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Old 05-09-2012, 10:30 AM   #7
Girl Gone Strong
saef's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Atlantis, which is near Manhattan
Posts: 6,836

S/C/G: (H)247/(C)159/(Goal)142-138

Height: 5'3"


Megan, I wish I'd kept going to the yoga studio that I joined last fall. But I found that I wasn't going as often as I ought to. That's because I could not mentally accept yoga as my day's workout. It had to happen in addition to weights & cardio. Weights & cardio are my magic talisman against weight regain & help me work off stress and raise my endorphin levels out of depression. So that meant a morning workout, a full day of work, and then off to the yoga studio at night. My life just couldn't comfortably contain that many hours of exercise, and still allow me leisure and time for cooking dinner & other weekday errands. And yoga seemed optional compared with the other exercise. (Who'd think yoga could be a source of stress?) Also, yoga was difficult and I wanted an excuse to quit. It made see certain inadequaces in flexibility and balance. And since I wasn't experiencing any measurable success or progress that would have motivated me to keep doing it, I let it drop. I approached yoga with too much of an achievement mindset.

Still, I don't feel comfortable with my decision of dropping it. Yoga also felt like a therapy session to me. It still feels that way & thus is something I ought to be doing, to get away from my achievement mentality, so I feel vaguely guilty whenever I encounter the word "yoga." Yoga = The undone thing that I never finished.

I'm quivery and angry today. My boss told me to meet with someone who was heading a project. I was supposed to give this person pointers on how to do something. Or so I thought. During the meeting, the person revealed that rather than doing it herself, she wanted me to do it. And she'd cleared that with my boss already. So I have been saddled with an additional project. I'm flustered and angry, and wish I could talk with my boss, but she's out all week putting in her garden.

I am trying not to eat over my anger, but I have already furiously chewed through a pack of gum, which is a vestigial binge behavior of mine.

I need to make a cup of tea, clear my mind, and work instead on one of my other projects which has been piling up since Monday.

I am seething with anger at what they expect on this job. I am grateful I was able to take this job to my mother's house with me, after the flood, and keep working. But I am also an ingrate who's getting fed up with special projects and new quality initiatives.
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