Facing Your Fears on the Scale
One of my biggest fears on this journey is that I was close to 400lbs, which is a lot heavier than I had last weighed-in. I was sick around the last time the doctor said I was 350lbs, and since this journey started, I wondered if I was near the 400 part, or the 350lbs part. Still? I didn't want to know. It was fear that had me panicking.
Finally, someone told me to go jump on a scale, and I saw an 'E' pop up. Instantly, I knew I just HAD to be 400. The scale couldn't even weigh me! I was flustered, but determined not to let it affect me. Then I decided that maybe the scale didn't weigh people of my girth so I went to Wal-Mart to find another scale. I pulled ones from the shelf that said max. weight 400lbs and everyone of them said 'E' on them when I took them out of the box.
Was I really over 400lbs? I panicked again, but gave myself a few days to control my thoughts. I can see improvements in my body already and this is just a week and a day in. Already, I'm not labored in breath when I walk briskly during exercise time in the morning. I can bend down to tie my shoes better, and I can sort've "suck" it in and see my toes! I'm on my last rung of my belt, and even can pull the belt tighter if I wanted to (or had more) holes. I bought a pair of pants, and though they were my oldtime size, they actually fit with room to spare, and I look good in them.
Today, I was curious again so I went back to Wal-Mart and instead of opening the packaging again, I went ahead and bought a 400lb scale and brought it home. Today? I weigh 325.4, and I definitely cried. Overjoyed at not being as heavy as I once thought, and actually seeing numbers on the scale. I might not know EXACTLY how heavy I was when I started the journey doesn't matter to me. I definitely know I lost weight, and I think a lot of it!
I used to think this diet would be the death of me, and that I couldn't do it. But I realized that it isn't so much a diet anymore. It really is a lifestyle change. I am not taking out everything I love, but I'm just eyeballing what I do. I'm also getting active, and making better decisions that actually don't TASTE as bad I thought they would. I've still been eating pretty heartily, and the calories have been low! (I'm working on the portion part! I am gonna try to measure foods soon. One step at time!)
So already, I'm so proud of myself and my motivation to keep walking when I want to sit down beside of the road because my legs feel like they are fire. I'm also beyond blessed with family, and friends who support me. And I'm so glad I stumbled across this forum. Thank you! I know I have so many more steps to go, but this start has been amazing.
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WTG!! and congrats on the loss! I couldn't tell you how many times I've stared at my scale in the past and just couldn't bring myself to step on it.
