I am making some really good changes in my eating, and I have started exercising (low impact for now). I am just trying to stay focused, and it is hard at times because I am also trying to ignore the little things professionally that make me feel like no one really notices (or cares) about the healthy lifestyle changes that I am making. No one has noticed the weightloss, and that is understandable, as I have a lot more weight to lose. But, I am trying to not focus on the lack of care aspect. There is a person here who doesn't ask me anything about my life, nor really asks any questions if I were to mention anything about it. But, they are all over my co-worker and so wrapped up in my co-workers life and just generally showing care. I just think that while it isn't necessary for someone to care for another person in a professional setting, it is awkward when you see such big displays of care, and a completely apathetic attitude towards oneself at a different time.

Feeling a bit blue, and trying to not get discouraged.

Hi Million, darlin'! Some of your posts make me so sad, girl!

It sounds like your workplace is very clique-ish, which unfortunately is pretty common -- especially, I have noticed, if you work with a lot of other women. The most laid back, accepting environments I've worked in have been with a lot of men. You know how women can be!

The bottom line, work is work. Yes, you chose to work there, but you did not choose the people who are your co-workers. And since you didn't CHOOSE for them in particular to be people you care about, then why care about them? I know we all spend more time with our work people than anyone else, but it's work. You are there for a paycheck, not for acceptance or warm fuzzies. Often it's possible to find fulfillment in the work we do, but that comes from knowing in our hearts that we do a good job. If you are being compensated for your work and treated fairly on performance evaluations, then the rest is just "fluff".

I think what you really need to do is to really start to build the life you want outside of work, so that you really don't have the time or energy to worry about missing out on the nice greetings and preferential treatment others are getting at work. I have a lot of friends at work and get much respect from my bosses, and I'm heavier than you are. I think it's because in my old age (almost 40 ;)), I refuse to even acknowledge the fact that people might not "like" me because I'm too fat. And if I do come across people like that, I just assume they are very surface people, and if they don't want to really get to know and love me, then THEIR loss! The bottom line is, though, that even though I have lots of nice folks at work, the people I CHOOSE, the ones I see in my outside life, are supportive and love me for who I am. If they aren't, then I just un-choose them!

To be honest, I think you need to distance yourself from your ex, because as they say, if he won't give you his new address, "he's just not that into you". I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I spent WAY too much time and energy when I was a youngster like you on that type of BS, and I often think that being all full-up into a relationship like that distracted me from maybe a decent guy or 2 giving me the 'eye' without me even noticing. All I know is, that when I really decided to be single and think about/worry about what is worth thinking and worrying about, got a couple kitties, started being more social and doing things that interest me, etc, is when it all came together for me. AND, I was fat through it all. I have a wonderful family now and the life I want, and it all started with loving myself. I'm on a weight loss journey now, but that is because I need to be physically more able to enjoy this awesome life of mine, NOT because I need to be skinny to love myself and to feel acceptance from some clique-y chicks at work!

Take this as it's meant -- with kindness and love, from someone who spent a lot of time feeling some of the things you are at your age. How 'bout getting more active on the positives thread? You don't have to get in to all the 'personals', and it doesn't have to always be about your weight loss goals. Just start saying something positive about yourself every day. You are awesome and it's time you start living it, no matter how much the scale says on a given day!

thank you so much Shannonmb. ((hugs))

I will and am focusing day by day, more on the positives, and ignoring the negatives. :)

I do think that the right person will come along for me when I am probably not even thinking about them. :)

Good for you!!! That's what I like to hear! Don't get me wrong, this is the best place ever to vent. I'm glad you have found a comfortable place here to express your deepest darkest feelings and fears. Just remember that only YOU can control how the outside world perceives you, and that is by perceiving YOURSELF as the unique and wonderful individual that you are! Can't be faked! Us chubby girls usually have a really hard time with that at some point in our lives, because we ARE constantly barraged by images that tell us we aren't what we should be. It just takes time and PRACTICE to get there! You have the right attitude, so you will! And Mr. Right always appears when you aren't looking for him, because almost every guy on Earth is irresistably attracted to someone who's doin' her own thing and rockin' and rollin' through life! ;)

thank you so much! :) I do find that I can vent on this site and be more open about how I am feeling from time to time. I will admit that when I am feeling super great, i dont really post that on here, and I should, because I can see how my posts may make me appear to be super sad and despondant. yes, i do feel that way from time to time, sometimes more often in some weeks than others, but there are times when i feel amazing, etc.

i do feel that i have a lot to offer, and that deep down i am a good person. at times, i just get bogged down by the world and so, venting on here helps me to let go of those feelings, so i can keep on keeping on and try and remain more positive about the future and continue with my goals.

I have been mia for a while, but haven't forgotten about all of the wonderful people on this site. I so appreciate all of your encouragement and support.

I have been really focusing on trying to take better care of myself. I got a bit lazy lately in some areas, so I am getting back on track with the things I want to accomplish in my life.

It has been a bit hard lately because of some issues. The ex is still there, but he hasn't been able to help like he said he would (they are his bills, to be honest, but in my name) so it makes things a bit more difficult for me. I have met a new person who seems very nice and whom I get along with better than my ex, and who does a bit more traditional dating things. I am soooo not used to that! A man paying for dinner...all of the time? I didn't think that was possible for me. I thought it was possible only for the type of women that men seemed to value in that way. I know, I know, self-esteem issues. I do think I am a good woman, and I also feel that a lot of men just don't like overweight woman, so no matter how nice and funny and caring I am, if they aren't attracted to me, they won't necessarily warm up to me the way I have warmed up to guys that I wasn't initially attracted to.

I have been having some of the same issues I mentioned previously. Some people have noticed my improvements, but the ones that are in a place of power have not noticed, AND, they seem to be doing little things often to kind of "keep me in my place". Like, they will never admit that maybe I did something right, or that I am even able to do something. I really have to force myself to smile at times, because their dislike of me or their personal views of me come through so strong. At times, a couple of people in question make it a point to try and find a flaw in almost everything I say, or in some way make it seem as if what I say is boring or completely ignore it. The thing is that it is a lot of tiny, tiny little things that are so subtle, that I can't really list everything, without it looking like maybe I am just being too sensitive. But, if you have ever been there, and you have tried to do your best, and you have someone who always makes it seem as if your thoughts are not wanted, well, that really wears down on you. I do think I have a lot of very good things to offer. I also realize that I may not be able to ever change this person's mind. Did I mention that it is people not even around me who notice my positive change, but those closest to me act oblivious. I feel like they would prefer it if I just stayed as quiet as a mouse and did whatever they told me to, without question. I was talking about it yesterday, and I don't know if I was just being emotional, but I felt like I was going to cry. I mean, I never felt like crying before. I guess I just felt like I try so hard to do the right thing, and I am constantly made to feel stupid, unliked, and unable to ever achieve more. I KNOW that I can achieve more. It also hurts that these people talk to others more like actual equal human beings, and when I try even the nicest of conversations, they act like I am some sort of buffoon. It just makes me feel down at times.

I realize that however others view me is their issue, and not mine. I don't believe than 100 percent, as I do understand that how they view me really does impact what kind of opportunities they will share with me, etc. I feel that all I can do is to keep trying to be super cheerful, even though I often feel like my face will crack, and to keep up with my weightloss. I sadly think that it is only when I have lost a significant amount of weight, that they may actually begin to treat me as a regular and equal person.

Thank you everyone for letting me vent. :)

I am trying to fight distractions on the professional arena. A co-worker sometimes makes these looks or says things that are sort of a sly put-down. My co-worker is significantly older than me, and really into fitness and watching portion sizes, etc. I often feel uncomfortable around her while eating, because she has been so outspoken about putting certain foods down, or highlighting how well she feeds her family, etc.

Recently, I was talking with a co-worker about a skill that I have that I am very proud of, and gives me some sense of positive self-esteem, and my co-worker let out this little snort/chuckle. And she acted as if she didn't believe me, or, that if she did believe me, she didn't think I was good at it. It was so weird. I just let it go cause I didn't want to engage her in an argument because she will not take any responsibility when she oversteps her bounds and is rude.

Then, when I was talking with another co-worker who is also very, very concerned with weight, though she is also older and thin like the laughing woman above, she mentioned these things I could do to lose weight, etc. Usually unsolicited advice. But when it comes to discussing things that I really am familiar with or have a skill at, she usually tunes me out or, she just totally discounts what I am saying, even if she is wrong. Sigh.

It can be emotionally draining at times because I don't want to think it is a weight bias or issue, but when you sit next to these people and eat, and hear them really talk badly about other overweight people as they pick at their food, or when you hear them go on and on about weight and dieting and fashion, and then they get a blank look when you try to discuss their favorite topic, it is a bit discouraging.

I am going to try and focus only on things that make me happy. I am trying to avoid things that frustrate me or make me upset, as I want to use my energy towards being happy. I saw a picture of myself recently where I was dressed very nicely and got compliments, but I still looked so darn tired and fat and unhealthy and matronly. I want to be a mom, but I don't want to look like someone's grandmother (no offense to grandmothers :) ).

Thank you all for letting me vent.

Have you considered therapy? I went to therapy for a while and learned to have more confidence and trust myself so I didn't need to rely on other's approval. I think those skills would be very valuable to you.

You seem to put so much stock in other's reactions to you. I can understand wanting your boss to think well of you professionally, but don't rely on other people in the office for your self-esteem. You have a spark inside and if you start to trust yourself it will grow.

Also, your ex is your ex. It sounds like it would be better if you cut out contact. I understand if he owes you money but if he isn't going to pay it would probably be better for you emotionally to let it go.

Do you have anyone who supports you unconditionally? Stick with them and cut out / don't worry about the other people.

*hugs*