutshell (sorry to bore the rest of you again), I've suffered from deep depression since the age of 12 (I'm 37) and finally went for help about 5 years ago. I'm taking Fluoxetine, which; for the most part, works fantastically well. My 12 year old daughter tried to commit suicide about two months ago. Completely unexpected, terribly heartbreaking. I still wake up in the night and check to see that she's in bed. The fear is indescribable. I thank God we've still got her... and things are starting to go really well with the new psychologist.
I was really ill with depression when she was younger (pre-medication) and I did her a lot of psychological damage which I feel guilty as **** for. We don't know if she's clinically depressed or if it's just environmental, but we're doing a lot of great cognitive behaviour stuff with her, and it's really helping.
It's weird... my husband's only been working in the mental health field for the past year... it's a bit of fate. He's so much more knowledgeable now about the issues that are of importance to our family, and his boss has been incredibly supportive. Phew! Dumping... great for relieving stress.
I'm glad to hear that you love your work. It must be a real brain-drain at times.

Shel, Ruth, Tigger? How are things?

Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

I am having trouble keeping up with all this! No, Mauvais started Alternachicks. I will try to find the old threads and bump them up. It got to three pages and I couldn't cope so Mauvais started Alternachicks 2. And then I started this thread when it got too long.

Sorry I've not been posting much. Low Carb has been keeping me busy as has the rest of Life.

Here's what I've been doing...

Busy but not very exciting.

Storm coming through so I'd better get offline before the modem fries!

Now I have something else to add to my list!

We have three trees down in our lane so I can't get the damned car out. Luckily they are near a power source so I may just get to doing my Lumberjack routine with the electric chain saw. Yes, I have one - wanna come to the massacre?

Stupid weather! The plants from yesterday are flattened to the ground and the tomato plant has holes in it from hail! Who the **** is in charge of the weather these days!

geez Ruth, I've always wanted to use a chainsaw but my dad would never let me. You are the COOLEST!!
Hail? What hail?

see? now i've gone and missed Dent's birthday, and the arrival of some charming ladies. *sighs*

here i am, checking in, ashamed to say that there have been three whole pages added since last i looked.

things have been... well, i don't want to say bad, but honestly that's the only way to describe it.

so, that said, i'm going to abuse my privledge as a chick and do some venting. for me this is a pretty big step... i've always been the one to listen to everyone else's problems, and always kept mine in. but, it occurs to me that that behaviour has caused me to hide for the last few weeks, being miserable, and i hate that. so here it goes.... read on if you're brave..... my apologies for my post being self centered.

first of all, how can you love someone, and want them dead all at the same time?? i love my BF. really i do. but after yet ANOTHER fight the other day, he threatened to leave, and i found myself thinking "yeah? GOOD!!".... *sigh* i'd miss him... but i have to wonder if i keep trying because i want this, or if i keep putting up with it all because i just don't want to be alone....

then, there's my mother. we used to be so close, all the time. but ever since i moved back from Kansas, we've been drifting apart. she ~really~ liked the BF that i left there... the first bf that she's accepted since my divorce. she told me on the trip back up here that she's had a hard time over my divorce, and still wasn't over it. EXCUSE ME???? ~she~ didn't get divorced. she didn't have to watch him being the perfect son in law around them, just to turn into this drunken monster when we got back home.... i'm so tired of listening to her question me on why i can't have a nice, normal steady relationship....i know that i'm drawn to bad relationship chioces. i know that my current BF isn't perfect, and could change. but he's not abusive, and he does care for me, and when we're not fighting over stupid things, we're wonderful together. she acts like i've CHOSEN to just not find that one person that i can be completely happy with... like all the choices i've made to this point have been to spite her and what her plans for me were.

my sister is going in for her c-section on friday. laura, the perfect daughter. she married the first boy she fell in love with, just like mom, and gave mom and dad a beautiful granson soon after. she's having a girl this time. Haley Maria. mom has known for a week that she was going in friday for this.... and never bothered to call me. i want the best for my sister.... i love her so much, but sometimes i just want to scream because i feel so jealous of her.... she has the family that i've so desperately wanted for so long..... while i'm still struggling, trying to figure life out.

i'm frusterated, really.... this is NOT where i planned to be at 31. i didn't think that i would be struggling still, scrambling to pay rent, driving an old car, making do with everything, and not happy with what or who i am. aren't you supposed to have things figured out by now? so why don't it???

wow.... what a rant. i'm just so tired of being unhappy... and of not being motivated enought to change it. that's the biggest problem. how much worse do things have to get before i do something? i went through a really bad time in college. i didn't get out of bed for three weeks. the other day it was all i could do to ~NOT~ go in and climb under the covers and shut my eyes, because i just ~KNEW~ that it would happen again. does that sound pathetic? 'cause it sure as **** sounds pathetic to me.....

well, if you're still with me, thanks for letting me get that out. if you're one of the new girls, trust me, i'm usually much more cheery and not nearly so self centered. *s* please excuse the horrible first impression.

gonna slink off and drink some more water now. you can imagine what my food intake has been lately, being a stress eater. *sigh* gonna weigh in tomorrow. i PROMISE - you all as well as myself - that i'll post in. thanks again.....

Shel

Hey Mauvais, sorry that I gave Ruth the credit...thank YOU for starting Alternachicks!!!
how long have you chicks been at it???
Ellis, so sorry to hear about your daughter. . Must have been awful and terrifying. Glad stuff is going well with the therapist. I always say that that relationship is critical. If you don't like and trust the clinician after a few visits get out!! The therapeutic relationship is critical to getting anything out the the therapy...technique is less important than genuine concern, empathy, connection, and intelligence. Don't spend too much time feeling guilty about what you did wrong when you're kid was younger and you were more depressed...its such an energy drain and you need your energy for the present moment to help your kid and yourself heal.
Well, ladies, onto part two of my day........Soozie