I feel so relieved to have found this forum!
I've spent a couple of days browsing around, and I am thrilled to have found so many inspiring people. This seems like a wonderful supportive community. I truly feel less alone when it comes to weight struggles already.
My name is Julia. I need to lose forty or fifty pounds. I've been about twenty pounds lower than my current weight a few times in the last twenty years, but mostly I've been pudgy. Overweight, leaning towards obesity (at least BMI-wise.)
I'm almost 54 years old and one could argue that my weight struggle has defined a large part of my life. I've worked in businesses where weight was highly monitored and commented upon, and I still work in a public arena where I must be "looked at."
I think I always thought my higher weight (relative to others in my profession) as an act of defiance. I wasn't going to let them control my body! Something like that.
Who is "them" exactly? The collective judge that lives in my imagination. However, it's based in truth. People do talk. That's what people do. It's a hallmark of our psychology. I accept that.
But now I see that the result of this defiance was causing me to have a lifetime of feeling less-than and exposed. I didn't feel like I winner, and my weight was the outward sign of this internal condemnation.
I don't want to overthink my weight issues. I've spend 30 years or more - actually more like 40 years! - thinking it all through. And I'm still overweight and mostly have always been that way.
I am not blaming my mother with the following observation. I think it's sadly typical of many mothers. But here goes: My mother judges people based almost exclusively on their weight. I was always outside the circle of acceptance. It was a way for her to show constant concern, constant commenting, and a need for a constant sighing with dismay.
Now, I want to stop overthinking the weight issue. I want to just do something - a sustained something - and lose the damn weight and get on with it! Life is passing me by! I have the urge to act!
I have a family, a daughter and a husband who are blessedly thin. They hardly seem to give it a thought. They are supportive about my struggle.
This is what I'm going to do: (what I've been doing since early August) Monitor my weight and caloric intake on Lose It! which is an app on my iPhone.
I'm going to stop all alcohol intake except for special days: my birthday, Thanksgiving, on our Christmas vacation, at a conference I attend every March. I'm going to eat my exercise calories, but not add in calories burned for yoga or walking - just aerobic exercise.
I've set Lose It! to a 1 lb. loss per week. I've been ruthlessly honest about my caloric intake.
I have to go out of town on business for eight days starting Thursday. This will be highly challenging. It involves a high degree of "being looked at."
But I feel weirdly calm about it all, I'm going to do it. I know I will. Look at all the successful women on this website. This is within my capability. It's worthy of being my number one goal, and then a lifetime of maintaining. I am giving myself over in a new way to this truth. It takes full focus and commitment. And weirdly, since I adopted this full-forced attitude, in early August, it's also been easy. Like surrendering to a regime, there's no thinking involved, no wishy-washyness about it.
Since I started in the middle of last month and I've already lost 3 pounds. While modest, it fuels my optimism.
So, hello everyone! Thanks for being here.
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