Brenda--Glad to hear it's NOT just me on the annoying girl thing. Sometimes when I hear some women complain about how thier guy broke up w/them or whatever I just cant help but thing "gee, I wonder why?" I cant read Cosmo; it just irritates me. Good for you for considering the sodium! I am SO bad about that! I really think all the sodium in all the crap I ate was what caused that 3 lbs gain during those 4 days I was off plan. How else would I have lost 4 lbs just from Wednesday to Saturday?
Zelma--Hey Brenda! I think Zelma hit the nail on the head! Zelma, I think you are totally on the mark about us women here coming from a different place and that being why we can relate to each other easier. I definitely think women like us are more sane and balanced (how scary is THAT?? ) than women who have never dealt w/issues like this before. Not just weight issues, but everything that goes along w/it--depression, social ostracism, islolation, and on and on. And OH YEAH some women do blab on about the most inane things sometimes! A big "AMEN!" to every word you said!! I bet you were TOO CUTE in your outfit today! You go girl--like Madonna said, "Strike a pose, there's nothing to it--Vogue"!! You totally deserve to feel good! You have worked so hard! If I were you I'd have a hard time not letting it go to my head! I havent bought myself any clothes in a long time, I just realized that the other day. I think I'll wait a little longer before I buy any, maybe till I am down a size. I dont really need anything right now, but since when has clothes shopping been about need? On the lunch thing, we have a microwave in the break room right by the call center; I never thought about you not having one that close. I can see why you favor salads now! About the palpitations--That IS interesting that you have them, too! Its weird beacause I never knew what they were for a long time. I dont even know how long I've had them, probably since high school or something. It would scare me so bad when it would happen, like I was having a heart attack, but it would happen so infrequently that I'd forget to mention it to my doc! Finally I met someone who had them too, and she urged me to mention it to my doc who had me wear a Holter Monitor to make sure all was ok. It turned out benign, thank goodness. Since I have been working on getting healthier I sure seem to have a lot less palpitations that I used to. Now when I have them its like "oh, what's that?" for a second because they happen so infrequently now that I forget about them. It sounds like a pain to have to monitor them, but surely not as much of a pain as having something bad happen if you didnt. Have you talked to your doc about yours? What did he/she say? Happy early b-day! And yes, you keep telling yourself that you ARE healthy. You have done so much--does it ever occur to you to just give yourself a break once in a while? Not a break from this healthy lifestyle, but a break from feeling like you arent doing enough. Think about it.
Michelle--Thank YOU for being so open and honest and willing to share yourself with us! On the fast food thing, I used to have a friend that said she read somewhere that the grease they use in fast food actually does have an addictive ingredient in it. Addictive ingredient or not, I am firm believer that you can become addicted to most anything. I mean, what is a bad habit like biting your fingernails? Probably an addiction, in some mild form or another. I am a knuckle cracker. I feel like I cant stop! I am probably mildly addicted to how it feels and how it sounds, and just the repetitive motion of it. And you are right, you can cook bad stuff on your own, but it doesnt hold a candle to how bad fast food is for you. If you made a cheeseburger w/all the toppings at home I'm sure it wouldnt have near the calorie/fat/sodium/crap content that a Whopper would. And I dont think it sounds creepy at all to say your body grieves for what it can no longer have. Its just like withdrawls from any addiction. I can completely understand where you are coming from. OMG that thing about the soda pop is so insane! 30 lbs in 2 mos just from droppng soda?!? Whew, that is crazy! I am lucky in that I have never been a regular pop drinker. I love soda, but Diet Pepsi or Coke have always been my favorites. When I was growning up we always had Diet Coke in the house (or Diet Shasta ), never regular soda, so I guess you can say I was kinda "raised" on diet soda. Have you tried Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper? It is really good and sweet. Also, Diet Mug Rootbeer and Diet A&W Cream Soda are good too. That might help your transition from regular soda a little easier. I hope you are able to get a treadmill! That sounds really exciting! That would make working out a lot easier for you.
Garnet--I laughed out loud at "egads!" and "I never know what she is talking about-ever"! I'm glad you had a great workout today, GOOD JOB!! Little Debbies are the devil in disguise...I'm convinced that Elvis song is really about them. Oatmeal Cream Pies and Star Crunches... but , dang! I'm glad you can relate on the guy-friend thing, too. A short attention span when talking to women?!? That is me to a "T"!! My mom is like that too...very talktative, sometimes about stuff that really no one could give a rip about...but I gotta love her! I'm glad you got something out of my post...I try! Sometimes I think they are too long and I'm thinking "who is really going to read this??" but I guess I post for myself as much as for everyone else's benefit. You always crack me up--I love your totally real take on life. I'm sorry your dad seems to be having some problems. That can be rough. Is he unwillinging to have someone check him out, or does no one but you seem to notice his issues? Older men (and women!) can really be stubborn sometimes!
Sharon--"At least the women here are intelligent and have some substance, rather than being shallow bimbos!" You sure said it! That's how I feel! I cant read magazines like Cosmopolitan because it seems like the " 'shoes/shopping/celebrity/I'm FAT (at 120lbs!!!)' " is all they talk about! I really like "JANE" magazine though, its pretty down-to-earth. Oh, and I used to have a friend that would say "*sigh* I'm so fat" just so you would say "no you're not!" (which is exactly the reason I think a lot of women say that), and after a while I started saying to her "yeah, you're a real larda$$" Kinda mean, but it got the point thru! on your weigh-in next time. I bet you will do great! I have faith in you!
kirsikka--I can really understand those feelings you are having. It is hard to change any aspect of your life. And sometimes you dont expect the changes that come along w/it. But now that you know what to expect, it may be easier to deal with. When you start to have those feelings you will be able to identify them, not just add "confusion" to the other heap of feelings going on. And that way you might be able to stop those feelings from taking over and hurting your weight loss efforts. Your plants sound cool! Spring is always a good time to start anew and the warmer weather makes it a lot easier, I think. I have faith in you that you can keep going, and if you make a mistake that you can start again.
Jill--That can certianly be hard. Our culture does such an effective job of perpetuating the stereotype that thin + big boobs = beautiful that they've gotten almost everyone believing it. Even you. Am I right? And of course you dont want to watch that crap. Because its crap! But did you feel uncomfortable watching it because it was crap, or because all the girls were thin w/big boobs? It sucks though, I know. As if being big werent a big enough challenge, we get to deal with things like this, too. There are so many issues that go along with the weight struggle that it is downright unfair to expect someone to deal with all that. And no, guys dont ever understand fully. They can be attentive listeniners an even effective sympathizers, but they will never fully comprehend. Just as you will never fully comprehend why he would enjoy watching that crap. Just remember, he's sitting on the couch w/YOU (size 3x pjs and all), not some anorexic piece of fluff. And remember all the reasons for that. I'm sure if you cant remember he will be happy to remind you!
Lilion--Whew, you had a busy weekend! I just laid around all day Sunday. It was really boring. Sounds like you worked off all that pizza and donuts w/the yardwork! I wish you'd stop writing about it, reading about it makes me tired!! I dont think I could handle all those boys there! You are a cool mom to let your son have a sleepover! Parents always amaze me. I dont know if I could do it.
Nancy--Good job on coming in under calories yesterday, even w/the bigger lunch! I'm glad the good chocolates are gone but I bet they were yummy while they lasted! Good for you for staying OP even while eating them. I'm glad you ordered a new scale, holy smokes! That other one was going to be the end of you! Is that how those hand-held fat analyzers work? The lady at Curves had me hold one and I was like "what's this for?"
wyllenn--GOOD WORK on the total loss! Congrats on your recent loss too! Yeah! 75 lbs is amazing work! Good for you!
Kayley--What's your myspace link? I wanna read your blog! I'm on myspace too--we should be friends! Good to hear you had a good time! That sounds AWESOME!
Vicki--I'm on myspace too! My screen name is Violent Swerve. I'll be sure to check out your page!
As for me, today was pretty good. I still have 4 points left. I was going to excercise after work, but Curves closes at 7:30 instead of 8 now and I didnt get out of work till 6:30 tonight, so I wouldnt have had time to eat dinner if I had went. I was super hungry and didnt want to let myself get into the "danger zone" of feeling sick or end up stuffing my face w/something unhealthy because I was so hungry. I cant work out Friday because Curves closes at 6, and Nat will be here this weekend so Saturday's workout is out, too. I'll work out the next 3 days, though so I'll still be on track for my excercise goal.
I've been pretty crappy emotionally lately. Last night I just started crying on the phone w/Nat for really no reason. I had been bored all day because I was all alone (so probably more lonely than bored), and I didnt feel like doing any crafting or anything. I just laid around all day in my PJs. I dont even remember what Nat said, but I said "I'm just tired of being alone all the time" and just burst into tears. I told him I am surprised he even calls me anymore because it seems like I am like this about once a week now, and it seems to happen when he calls.
Something needs to change. I've been thinking about looking for a new job, but I dont want to get a different job right now because Nat and I already have a vacation planned for July. I know if I got a job somewhere else right now I probably wouldnt be able to get the week of July 4th off (Independence Day, for all our non-American people ). The chances would be pretty much nill, in fact. In a call center you usually pick vacation in January for the entire year, and it goes by seniority. Besides, I wouldnt get paid vacation right away probably, anyway, even if I didnt get a call center job.
I dont know. Actually I do know. I've been thinking of moving to Kansas City to be with Nat. I am ready to get out of this town and away from my stupid job. I like KC and I love Nat. I was talking to Dave and he asked me if I was sure about Nat, like was I sure he was "the one". I said "Without a doubt". He said "I can see you having reservations about moving if you're not sure, but if you're sure I'd say you should move down there". I think he is right. The only thing is, I'm not sure how Nat will feel about it. Its not that he wants us to be apart, its just...well...complicated. He moved to KC to get some stuff figured out. He didnt want to leave, but we both thought it would be a means to an end. He is very overweight and has a law degree but has yet to take the bar, hence working customer service. He thinks he needs to be thin and be making a 6-figure income (I am not exaggerating) for us to "start our life together", so to speak. I accept him as he is, I always have, and I have told him this numerous times. He was this way before we started dating, and I knew this. I did not and do not see him as a "fixer-upper". But what he said the last time he visited sums it all up: "I wont let you accept me this way. I want to be a better man for you. For us." I literally said "F-you, then" (we can talk to each other this way; it wasnt meant in a mean way ) But ARG! "Better man" how? He is the kindest, sweetest, funniest, smartest, most honest, most considerate, and all-around most beautiful person I have ever met. Just knowing him has changed my life for the better in so many ways that I shudder to think who I would be if I had never known him. Is that not the definition of "true love"???? I just wish he could see what I see. Something about that mirror getting distorted again...it just makes me want to cry.
I feel really weird baring my soul to you guys in this way. I have not told anyone how I am feeling about this, not even written it in my blog, and I felt like I had to get it out. Here there is a certain sense of anonymity, so I feel like I can speak a little more freely. I thank you all for taking the time to "listen" (read).
Sometimes when I hear some women complain about how thier guy broke up w/them or whatever I just cant help but thing "gee, I wonder why?" 
I cant read Cosmo; it just irritates me. Good for you for considering the sodium! I am SO bad about that! I really think all the sodium in all the crap I ate was what caused that 3 lbs gain during those 4 days I was off plan. How else would I have lost 4 lbs just from Wednesday to Saturday? 
) than women who have never dealt w/issues like this before. Not just weight issues, but everything that goes along w/it--depression, social ostracism, islolation, and on and on. And OH YEAH some women do blab on about the most inane things sometimes! A big "AMEN!" to every word you said!! I bet you were TOO CUTE in your outfit today! 
You go girl--like Madonna said, "Strike a pose, there's nothing to it--Vogue"!! You totally deserve to feel good! You have worked so hard! If I were you I'd have a hard time not letting it go to my head! I havent bought myself any clothes in a long time, I just realized that the other day. I think I'll wait a little longer before I buy any, maybe till I am down a size. I dont really need anything right now, but since when has clothes shopping been about need? 
On the lunch thing, we have a microwave in the break room right by the call center; I never thought about you not having one that close. I can see why you favor salads now! 
Finally I met someone who had them too, and she urged me to mention it to my doc who had me wear a Holter Monitor to make sure all was ok. It turned out benign, thank goodness. Since I have been working on getting healthier I sure seem to have a lot less palpitations that I used to. Now when I have them its like "oh, what's that?" for a second because they happen so infrequently now that I forget about them. It sounds like a pain to have to monitor them, but surely not as much of a pain as having something bad happen if you didnt. 
Have you talked to your doc about yours? What did he/she say? Happy early b-day! And yes, you keep telling yourself that you ARE healthy. You have done so much--does it ever occur to you to just give yourself a break once in a while? Not a break from this healthy lifestyle, but a break from feeling like you arent doing enough. Think about it.
On the fast food thing, I used to have a friend that said she read somewhere that the grease they use in fast food actually does have an addictive ingredient in it. Addictive ingredient or not, I am firm believer that you can become addicted to most anything. I mean, what is a bad habit like biting your fingernails? Probably an addiction, in some mild form or another. I am a knuckle cracker. 
I feel like I cant stop! I am probably mildly addicted to how it feels and how it sounds, and just the repetitive motion of it. And you are right, you can cook bad stuff on your own, but it doesnt hold a candle to how bad fast food is for you. If you made a cheeseburger w/all the toppings at home I'm sure it wouldnt have near the calorie/fat/sodium/crap content that a Whopper would. 
And I dont think it sounds creepy at all to say your body grieves for what it can no longer have. Its just like withdrawls from any addiction. 
I can completely understand where you are coming from. OMG that thing about the soda pop is so insane! 30 lbs in 2 mos just from droppng soda?!? Whew, that is crazy! 
I am lucky in that I have never been a regular pop drinker. I love soda, but Diet Pepsi or Coke have always been my favorites. When I was growning up we always had Diet Coke in the house (or Diet Shasta 
That would make working out a lot easier for you.
I'm glad you had a great workout today, GOOD JOB!! Little Debbies are the devil in disguise...I'm convinced that Elvis song is really about them. 
but 
on your weigh-in next time. I bet you will do great! I have faith in you!
that they've gotten almost everyone believing it. Even you. Am I right? And of course you dont want to watch that crap. Because its crap! But did you feel uncomfortable watching it because it was crap, or because all the girls were thin w/big boobs? It sucks though, I know. As if being big werent a big enough challenge, we get to deal with things like this, too. There are so many issues that go along with the weight struggle that it is downright unfair to expect someone to deal with all that. And no, guys dont ever understand fully. They can be attentive listeniners an even effective sympathizers, but they will never fully comprehend. Just as you will never fully comprehend why he would enjoy watching that crap. Just remember, he's sitting on the couch w/YOU (size 3x pjs and all), not some anorexic piece of fluff. And remember all the reasons for that. I'm sure if you cant remember he will be happy to remind you! 
I'm glad the good chocolates are gone but I bet they were yummy while they lasted! Good for you for staying OP even while eating them. I'm glad you ordered a new scale, holy smokes! That other one was going to be the end of you! Is that how those hand-held fat analyzers work? The lady at Curves had me hold one and I was like "what's this for?" 
75 lbs is amazing work! Good for you!
I had been bored all day because I was all alone (so probably more lonely than bored), and I didnt feel like doing any crafting or anything. I just laid around all day in my PJs. I dont even remember what Nat said, but I said "I'm just tired of being alone all the time" and just burst into tears. I told him I am surprised he even calls me anymore because it seems like I am like this about once a week now, and it seems to happen when he calls. 
Its not that he wants us to be apart, its just...well...complicated. 
"Better man" how? He is the kindest, sweetest, funniest, smartest, most honest, most considerate, and all-around most beautiful person I have ever met. Just knowing him has changed my life for the better in so many ways that I shudder to think who I would be if I had never known him. Is that not the definition of "true love"???? 
and I felt like I had to get it out. Here there is a certain sense of anonymity, so I feel like I can speak a little more freely. I thank you all for taking the time to "listen" (read). 
