So what happens such that you can go on a binge for 3 days??? It started with sushi on Friday, carried on through burritos on Saturday, and finally - after a great day of eating on Sunday - ruining the day with cookies??
I woke up in the middle of Saturday night very thirsty because of all the salt in the burrito. Reminded myself that this is why I don't do this. And yet on Sunday, ate cookies past the point where my stomach actually hurt. Again, why??
Anyway, this is just a rant. I figured I needed to own up to my mistakes. I'm 44 years old, shouldn't I know better?? Well, I do know better, so shouldn't I be able to act better? The cookies last night were total stress eating... the rest was just deciding to be negligent. It's just frightening how quickly I can revert! Ack!!
All better now, today is off to a good start and I plan to end the day that way, too.
I think we've all done that more than we'd like to think we have. I didn't have a great food weekend either- mostly because I didn't eat preemtively and so I was hungry at a family party. Bad combo.
One thing I've been TRYING to do is take the emotion out of food for me. That doesn't just mean trying to stop emotionally eating but it also means I have to let go of the negative emotions that come when I screw up. Beating myself up for what I ate or for 'failing with food' is still ascribing emotion to food. The only difference is that instead of eating what I shouldn't in a misguided attempt to fill me emotionally I'm using food as a way of punishing myself and tearing me down.
The place I WANT to get to is where food is just food. It isn't good or bad. I'm not driven by cravings and then anger for giving in to cravings. I want to get to that healthy place where I can eat ONE cookie when I want to. Honestly, I'm getting there but it does require some vigilence. I had an experience yesterday that helps me know I'm getting there (instead of getting my own slice of pizza I settled for a bite of my daughters and that was 'enough' for me). I have a lot of work to do still but I'll get there.
Consider trying to take the emotion out of food from BOTH sides and see if that helps. Beating yourself down emotionally because of what you ate is just as problematic as using food to soothe yorself emotionally. Same thing so work both angles.
The last week of being in MB my eating wasn't great and then when I got home I spent the weekend eating NOTHING but crap. Although I am up 5lbs. from last week I am OK with that.
For me this is a life style change that includes times when I will binge. It's when those binges become my life style again that will be a problem. By giving myself permission to include these binges I don't deal with guilt and I don't kick myself in the butt after. The fact of the matter is I like food and there will be times that I eat crap or overeat; Holidays, parties, cruising....
The issue I am having a very difficult time with is exercise. I really need to make exercise a priority no matter where I am. As you can see by my ticker below I didn't exercise at all while I was gone.
Heidi, wouldn't it be great if we knew the "why's" behind the not so healthy actions on this journey? Boy we'd be rich if we could bottle the solution up and sell it!
I'm glad you've moved on. I love the suggestion of taking the emotion totally out of the equation. I think the binging is punishment enough, best not to beat ourselves up in addition to that.
Thanks, ladies! I appreciate the support! I did have another VERY strong urge to give in to stress eating today... I did eat, but chose radishes. What a great alternative! Crunchy, flavorful, lo cal. It was pretty unusual for me to have radishes in the fridge... what a nice, handy thing to have!
Newleaf,
This weekend is in the past, it's what we do now and in the future that counts. You can let this totally undue all of your hard work or you can get back to plan and be closer to goal. I'm guessing you'll get back to plan!
Newleaf - you have such a great positive attitude and I'm sure this minor setback will be just that, minor! Today was the first day in 5 weeks when I started thinking back to how I used to eat before and *almost* wanted to pick up a bag of chips and just eat the whole thing. But, what helped me get through that was reminding myself that food is now my fuel and there are so many other places to get joy from life - family, friends, going on a walk, reading a good book - so why do we need to turn to food? Keep making those smart choices like you have been and stay positive!
Don't feel too bad newleaf!! You really didn't do too bad at all for a binge! I didn't think sushi was bad for you? If you crave burritos here and there you can make them healthier too. I love enchiladas and have been making them regularly lately but a healthier version. We all give in to cravings here and there. I feel as long as you eat well overall you are entitled to giving in once in awhile. I read once about eating healthy 80% of the time and giving yourself some breathing room 20% of the time. That way if you allow yourself to eat some of the stuff you crave sometimes, you won't be apt to go completely back to your old ways by being too strict.
Sushi itself is fine. But for some reason, it requires some sort of palate cleanser afterwards, which ended up being the ice cream cake I had made for Mother's Day (ice cream, heavy cream, crumbled up Thin Mints, all mixed together and refrozen).
Newleaf, you turned it around! And I think Bindersbee is really on to something. There are some serious biological factors at work with the "need" to eat, and that desire is SO powerful. But the head game is a massive part of it ... I'm coming to realize that I would much rather be happy than thin ... and the corollary to that is that I am most happy when I am doing the things that bring me health. The happiness of binging is so fleeting - momentary, even ... but eating to plan and being in motion lasts hours and days!
I wish I understood myself better...
