300+ Weekly Thread #1262
 

WELCOME!!!

We are a group of individuals who weigh or have weighed 300+, or near there. This group was formed to provide a place for others like us to find support, inspiration, and hope. We are aware of the distinct problems that come with weighing over 300 lbs.

We want to invite everyone (roosters as well as chicks!) to join us in our journey. We share laughter and tears, heartaches and fears ... joys and celebrations. We also share what works for us and what doesn't.

We know the thread can move very quickly, and that people often make "personal" remarks and keep a number of conversations going. Please feel free to contribute even if you can't make personal comments all the time.

Finally, we also have several extra threads going on simutaneously such as Monthly Challenges, Weekly Weigh-ins, Recipes, Bios, Photos, Exercise, Info for Getting Started and more. Many of these threads are stickied at the top of the page. Please feel free to check them all out.

We have found this thread to be more than just a support group... we have found it to become a home. We invite you to join us.

Lindy - Woosh...that sounds like an awkward moment, but brava for taking control of it! I think a mini-fridge rocks! I mean it is JUST an appliance! You can fill it with what you want! I think people sometimes don't see the positives in things. I like the mini-fridge idea because I live in an apartment and I sometimes have overflow or surplus from my fridge, especially when I juice, so having a place for lettuce or whatever would rock. :D

******
Today I'm talking myself into getting outside and walking. I want to, but I'm shy today. Very. I dunno...it is one of those things I have to overcome...the talking myself OUT of going OUT lol.

I have a bit of a skin flareup...booooo...but I'll put up with it and such. It just is annoying and my reaction was to put tea tree oil on things and then roll my eyes lol.

By the way the underwear at the Avenue rocks! It is so comfy and pretty! I have underwear that is like 3-4 sizes too big for me, so I have to start weeding out the awful ones. It is expensive though. I also am researching affordable make-up and I found these companies that basically sell the same thing ,but they mark-up the the products! Apparently the products are wholesale from China or somewhere. The companies pretend it is "there" product, when it isn't. Soooooooooo....that is interesting!

So, beware of make-up from BH Costmetics, Costal Scents, and a few others in there. If you check them out you'll see that the makeup is exactly the same, especially with their 88 piece shadows and etc. ;) There are people on Ebay selling the same thing for cheap, so I dunno. I mean blah!

:D

Yay! :)

Scale is still at 304lbs, but I am happy with that as tom is gone for this month, and I wasn't sure if the weightloss was just some pre-tom fluke. So, I feel so much more energized about getting below 300lbs. I am tracking my calories, drinking lots of fluids, and trying to not heavy at dinner. I am even trying to just eat soup or salad for my dinner for a while, or a lean protein.

I soooo desperately want to get below 300lbs....I know I can do it if I just keep up the momentum. :)

Avenue is good, and LB has super cute undies as well. They are pricey, so I only buy them when the are like 4 fo $20, or 5 for $30, that kinda thing. :)

Greetings my Peeps!

Lindy, a mini frig was a fabbo idea! Glad your dad got to leave with his nasty comments. Cold water and food is so much better than lukewarm cooler food.

Amy, feel better soon!

Million, I wish my TOM would leave. He stole my weekend. I made it to work (barely). Was hard to get out of bed. Yay for hanging in there.. you'll get below 300.

Jacquie, sorry for the skin flareups. I'm sure the excess pollen in the are isn't helping the immune systems for anyone. Even psychokitty is scratching herself.

Speaking of psychokitty, the old cat lost a little more weight, so I got her more fluids at the vet today. Poor old evil thing. She's done well for 3 months since her original kidney failure episode. We'll go back on Friday for more fluids and get her weighed to make sure she isn't losing too much.

Hugs to all!
Ratkity

son of a *censored*

Fell while walking today lol. Not only EMBARRASSING, but I had to limp home and I'm huffing and puffing because I'm like the anti-exercise girl and am getting my strength back! I know soon I'll be kick boxing my way through my workout time, but right now I'm like fat lady on the ground after huffing and puffing for half an hour. lol.

I'm like a disaster area...beware.

So, my knee is all skidded up, bruisey all over now, and no doubt I'm gonna hurt when I take my shower, but I need to clean out the wound anyhow so whatever. First day I get brave enough to walk out int he world and I flippin' fall. You gotta laugh at it!

So, my legs are so weak that I can't like squat and stand up without putting my hands on the ground and pushing myself up. When my legs are weak I sometimes can't get up at all! Does anyone else have this problem? Is it weight related? Weak muscles? It is kind of now a fear, this has happened twice now where I have fallen or lost my strength in my legs, and I couldn't get up! I feel like it is because I'm trying to bench press like all my weight at once, perhaps that is it?

Maybe I should put this into the "funny things about being overweight" thread lol...

Awww sorry for your bumps and bruises, Jacquie!

I have had the weak leg thingie too. It doesn't take very long for me to lose muscle mass. I remember being on the floor of a bookstore reading the lower shelf and then almost panicked when I couldn't get up without going to my knees and pushing up to my feet. There was another customer there that looked surprised at my huffing and puffing. Probably was afraid I'd ask for help.

I have been walking at lunch while at work for 30 min. It's at my own pace and not with the regular "walkers". Just 3x a week for 2 weeks and I can feel the strength returning. I had have walked today if TOM hadn't threatened me with a wardrobe disaster. LOL.

Hang in there girl. A little ice will keep down the swelling.

Hugs,
Ratkity

Morning all,

Rat: Hope you and ratkitty feel better very soon. :) Hugs.

Jacquie: Owchie so sorry that you fell. When I was at 510 pounds I could no more do a deep knee bend then I could lay a golden egg. Now, I can do tons of them so, the more you work your muscles the more muscles you will have to work. lol. :)

Catherine: Sorry that your mom asked you that. Hugs.

Lindy: I love that you got a frig! Such a great son you have! Glad that you guys told Dad to hit the ole dusty trail too. You are making some great steps towards a healthier, happier Lindy :)

Amy: Woo hoo on the -2.6 and getting your ticker. Fun stuff. Feel better very soon.

Million: Hang in there doll.Soon you will be below 300 and wizzing past it!

I am super tired today. Don't know why. On Friday night I finally got my Zumba DVD's and I plan to use them today after I go for my walk. I have gained back more weight!!! Poo. I am so determined to stop this craziness and eat right and get control of myself once and for all. Well, at least another time. So, now is the time to clean out my system and get back on track. There is a possibility that I can have tummy skin removal surgery after September so I want to be at my best shape possible by then. I plan on being here for support daily as I have been eating like a crazy woman. Bad stuff that makes me sick. I don't know why I do that.

Okay. I am gonna bite the bullet and put my weight on the tracker. It has gone up soooo much since my heart attack. But, what goes up, must and can come down right?


Blessings all,
Annie

I updated my tracker and yikes my weight gain doesn't even show on the 12th mini goal one! I am up to 243.5!!!

Hello again today, mah peeps!

After finally eating something and drinking a bunch of water, I decided I felt good enough for a walk. In honor of Lindy, Jacquie and Annie... I walked 3/4 of a mile!! That's 3x around the parking lot.. first time I've done that.

TOM is stepping on my scale when I weigh in the morning too. I'm ignoring that SOB today.

Yeah Annie, back on track! and LOL on the golden egg comment. I totally hear that!

Hugs,
Ratkity

Hey ladies! I've missed you all!
I'm absolutely exhausted, and don't feel up to a long post... just got back from an extended weekend visit at my mom's for my birthday (turned 24 yesterday! aren't I a great mother's day gift?! hehe) which meant staying up late with my mom, and my sister while she was there, and not enough sleep. There's nothing like sharing a glass of wine, or a cup of coffee, with your family and best friends. But I wanted to pop in, and let you know I'm back, and I read through all the posts in last week's thread. Hooray on your victories, I'm rooting for you through your struggles, and I promise I'll be more involved once I catch up on my sleep... Love!

LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS ...OH MY!!!!

My doctor and husband have decided that I need to attend my son's high school graduation on Saturday! Let's just load up the supersized wheelchair, pack up a bunch of oxygen tanks, and head out!!! Not so fast:
1. I have not been anywhere since 2008 that wasn't a medical facility.
2. My son is graduating - My presence will embarrass him
3. I might have some medical emergency
4. I might have some personal emergency
5. He attends a very small private school and they are graduation from
Busch Gardens - Talk about a public place!!!
PANIC TIME --- I won't sleep a bit tonight!!!

Oh Jacquie - I am so sorry you fell!!! Are you better?

Neon - how wonderful to have supportive family and friends.

Your name always gives me a chuckle. In first grade I insisted on changing my name to Neon. I wrote it on all my school papers and would answer to nothing else. I named myself after some fish in our aquarium with bright stripes.

Rat - sure hope your kitty is doing better. I am praying that some day I'll be able to do some walking in your honor!!!

Gotta go -

Love and prayers
Lindy

Back after a fabulous nap! Time to chat :)

Lindy - Glad the name provides amusement! How funny that you wanted to share a name with the neons in your tank. I've had fish most of my life, which included our share of neons! And in terms of your outing to your sons graduation, I can imagine what an ordeal it must be for you. And while your son may feel embarassment over it, I don't think it will be over you, but over the reactions and judgements of other people. Your son sounds SO supportive of you (loved hearing about the personal mini-fridge that he plans to stock with healthy options just for you!!!) that I'm sure your presence will mean a great deal to him!

Rat - Glad you're feeling a bit better! Way to go on your walk :) TOM is a jerk, tried to rain on my birthday parade this weekend too, but I put him in his place. Lol.

Jacquie - How are you feeling? I hope you're healing well, and quickly.

Dogpal - It must be frustrating, but your attitude about your gain since your heart attack and your plan to be on track and lose it again is inspiring! Can't wait to celebrate your 12th mini goal with you!

Million - Love to hear positive things like you're keeping the good habits up, and well on your way to the 200s! I'm a little scared to weigh in after my weekend home, but hopefully we'll be in a similar boat. Looking forward to throwing you an e-party when you reach that goal!

------------------------------------------

My weekend (5 days, hehe) at home was wonderful. Truly wonderful. Though I wasn't able to track my food as easily (dial-up internet, try using The Daily Plate on that! Lol. Not happening!) I did a pretty good job of just eating wisely, watching my portions, and drinking as much water as I could. Naturally there were more opportunities to indulge, especially being my birthday and all, but for the most part it wasn't difficult to work around them. For example, Starbucks out with my sisters was a mocha frappuccino light (only 100 calories for a tall!). For my birthday cake I ended up making a carrot cake, with double the amount of carrots the recipe called for, and light cream cheese icing. Just a little piece, but it was enough. My birthday meal was a big bbq, but even that we did well... lean meats, homemade sauces (low fat tzatziki, hummus), lots of veggies and salad. So I didn't worry about the exact calorie count, and I didn't bother weighing (TOM + the different eating) but I'll see where I'm at tomorrow morning and go from there. Every moment was worth it, because I had a fantastic time, saw everyone I love, and it was all great. Well, except the awkward moment where my ex-boyfriend (recent breakup) came by with bithday presents and a card (large box of chocolate truffles, and a chocolate bar... yikes) and it was uncomfortable. But let's ignore that part, and go with the wonderful stuff. :) Funny, I loved the break from Facebook and MSN, but I missed you all while I was away!

Good Early Evening all,

I walked to Walmart to get my dog, Pepper's meds. It is about 1 1/2 to 2 miles one way. I slapped my backpack on with my wallet and a jacket, just in case and headed out. I didn't get tired at all and that was nice. When I got home I finished dusting my house and then vacuumed it and used my new steam mop thing that my friend bought me for a present for taking care of her after her WL surgery. She was so sweet to do that. I think I like it. The hardwood floors sure look clean.

After I was finished with the house I stuck in my new Zumba for beginners dvd. It is fun but hard. I was breathing like I was exercising, which I was. I used to be such a good dancer and now.... Well, It is kind of comical. All that does is give me a challenge. I love a good challenge and am trying to envision myself getting through all of the DVD's, not just the beginner's and really rocking it. I will come out of this a better dancer. I have great rhythm as I was a drummer for many, many years so I just need to train my feet and arms to do the movements.

Rat: Great job walking!!! I bet you feel so proud of yourself.

Neon: Happy 24th Birthday, sorry it is late! I'm glad that you are tired for a great reason like visiting with your mom and sister. Fun. I miss my sisters. I haven't spent time with any of them in quite a while and would love for all of us to be able to get together.

Lindy: Oh my goodness, I could have written your post so many times over. I want so much for you to be able to go to your son's graduation. I missed sooooo much of my life because of my fear of embarrassing Joel or my nieces or nephews. I even missed my Dad's retirement party because I was too ashamed to go thinking he would be embarrassed. He wouldn't have been. It would have been so nice for him if I was there. His only kid that could have made it!

You will be fine and I think you will be so proud of yourself for going. I realize there are many factors that keep you away from living. You are like I was Lindy, you are alive but not living. Please Lindy, have the courage to live! You are so wonderful and lovely and special and you have obviously raised a son that is lovely and loves you. He wants you there and will be thrilled that you did your very best to make it. I have severe panic disorder too and it was so much worse before now. I let it stop my life. I wasn't strong enough. Redeem me Lindy. Be strong enough for both of us and for anyone else that is like us.... Hugs and no pressure honestly if you decide you can't go. Know that I am praying for strength for you to be able to go sweetie.

That is about it for now.

Blessings,
Annie

Good Evening All,

Hope you all are having a wonderful start to your week! Things are trudging along here. I can't remember if I posted it or not but I had the monthly weigh in Friday. I am down another 6.5 lbs for a total of 28. I got my printout from Curves today and it also showed that in addition to the 28 lb loss, I have also lost 25 inches which really shocked me and I'm not real sure that it wasn't a typo. If not, WHOOHOO!!!

I hope you all have a great rest of the week!

Annie - Be kind to yourself! You've been through a bunch of stress and scary stuff. It's okay to gain a bit back. Plus, you gained it back fairly quickly, it should come off fairly quickly as well. You're brave with the Zumba. I hate anything that requires coordination!

Neon - Hey, we're neighbors! I'm in Montreal! You are beautiful, by the way! Are you going to school in Ottawa? I'm at McGill for another semester.

Lindy - Maybe it would make you feelbetter if you sat in the back? That way you can be there to support your son, but you can leave quickly if you panic. Hugs.

G'morning my peeps!

I almost over-slept today. Got to work on time, but need to go to Petsmart during lunch so I can get psychokitty her favorite gravy food. It's supposed to rain, so everyone is inside.

Happy belated bday, neon! Sounds like you had a great time at home.

Annie, I always imagine you running while being held in place by Joel and your doc after your heart attack asking "now?" "can I go NOW?" waiting for them to release you to exercise. You might have worn out a pair of shoes doing that! LOL. Now you are off and running.. wheeee! Just reading about your exercise makes me tired (and a wee bit jealous). One day I'll get there!

Thin WTG!!! great job :)

Lindy, I think Annie said it all about going to graduation.

Just FYI: I have a best friend from high school that I've kept in touch with over all these years (I'm 47). He lives 5 hrs away and I pass by his house every year that I go to the Outer Banks to have Thanksgiving with my family (for 20 yrs at least). I never wanted him to see the size I had become since high school. Finally, another friend did a virtual back-of-the-head slap and told me to stop my nonsense and visit. People who love you don't care about the physical aspects of your body. Last year I visited!! Just to give him a hug was worth so much. He said he didn't want to come up to visit because he had gained so much weight too. We laughed and cried. Being there meant so much more than I can explain. Surpassing the fear for love was a big obstacle. BTW, my friend was right; he wanted to see *me* not my body.

Pink, how are you doing? *hugs*

Hugs to all (especially lurkers!)
Ratkity

Annie - I think you're right, I think I need to just get the legs strengthened. Plus my lower back no doubt... I should practice squats and trying to get up on my own. That is a quick way to do it :D Hehe... Zumba sounds interesting! :D I like the kick boxing, but right now lol...haha no. I can barely get through the warm ups. You've been through so much, but I know that getting moving makes you feel good! Despite my fall, I still did like the walk a bit. :D I miss moving...

Rat - TY, I think you're right about doing the walking thing to get the strength back. It sucks as I feel like I'm back where I started! The rebooting sucks lol...

Neon - Feeling much better, just stiff today. Cold free, well allergies are a problem for everyone these days, but leg is bruisey, but not too bad. Sounds like you had a lot of fun! WOOHOO~ :D

Lindy - We totally get how you feel. I used to say to myself, "Well it is only a few hours" or "it is only one day" and then I would go suffer with some sort of social event. Of course your situation is different as you have the medical issues on top of it, could you set up a camera and see it "be there" or sit in the back near the exit?

****
Today I'm stiff, bruisey, but okay. Been doing some work, dealing with some people, yadda yadda. The usual.

Going to do some food prep today...not very hungry this morning thus far. I kind of feel like when I dont' get up early enough I sabotage myself. I am trying to drink enough water, lemon water if I can help it. I just need to get my energy level back. It is almost there, even though I'm still embarrassed over the falling. ;)

Today I'm going to enjoy a smoothie later, make a few salads...yadda yadda. You know, raw it up or rawesome day. :D

Right now I'm wanting to go back to bed though lol...

*HUGS*

Good Morning all,

Stella: Woo hoo to -6.5 more pounds! Way to go hon.

Pink: Thank you for the reminder of what I've been through in the past 6 months or so. I think I will like Zumba when I can get my feet to go with the music. When he does the slow part it is super easy but then he speeds it up cause it is Latin dance and yowza I get lost. lol.

Rat: Please don't be jealous. I have wayyyy more time on my hands than you do. I am still not approved to go to work so.... I have lots of at home time. I can exercise as much as my body will allow. You are right about wanting to get back into exercise and waiting for the heart doc to say go! :) That is such a nice story about you and your friend. I loved it and I so many times allowed my fear of my size to interfere with the world and what was going on in it that I could have enjoyed.

Jacquie: Glad that you are not too sore. Hugs.

I think that Pink maybe right about how quickly the weight came on hopefully it will come off that quickly. I lost 2 pounds since yesterday morning. So, hoping it comes off like that back to where I was so I can continue my journey.

Joel is in a habit of putting Moose up on the bed with us or with me in the morning around 4:30. He is quite the snuggler and will plop down on top of me if he feels like it. He is huge and it wakes me up. lol. He weighs over 60 pounds now and takes up so much room.. He wakes us up around 1 a.m. every single morning and wants to snuggle. Bad habit but it is nice to snuggle with him until he sprawls out. lol. So, I am sleepy today cause he was in a sprawling mood. lol.

The past couple of days I have used a beautiful pitcher and filled it up with water and ice and sliced cucumbers. Today I sliced some strawberries into it. The water is a lovely shade of pinkish and it tastes yummy! Great way to get my water in!

I hope you all have a wonderful bootie moving, water drinking day.

Blessings all,
annie

OOOOO I'm gonna try that! I love it! I love lemon in my water, but berries and other things would rock! :D

Afternoon greetings here!

I walked 2 laps today and it started pouring rain. I did them fast though because it was sprinkling the entire time. Of course I forgot my umbrella. I ran down 10 flights of stairs to make up for the other lap.

Jacquie, I hate rebooting!!! When I go walking, I sound like my psychokitty when she goes to get fluids. I hiss and spit and growl the entire time, even though I know it's good for me.

Annie, I know everyone's situation is different when it comes to heart troubles and attacks, but... there have been 2 young men here at work that have had attacks.. lived.. and are now out running and exercising. One of the guys had his attack while running, came back into the bldg and our asst admin was a former military nurse and took care of him until ambulance arrived (3 yrs ago). This guy is doing half marathons now and was released after 6 months to exercise - he built back up slowly, of course. I'm not sure why your cardiologist has been so conservative. Even Australian studies showed that 30 min of exercise stimulates stem cells in the bone that aid in heart repair. I'm just pointing out the obvious. You know best what your limits are! Doctors are sometimes so clueless (oh wait, I r one.. well, that applies to me too LOL). Sorry for the babbling.

Hugs to all!
Ratkity

COLD WATER - YEA!!!!! GRADUATION - MAYBE..

I only have water in my mini-fridge and my lunch was in it earlier. It is so much fun to have cool water during the day when I'm home alone. I think I drank about a 1/2 gallon of water today, which is twice what i usually drink!!!

I still haven't decided if I am going to the graduation on Saturday, but I have decided that i WANT to go. I guess being the fattest person at Busch Gardens for one morning will be okay; I don't weigh as much as the tigers.

CYN: I have been on a scrapbooking marathon. I was making a scrapbook for my son of his high school years and i thought he could have it since many people - including doctors - did not think I would be alive to see him graduate. I have scrapbook stuff all over my bedroom! Anyway, I wondered if you have ever seen a website called Scrapyourtrips? They sell incredible scrapbook stuff including custom pages and die cuts that are personalized for your family or event.

MILLION - I'm practicing my bed-bound version of a 'happy dance' for WHEN you get into the 200's.

RAT - how is psychokitty doing? Send this TOM off to visit my dad so we can both take care of ourselves!!!

THINMINT - WOW - way to go - your inches off sound fantastic. I have not found a measuring tape big enough to measure myself yet. Maybe i can get two and tape them together. You are really on your way!

PINK - How are you? Are you looking forward to summer?

Email me if you want to. Remember, I'm not allowed to post my email address so you have to email me at:
put these three words together in a row: lindys baby steps (then make one of those little at signs) ADD a o l with a dot and com. It works.

Blessings,
Lindy

lindy: I will check that website out.

As for me: Spent last night cryin my eyes out. My sons EX was fine til about 2pm then said she chooses her family over him and isnt talking to him again. This is after he took baby stuff to her on sunday. He is hurt..and so am I. He told her that if she stops talking to him..he wont chase her again. I personally think her mother said something to her again. She found out Damian dropped stuff off and is probably mad.

JUST CALL ME HEART broken!!

I can't fix this. And I am a fixer!!!

Life is just a mess sometimes :(

Dinkachu -- (hugs) thank you so much! :) I am rooting for you as well. :)

Cyn - I am just so sorry and my heart breaks for you and your son. But, don't give up - things can change. I think you are right -something is behind her decision and she may have been told she had to choose family in order to have a home. We just don't know. But if her mom really puts her out, as you mentioned earlier, she might have a complete turn around. After she is 18 lots of things can change. Do something non-caloric to make yourself feel loved and special!!! Obviously, the people in this girls life have no idea what a wonderful dad and grandma they are keeping from the baby!!!

Love and prayers,
Lindy

Morning everyone,

Sorry, just a quickie. I have an interview at the residences for my university for a reception job. More than anything, I just want to hide in bed today and cuddle with my babies and cry, but I promised my pastor yesterday I would get up and get out today and be active. I am really really low into depression, scared, feeling alone. I am so cut off from everyone and she is really my only support right now, and she' moving away in a little over a month. Heartbroken, I guess because she's like a mom to me. Trying to go through the motions of school, but it's hard studying Theology/ministry prep when I feel so distant from God right now/abandoned and angry. Just feeling really really low and scared because sometimes my self-hatred is *so* strong.

Hi Pink,

When I was in grad school and under lots of stress and suffering from depression, I used the school resources to find a therapist to help me. It was free and the dude really really helped me. Perhaps you can explore this option today as you get out?

Hugs,
Ratkity

Cyn - *HUGS* Hang in there...with all these problems it might be a good idea for them to take a break. She sounds very impressionable and speaking from when I was that age, my step-mother and father had a hold over me. Very controlling (abusive as well as you know) and it wasn't until I removed myself from that situation, totally, that I started really getting it. I knew that either I got out or I died there, that was my situation, but removing myself was the BEST thing. Hopefully this girl will get that and be safe and secure in her life.

Heck I remember the day I started choosing myself OVER my family and lol...they basically had RUINED my time with my boyfriend and they made me come to their house or "home" and I was trying so hard to please them. They wanted me to stop seeing my boyfriend at the time (i was in college), who had flown in to see me and we were spending two weeks together (wonderful weeks) and I had kept it a secret from them KNOWING my step-mother would do ANYTHING to break my relationships up. I was an adult, so it was my choice. I was safe and secure, had a network of friends and they informed me of the trouble my step-mother was causing. So, I was there and I was so upset, crying and said I would do ANYTHING to make up for whatever I did wrong (which I hadn't done anything wrong actually, but at the time I thought I had) and my step-mother looked at me and said "never see HIM again and stay home." I looked her dead in the eyes and said "no, I won't do that" and her look she said "you said you would do anything" and I said "I won't do that, anything BUT that." I think my looked scared her as I stared her down, I FINALLY started to GET IT then! That was my moment and from that day on I was coming into my own. Sure I struggled and sure it was VERY bad for a long time, BUT I think this girl will have a moment like that. Hopefully soon...she is very young, but they don't have the right to force her choose them over anyone else. I understand the situation makes it a bit awkward and hard, sure she is pregnant and is very young, however I do personally feel that people who give ultimatums like that have been doing that for a long time and that controlling behavior continues! I mean lol...there is this site Mother in Law **** (com) and that pretty much sums it up! lol.. I hope she has her moment and I hope things work out for the positive! *HUGS* HANG IN THERE!

Rat - Yeah rebooting sucks. I was hobbling around last night lol...i'm so sore haha. I am making myself be active, just doing things, getting out of the house and things. Now i'm sore, but healing well! :D

*****
WOOOOOOOO... okay...girls...I'm a makeup virgin of sorts (well I know what looks good and what doesn't, meaning I won't be going around in bright blue eyeshadow and bright red lipstick) and I'm just struggling with getting an inexpensive supply. I went out yesterday, couldn't find what I wanted, so i'm gonna have to order online. However, I feel like there is this great makeup scam out there, mentioned before with palettes and kits being the same and just marked up. I mean where are these made? What is in them? Etc... I feel like i'm backed into a corner here and am going to try this ELF site and order some stuff. I need everything really lol. I have very little.

So, I went to Target last night and got a 2x (woo) sized sleep wear outfit. So, it fits...ha! It is stretchy though so perhaps THAT is why, but it counts! LOL! So, anyhow, I was checking out and this lady, (not thin, but shapely girl with HORRIBLE eye make up she had like this THICK eyeliner that she whipped around her eyes...so dark and so thick, like a quarter of an inch thick WITH painted eyebrows...), looked at my outfit, checked the size, and looked over and me and gave me this "yeah right" look! So, I cocked my head to the side, squinted, lightly tapped my left eye, and looked at her makeup and gave her a "yeah right" look right back! :D She blinked and looked away...yeah you know WE the FAT are not stupid, we know when we are being looked down upon and if you do it to me, I'm gonna do it to you! So she looked a bit embarrassed and I did thank her and was very nice, but goodness. How thick can you get. I'm not stupid, I know you are judging me so if you feel you need to do that, then friggin' learn how to put on EYELINER! :D :p :carrot:

Victory for me, well at least I thought to so. Hopefully I was not too rude, but it was my moment I don't want some other girl ruining it! I'm wearing it now and it is fab. HMPH!

*HUGS* Rock on peeps!

Rat - I tried seeing a counselor at school and I just felt I didn't click with her. I felt like she was trying to get me to leave. Maybe I will try it again though, I feel really low. There is usually a long waiting list too. *sigh*

Afternoon mah peeps!

I did my laps around the parking lot at lunch today. It was a good walk.

Cyn, sometimes it takes time for these things to work out. It's been a roller coaster of a ride, but it ain't over. Try not to let these ups and downs yank your emotions so severely. I know, easy to say, but it's hard to keep up such extreme emotions for long.

Pink, I'm hoping you try a counselor again. Things haven't been getting any better for you since you found out your sole support is leaving. I'm sending encouraging thoughts out to you.

Lindy, Psychokitty is hanging in there. She continues to do well when she is getting external fluids. I had her get fluids last Friday and this past Monday. She'll get more on Friday again. I have defined a weight threshold to stop extraordinary measures to keep her stable if she gets to that point. This evil little kitteh has been with me a long long time. BTW, she's only evil to other people, not me. She sat on my lap for hours last night and demanded pets and face scratches. She even took a few swats at the golden retrievers (who were jealous of the petting). Silly old kitteh.

Jacquie, you are so insightful with your family relationships. It took me a while before I got IT too. I found out that my anger was holding me hostage most of the time. I saw this great film on Hallmark (while parents were visiting) called Hanging up. Had Walter Matheau in it and Melanie Griffith as well as a few other big names as her sisters. In the movie, Melanie's dad (Walter M.) had dementia and would call her all the time with bizarre requests and demands from the nursing home. One of the best lines came from the mother of some man's car she wrecked after a frazzled Melanie told her all that was going on... the mom said "sometimes, you have to hang up". I'm trying to incorporate that into my life a bit when it comes to my family.

Million, hope all is going well with you and your insights.

Hugs to all!
Ratkity

thank you, ratkitten. :)

Hi Pink,

Can you try a free counseling service in your city? There are a lot of free or low-cost community services that help to provide counseling. Sometimes, it is just a chemical imbalance and a little help could make you feel 10x better about yourself.

Good Evening all,

Busy day today for me. I went for my walk then did Yoga. I have finished off my day with picking weeds in my back yard for the past 2 hours. My back is a little tired from bending but all in all I'm okay. I just need to flex my back the other way for a while. Got lots of sunshine in this afternoon as well as some chatty time while I picked weeds with my doggies. :)

Jacquie: I am drinking Lime water today!!! It is super yummy. I hope you do try it.

Rat: My cardiologist is being so conservative because it isn't just a heart attack that he is worried about. I was born with tiny veins on the top and left side of my heart where there should be arteries. They are so small that no stint can go through them. Nothing available is small enough. The are pretty plugged up so any extra exertion can bring on a heart attack/heart failure. The only thing that he says, along with first opinion Doc, is that down the road I can possibly have a heart transplant. So, I am trying to be good. I do wayyyy more exercise and exertion than he is comfortable with but I just have so much energy now and don't want to waste my life sitting around not moving because of fear. :) Silly Dr's lol.

Lindy: Yippee for cold water! That is becoming my favorite drink once again with all the fruit and stuff I have been slicing into the picture. It makes the water so refreshing. Whatever you decided for Saturday, we will be here to support your decision sweetie. :) Hugs.

Cyn: Big old hugs.

Pink: I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. I will be praying for you hon. Hugs.

Well, I am going to go and do some stretches for my back now.

Blessings all,
Annie

Annie,

I remember you saying something about inherited tiny veins. I'm hoping that your body does what other people's do and create work-around veins from the blockages. There's a name for it and I'm drawing a blank right now. I know you're being careful.

Hugs to all!
Ratkity

Hey Everyone!

Well, I decided to go ahead and vent on here, even though I'm a newbie.

I feel so frustrated with myself sometimes, knowing that I've allowed myself to get this way and I'm only 23. I've always been obese, ever since I can remember. I guess sometimes that's the most depressing part of being me, as most people can remember what it was like to be ____ and be "normal".

At times, I blame my parents for everything that has happened to me: Why didn't they say no? Why didn't they stop me? But I know the answer to that already: Because they loved me and only wanted me to be happy. I guess they never put that whole "food does not equal love" thing together... if they only knew then what they do now.

I have come to the realization that I can hold no one else responsible for this except myself anymore. I have lost 60 pounds before and "miraculously" gained it all back-- I will never know exactly how that happened, but it didn't seem to take too long; it seems like only a small slip up here and there. I am angry with myself for this: For knowing what it took to take off those 60 pounds only to gain them all back again. In the end, I guess I just long to be normal and for the first time in my life, not to be the fat kid. Ahhh... :)

Thanks everyone for the comments on the baby. Crossing my fingers over here and trying NOT to ask my son about her.

I am pondering going back to school. I will probably pondering for a while. I really like learning. But have no idea what I want to do. I am thinking of taking some photography classes or art. I love both. I just need my own camera. So I am leaning towards that! Something that will let my creative side run wild!

tiffie: I hope you find the strength to get past everything and focus on you! We are here for you..venting or not!

TOM came today and UGH I wish he'd leave early!

Rat: Thanks sweetie :)

Tiffie: Welcome! Hang in there hon. Please stop beating yourself up over past mistakes. Today is a new day and you can start fresh!

Cyn: School sounds good. I am considering it again too. lol.

Well, I got up very early today due to a big ole Moose puppy on my bed. I did Yoga yesterday and my walk and then I pulled weeds for a bit over 2 hours. I got all the weeds pulled and when I look into the back yard and see how nice it looks, the sore shoulders are less sore. :)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day today.

Blessings,
Annie

Good almost Afternoon, Peeps!

Annie, at first I read that you woke up to a Moose Puppy on your head. LOL. Silly bifocals. My legs are a little sore as I am increasing my walking speed for my 3/4 mile. It's always nice to see a clean flower bed after all that work. We've had a bunch of rain and my hedges are growing wild. Looks like major yardwork this weekend.

Tiffie, welcome!! Self-realization is the first step in a long journey. This is a marathon, not a sprint. As many say here, "baby steps".

Cyn, TOM never leaves early, what's with THAT? LOL.

Hugs to all, off to walk during lunch.
Ratkity

Annie - I'll be seeing moose on my journey next week - I bet I'll think of your cute doodle pup every time!

HAPPY FRIDAY EVE!!!

I am packing to go to my son's graduation on Saturday. We'll only be gone for 4 hours, but I pack like the Gilligan's Island group packed for their 3 hour tour. I have 'anaphylaxis kits, bathroom bags, extra clothes, etc." Makes my hubby nuts.

My son really wants me to be at graduation, so I am going to try. We are taking a car and the van in case I bug out and have to leave. I keep repeating the verse "for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sounds mind". I'm not so sure about my sound mind right now.

Mean mom-in-law arrives in 4 hours -eek.

PINK - been thinking about your situation a lot. Maybe your Pastor can introduce you to some supportive people. She knows you well and might be best at matching you up with those most likely to be a good fit. Feeling abandoned is hard. Another thing that helps me when I'm feeling really lonely and lost is to find someone who I can help. I write letters to missionaries, or send cards to soldiers and it helps me to realize I can make someone else's day a bit brighter and it cheer me up. I wish good things for you!

TIFFIE, I'm fairly new here and its just the best place to learn and get support for this journey - I know you'll be successful!!! One thing I've already learned is that it isn't about being perfect or failing - its about taking one step at a time. For me, it is babysteps!!!

CATHERINE, Are you doing okay? Seems like its been a bit since we've heard?

Well, I'm off to the doctor. last check up before Saturday's adventure.

Love and prayers,
Lindy

Oh, I'm fine. I've been knee deep in appointments. And here I thought I was going to have an uneventful summer vacation. I'm making another trip to the airport tomorrow. Hopefully this will be the last one for a few weeks.

Warning, long rant/whine session ahead. Please feel free to skip ahead if you'd like to. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I am a bit depressed and not quite sure what to do right now. I have been obese all of my life, and I have tried losing weight off and on throughout that time. I have been on this leg of this journey (albeit off and on) since 2004. I really started to focus more in 2005 and I was successful at losing weight - for a while anyway. And then I ballooned up.. lost a bit.. gained a bit.. lost a bit.. gained a bit + 1 or 2. I have been through two surgeries, a lot of family & work stress, a couple diagnoses that have helped explain a bit about why I can't lose (or maintain) weight, and most of the time I try to not be too hard on myself because of all the external factors.

Not tonight though. Tonight, I am fed up. Here it is, 6 years from when I first started tackling my weight issues, and I am about 66lbs higher than my highest weight was then. I realize my eating habits have been crap lately, but it's frustrating to me that even when I am perfectly on plan for weeks at a time, it doesn't seem to tip the scales in my favor. I get down below 400 briefly, only to have it bound back up to 410, and most recently 416. When is enough going to truly be enough? When do I find something that works for more than a week or two at a time? When do I get to have the energy and excitement for life that a "normal" 28 year old should have? The energy and excitement ANYONE should have, for that matter! When do I get to figure out who "me" is?

As upset and discontent as I feel, I still refuse to admit defeat. I will admit to feeling defeated.. but I will not surrender. Tonight, I get to wallow a bit. Tomorrow, the only option is to strive to be OP. Even a little better is better than no change, right?

DearestVickie (HOPE that's your name!!!! I'm hoping my memory is working) YOU WALLOW, I think it does us good to 'let it out', crying, moaning, wallowing better out than in!!! If you keep it in you WILL overeat, drink etc... Has your Dr offered any advice about medications/treatments for your health issues? Have you considered surgery? I know some people are against it but look at Annie & Ratkitty, sometimes it is being strong to admit you need help or a new 'tool' to get you losing again. I know you can do it!!! HUGS will post more later but it is 8.46am here & I need to take my boys to school.
xxxxxxxxxsharon