Sam..glad to see you back

Mountain Welcome to my world. Rain rain rain..lots of wind.. Had a storm going through last night actually..lots of wind.

Betsy Water drinking no matter how small is bad. It has to do with surface tension of the water and how it sits in my tiny stomach. I try and drink water by adding in squirt flavors. Zero calories and 1 carb per 1/2 tsp so i measure it into a litre bottle and drink throughout the day.

Tootsie I tried taking measurements and then gave up. Too much work i thought. I did take pictures back before Christmas so i might take some progression pics tafter this month.
Sounds like you carry a lot of guilt over things in your life. Im sorry to hear that. Carrying so much guilt becomes hard on the body and on the mind. Often we carry guilt over what we think we could have controlled when in reality probably couldnt have controlled. If you could have one do-over in your life..what would it be?

Well....Good Morning..Scale moved back down a pound plus .2 I am afraid to even get happy or excited over that out of fear of stepping on the scale tommorow and it being right back up again. So far this month i have only lost 12 pounds. It seems rather dismal to me. Especially iven that i have at least another 55 lbs still to lose. Every thing is sooo slow. I swear i lost mor on a low cal diet...but now im wondering if i lost muscle mass too. I divided 12 pounds by 3 weeks and got 4lbs per week...although not really true cause of water weight..but still.

Today is my mad hard workout again ugh! I love it and hate it. Love how i feel after..hate doing it in the moment. But ya got to do whats got to be done.
Good news on the ahem* pooping front. I took two senna yesterday morning and meg citrate and at least went a small amount by last night(hence scale drop im sure) I was reading somthing interesting last night about how when you eat more nutrient dense food..there is less to poop out then when you eat a typical SAD diet.. So its quite possible then..im not as "full" as i thought i was.

Well anyway..gonna go back to bed for a precious hour before i run like a hampster on a wheel and then do my laps.

Have a great day today...Dont blow away Mountain

Good morning. It's gray and overcast but at least it's not raining sideways like it is for Donna.

Wow -- so much to think about and process from the posts of the last 24 hours. As I finished reading, I thought about how much emotional baggage we all carry around (including me), and that it's probably contributed to our weight issues and the challenges of losing that weight. Not exactly eye opening, but sometimes it just helps to know we're not the only person in the world who is struggling through this.

Donna -- It sounds like you and your therapist had a very cathartic breakthrough. And if it relieved some of the physical pain that resulted from it, that's wonderful news. I can definitely see you with red, spiky hair -- go for it. No suggestions on how to protect in pool other than wearing a bathing cap (do they even still make those?) and then using a great conditioner. Great job on keeping moving and checking on the soon-to-be momma sheep for Ubee and me. Hope that the rain sweeps on out of there soon.

Fi -- What a positive post! Your point about accepting that we may never be rid of the monsters in our mind resonated with me. We all have them. But being aware of them and accepting that they will always be in our lives helps us with hopefully being able to compartmentalize them. And some of those monsters have influenced us to the point of bringing out strong parts of our personalities -- coping with adversity for one. Hope your visit with Mike went well. Have you thought about finding a fibromyalgia support group online? You are going through so much right now!

Sam -- So glad to see you back. Maybe letting 5 days go by is because you can do so much more now that you've lost so much weight. Every time you post a picture I think that the change in how you look is amazing. Yes, the weight loss is obvious, but it's just the happiness in your face that amazes me.

Porthardygurl -- Your comment about the description of the woman in your church who died by the minister hit home to how our society in general describes women. It's by how we look. It's not like with men -- who would have been described more probably by his occupation. It sounds like you're doing a much better job of working on losing weight, but don't let it control your every waking moment. Instead of weighing, why don't you just use measurements for awhile. Fi put her scales in the basement so that weighing is a once-a-month activity for her. Great idea!

Tootsie -- You don't sound like a bad person from what you described. You sound like you have empathy from having traveled that road. A bad person would see the teen and know that few people will worry about them for Christmas. Their attitude would be one of no one took care of me, why should I take care of you. Instead, you related and made sure they did have a Christmas. That is kindness to me. We've all done things in our lives that we rightfully feel ashamed of. But if experiencing that keeps us from doing it again, that's just part of life. Be kinder to yourself, Tootsie.

I've decided that I'm going to set a challenge for myself to stay on plan for 30 days. If I do then I can buy an X-box 360 to have for the grands (ok, and for me!) at the end of that time. I'm also going to do a 6 month challenge to lose 60 pounds. I'm thinking of some mind games/reinforcements that will help me stick with this.

Time for the inspector to arrive so that I can get the go ahead for the AC installation. That got finished up yesterday and now I'm ready for a hot summer. Hope everyone has a good day.

OK so the new hair has landed! Sort of copper coloured....the reds and purples fade too much in the pool. Shorter on one side than the other and up off my face. I like it...and Sam likes it too.

mountain My hair is red and hot pink/fushca. I wear a swim cap for long hair to protect mine or else i would be dying my hair continuously.

Fun hair colors. I've never really colored my hair, except for trying highlights one time when I was younger. I was afraid to dye my hair because a friend dyed her hair pumpkin orange right before the Homecoming dance. I told my spouse that when I'm an elderly lady, I want to dye my hair bright purple and wear it short and spikey because that's my favorite color and noone could say anything about it. I would be a little old lady. I figure by that point, I've earned the right to wear my hair however I like, no matter how I look or what others think. Right now my hair is really long, wavy, and brown with gray strands. I would cut it, but the spouse likes it long. He doesn't forbid me to cut it, but he likes to twist the curls in his fingers sometimes.

You arent alone in your desire for purple hair I once saw an elderly women riding a bike and her hair was short and bright grape purple.. I had to look twice. And pumpkin orange...yah i had that experience by accident. Had a friend bleach my hair blonde and then put dark red over. The red didnt fully take and left me with bright orange hair. I called the hairdresser the next day saying "my hair is having an identity crisis":dizzy:

That's great, port. :)

Hi Everyone.
Boy you miss a little you miss a lot.
I've been busy being mom, wife and grandma. Also I feel strange posting when I am not even trying BUT I know if I stop posting my weight will soar. I am getting back to the point where my weight is keeping me from wanting to be seen in public.
Tootsie I'm glad you feel comfortable posting your feelings on here. It can feel so good to get it out and not be judged.
Portgurl mind if I ask how old you are? I find your weight loss history interesting and I would like an idea of how long you have been at this.
Donna I am hearing a positive change in your posts! Thank you for sharing your therapy insights with us. So much too ponder. So many emotions to deal with.
Fi there are so many "rules/should nots" out there. I think I do best when I listen to my peaceful side. Have you found any books on self acceptance and loving ourselves?
Terra where are you?
Sam I remember when you first started and you kept us updated on your exercise progress, I believe your BIL was helping you. Did you ever think you would be where you are today?
Betsy where is your 6 month challenge on 3FC or in Betsy Land? I think you should buy the X Box now and get some of those fun exercise games. Seriously 60 pounds down is it's own reward and you can buy some new smaller clothes. You might even need a new cheerleader outfit! How about your reward could be a warm weather vacation? Since Silent left we've not had one...
Stay focused everyone!

Ubee - Ive been on a diet since age 13.. My mother is an anorexic perfectionist who always struggled with her size even though she was under 100 pounds and 5 ft 10. I started gaining weight at age 12 at a rapid pace. It was due to being moested by the neighbor across the street and also being sexually abused by a girl in my own room. I had MAJOR issues and eating was the drug of choice. I gained a lot of weight and then my mother made me jin weight watchers at the age of 13. She actually talked them into letting me do it cause the age limit was 15 and up. When that didnt work, i proceeded to use a combination of laxatives, starvation, bingeing , the occassional fork and Tylenol 3s. I would drop lots of weight from not eating and then pass out in class. My mother was oblivious to the fact i needed help...professional help. Finally started seeing a counsellor at the age of 15 and was in counselling pretty much til i was 23. Took me a long time to get over the eating disorder stuff and for a lot of the time i didnt. I ended up bingeing secretly and that became my biggest problem..then dieting and then bingeing. Did this for years. Finally in 2013 i hit rock bottom. I had my daughter and i had enough. I was depressed bordering on suicidal at times and i could not live in my body at my highest weight of 320 lbs. I decided that it was death or somthing drastic. Somthing drastic did happen. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my friend died of a heroin overdose and found out my liver and kidneys were starting to shut down and i was type 2 diabetic. So...i did my research..paid in cash and had weight loss surgery in 2013 of September. Had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy in Tijuana Mexico. I dont regret it at all. It changed my life. I lost 100 lbs, trained in a pool, became a lifeguard and was happy until i hit the period of time called "identity crisis". Its that point in time where you lose lots of weight and people all of the sudden recognize you and love you and compliment you and become your best friend now that your skinny. I didnt know what to do. I hid from the world. I couldnt recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I didnt know who i was or where i fit. I wasnt used to the new friends and attention. So..i cheated the system and did all the things the dr tells you not to do like drinking with meals and eating carbs and various other things. I gained weight..suprise suprise. I quit lifeguarding, and began my own business doing baking and suprise more weight gain...I was tasting all my batters and products all the time. I got back up to 270 before i found OA. I also went back to counselling and had the revelation that as much as i love feeding people, i dont want to be fat and i dont want to make others fat. So... i quit baking and I started training to be a paramedic for a year and began losing weight and running. I used a health shake( Isa gen ix) and did that for 6 months. I went from 270 down to 230 till i got sick and landed in the ER every day for 2 months until they took out my gallbladder. Being sick and living on popsicles and juice got me down to 223. When they did surgery there were complications. They saw my liver hugging my gallbladder. It was 5x the normal size and had evidence of fibrosis(scarring). So..after surgery i didnt think about weight gain. I was just trying to recover and in between school and raising my daughter..i gained slowly. Went back up to 245. In December of this year i began back on the shakes and got down to 235. Then christmas and new years took me back to 239.8 During new years i started researching on how to reduce your liver size and how to be in better health while losing weight and i found low carb/high fat. Aparently it can shrink your liver size, reverse type 2 diabites in most cases and reduce levels of inflammation in the body. So...i decided to do an experiment and see what kind of weight loss combined with exercise would do. I am 3 weeks in and have gone from 239.8 down to 228.0. Not bad for 3 weeks. So i am continuing.

Sorry for the looooooong post. To answer you in short- I will be 30 in February and hopefully 200 lbs or under by then. But years i have struggled and learned about weight loss. Welcome to life!

Yesterday was rough. My right leg was hurting bad from hip joint down to ankle. So I dragged myself into my studio and made another abstract collage.. (Click on image for larger version.) But the pain just kept getting fiercer all day. By mid-afternoon I was really angry. I cry when I'm angry. Bob got weary of listening to me cry.

Usually I meet with Mike every Tuesday and Thursday. Mike called me and asked if we could bump our Thursday time to Friday, because he had a meeting on Thursday. Unfortunately, a work crew is coming on Friday to install new windows on the back of our house, second floor. So I had to tell Mike I wouldn't be able to see him again until this coming Tuesday. That was a bummer. I could tell Mike wasn't very happy about it either, so I restrained myself from letting him know how awful I felt.

It's early in the morning as I write these words. My leg isn't too bad, but I don't know yet whether today will be better.

Fi: I love the collage. The different colors, textures, fonts. It strikes me what words stick out. It's probably different for everyone.

Pouring down rain and today is the day I have to haul the recycling and garbage cans (which I swear are bigger than my first car) down the alley to the curb for pickup. Guess I won't need to take a shower because I'll be drenched. Oh, woe is me. (I know, don't expect much sympathy for such a minor inconvenience!)

Donna -- Oooh. New hair is always fun and gives us a spring in our step for awhile. Sounds like a good idea on color and I bet you look great. Glad that Sam likes it as well.

All other hair color related comments.......mine's back to being salt and pepper after about 5 years of coloring it. I'm too lazy to do the maintenance plus I earned every one of these gray hairs.

Ubee -- Missed you. It's not a challenge on FB because every time I do one I fail by the second day. This is a Betsy challenge complete with graphs, note cards (each has something that I want to be able to do some day that I can't do now -- I pull them out when temptation strikes and remember why I don't really need to eat something else especially when I'm not even hungry), and a post-a-note count down for the days. My 60 pound reward is the Alaska trip -- or rather being able to enjoy the Alaska trip!

Porthardygurl -- I started tearing up when I read about your weight journey. You are so very young to have gone through so much. :hug: And 12 pounds in a month -- I'd be doing backflips (ok, only 1 and then call the paramedics) if I lost 12 pounds in a month.

Fi -- Hope this morning has continued to find you with less pain than yesterday. Your collage reminded me of what my brain must look like -- lots going on!

Tootsie -- Hi there.

Terra, you've been AWOL for a few days. Hope everything is ok. Sam, loved that you posted, but miss your every day posts.

I made some country style pork ribs a couple of days ago, and decided to look for some recipes using pork since I have four more days of eating them to maintain serving size. So, I'm making some egg foo yung for lunch today and will make some egg drop soup and a salad for supper. Maybe do a stir fry tomorrow. Living alone has definitely forced me to figure out how to use leftovers!

Since it's going to rain all day, I'm going to work on the home bookkeeping and put together my new plant rack. I want to get started on stuff for the garden and had bought a rack, growing lights, and heating pads. I'll probably forget to water and everything will die.

On that note, off to the gym and then I'll swim home. I think I'll just sneak my bins out next week. Have a great day.

Good Morning Everyone,

Fi- great job on the collage. I love word collages more than picture collages. I love the poetry that comes out.

Betsy Yes its true i have been through lots. To think its only the tip of the iceberg. There is much more but i dont feel that re-hashing traumatic stuff bring more positivity. But you know...we all go through stuff. We all have a story. On the days i feel sorry for myself i like to think about the fact that there is someone out there who has had it worse than me and someone who has had it better than me so no point having a pity party. Its time to be thankful for what i do have and chalk up the bad day to just that-a bad day.

Well...i survived workout yesterday and tadaa!! I am up a full pound on the scale again. I keep reading though that when you do exercise, your body holds onto water and you end up with a gain on the scale the next day...so...it must be the water. I went to the pool again last night, this time just to use the hot tub. I felt way less sore from my workout after but my skin was so dry. I told my dh to crack open the coconut oil and start slathering. So now i dont have dry skin...but...im headed back to the pool for my workout today...so maybe it was all for nothing.

Ahem* as far as the plumbing issues go...no more movement in spite of lots of water, meg citrate and senna. I read online though, that if you put a tbsp of coconut oil in your tea and drink it, it clears you out. I tried it yesterday but not on an empty stomach..o maybe thats why it didnt work? Going to try it again but on an empty stomach. Its weird..i just dont feel bloated..or full per say..just not quite right i guess

Anywho..off to the pool i go.. Toodleoo

Hi everyone.
I finally had a good day food wise. I planned ahead. So simple yet I am so stubborn.
Porthardy thanks for the post answering my questions. One thing that really stuck out was when you talked about your identity crisis. I realize now after a large regain that they were different to me because I was behaving differently. When I am thinner I act differently. I make eye contact and smile more often. I have a fun/friskier attitude. With my regain I feel uncomfortable leaving the house let alone engaging with anyone other then my closest friends. Thanks for sharing. I learn so much on this site.
Betsy I think I will sign up for nightkatts challenge. Thanks for pushing me out of my comfort zone. Are you buying the heating pad for the plants or for you after you get done working on your project?
Fi thanks for sharing your latest collage. I hope you find some relief from your pain.
Tootsie what have you been up to?
Donna how long before the lambs are born?
Hi Terra and Sam!
Stay focused.