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Old 01-17-2013, 09:43 PM   #1
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Default I'm scared to be thin

I really am. I am scared to lose weight. What will I be like? Am I a strong enough person to not let my weight loss change me negatively? I'd like to believe so. What kind of men will I attract when I lose weight? Will my personality change?
When I was thinner well honestly up until about 50 lbs ago I got hit on often. Usually it was the wrong type of men. I just don't know if I am ready for that type of attention.
Will I be more carefree and relaxed once I lose weight? That scares me too. I don't want to change.
I have to lose weight though for health reasons, I want to be around to be a grandma.

HW- 317
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1st MG 300lbs ✓
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Old 01-18-2013, 12:45 AM   #2
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I know how you feel, I lost a lot of weight as a teenager and got hit on all the time, It is kind of insulting that men in particular only pay you positive attention when the outside changes, Honestly don't be scared you are doing this for yourself and no one else your personality shouldn't change although don't be surprised if you find yourself more outgoing and a feeling of confidence in yourself. As for the wrong kind of men well they will always be around and in my experience only interested in 1 thing.
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Old 01-18-2013, 03:35 PM   #3
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I think you need to focus on you and your health and well being. I think these thoughts too and it just makes me lose focus. WE can do this! For us!
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Old 01-18-2013, 04:39 PM   #4
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I know how you feel, and to be honest, I'm still fearful about being thin, which may be one of the reasons my goal weight is in the upper normal range...When I started out, I was terrified, wondering how this will change my life...The only thing that changed about me besides my appearence, was how confident I became...I stopped worrying about what others wanted, expected, said...and started focusing on myself more...I'm not the same person, but we all change and grow with age...
As for men....yea prob...but those types are always around and theres nothing you can really do...

Just focus on your health reasons for doing this and not really worry about the type of person you'll be...

Goal story/video/pictures: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...g-goallll.html

Currently training for my first marathon on March 17th, 2013

Last edited by baker23; 01-18-2013 at 04:41 PM.
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Old 01-20-2013, 04:39 PM   #5
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I am so happy to see that someone else feels this way. My size has always been a defense for me. Who is going to mess with a girl that is as tall as me and over 300?

I'm afraid to be smaller and thinner. I think my brain makes me think I would be weaker and more vulnerable. People may try to fight me, I may get picked on more because I don't look like such a threat.

I realized all that by journaling years ago. I realized that is why I sabotaged all my diets. It keeps people at a distance and I don't have to think, "Well I'm not hit on because of ME and not JUST my weight. Maybe I am ugly? Maybe I have a bad personality?"

I feel your pain. I need to stop sabotaging my weight loss. Because being SO big also makes me depressed. It's a double edged sword!!

I know that as I go on this weight loss journey I need to work on my self esteem, confidence and the MENTAL aspect of being fat.

Even if I lost all the weight I wanted I'd still be a fat girl in my brain.
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Old 01-21-2013, 11:01 PM   #6
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Perhaps it would help to remember that thin people change in many ways all the time--as do the rest of us. The question is--will those changes be positive? As I aged through my 20s and 30s and, with one brief exception, didn't lose weight, I became: less spontaneous, more sedentery, more reserved, less happy. I'm not blaming all that on my weight, but I do think that change is part of life. The trick is to make the changes the ones you want them to be.

Love yourself, love your loved ones, keep living life the way you think you should, and I don't think you need to fear becoming a bad person as you become healthier.

Last edited by Vortex_VVV; 01-21-2013 at 11:04 PM.
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Old 01-21-2013, 11:07 PM   #7
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I think we all feel a little scared to be in this new unknown place. The transition period (for me I'm still in it) is a bit scary and intimidating but we have to look beyond that fear and keep pushing.

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Old 01-22-2013, 04:05 PM   #8
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To the OP and FatinSTL

OP - you need to start thinking of a way to deal with men. Remember, MILLIONS of women are smaller than you and deal with the unwanted attention. Learn to be more assertive with them - you are NOT a victim and you are NOT there for their entertainment.


How about you concentrate on getting as fit and STRONG as you can? Learn to run fast and do weight training or kickboxing. Being slimmer does not have to mean being weak and slight. Concentrate on being muscular and slim, not just slim. This may well work for the OP as well.

What do you think?
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Old 02-09-2013, 12:29 PM   #9
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Default me too

I totally understand the fear of losing weight. Once i hit fifty pounds gone and people start to notice i freak out. I often wonder the same things will i be different. How will i take it when people pay attention to me? What will happen if they don't pay attention to me? Am i that flawed? What if really the problem wasn't my weight all along what if it was my personality instead? Something inherently wrong with me? These are the thoughts that run through my head and they are anything but helpful. Not to mention i am nowhere near where i should start to worry about such things. I actually found this book called 50 ways to soothe without food. It helps with such problems this and negative self talk. Have you ever considered worry beads? Basically what you do is string some beads about the length of your palm and when you start to worry or obsess you rub the beads and it's supposed to help calm you. Just a thought. Sorry for the rambling.
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Old 02-09-2013, 08:41 PM   #10
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I'm right there with you, with the fear.

In my negative moments, I don't want to lose weight, because the possibility than any issues I have in my life might not be due to my weight and may be because of my personality, well, that's scary.

In my positive moments, I can't wait to see who I become once the weight is gone. I'm the sort of person who looks for any excuse not to do things that put me out of my comfort zone. I use my weight as an excuse a lot. I can't wait to lose that excuse and really push myself to do new things. I want to be able to shape my body and then shape my inner self to be the person I want to be, who isn't scared to be in a crowd of people because she worries what those people think of her.

I think it's okay to be scared- we just have to use it as inspiration. Sometimes it's great to do things that scare you, you know?
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Old 02-11-2013, 02:20 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by livelaughlovesunshin View Post
I really am. I am scared to lose weight. What will I be like? Am I a strong enough person to not let my weight loss change me negatively? I'd like to believe so. What kind of men will I attract when I lose weight? Will my personality change?
When I was thinner well honestly up until about 50 lbs ago I got hit on often. Usually it was the wrong type of men. I just don't know if I am ready for that type of attention.
Will I be more carefree and relaxed once I lose weight? That scares me too. I don't want to change.
I have to lose weight though for health reasons, I want to be around to be a grandma.
I struggled with this A LOT! I finally went to counseling to help with it. As a victim of abuse, my layer of fat kept me "safe." Letting go of it was terrifying. But, I did it. Honestly, I feel that my biggest accomplishment isn't the weight loss, it's the progress I've made emotionally.

Yes, your personality will change. You will gain more confidence in yourself - not just because you lost weight, but because each time a mental block goes up that scared you, you overcame it. Each time you were forced to deal with what scares you, you found out you could handle it. That's very empowering.

You might find that you care about things you never used to - your clothes, makeup, shoes, hair style. That doesn't mean you are shallow. I think it goes hand in hand with learning to value your body and take care of it. But no one forces this on you - it's something you might want to do.

Men are weird. We figured that out when we were little girls. Boys are stupid! lol Seriously, you'll attract almost all men. It's always the jerks that show it in a tacky way. The gentlemen will smile and hold a door open and tell you that you have a pretty smile. You'll know the difference. I hated that feeling of being on display all the time. Everywhere I went, I noticed the looks, the "look-aways," the outright stares - all of it. I'm not a beauty queen - just an ordinary woman that had never experienced this before so it stood out. I remember being disappointed when I would see a man look at me when he was with his wife or girlfriend. I still notice these things, but WAY less. I'm sure the attention is the same, it's just not as new anymore. It made me very sad that we as a human race are so shallow that we don't pay attention to people of all shapes and sizes. I am a freaking awesome person and a **** of a catch - then and now - but all of those men that look at me now, never looked then. Their loss! I had some setbacks and regains as I struggled to deal with the vulnerability I felt. I'm thankful to my patient DB who helped me to still feel good about myself (ironically the more attention I got, the worse I felt about my appearance - I can't really explain it - like I was dirty or "bad" and somehow deserved to be "reduced to" a common slut). A therapist can help with that if you are struggling with it also. But, please, please, please DON'T let it keep you from overcoming it!!

Carefree and relaxed - hmmm...yes, sort of and not really. I'm still just as uptight on things as I've always been. It's a lot easier to find clothes and I don't feel like everyone's staring at me and judging me all the time. Ironically, I feel invisible again. I have better ways of dealing with stress and feelings now that I don't avoid them and "eat" through them. I run a lot when I'm stressed and I have learned to let someone love me.

Mostly, the biggest change is that I am happier. Again, not just because I lost weight - but because I finally slayed the dragons that kept me feeling scared, vulnerable, worthless and unloveable. That feels good.

What hasn't changed - I'm still smart, attractive, funny, a little OCD, forgetful, susceptible to making choices that aren't good for me, and a great friend and mom.

HW: 225, lost 75lbs in 2011 LW: 150
Losing again starting from 210 5/9/2017

No words of widsom. After years of reflection and dieting, I still don't have this thing figured out.
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Old 02-11-2013, 09:50 PM   #12
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I have felt the same way as the OP, and I still do on some days, but I think BeachBreeze2010 said it really, really well.
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Old 02-11-2013, 11:13 PM   #13
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I understand and feel the same way. I've never been thin. I remember weighing 150lbs as a kid while my friends were hitting 80-90lbs. I luckily found my husband who saw me for me and Thursday is our 8 year anniversary. I feel the right person will love you no matter your size. I do worry about what I'll look like thin and if it will change me. So far I've just gotten happier.
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Old 02-16-2013, 01:18 PM   #14
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I know how you feel. I often wonder if my weight has been the primary factor in shaping who I am, in regards to my thirst for knowledge. I have always been the "fat" kid in my family and I'm scared that if I lose weight I will no longer have the urge to pursue education and will settle into just being a pretty/thin girl. UGH! who knew there were so many emotions and worries that came along with trying to lose weight!
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Old 02-16-2013, 01:36 PM   #15
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I also have similar feelings. I just bought my last pair of women's jeans and next time I need clothes I have to start shopping in the misses (or as i like to call it regular) sections/stores. I'm getting more nervous about it then I thought I would. I just keep thinking I'm going to feel like I shouldn't be in that section. When I walk around stores I still feel like everyone must see me as the "really fat girl" (and I'm half the size I was). I know it's kinda crazy to think like that but I haven't shopped in a regular section since I was very young and that was still the "wrong" sizes for my age.
I do LOVE shopping though so I'm hoping once I get used to it I'll just get past it.

Ideal Protein (25 weeks): -75 lbs...
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Last edited by Tziri; 02-16-2013 at 01:36 PM.
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