It's a lonely world out there. Just mention the possibility of tennis, cycling, bowling, walking, cycling, hiking. Do you get the blank stare? Do you ever feel the "odd man out"? How do you deal with it? I'm terribly lonely.

Hi Cindy,

I think many Age 50+ people many be limited with hiking, and such, due to bad knees, etc. But since you are wanting company for these activities, why not seek them out through the YMCA, or join a bowling league, or take walks in a public place where others congregate such as a park. Reach out to others with the same interest, and watch your newspaper for announcements of special sporting events. If you have a senior center, ask if they would be willing to start an active members group, if they don't already have one. I think there would be many other active seniors who feel lonely and would welcome your ideas.

For friendship, weight loss support, and conversation, please stay around here, and let us get to know you better.

Cindy, I do know what you mean.

My DH and I used to be outdoors doing things all the time but he's got some health restrictions now and isn't comfortable spending as much time walking, hiking, etc. He's great about encouraging me to go, but like you at first I didn't find it much fun to go alone.

I wasn't willing to give up the things I love so I've learned to be more flexible. My closest girlfriends are all my age or very close to it, but I walk and hike with a couple of younger women from work. I've been pleasantly surprised by some of my 50 something friends. They often act like I'm crazy but at other times say they're interested in becoming more active, too. So, I keep asking them. Sometimes they're happy to join me for a walk or canoe or kayak ride. Not every time, but sometimes is better than never.

Mostly though, I had to learn how to enjoy doing things by myself. I've got a great life with a loving family and lots of friends, so what's the big deal if I spend some time exercising, walking, bike riding, swimming etc. by myself? I am committed to staying happy and healthy for as long as I can, and for me that's meant changing lots of old habits and attitudes.

Cindy, I guess that this is where my reputation for eccentricity serves me well, because nobody blinks an eye when I mention anything I'm doing, or plan on doing. In fact, DH & I take our grandkiddos to pick apples at the orchards every year, and I'm famous for climbing the trees (which you're not supposed to do). I LOVE cycling, and discovered, quite happily, that you really never do forget how: it had been years when I started riding again @ 4 years ago. Okay, the rub is that the hiking, some rock climbing, and other physically active stuff like gardening and playing badminton or volleyball are all things that I do with either DH and/or my children and grandchildren. And, most of them require at least a modicum of decent weather, which isn't easy to come by up here in the New England arctic. I tend to get lethargic and go into hibernation mode in winter - thus my grumbling and kvetching while I do my one-mile walk with Leslie every morning! But, while my DH, my children and grandchildren don't expect any less of me when it comes to getting out there and acting up (again, I am a creature that is greatly impacted by weather conditions), I'm afraid that I'm starting to notice that people in my own age group (except for these wild women who call themselves the "Golden Girls"... ) DO tend to look askance at me, DO seem to see themselves as older, now, than I see myself. I think Jane's advice was good - about seeking out people with similar interests - maybe at the Y or maybe by joing CURVES or some other fitness center, or just taking up some activity that you really and truly enjoy, and see who you run into while doing it. I'm honestly not so sure about the senior center idea. We're all over 50 here, but I don't think we're quite ready to identify ourselves as bona fide "seniors". And, I suspect that if your friends aren't out there hopping and skipping around with you, people even older than they are might not be the first avenue that I'd try. But that's just me. Incidentally, my sister is 75 this year, and she still bicycles around her little town in North Carolina, and visits up here in time to go with us to the apple orchards. (She stopped climbing a year or so ago, though).
Anyway, good luck m'dear. Ooops. One other thing. To combat loneliness, I mean. My DH is retired - has been for almost 2 years now, but I'm not - which makes for rather long days for him, with only errands to run and housework kind of things to attend to. He's an artist (retired from a career in software engineering) so that gives him something to do, along with various and sundry carpentry projects around the house. But HE was feeling a tad isolated, too, and recently became a volunteer "historical interpretor" at Old Sturbridge Village - a reconstructed town circa 1835. This gives him the opportunity to stroll about the village in costume chatting with visitors and making new friends among the volunteers and staff. He's working, too, on collecting paintings and art from that period to create a new exhibit. Cindy, you might want to look into what volunteer opportunities might be available in your area. It's a wonderful way to do what you enjoy and develop some new friendships and such.
And there you have MY fifty cents.
Have a great day!

Z

Hi Cindy,

Go online to Meetup.com

This is a site for finding folks in your geographic area with common interests who want to get together.

I've met up with several groups and even started a weekday book club.

Lynn

Cindy, I've had similar problems over the last year. I just moved back to my hometown in April and I've tried to hook-up with new friends, but have found it very difficult. I have used MeetUp.com with some success. There are huge hiking groups in my area due to our proximity to the foothils and mountains, and their age range is broad. A friend of mine who is 55 and just retired is very active in the groups.

I'm looking at a kayaking group, but I'm a little intimidated since a rowing machine in the garage is very different from being in the water with people who have been doing this for awhile. I'm waiting till I get in better shape before I get brave and join them.

Another community connection can be your local Parks and Recreation department. In my town, population 65,000, the department is very well developed with a range of sports and arts, and even agricultural sustainability, wine tasting 101 and pain management classes.

Once we hit that middle age, many are pretty entrenched with work, family and already established friends. It's really hard to break into a group of friends as a newby. I've even offered dinners at my house, which is great for gathering all my son's friends, but I'd like to connect with people with my ecclectic interests.

No one in my town admits to having read Proust! I found a philosophy group in the next town, which is a college town, but they have a membership total of three! I joined the Red Hat Society, but all they want to do is eat cheap Mexican food and go to the movies. So, today I'm hanging out with 12-year-old boys bowling on my Wii Sports Resort in my living room. And they only let me play because I'm feeding them.

I needed a good laugh today! Thank you!!

Thanks everyone for the support and all the suggestions. I guess I really need to be more proactive about getting out of the house. This time of year the cabin fever gets pretty bad!

Hi Cindy,

It is hard to find someone with your interest, especially some one to do the active things you want to do. And exercise is so much more fun when you have some one join you. Have you checked your neighborhood paper? We have a walking club at the little highschool up the street from me. They walk inside the school in the winter time and in a local park in the summer. And Curves was a good suggestion too. It's usually a little bit older ladies who like to be active. I know the one I go to plan lots of activities outside of Curves.

Wow, I am just the opposite. I prefer being alone and my daughter has to practically drag me out of the house to "do something". I prefer shopping alone too, where I can get lost dreaming about the things I see, rather than have a girlfriend constantly trying to get me to look at stuff. lol. Anyways, I would make a fab hermit and be perfectly happy.

Hi Cindy. it is 4/9/10
I am hoping your life is getting better. Loneliness is not so much fun I know. Usually I am alone and not too lonely. I enjoy my own company. Ha Ha. That sounds egotistical but it isn't. I do a lot to keep me busy, quilting, piano, movies. It takes all day for me to figure out what I am going to eat for WW. Hoping that gets better. Too bad you can't cook for me, that would take up your time, lol. I am a widow twice, alone is what it will be for me as I am 76. Is that too old to diet. Well this reply may be too long. Damsel

Hi Releve, I'm right there with you. I am 54 and very lonely, no significant other and most of my friends have died or live far away. Hang in there..it will get better for both of us. I don't have any advice, just wanted to tell you you're not alone.

Rea

My knees are only bad if I don't use them, same goes for the back. I tend to be pain free only when I exercise. I just turned 50-- can not freaking believe it. 50! Was at the tail end of the boomers, and feel more X-Gen and always have. My parents got married late, mom didn't start having kids till she was nearly 40. They all turned out gay or weird but none were sick. lol. I want to sail, ride horses, hike, my next big purchase will be a recumbent bike. Back in the hippie days I wanted to hike the Appalachian trail. Don't think I can get there, but I want to revise that, bike some extra long trail with the dogs, camping gear.... Hey, you are in plenty of good company.

My biggest advice is Get A Dog!!! They totally change your physical status. A doberman, Pitbull, or a good Shepard are wonderful exercise partners. A smaller dog is okay too. Chihuahuas can run too. They use the dog as an excuse to go to the mountains. In the mountains you will find your people. You can't wish something unless you make an effort to get close to it. It's like that If you build it they will come thing. You have to open yourself to the energy.

I got a greyhound. Met a thousand great greyhound people. Went to the greyhound meets, and got into the greyhound lifestyle. Ex racing greyhounds need homes. They are couch potatoes and need much less running around then you think.

The great thing about greyhounds is that you look at them and think "I got to diet." Greyhounds are the best diet aid!!!!

Enjoy and experiment with your days on earth.

Well I'll chime in here...
I feel alone because my youngest child is graduating and leaving for college soon and my kids are the ones I find adventure with. My hubby has had too many medical problems to do much so I don't have people to bike, hike, shop and
explore with. Most of my friends just like to go eat but I want friends that like impulsive day trips to the beach, kayaking, exploring ect.

I am sad about my kids all leaving because raising them has been the best years of my life. My older son is independent and busy and I hardly ever see him,
and even when I do it will never be like it was when they were little.
We fished,camped,explored, were silly, played outside til bedtime and the list goes on...

I remember once before thinking life was over and I was so wrong so I just have to trust that there are good years to come..

Right now I am dying inside because my kids are leaving and pretending to be happy on the outside because Graduation is a happy time right??

Nancy - I feel for you, and have been through the same thing. My family was always my main focus, and I was even one of the fews moms that didn't want school to restart in the fall. I loved snow days, and other breaks from their school schedules, and planned fun things to do. My best advice to you is for you to know that it does get better. The emptiness in your heart will be refilled when you have grandchildren, and in the meantime, you must get on with the fun things out there that don't revolve around the kids. This is your time for yourself, and your time to shine in a new light. Ask yourself what you'd like to do, then get with it! You can make new friends by attending classes/meetings for new interests by checking out what's going on in your community, and then jump in! I personally invested many more hours here at 3FCs as a moderator for years, got involved with my church and schools, started scrapbooking, began taking trips with and without my husband, etc.
It does get better, and remember that while this phase of mothering ends, the next phase is just as wonderful, (really!) but in a different way.