[justme8]

Hey guys,

Just looking for some advise. Whilst I was big as child, I remained slim until five years ago and have put on a substantial amount of weight in the last 5 years due to trauma.

I am sick to death of people putting me down, avoiding or excluding me because they are embarrassed of my size. My father pretends not to see me down the street, doesn't invite me to parties at his house, im only welcome when its just him and his partner. I have friends that stopped including me saying nasty comments like "Oh, I didn't think that is something that would be suitable for you"

How do you deal with people like this? What should I say? Half of them have their own issues such as alcohol and drug issues. My father is an alcoholic which is a disease that is more destructive to others than being fat is. Yet he is socially acceptable and I am not. At least when your fat the only person you hurt is yourself.

Sigh...sorry just had to vent

[rabidstoat]

I don't really have any advice, just sympathies. Your dad and friends (at least the ones you describe) sound like jerks.

[Obsidianbbw]

I find with people who are toxic to you (and your weightloss) you have to avoid them for a while. Either they are with you and if they aren't with you, they get kicked off the team. You don't have to cut them off completely, but sometimes getting some distance from a bad person/situation can help you repair the damage it does and be stronger when you have to deal with it again. I know its your father, but time away can help.

Good Luck and hug

[tootsieroll81]

You don't have to say anything. You don't have anything to be embarrassed or ashamed about. If they don't like your appearance, that is their problem, not yours. Frankly, they sound like shitty human beings. If your appearance is your major fault, then they should be thankful for having a decent relative. Appearance in my opinion isn't a fault. Fat serves a purpose. Our bodies are doing precisely what they are designed to do to keep us alive in times of need. We just happen to be fortunate enough never to have a time of need.

I cut contact with my ******* family about four years ago, and I'm better for it. You don't have to do that if you're emotionally strong and can wall off their stupid behavior, but if you can't, I suggest just leaving them behind.

Some people feel that as long as they are "better" than someone in some way, that they don't have to improve. They put down others to make themselves feel better. They are callous and selfish. They aren't worth worrying over.

Just compare yourself to yourself and keep improving. Eventually, you'll surpass them, because they are stuck where they are, judging others. I will warn you; if you start hitting that threshold where you are near them or better, they will feel threatened and try to drag you down with them. Don't pay them any mind. Keep doing what you need to do to improve in whatever area that you want to.

[Vickie Chickie]

Justme8, your post really broke my heart. Yes, I have had some judgement - mostly by my mother and she wasn't nearly as overt as your family and friends.

I do agree with the advice to not say anything. These are people who IMO probably don't want to hear what you have to say. Their loss!

First, I will tell you that they have ZERO to be embarrassed about. Not now at your current weight or any other weight you may end up at. And if they don't want to be in your life as it is right now, they don't deserve to be in it when you are what they deem to be a more "acceptable" weight.

IMO you don't need to snub them...you can be cordial but don't go out of your way to spend time with them. I realize we're talking about your father here and I'm sorry for that. Hopefully at some point he will find the same strength your finding with your weightloss journey and leave his fog of alcohol. Hopefully then, he'll see what a special kid he has.

In the meantime, nurture those friendships and relationships that nurture YOU. Take care of you

[Penny105]

I'm sorry this is happening. I can't imagine doing that to someone for something as inconsequential as appearance. There's not a lot you can do. You can't really change how they feel. You can let them know how you feel if they're the kind of people who would listen to you.

I have some people that do this to me too. If they go out at night and want to get into somewhere special, or want free drinks from men or the bartender, they don't take me. They also WILL take me with them if they WANT attention drawn to my size, such as making them look thinner and prettier. Neither is fun. I consequently do not spend much time with these people anymore (except for larger gatherings).

None of the situation is your fault. You can't control how others react.

[justme8]

Thanks guys for your support, it nice to have people that understand.

I think I will put these people behind me for awhile, work on me and then decided if I want or need them in my life. I have hung around these people for so long and they break your spirit without you realising it.

Good thing is my puppy is faithful to a fault and doesn't care if im fat so I'll take him for a walk ....give my time and energy to him instead of my family and some friends.

[DianeAleaha]

I have a hard time out in public...perfect strangers have made derogatory remarks as I walk by them. It is the main reason I exercise in my building or apartment. My reason for this is not due to my having to face these soulless people it is because I don't want my efforts tainted by seriously bad vibes.

I have three older siblings who have judged, ridiculed me since I became a heavy child at 3. I had to learn later in life ( while I was 'normal sized') that they just were going to try and make me fell less than I was in other ways. And they did. A few years ago, after my Mom passed, I put them out of my life. They were toxic to me and since I no longer felt a responsibility to keep the peace (so my Mom could enjoy her family with us all there) this was something I knew I had to do. I am not saying that it was easy. Within any dysfunctional relationship there are such extremes going on. Mine is that I still love them. I just can't have them in my life, not if I want to remain healthy. That for me entails my body, my mind and my soul.

This life change we are engaged in has to be about us. It can not be about anyone around us who attempts to put their baggage on us. For me the bottom line is, if they want to be in our lives, they must convey the love and
respect we deserve. This keeps ME grounded.