Yep, I had a "doubter" whispering behind my back too. She started asking me questions one day at a park--in a round about way she was SUGGESTING I had surgery in front of a group of women. I pulled up my shirt and said--"No surgery scars here but some stretch marks from my babies!" LOL, she wasn't sure what to say.
hah well i dont think anybody has thought i had surgery. that's about the only thing i haven't heard though. i hate the comments like "wow you look so good i didn't recognize you!" i actually had a well=meaning friend post that worldwide on my facebook page((( i finally had to privately email her and maybe another one or two to say please dont do that she understood. at least with her, she lives far away and i have changed my hair color since then but i thought she knew that and could see my current pics. one time i went back to visit at former church, the door greeter man hollered out "well where's the rest of ya!!!" an old country expression about losing weight(( i was mortified(((. i've also been quizzed to death on exactly how much weight i have lost. usually i blow it off with an i dont know (sometimes didnt know). but one time i said i dont know and if i did know i wouldnt tell it. this was back in that church choir room with a group of women there. i know she was just interested but i didnt want that kind of topic. like it matters if u lost 20 or 25, or 50 or 55.
i had made a point of not announcing i was trying to lose, except to a few close friends. i was working on other health issues and food/exercise was a part. and i had to wear jackets etc at that church choir/band, so they didn't usually see me in shorts or sleeveless. one time i had my jacket off and a clingy top on, and this man who had rejected me gawked. this is the same guy who had heard me talking about natural food and health supplements etc and felt the need to clarify to me that no, he meant the "natural mother vinegar" when we were talking about apple cider vinegar. so it really is true that your first impression sticks no matter how much they see you lose, do, eat or not eat, after that first impression. one lady in this thread said she was finally able to think of her friend as slim after five years? so if women are like this about their friends, it's no wonder how men see us((( now the comments are "and you've kept all that weight off!!!" huh????? so if general people are saying that to me and others about me, there's no telling what men actually thought((( it's pretty sickening really. one person (totally married, nothing more than supportive friend) just says to me every time he sees me, emphatically, "you look good!".
i meant to add one reason i dont like people saying i lost weight in front of other people is because to them, i am probably considered overweight since i am not stick thin, so they really wonder well just how big was she????
FYI....quick update. I have recently been getting compliments from people who I have not seen for 3-6 months on my weight loss. The compliments are making me feel great and are a fantastic motivator to keep going!
However, because my weight loss so far has been modest, the compliments are in proportion. It's mainly people saying, "Have you lost weight? You look really skinny! You look really good!" However, if I ever reach my goal weight, the reactions would be much more extreme. They would be the kind of jaw dropping and loud exclamations, like "Wow! You look like you've lost a whole person!" THAT I would find embarrassing.
Actually, I had one similar kind of embarrassing remark in front of a table full of people about 2 weeks ago when someone asked if I had lost a "ton" of weight. It was meant as a compliment, but it called attention to how fat I was before. I know I am overly sensitive...but I can't help it!
I actually did lose 100 lbs. in 10 months by increasing exercise and basically just cutting out all sugar and white flour. I have had many people (acquaintances and "friends") ask if I had surgery and then act as if they didn't believe me when I said "no".
guacamole-I didn't post that to make you feel badly about your previous post. I just wanted people to know that it indeed is possible, and possible without surgical intervention.
I have had very similar thoughts and feelings to those that you've described. It is embarrassing when people keep loudly announcing how much better you look and how much thinner you are. I truly appreciate the "quiet" compliments but the shouting from across the room I could do without! LOL
Well, had an embarrassing remark about my weight loss for the first time. Actually, the person made the remark to my husband and not to me. Basically, he said that he barely recognized me when he saw me and he encouraged my husband to also start losing weight. It didn't make my husband feel great to be compared or told how overweight he is and it made me wonder how many other people this man made the remark to?
I know it was meant in kindness and concern (for my husband), and I do take it that way. However, there are a few mutual acquaintances we have in common that I feel quite embarrassed knowing that they might, however briefly, be discussing the subject of my weight. It's like, I don't want them to know I was ever fat - like that's something a person can hide! Overeating is the one vice/addiction/obsession that can't be hidden. At least, the consequences can't be hidden! I'm so irrational that way.
I feel like I have multiple personalities on the topic of my weight! Sometimes I enjoy compliments and even feel slighted if I don't receive any, while other times I don't want any comments or compliments at all!
ETA - Rereading my post I think I hit upon something. When a person is overweight, most people will not comment about their weight (not talking about mothers or sisters or spouses who have some sort of vested interest in your health/appearance). If people don't have anything nice to say, they don't say anything at all. However, once you start to lose weight, it's like people can finally acknowledge the elephant that's been in the room all this time. It's almost a relief that people can finally say, "Wow you were so fat! I am so glad you finally had the will power to lose the weight!" People think it isn't hurtful because you were fat in the past - it's kind of like they have permission to talk smack about a person who no longer exists. Except that the person IS you - and all it takes is a few rough weeks of binging to put you back in the fat category again. The difference is, now you know what people were really thinking about you. It would be much harder to go back to my high weight now that all my fears about people "noticing" how fat and unattractive I looked have been confirmed.
I have people in my life who swear I was never overweight and THAT drives me crazy 'cause I live and breathe maintenance and fitness and am proud of my achievements over a period of more than 16 years in the area of weight management.
People are so funny. I don't care what they think. I only care what I think and what my doctor thinks and what my knees think.
Ok....after getting about 5 comments over the weekend from people who haven't seen me for a short while, I have a new perspective. Even though I am NOWHERE near close to my goal weight, people are starting to comment that I look like I have lost a "ton" of weight and that even my face looks completely different (I don't really see this).
Basically, they are implying that I have lost lots of weight in a very short time period - because I have seen most of these people over the last 3 or 4 months and they didn't notice any weight loss back then - at least they didn't say anything to me. However, those who know me on here and know my start date on 3FC, know that I have been working at this for the last 1 1/2-2 years.
Because I know about my journey, I think that because I was so overweight before, that losing 10, 20, even 30 pounds did not make a big difference in my appearance. It is only now that I am hovering at about a 40 lb weight loss (about half of what I need to lose) that people are noticing.
So, I think that I also did the same thing when others around me lost a lot of weight. I only noticed they were losing when they were on the last leg of their journey, or at their goal weight. In the beginning when the weight loss was modest, I didn't notice. Therefore, I assumed they dropped all the weight in the last 3 or 4 months that I saw them, when really, they had been losing for what could have been 1 year or more. So, now I get a taste of my own medicine! But you know what? I'll take it, even if people do assume I have been doing some kind of crazy crash diet. At least I am losing and moving toward my goal, and I know that I have been doing it gradually and sensibly.
Honestly it doesn't bother me. When people see me yes its' because they remember the fat me and the (in progress me right now) and then it will be the thin me....but for me it's about accepting who I am on the inside no matter what size I am. Sure people are noticing now, and it feels great, but me as a person hasn't changed on the inside. I don't want to forget the fat me ever, that was me when I was still struggling with myself on the inside and the new me will represent the strength and courage it took to face those things inside so that the new thin me could shine from the inside out. So let people gush, i want them to know the fat me too, cause my journey from where I was to where I am now can only help someone else. And yes people are only noticing my weight loss now at close to 45lbs down.
I think that the typical "Omg you lost so much weight" is not meant as a discrete insult to people (especially from family and good friends). It is what you've done, you have indeed lost so much weight, so why take it as if someone is saying OMG you used to be huge. A person can be skinny at 145 lbs and 5'9 then lose 30 lbs and be even skinnier, even though this person was never fat people will still be shocked by how much weight was lost. Confidence is key and I personally think that the slower you lose weight, the longer it takes for people to notice and the longer it takes for them to forget that you used to be a fatty. My friend is pretty skinny now but it took her 2 years to lose 40 lbs, so in my eyes I stil see her as the same person until were shopping and I realize once again how much she lost.
I have felt the exact same way when I have lost weight in the past. When people would go on about how great I looked, it really made me feel uncomfortable, as if they were reminding me of how bad I looked before.
Imagine going on about how great someone looks after a nose job or face lift, it would feel like I was telling them their nose was really big or their face was super wrinkly. I figure other people could be uncomfortable about this too so I have quit making any specific comments about other people's appearance and just say general things like, "You look great!"
You make sense, and you have a perfect right to your feelings. I'm someone who doesn't like to be the focus of attention, so any comments about my appearance are slightly embarrassing. However, I've gotten much better about it: I gracefully accept the compliment by saying "thank you" and smiling. I don't dwell on the compliment or take away from it with self-deprecating remarks (I used to do the latter, but realized that doing so just prolongs the conversation).
In my view, though, people are usually just being nice with such comments. In today's diet-obsessed society, I think most people think others will appreciate comments about weight loss. I know that I've given such compliments, and I would be hurt if someone came back at me with a smart-aleck remark. But that's just me.
As I have been getting more remarks, I think I am getting more graceful at accepting them. I agree, that denying or downplaying only prolongs the conversation and turns a simple compliment into an interrogation session -
Them - "You look great! You've lost weight, haven't you?"
Me - "Umm...not so much."
Them - Eyeing me skeptically..."Yes you have! You have lost weight!"
Me - "Well, I'm trying, but it's a slow process."
Them - "Well, it's working! The last time I saw you, you were.......etc, etc."
As opposed to -
Them - "You look great! You've lost weight, haven't you?"
Me - "Yes, you look great too! It's nice to see you again."
The end.
These are actual conversations I have had. I don't feel as self conscious anymore when people acknowledge my weight loss, because I no longer see myself as morbidly obese....meaning, I am further away from that self. I am still overweight and working towards a normal weight, but I am feeling better about myself and not as defensive.
I don't go fishing for compliments ("Notice anything different about me?" or "Do you like my outfit?" or "How do I look?"), but I don't cringe from them either. Also, when I get home and remember the compliments, I feel good, even if I am a bit embarrassed at the time they were given.
((( i finally had to privately email her and maybe another one or two to say please dont do that
