So, last year I was able to get below 300lbs for a very short time (I think my lowest was around 297-298lbs.). I was sooo happy to be below 300lbs, as my body tends to really make me feel uncomfortable when I am over 290lbs.
But, after dealing with craziness at work, feeling sad and blue, crazy dating relationships, break ups, not feeling appreciated for my skills, financial issues, etc., I ended up back over 300lbs and hovering between 305-311lbs.
Now, I should focus on the aspect that my weight was as high as 326lbs, and that I have overall lost weight in 2010. But of course, I am a little more negative minded, so I am focusing on the 300lbs aspect.
I am not saying that anyone is bad or wrong or less than for being 300lbs or larger. I am saying that for me, when I get over 300lbs, my body really, really feel it. At 260lbs I still have tons of energy and my weight doesn't really slow me down. When I am over 300lbs, I feel like it really shows in my face, etc.
But, I am soooo motivated right now and feeling so much happier and in a positive mood.
I am getting into my mid-30s, and while I am sad that I wasn't able to be the party girl with lots of attention, I think that I can still lose enough weight to be considered attractive and more importantly, healthy. I really want to be a mom, and at this weight, it may be very difficult (also, there is that tiny issue of trying to actually find a partner who isn't 100% crazy!).
I am cutting down on the sugar I eat, with the goal of actually no longer eating added sugar. I am cutting out beef and pork and fast food. I am going to take my vitamins regularly, and drink tons more water and tea and veggies and fruit.
I am so looking forward to being able to achieve this!!! I am praying and hopeful that 2011 will see a much thinner and healthier me.
Hi milliondollarbbw...you can do it!! this is a great group of ladies...lots of friendly hugs and gentle kicks in the rear when u need it too hang in there...2011 will be our year!! good things are coming!!
I fell off the wagon, too...it happens. The important part is, you're back and you sound way stronger and more committed to yourself this time around! I remember all the stuff you were going through...some of your old posts broke my heart. Here's to a stronger and happier you in the New Year!! You can do this!
Thank you everybody!! I realize that I do need to get back into writing down my food, watching what I eat, and taking better care of myself. I think that if I throw myself into my health and weightloss goals, it will help me to focus so much of the energy that I have that has been going to trippy dudes, workplace drama, frustration, etc.
I feel like 2010 wasn't a good year. It went by in a flash, and I went through a really, really difficult break-up. Me and my ex still talk, or rather, we text, and sometimes I cry and sometimes I wonder if we will get back together, but, I think I am in a much better headspace now. We would both have to change certain things about ourselves before we could make it work. I do appreciate his encouragement and friendship immensely.
I went through 2 crazy semi-relationships.....I learned from the first guy that I could find someone I really have a lot in common. I just could not accept his immaturity and inconsistency at times. The second guy encouraged me in certain ways and may me realize that a man could really be attracted to me. Too bad we could not communicate well, and he had some issues with being honest, controlling anger, etc. Sigh.
I have felt incredibly lonely lately. But I made a good step and deleted the numbers of old boyfriends and old male acquaintances from my phone. I am hoping that in 2011, I will get myself to a better place and I will not have to be the woman that pursues the guy......
Sending you all tons of love and appreciation for your support.
Please send me strength in avoiding some super fattening mayo-ey salad that I have been craving and wolfing down the past couple of days. I just feel like eating and eating, which is weird as I haven't been able to keep things down previously. Sigh.
Today was an ok day. I avoided buying some of the usual foods I would have bought, that are too sugary and trigger foods. I still ate some fried food (chicken), but did ok otherwise. I even avoided buying some super cheap but good doughnuts. Ha!
I will start weighing myself more often----that is what helps to keep me on track with my weight. When I am depressed or not feeling good, then I ignore the scale...and guess what? My weight usually goes up, not down. Sigh.
Today wasn't so bad food wise. I ate only a little bit in the morning, and wasn't really hungry the rest of the day. I did give in and have a milkshake, though.
I maintained a weight of about 290-298 for many years. I had eliminated bingeing and dieting and ate 3 meals a day, but certainly enough calories to maintain, apparently.
I went through major stress and high anxiety time a couple of years ago and went back to bingeing and zoomed up to 317 pounds (but I believe it may have been higher for a brief period of time). I have to say how suddenly I could not hardly do anything, could not move well, could not reach anything, felt awful and near tears for the difference. Some was due to the gain, some was due to the crap I was eating and some to the continuing stress. I never thought I would head to 300 and over mark, but I sure did.
Yet, if I think about it, I realize that a number is just a number. When I weighed 147 I never thought I would see 190 again. Same at 190, I thought I would never get to 200, it would be too awful....and yet, on up the scale I would go. Certainly not all at once, it took years, I would maintain weights for a long time and then something would snap and I would go through bingeing periods and the new weight level would happen. What I think happens is we get use to fairly stable weight after a long period, but quick losses or gains are harder to register in our brains.
I am finding that as I lose the weight and for whatever reason I bounce back up a few pounds that I have these despondent feelings overwhelm me because I see weight I have lost, reappear...even when I am eating correctly. Those are the hardest increases to see. I try to understand that weight is a constant fluctuation and as long as I do something to change it when it goes up, I am continuing in the right direction.
Martinimouse----it is so true that we perceive our weight issues in such a weird fashion. When we look back, we realize sometimes how incorrect our perceptions of our weight and ourselves really were.
When I look back at weighing 210lbs in 8th grade, I felt horrible. Now, I realize that I was able to run and do sports and was cute person, just one of the largest people in my school. I would LOVE to be 210lbs now....I would have so much more confidence, ya know?
You are doing an amazing job. Just stay focused and keep on trucking, as they say. My goal is to be your current weight before my next birthday. So see, you are inspiring me right now?
Back in the 300lb club, but not discouraged!
